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Guest
Posted: Thursday, February 02, 2012 9:09:48 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 700,315
I lack descriptiveness in my writing so in my newest story I tried to at least include some clever and funny phrases to my story so it wasn't just the same old same old. My concern is that these phrases distract from the story too much. How do you feel about it?

One example is

"I reached around and grabbed her breasts like I was a drowning man and they were like preservers. With my other hand I reached for her pussy and pressed her clit like a buzzer on a game show."

Do moments of levity like this add to a story or do my lame attempts at humor detract from the eroticism?

You can find the story here if you want to read it for context.
http://www.lushstories.com/stories/quickie-sex/then-take-me.aspx



sprite
Posted: Thursday, February 02, 2012 9:24:53 AM

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i think it works, if that's the overall atmosphere of the story - now, if you're writing a really serious piece and throw stuff like that in from time to time, it can jar a reader out of the moment, but if the over all story is playful or light or a bit funny, then it works really well - Magical Felix's stories are a good example of how to do this correctly, if you're curious.

http://www.lushstories.com/stories/quickie-sex/one-thing-leads-to-another-rumble-pussy.aspx

personally, i enjoy injecting humor into my stories - the kitty girl stories all have funny bits, but then, there are darker stories where it just doesn't work (my Mrs V series is a good example of that) - sometimes you have to find a balance, and that only comes from trying things out - it should be obvious what works and what doesn't after a while. :)


Live, love, laugh.
stephanie
Posted: Thursday, February 02, 2012 10:20:31 AM

Rank: Bohemian

Joined: 1/1/2010
Posts: 5,673
Location: Dublin, Ire., Ireland


Nice Thread!

I usually try to include an element of humor in my stories. In real life, I'm quite a witty person, I think. When having real sex, my self and my partner at some point usually have a bit of a giggle.

In terms of humor in erotic stories it can be a difficult thing to do.

My most recent story, a collaboration with talented Lushie Mazza, contains some funny lines:

http://www.lushstories.com/stories/straight-sex/the-client-on-the-sixth-floor-1.aspx

(Contains the line :"A Nun would have come... And she wasn't a Nun...")

The snag of course is to keep the humor in context with the action. To write funny erotica is practically impossible, and awful when done badly.

Of course some Writers carry it off brilliantly.

This is from SHYLASS, a Lush new writer who hails from Great Britain:

http://www.lushstories.com/stories/first-time/excerpts-from-my-inexperience-the.aspx

It's not only extremely funny, but rather beautiful.

xx Steph

'I fear I shall be swept away by the swell I can glimpse through the slats on the pier..." xx SF
Guest
Posted: Thursday, February 02, 2012 12:30:41 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 700,315
Thank you both for your advice and for pointing me in the direction of some good stories.
ThoraB
Posted: Friday, February 10, 2012 11:13:45 AM

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Joined: 2/10/2012
Posts: 5
Some useful information, guys. When I put humor in a story I either do it through dialogue or else make the humor the focus of the story and the sexual element secondary. I liked your examples, gpjunk.
Guest
Posted: Friday, February 10, 2012 1:14:42 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 700,315
I always like a bit of humour, but I'm a little scared in case people don't get it and of course too much will detract from the erotica, so I try to use humour sparingly. If the story lends itself well to humour, I say go for it, especially if you feel fine about doing it, it's all just part of finding your own style.
RumpleForeskin
Posted: Friday, February 10, 2012 5:55:06 PM

Rank: The Right Rev of Lush

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Posts: 2,955
Location: Lost in the ozone somewhere east of Phoenix, Unite
I've always wished Lush had a 'Humor' category. My 'How Humans Do It' (see sig line) would fit right in such a notch, so to speak.

:glasses8

Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwords. - ROBERT HEINLEIN

A DIFFERENT SORT OF CRAMMINGNewlywed Sex, Umpteenth-time Sex, Studious Interruptus Sex

FROM:
Becky -- FOR: Matt -- With Love:
a Festive contest winner – honest

HOW HUMANS DO IT: a fish-eye view of sex an Editor's Pick - no kidding
Fugly
Posted: Friday, February 10, 2012 10:55:53 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/11/2010
Posts: 1,010
I would say that if you wish to write a humorous story, that you need to add humor to the beginning, middle and end. If you wish to write a serious story with some witty comments, that you also need to add them at the beginning, middle and end.

I must say I did find your story to be serious with only a couple of witty cliches in one paragraph, that to me, were distracting from the seriousness of the story. If a reader writes, as one did, 'I don't know if you were going for a bit of comedy in this but..' you may need to add humor or satire to your tags so readers know what to expect and know that it is not just poor wording - not saying that yours is Big Hugs
Guest
Posted: Friday, February 10, 2012 11:24:24 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 700,315
Fugs wrote:
I would say that if you wish to write a humorous story, that you need to add humor to the beginning, middle and end. If you wish to write a serious story with some witty comments, that you also need to add them at the beginning, middle and end.

I must say I did find your story to be serious with only a couple of witty cliches in one paragraph, that to me, were distracting from the seriousness of the story. If a reader writes, as one did, 'I don't know if you were going for a bit of comedy in this but..' you may need to add humor or satire to your tags so readers know what to expect and know that it is not just poor wording - not saying that yours is Big Hugs


Thank you for your honesty. I wasn't trying for a humorous story necessarily but more like an action movie where the suspense is broken up now and then with a few one liners. It seems like you are saying I need to do a better job of spacing them out and not making them so jarring. For the record I tend to agree with you.
charmbrights
Posted: Saturday, February 11, 2012 2:35:47 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/2/2011
Posts: 192
Location: Tirphil, United Kingdom
Of the two stories I currently have posted on here, one has levity only in the last sentence, but I am told that some readers have laughed out loud at that sentence. The other one is written with the intention of keeping the reader smiling for most of the story, but never getting to the point of laughter. Naturally both are intended to raise sexual interest in the reader.

News of ALL my novels (and where to get free copies) on charmbrights.webs.com/novels.htm.
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