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Are We Raising a Generation of Helpless Kids? by Mickey Goodman Options · View
lafayettemister
Posted: Thursday, February 16, 2012 8:36:22 AM

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Generation of Helpless Kids

When a college freshman received a C- on her first test, she literally had a meltdown in class. Sobbing, she texted her mother who called back, demanding to talk to the professor immediately (he, of course, declined). Another mother accompanied her child on a job interview, then wondered why he didn't get the job.

A major employer reported that during a job interview, a potential employee told him that she would have his job within 18 months. It didn't even cross her mind that he had worked 20 years to achieve his goal.

Sound crazy?



Sadly, the stories are all true, says Tim Elmore, founder and president of a non-profit, Growing Leaders, and author of the "Habitudes®" series of books, teacher guides, DVD kits and survey courses. "Gen Y (and iY) kids born between 1984 and 2002 have grown up in an age of instant gratification. iPhones, iPads, instant messaging and immediate access to data is at their fingertips," he says. "Their grades in school are often negotiated by parents rather than earned and they are praised for accomplishing little. They have hundreds of Facebook and Twitter 'friends,' but often few real connections."

To turn the tide, Growing Leaders is working with 5,000 public schools, universities, civic organizations, sports teams and corporations across the country and internationally to help turn young people -- particularly those 16 to 24 -- into leaders. "We want to give them the tools they lack before they've gone through three marriages and several failed business ventures," he says.


Older Gen Y Kids Demonstrate to Tim Elmore How to Dress the Part (Photo courtesy Tim Elmore)

But why have parents shifted from teaching self-reliance to becoming hovering helicopter parents who want to protect their children at all costs?

"I think it began in the fall of 1982, when seven people died after taking extra-strength Tylenol laced with poison after it left the factory," he says. Halloween was just around the corner, and parents began checking every item in the loot bags. Homemade brownies and cookies (usually the most coveted items) hit the garbage; unwrapped candy followed close behind.

That led to an obsession with their children's safety in every aspect of their lives. Instead of letting them go outside to play, parents filled their kid's spare time with organized activities, did their homework for them, resolved their conflicts at school with both friends and teachers, and handed out trophies for just showing up.

"These well-intentioned messages of 'you're special' have come back to haunt us," Elmore says. "We are consumed with protecting them instead of preparing them for the future. We haven't let them fall, fail and fear. The problem is that if they don't take risks early on like climbing the monkey bars and possibly falling off, they are fearful of every new endeavor at age 29."

Psychologists and psychiatrists are seeing more and more young people having a quarter-life crisis and more cases of clinical depression. The reason? Young people tell them it's because they haven't yet made their first million or found the perfect mate.

Teachers, coaches and executives complain that Gen Y kids have short attention spans and rely on external, instead of internal motivation. The goal of Growing Leaders is to reverse the trend and help young people become more creative and self-motivated so they can rely on themselves and don't need external motivation.

Family psychologist John Rosemond agrees. In a February 2 article in the Atlanta Journal Constitution, he points out that new research finds that rewards often backfire, producing the opposite effect of that intended. When an aggressive child is rewarded for not being aggressive for a short period of time, he is likely to repeat the bad behavior to keep the rewards coming.

Where did we go wrong?

• We've told our kids to dream big - and now any small act seems insignificant. In the great scheme of things, kids can't instantly change the world. They have to take small, first steps - which seem like no progress at all to them. Nothing short of instant fame is good enough. "It's time we tell them that doing great things starts with accomplishing small goals," he says.

• We've told our kids that they are special - for no reason, even though they didn't display excellent character or skill, and now they demand special treatment. The problem is that kids assumed they didn't have to do anything special in order to be special.

• We gave our kids every comfort - and now they can't delay gratification. And we heard the message loud and clear. We, too, pace in front of the microwave, become angry when things don't go our way at work, rage at traffic. "Now it's time to relay the importance of waiting for the things we want, deferring to the wishes of others and surrendering personal desires in the pursuit of something bigger than 'me,'" Elmore says.

• We made our kid's happiness a central goal - and now it's difficult for them to generate happiness -- the by-product of living a meaningful life. "It's time we tell them that our goal is to enable them to discover their gifts, passions and purposes in life so they can help others. Happiness comes as a result."

The uncomfortable solutions:

"We need to let our kids fail at 12 - which is far better than at 42," he says. "We need to tell them the truth (with grace) that the notion of 'you can do anything you want' is not necessarily true."

Kids need to align their dreams with their gifts. Every girl with a lovely voice won't sing at the Met; every Little League baseball star won't play for the major leagues.

• Allow them to get into trouble and accept the consequences. It's okay to make a "C-." Next time, they'll try harder to make an "A".

• Balance autonomy with responsibility. If your son borrows the car, he also has to re-fill the tank.

• Collaborate with the teacher, but don't do the work for your child. If he fails a test, let him take the consequences.

"We need to become velvet bricks," Elmore says, "soft on the outside and hard on the inside and allow children to fail while they are young in order to succeed when they are adults."







When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
LadyX
Posted: Thursday, February 16, 2012 8:45:27 AM

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This all makes perfect sense.

Question for the group: How did parents get so soft?
1curiouscat
Posted: Thursday, February 16, 2012 9:19:31 AM

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LadyX wrote:
This all makes perfect sense.

Question for the group: How did parents get so soft?


Political correctness.



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LadyX
Posted: Thursday, February 16, 2012 9:38:19 AM

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1curiouscat wrote:


Political correctness.


You think? I don't know, Fernando. Political correctness was introduced to try to de-indoctrinate our culture from deeply-embedded bigotry. I agree that it goes too far at times, but how does that manifest itself into a generation of coddled kids?
lafayettemister
Posted: Thursday, February 16, 2012 9:40:54 AM

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1curiouscat wrote:


Political correctness.


It's so much more than that. My wife is a teacher, but this is only her second year in that profession. Parents are sooo incredibly self absorbed and shortsighted. A few examples.

One parent from last year's class....(first grade, btw)

Called to chew out my wife because her daughter's booksack was scuffed. Later found to be a 2in mark on one section of leather. Even though the scuff happened outside after school while the booksack was sitting on the concrete ground while in line for the bus. Somehow, this was found to be inappropriate supervision and the parent wanted the teacher (my wife) and/or the school to pay to replce the booksack.

Called my house one Saturday morning every 10 minutes beginning at 6am one day to discuss why her child didn't do her homework. When I finally answered and told her it was too early to be calling, she replied...."i pay tuition at that school so when I can talk to her anytime I like, she works for me." Ummmm, not even close lady.

Called one day to complain that her child, who "has a severe cold" was allowed to go outside to play during recess. Even though school policy is that if a child is at school, he/she must participate in all school activities. If she was too sick to play at recess, then she shouldn't have been there at all.

Called to complain that the other students (5 year olds) were all racist because they "spit" on her daughter. She wanted the other girls to be suspended. No, they were playing outside and drinking water from the fountain. As kids usually do, they played around and began shooting wather out their mouths at each other. Including the daughter in question. However, mom felt her daughter was singled out. She wasn't, just kids being kids.

This one parent called and emailed more in one year than ALL the other parents combined.

==================================

A parent from this year accused my wife and the aide in the class of singling out his child and labelling her. The little girl, who is very sweet but is the youngest in the class is struggling academically. All tests for the 1st graders normally take 15-20 minutes to complete, however this girl usually takes 45min-1hr. And the aide must sit with her and read/explain each question. It was recommended that the girl get some additional testing to discover the problem. This led to WWIII. The parent called for a meeting with teacher and principle. The principle said in her 40+ years of education work, that was the worst conference she'd ever been a part of. His child is the "smartest kid in the class" and she's being intentionally bullied.

Bullshit you ass. This kid cannot think for herself because you still baby her. He and his wife still wipe her ass, literally. They do everything for her so consequently she can't do anything for herself. Any 5 yr old that can't wipe her own ass has parents that are tooooo involved.

=====================================

Parents these days are well intentioned, I do believe that. They are so worried about their kids getting hurt, physically or emotionally, that they try to take away any failure or pain. But those things make us grow. New teachers stay in the field for an average of 5 years before they change careers. The overwhelming reason they live the teaching profession.... parents.





When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
1curiouscat
Posted: Thursday, February 16, 2012 11:48:02 AM

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Ok. I agree I was a bit shallow in my response. I feel that parents are frowned upon for being parents - this is what I mean by political correctness. Its now common to witness children walking all over their parents in public. If it happens in public, inside the house must be ridiculous. I remember when I was a child and I crossed a line consistently, there would some kind of "punishment". I see this in my friends and siblings who have children, they shy away from public or private confrontations with their children.

Kids arent stupid, they learn the game really fast. One time is really all it takes for a kid to feel like all this coddling is a right.






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MissyLuvsYa
Posted: Thursday, February 16, 2012 12:06:41 PM

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The children now are generally coddled little brats. I agree that political correctness is part of the reason. It is the indoctrination of socialist principals on order to weaken our society so that eventually everyone is dependent upon the government. Just the fact that corporal punishment is being pushed out of society's acceptability is a great example of this. Children are taught that they are victims rather than to stand on their on two feet and take responsibility for their own actions.

Buz
Posted: Thursday, February 16, 2012 1:18:57 PM

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Yes it is called the "pussification" of America.

We are raising two kinds of kids. Either helpless weenies or out-of-control criminals. Just like that movie The Time Machine, the Eloi and the Morlocks.





LadyX
Posted: Thursday, February 16, 2012 2:04:33 PM

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The good news is, if you can raise your kids to have ambition, perseverence, and toughness, they'll probably kick ass over all the weaklings. I'm so going to be a tiger-mom. :)
1curiouscat
Posted: Thursday, February 16, 2012 2:18:46 PM

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lafayettemister wrote:
Parents these days are well intentioned, I do believe that. They are so worried about their kids getting hurt, physically or emotionally, that they try to take away any failure or pain. But those things make us grow. .


This makes good sense. While I was reading your post I thought of something -- Compared to one generation ago, when our parents were children, the family structure was completely different and this change in our society has its fair share of blame. I believe we, as a society, have not adjusted yet. I'll try to explain my thought:

Generally speaking, both parents are now working. This fact influences all of the other sort of like a chain reaction. Because both parents are ever more professionally focused, children are postponed until a later age. (Shit, by the time my parents were 29, they had three kids and the oldest was 7). This wait is forcing them to have less children, sometimes only one, and therefore they have more time and attention for one child - overwhelming it with affection, love, attention or whatever you want to call it. This is one reason they have "gone soft" - they have less chances to actively get better at parenting. So in essence, they haven't gone soft, we just have a whole lot more of 40 year old parents (considered mature by society) going through their first experience as parents... I don't have kids, but I have do not imagine the first time is easy and you end up making a hole shitload of mistakes.

Another reaction from both parents working is that they have less time with the child. One of my brother in law has one child (3 yrs old) and the kid has zero structure because neither my brother in law or his wife want to spend the 3-4 (wake) hours they have with their kid being "bad cops". In his words - they end up saying much more "yes" then "no" and the kids basically gets whatever he wants and I am pretty sure he already understand this. The kid ends up spending more time with his grandmother then with the parents - which is another problem because the grandma does not "raise" him with rules, and structure, she basically just baby-sits. So in essence, my nephew is growing with no consistent strong structure - something I hear is fundamental for the mental, emotional well being of the child.

I'm a rather liberal person - but on the child front, I think structure and discipline is probably best for both involved, the child and the parents.



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1curiouscat
Posted: Thursday, February 16, 2012 2:20:56 PM

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LadyX wrote:
I'm so going to be a tiger-mom. :)


For some reason I don't doubt this! ;)



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1curiouscat
Posted: Thursday, February 16, 2012 2:23:50 PM

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LadyX wrote:


You think? I don't know, Fernando. Political correctness was introduced to try to de-indoctrinate our culture from deeply-embedded bigotry. I agree that it goes too far at times, but how does that manifest itself into a generation of coddled kids?


Not only deeply embedded bigotry - but also anything that was "skewed" socially. I believe that on the parenting front, if took away from the parents ability to be authoritative with their own kin. Create "family" rules etc...

Don't get me wrong, I am def. not advocating to go out and spank your kids because they are screaming in the Mall or something.



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lafayettemister
Posted: Thursday, February 16, 2012 2:31:59 PM

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1curiouscat wrote:


This makes good sense. While I was reading your post I thought of something -- Compared to one generation ago, when our parents were children, the family structure was completely different and this change in our society has its fair share of blame. I believe we, as a society, have not adjusted yet. I'll try to explain my thought:

Generally speaking, both parents are now working. This fact influences all of the other sort of like a chain reaction. Because both parents are ever more professionally focused, children are postponed until a later age. (Shit, by the time my parents were 29, they had three kids and the oldest was 7). This wait is forcing them to have less children, sometimes only one, and therefore they have more time and attention for one child - overwhelming it with affection, love, attention or whatever you want to call it. This is one reason they have "gone soft" - they have less chances to actively get better at parenting. So in essence, they haven't gone soft, we just have a whole lot more of 40 year old parents (considered mature by society) going through their first experience as parents... I don't have kids, but I have do not imagine the first time is easy and you end up making a hole shitload of mistakes.

Another reaction from both parents working is that they have less time with the child. One of my brother in law has one child (3 yrs old) and the kid has zero structure because neither my brother in law or his wife want to spend the 3-4 (wake) hours they have with their kid being "bad cops". In his words - they end up saying much more "yes" then "no" and the kids basically gets whatever he wants and I am pretty sure he already understand this. The kid ends up spending more time with his grandmother then with the parents - which is another problem because the grandma does not "raise" him with rules, and structure, she basically just baby-sits. So in essence, my nephew is growing with no consistent strong structure - something I hear is fundamental for the mental, emotional well being of the child.

I'm a rather liberal person - but on the child front, I think structure and discipline is probably best for both involved, the child and the parents.


I agree with alot of what you say here. In addition, the way we perceive family has changed. It used to be that the family revolved around the entire family unit as a whole. Everyone was important. Now family life often revolves totally around the children. We plan dinner, vacations, holidays, family visits, etc.. around the schedule of the kid. Parents feel like they have to have their kid involved in everything, baseball, dancing, karate, band, choir... parents spend their lives shuttling kids from point A to point B. Never ever doing anything for themselves. Moms give up their girls' night out or teaching dancing or swimming. Dads give up guys' night or playing golf. So the kids grow up as the center of the universe for the family. Then they go to school and have to share the spotlight with other kids that are the stars of thier own lives, and no one can get along.

When kids see that their parent's lives revolve around them, then the grow up feeling entitled for everyone to view them that way. And reality is, it just ain't gonna happen that way. And since they never had any or few negative experinces, they never develop any coping skills. Or the ability to handle conflict.

As far as discipline goes, it's non existent. Most people get discipline and punishment confused as the same thing. They are not.





When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
littlemissbitch
Posted: Thursday, February 16, 2012 2:39:31 PM

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LadyX wrote:
This all makes perfect sense.

Question for the group: How did parents get so soft?


i think it was when parents decided to be friends with their kids instead of parents.

littlemissbitch ~ professional face ripper offer, at your service..
sugarbabe
Posted: Thursday, February 16, 2012 3:23:56 PM

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I have to say my kids did chores, received consequences for their actions, and was punished as needed. I think parents are too busy working and hoping things will be alright. It is easier to say go to your room, then to deal with the problem at hand. Well their room is where all the fun is. Or they are so booked up that no one gets any real family time. Dinner at 6, cleaning up after, homework and maybe a good funny sitcom or movie. The age groups are all different when it comes down to family time, but having routine, curfews, and responsibilities a must at any age. and now I can have a glass or two of wine with a sigh of relief. Pour Wine Pour Wine

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Dirty_D
Posted: Thursday, February 16, 2012 6:20:44 PM

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my answe- when everyone became special.

Im sorry but truely very few people are special but as a society we have become such that every one is a Tom Brady or a Tyra Banks ect. In reality most of us should be happy with a quiet acceptable average life. This spills over to other aspects of our life. we want everything to be equal. if you have $ you shouldnt be treated any different, we say, after all we are all special just some are waiting to hit the lottery before we can be all we can be. I say bullshit.

One of my 2 jobs as some here know involves me working with animals in public. I have actually had a mother argue with me because I assured her I was going to do things the safest way because she wanted her kids "to be happy". I explained that they would be happiest if the were safe. she then proceeded to argue & tell me their happiness was more important then their safety.(the animals i work with are 7ft tall & weigh over 1 ton each)....I hate many parents!


Ryario_Darkstar
Posted: Thursday, February 16, 2012 6:49:25 PM

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There does indeed come a point where over parenting becomes silly, The universe knows well engough I want to go back in time and beat the shit out my younger self for being such a pussy. But that was a collective bag of shit problems there. Here are my thoughts.

1. We should encourage our children to be everything there dreams say they can be. But at the same time explain how much hard work it will take and give emtional support along the way. At the same time we should show them the consquences of there inactions say my future kids dont want to do there homework and just lay about, instead of yell and punishing in the tradtional sense show them how tough the real world can be for those with no ambtions, Id make my kids constantly clean the house up, yes I would purposly make it dirty for em, tell if you dont want an education this is what you have to look forward to only 10x worse. (belive me 6 years of it is too much) Giving out rewards for nothing is counter preductive and personally I wont allow it for my future kids.

2. While we should protect our kids from bad things we also let them try and fail on there own. Like if the whole sex thing, If Kids want to there going to find away to do it so instead of forbidding it explain thorouly the consquences of being irresponsible about it, Not only the pregnacy, STDs, (Unlawfullness under age), But the emtional consquences too. Have an open forum where the kid shouldnt be afraid to talk to you. (One thing I wish I had at least not with out judgement) same thing with drugs and alchohol. I


3. Step in ONLY when absoultly nessacary, this may sound cold but in events were kids will be kids, no just no leave it be. If there is a bully teach the kid how to defend them selves make sure the few punches your kid lands are precise and ultra effective, or if its just verbal teach them to diffuse the situation, just laugh it off or just ignore them. When its gets to a degree where it spirals out of control then step in, not every time there feelings are hurt or they get into a small scrap at school. When it becomes dangerous and just out and out malcious

4. Be the parent and let them be the kid. There going to get into trouble and the parent's job is to prevent that but if that means too you protecting them from everything then you protected them from nothing and they will be wimps, Yes ironic from the world peace guy I know, One cant change the world if one is afraid to go outside
MrNudiePants
Posted: Thursday, February 16, 2012 6:58:34 PM

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Most two-parent families are also two-income families. They have to be in order to be able to afford the niceties of modern life. Many (if not most) one-parent homes are also two-income homes, with the head of household working more than one job, just to keep afloat. Kids are spending more time in before-care, regular school, and after-care than ever before. How can one child have four different groups of people taking on the chore of parenting and instilling values, especially if three of those different groups aren't the birth parents (or even immediate family), and don't share their values? Is it any wonder that the kids' aren't sure which set of values is the right one?

In bygone days, one earner could make enough to keep the family in whatever luxuries were available at the time. This meant that the other parent was free to do the raising, the praising, the spanking, and the teaching of right and wrong. These days, one earner usually can't even keep the family afloat, much less stable and financially safe. If more kids are going to be raised by outsiders, then society is going to have to change how we raise children as a whole. We're going to have to be less "me" oriented, and more "group" oriented, whereby the group as a whole either overtly or unconsciously sets goals, guidelines, and parameters that the kids must adhere to, for the good of all.

And, BTW, this is a perfect example of why I would never be a good school teacher. The first time some dipshit parent called me up for some lame-assed thing, I'd tell them exactly where to stick their complaint, and what to do with it once they've got it in far enough...
VanGogh
Posted: Thursday, February 16, 2012 10:01:30 PM

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LadyX wrote:

Question for the group: How did parents get so soft?


I have thought about this long and hard and over time, long before this thread.

There isn't quite an easy answer as one would hope.

Yes, political correction has become the rue of us, regarding many aspects of society. The fear of offending - understandable, when we are desperately trying to become "members of Earth, without boundaries, social standings, irrelevant of religion, colour of skin or gender" (along with a LONG list of other things to include). In many instances, some aspects have become "reverse - discrimination". Society "encourages" us to be united, without the exceptional standing out unless you are in sports or music. Otherwise, society seems to becoming slightly taupe-ish.

Yes, family structures has changed ........ but do not think for one minute, that if all families comprised of "mom, dad, kids" .... that life would be perfect. I am offended anyone would think that the 1950's and prior generations like "Leave it to Beaver" ideal is any ideal. Shit happened then just as it does now (just not reported like it is today of the crap and heartache that happened in those families).

With regards to the generation of "instant gratification", I have always said, the culprit was the invention of the microwave. What would have taken 20 mins in the oven to heat up is now done in 2 mins. When my children were little, they couldn't wait for 1 min to heat up something. After about 4 months of that ......... I tossed the microwave in the trash. Unfortunately, that single sacrificing act did not change my children's demand for instant gratification.

I insisted both my children play on team sports and to also do something individually. I think that it behoves one to understand the concept of being part of team, and understanding that individually you can only blame or praise yourself.

We can all identify what has been lost with the newest and younger generations. Each generation seems to have its cross to bear. This generation has lost the empathy for others (not everyone, but as a society on a whole) and instant (if not sooner) gratification is expected. The generation cannot be changed, but I hope with the next .... some old skool, old fashioned love and respect are reinstated ... otherwise, we are on the brink of a sad self-centred society.

LadyX
Posted: Friday, February 17, 2012 6:49:55 AM

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Okay this thread officially scares me. I'm having a son in a few months, and so, motivated by fear, I'm now putting together my tiger-mom parenting plan of things I'm going to instill in him.

#1
Buz
Posted: Friday, February 17, 2012 6:58:25 AM

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LadyX wrote:
Okay this thread officially scares me. I'm having a son in a few months, and so, motivated by fear, I'm now putting together my tiger-mom parenting plan of things I'm going to instill in him.

#1


Congratulations Xuani!!! WOW! That's huge incredible news! I am sure you will be a great mom. A tiger mom!

I think that the vast majority of children will grow up and hold onto the morals and values their parents instill in them. They will usually rebel in some form though.

So Xuani don't be surprised if your son grows up to be a hard working, highly intelligent and very moral person. But he will be a huge Wall Street business success, CEO of a Fortune 500 company (that rebellious part). Not to worry though, he will build you a mansion with a walk-in closet bigger than most houses, just for your shoes!

Congrats Xuani! You will be a great mom!


Guest
Posted: Friday, February 17, 2012 8:56:34 AM

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As a 19 year old I would like to defend my generation. Yes there are peers of mine who believe that they are entitled to all-but some of us work very hard, and recognize the value of earning things through that work mentioned before. I've been working since age 15. I'm going to a university without any financial help from my parents, yet I have still managed to stay out of debt with zero loans. Many of my friends are in similar situations. And I'd like to add that bringing my mother to an interview just sounds...awkward scratch . Just a few words from the opposite end of the spectrum...
Guest
Posted: Friday, February 17, 2012 10:39:04 AM

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subvirgingirl wrote:
As a 19 year old I would like to defend my generation. Yes there are peers of mine who believe that they are entitled to all-but some of us work very hard, and recognize the value of earning things through that work mentioned before. I've been working since age 15. I'm going to a university without any financial help from my parents, yet I have still managed to stay out of debt with zero loans. Many of my friends are in similar situations. And I'd like to add that bringing my mother to an interview just sounds...awkward scratch . Just a few words from the opposite end of the spectrum...


Fair play to you there for doing that. I am a similar age to you but I can see that you are a minority in you actions. I have found in the UK that the issue is not that kids are being raised to be helpless but rather they are being raised to have low ambition and the be lazy.
This I feel stems from the benifit system in the UK which although on the face of it looks fantastic and in theory works fantastically. But the system currently in place is too easily abused and it does not force you to better yourself but rather creates a dependancey culture.

In addition to the benifit system there is also the new fashion to wrap our kids up in cotton wool shielding them from lifes horrors (whilst inronically at the same time allowing them to play 18 rated computer games at the age of 9). On the majority, and this is just from my experience, children aren't encouraged to have financial independance or help around the house as much. This leads to them having to learn the hard way when they do move away from home.

However afte all this being said this is just from my observations and I am only one person and this is only from my observations.
Guest
Posted: Friday, February 17, 2012 10:41:28 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 779,803
heartening to hear that virgingirl!!!
Guest
Posted: Friday, February 17, 2012 5:33:51 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 779,803
subvirgingirl wrote:
As a 19 year old I would like to defend my generation. Yes there are peers of mine who believe that they are entitled to all-but some of us work very hard, and recognize the value of earning things through that work mentioned before. I've been working since age 15. I'm going to a university without any financial help from my parents, yet I have still managed to stay out of debt with zero loans. Many of my friends are in similar situations. And I'd like to add that bringing my mother to an interview just sounds...awkward scratch . Just a few words from the opposite end of the spectrum...


*sigh* If only you were in the majority instead of the minority. Congratulations and good luck. Hugs
VanGogh
Posted: Friday, February 17, 2012 6:46:29 PM

Rank: Sarcastic Coffee Aficionado

Joined: 2/10/2012
Posts: 3,889
Location: Vancouver, Canada
LadyX wrote:
Okay this thread officially scares me. I'm having a son in a few months, and so, motivated by fear, I'm now putting together my tiger-mom parenting plan of things I'm going to instill in him.


Congratulations LadyX!!!

I think that since you are very well aware of some of the obstacles that the parents of the younger generation have developed, you'll do your best (without manuals as babies arrive without them) .... and you can always come here to the forums to ask for advice .... "What do Lushies think about this?" ... you know many of us will give it our best shot, abet some may not be very helpful - hopefully you'll find something positive to take with you on your journey into Parenthood!

PA
xo

Guest
Posted: Friday, February 17, 2012 8:16:37 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 779,803
Why thank you everyone! icon_smile
hobbhorn
Posted: Friday, February 17, 2012 8:24:50 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/8/2011
Posts: 320
Location: Andrews
I think there are many issues, but I will only mention one that I feel strongly about: -- coddling -- taking the kid everywhere including driving them to school, taking them to soccer or hockey or whatever sport mom or dad are forcing them to participate in. Times have changed and I guess partly due to internet/tv/electronic games, kids don't need to go out and seek adventure any longer... in the old days a kid more often than not had to go join themselves, walk to school, ride their bike to soccer... today if mom or dad don't sign up for them and drive them... they would probably just stay on the sofa... so I'm not sure how to overcome the loss of a child's payoff for going out and making it happen for themselves. Limiting time with electronic babysitters may help.
lafayettemister
Posted: Saturday, February 18, 2012 6:47:39 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/4/2010
Posts: 6,495
Location: Alabama, United States
Mom arrested charged for a crime for making her kid walk to school

An Arkansas mother is being charged with a misdemeanor count of endangering the welfare of a minor after she made her son walk 4.6 miles to school in order to "teach him a lesson."

Valerie Borders, 34, told police her 10-year-old son had been suspended from the bus for a week and she was making him walk to school as punishment.
A bank security guard spotted the boy walking alone in 30-degree weather on Monday and called police.

When the boy spoke to the responding officer, he told him: "Please don't take me home. Mother will beat me," the police report said.


The officer took the boy to his mother's workplace, only to be told she was on vacation. They found her at home, where she was cited for child endangerment.
"There were a number of things that could have happened to the child," said Lyle Waterworth, a spokesman for the Jonesboro Police Department. "The child could have been injured, abducted."
ABC News affiliate KAIT spoke with the boy, who made an impassioned plea on camera to keep his mother out of jail. The boy's mother did not speak on camera.
If convicted, she faces up to one year in jail and a maximum fine of $1,000.




Nanny state?





When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
Rembacher
Posted: Saturday, February 18, 2012 1:05:00 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/16/2008
Posts: 1,107
I'm trying to think how old I would have been when I used to go for hikes in the forests around where I grew up. I know we moved when I was 13, so it would have been when I was younger than that. I'd have to tell my mom where I was going, but I was free to go off and explore on my own so I'd walk for miles and check out the forests and the creeks and anything I could find. Sure, there was one time when my cousin and I went running from the forest when we heard a howling wolf, but other than that

Hobborn mentions electronics, and I do think that's part of it. We had a Commodore 64, and when I was older, a Super Nintendo, however I was only allowed to play a half hour a day on them. So, with nothing else to keep me occupied inside, I went outside. My mom had a harder time getting me inside to eat than she did getting me to go outside and play. I wonder if parents did that these days, limited our exposure to electronic media, whether kids would find their way outside to play, and develop the independence that comes from having to look after your own excitement. It's a thought, but even though I'm not that old, that was a completely different lifestyle. Now, the kids wouldn't be allowed out until they were slathered in sun screen, and when they came back inside they'd be forced to use hand sanitizers before entering the house.

Maybe society as a whole has just become too comfortable, so our kids don't face the challenges we did. How many parents today would see their kids breaking their arm falling out of a tree as a learning experience? Or would they instead look for someone to sue because "precious Johnny" got hurt?

But kids also learn from what they see from us too. They see us believing that we deserve a raise every year just for showing up to work and doing our job as asked. They see factory workers and general labourers expecting to earn as much money as skilled tradespeople or highly educated office workers because they feel they too deserve to live in luxury. I'm a firm believer that we should find a way for anyone to be able to be successful, but just because anyone can be successful doesn't mean everyone can can be successful and rich. You have to find a way to make yourself unique and valuable if you want to be paid more. If you do something that I can pull any person of the street to do, why should I pay you more than the minimum I can? So we form unions, and demand to be paid $25 an hour for assembly line jobs, and then wonder where our kids got the idea that they deserve to be treated special for no reason at all.
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