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Is it good to be a nice guy or a badass? Options · View
MadMatt
Posted: Thursday, April 12, 2012 4:42:02 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 4/12/2012
Posts: 2
Location: United Kingdom
I am a young straight male who hasnt had much luck with the ladies lately. I'm a little shy and i enjoy talking to girls, but, everyone is telling me that im too nice when im with girls. So im here asking girls if it is better to be a nice guy or a badass? (i am get a little sensitive with girls but i dont know if girls like that or not)
Shylass
Posted: Thursday, April 12, 2012 5:04:48 PM

Rank: Gingerbread Lover

Joined: 1/6/2012
Posts: 3,684
Location: Trumpton, United Kingdom
MadMatt wrote:
I am a young straight male who hasnt had much luck with the ladies lately. I'm a little shy and i enjoy talking to girls, but, everyone is telling me that im too nice when im with girls. So im here asking girls if it is better to be a nice guy or a badass? (i am get a little sensitive with girls but i dont know if girls like that or not)


Too nice?!?

I LOVE nice guys - genuinely sincere people who are kind and care about others.

Be You. If you try to be somebody you are not, it will show. I totally understand being shy, and I understand lonely too. And I especially understand being the "nice" one and how they are often looked over (until somebody wants or needs a shoulder in the unromantic sense!). But let me tell you this - it was always the nice guys I was attracted to in a sexy sense. Please keep being you; don't try to be the person you think other people prefer - that person does not and cannot exist.

I cannot tell you why nice guys get overlooked at times (especially when they are younger), but keep being you no matter what others reckon you should do, because there will come a time when The One comes along and knows for a fact that you truly are a gem with no cracks and fake facade.

That's what I think, anyway.


Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

***
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LadyX
Posted: Thursday, April 12, 2012 5:22:05 PM

Rank: Artistic Tart
Moderator

Joined: 9/25/2009
Posts: 4,804
Good advice above. I'll be quick- and somebody can either agree or dispel what I'll add here.

Don't be somebody you're not, but pay attention to how you present yourself, too.

Sensitive is good; cloying, needy, too serious, and generally acting like a female pal is not- unless you just want to be a guy-pal, but that's not what you want. Make sure she knows you're interested, but don't be obsessive or overbearing; give her space to react and drop cues of her own. Try to strike a balance, even if that seems hard or that you don't know what you're doing at first. Play it too cool and you'll seem uninterested or, worse, an asshole. Go too hard and unless played perfectly by a specific type of person, you'll either come off as desperate or creepy and predatory.

It's all about the little things. Big things imply personality changes, and not only will you be uncomfortable doing it, but we can tell when it's not genuine anyway.

Dancing_Doll
Posted: Thursday, April 12, 2012 5:51:32 PM

Rank: Alpha Blonde
Moderator

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 6,777
Location: Your dirty fantasy
Being nice is a good thing.

Being a doormat is not.

When a girl says "you're too nice," she's usually implying the latter. Translated loosely this means - you give too much of yourself without making the person earn it, you overlook faults, flaws and when people do non-nice things to you like using you, taking you for granted or expecting you to be at their beck and call all the time.

Honest - it's hard for a girl to 'respect' a guy as a potential partner when he comes across as overly weak.

At the heart of it, we want a nice person - someone who treats us well and knows how to work things within a relationship. But... we also want a little challenge, someone who has strong opinions/desires/intentions of their own and isn't going to cave all the time and someone who makes us work for your attention a little (especially in the beginning).

Being sensitive is good... but don't lead with that. Let her find that out later as you're getting to know each other. Be willing to walk-away (or know how to bluff with this) if she starts 'testing' you early on to see what you're made of. It's like being a good salesperson - you want to sell yourself in a clever way that makes her think she *needs* you... you don't want to go in and start devaluing yourself right away with over-eager bargaining tactics because you're willing to make the sale at any cost.

The "badass" thing is fun in the short term, but in the long-term we want a combination of the two... The "conflicted badass with a heart of gold" is an irresistible combination though. When you do secure the girl of your dreams, you're best to keep her away from those dudes... lol

Guest
Posted: Thursday, April 12, 2012 6:34:00 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 694,105
Problem being that if you're too nice, you get in the "friend zone" and sometimes that's a good thing but depending on the girl they may not want to take you out of the friend zone. Also what is dependent is the girl interests, a nice guy can be good for someone who isn't use to being treated nicely, other times a girl just feels as though you're not a challenge. So perhaps be nice but don't be an open book? That way there's an air of mystery about you ;D
Guest
Posted: Thursday, April 12, 2012 6:41:09 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 694,105
Thing is, all girls are doferent so some will like it and some wont, if they dont... dont waste youre time or theirs and move on! Dont change who YOU are to suit someone else when there is probably someone out there who is looking for a nice guy like you :)
Lisa
Posted: Thursday, April 12, 2012 7:20:45 PM

Rank: Moderator

Joined: 3/3/2009
Posts: 5,168
Location: Victoria, Australia
I think it's better to fall somewhere in between the two extremes. People often compare bad boys and nice guys, but the opposite of bad is good. Nice is something different and can sometimes come across as insincere if it's laid on too thick. Being the good guy is more honest and appealing, in my opinion.

If you treat women like queens and fall over yourself trying to please them (not saying you do this, just giving an example) there's a chance they might start to see you as beneath them or walk all over you.
Nikki703
Posted: Thursday, April 12, 2012 11:39:16 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/7/2009
Posts: 13,922
Location: The Other Side Of The Mirror
Lisa wrote:
I think it's better to fall somewhere in between the two extremes. People often compare bad boys and nice guys, but the opposite of bad is good. Nice is something different and can sometimes come across as insincere if it's laid on too thick. Being the good guy is more honest and appealing, in my opinion.

If you treat women like queens and fall over yourself trying to please them (not saying you do this, just giving an example) there's a chance they might start to see you as beneath them or walk all over you.


I agree. I prefer the guy to be a Nice Badass!! What I mean is that he is basically a good guy who is honest and caring, but has that bad boy streak in him too. A little adventurous, is respectful of your wants and needs but also doesnt let you walk all over him either.
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