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Okay guys... opinions? Options · View
Guest
Posted: Saturday, May 05, 2012 6:26:02 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 674,273
This happened a while ago but i wanted to get more male opinions on this..

I asked my boyfriend of nearly a year to stop spending time with this one girl i was really paranoid about, she seemed to have a vendetta against me and cause me nothing but trouble and i was incredibly paranoid that he would cheat on me with her cause they had been friends several years before we met and i had been friends with her so i knew what she was like. All i did was ask him to not spend time with her when it was avoidable since i know they worked together and had to spend some time together.

The main thing was when she had a new years party and he insisted on going and spending the night there after saying that others were staying over at hers too... He did at first ask me to go but since i cant stand being around her i refused and then insisted he was going alone even after i suggested we spend new years together instead.

All i want to know from you guys is if you were asked by your girlfriend/boyfriend of nearly a year to not go to a party in this situation would you think she/he was being unreasonable and paranoid like he tried to make me out to be?








Btw he finished with me the day after i asked him not to go and spend it with me instead, got with her three hours later, shes caused nothing but hell for me since and even threatened me with a knife for no reason and yes he did spend new years with her, had sex with her that night and gave my returned christmas present to her and i now have to see him and her everyday until i am able to leave.
elitfromnorth
Posted: Saturday, May 05, 2012 7:06:18 PM

Rank: Brawling Berserker

Joined: 2/12/2012
Posts: 1,635
Location: Burrowed, Norway
I don't think I would like it if my girlfriend tried to go "I don't want you spending time with her." But I would make it very clear to her that she had nothing to fear from said girl.

But that said, I think that if you've been together a year it's not too demanding to want to spend New Year's eve together, and I consider it wrong by him to leave you on your own for New Year's, especially if you didn't really have any other plans. I don't know how the living situation is with the two of you, but surely he could have come hom and spent the night with you? The whole "But everyone else is sleeping over" is the reasoning you hear from a child, not a grown man.

Maybe I'm just a pushover, but I think he's in the wrong here and you have a right to be upset about it.

"It's at that point you realise Lady Luck is actually a hooker, and you're fresh out of cash."
WellMadeMale
Posted: Saturday, May 05, 2012 8:37:38 PM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,471
Location: Cakeland, United States
If you have any of his pubic hair at the ready, I know a really talented voodoo witch doctor
who only accepts payment when you are satisfied with the results.




Most intelligent people are introspective and doubt themselves while many fucktards are proudly over-confident. - a tip of the hat to Charles Bukowski
asleep
Posted: Saturday, May 05, 2012 9:18:27 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 12/30/2011
Posts: 3,770
Location: United States
All this happened 5 MONTHS ago: "Btw he finished with me the day after i asked him not to go and spend it with me instead, got with her three hours later, shes caused nothing but hell for me since and even threatened me with a knife for no reason and yes he did spend new years with her, had sex with her that night and gave my returned christmas present to her and i now have to see him and her everyday until i am able to leave."

I can't believe you are still stressing about this scum. ALL he is wanting is a "new/fresh" piece of pussy and has NO REGARD for you. He does NOT care for you at all. Any lovey/dovey words outta his mouth toward you is just an attempt to get back into your bed. Don't even give him the honor of "dumping him"...ie...telling him off, etc.....just TOTALLY ignore him and go on about your life. Get away NOW!!

Threatened with a knife...THAT's reason enough there to get away NOW.

Rick...who can't stand D-wads that do *^&%^ like that!!

http://www.lushstories.com/stories/love-stories/exit-33-trust.aspx

bassguitarbubba
Posted: Sunday, May 06, 2012 4:07:49 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/30/2008
Posts: 409
Location: So. California, United States
A scenario that occured five months ago should not even be on your RADAR screen. He should be long gone and you, my dear, need to forget about him and her and move on with your life.

Michael
Posted: Sunday, May 06, 2012 4:44:55 AM

Rank: Author

Joined: 10/22/2011
Posts: 2,005
Location: Somewhere with Sun and Sea, United States
Antonia,
There is a reason our eyes are on the front of our face. We should always be looking forward...

Move on!

Only our butt hole faces the back. That is all they deserve to see of you.


Guest
Posted: Sunday, May 06, 2012 5:16:16 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 674,273
I have females friends I have known for years and I wouldn't let my girlfriend dictate which party I could go to and which I couldn't. The better option would have been to have sat you and her down and laid your cards on the table so you could have thrashed and sorted it out.

As it turns out, he was after this girl all along so just move on and find a better guy next time.
Magical_felix
Posted: Sunday, May 06, 2012 11:08:30 PM

Rank: Wild at Heart

Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 5,354
Location: California
FtLMale wrote:


Only our butt hole faces the back. That is all they deserve to see of you.


I would be okay with that I think.

And this sounds like a case of the girlfriend probably tilting the "how much will I put up with depending on how much I like her threshold" too far toward the "I don't want to put up with this shit anymore" side.

By choosing the party he is letting you know he doesn't give a fuck cause you're being annoying. Too annoying to care about your feelings enough to want to spend it with you. He may sense you are in a bad mood anyway and anticipates a fight if he spends his evening with you pretty much guaranteeing a shitty night. That could be a reason too.

I see this is all resolved though by what you say at the end there but I felt like being honest tonight.



Guest
Posted: Monday, May 07, 2012 12:23:59 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 674,273
Seems like your instinct was right in this case. We all feel injustice at times and I presume that's a feeling you have now. Time will duller your hurt feelings.

Personally I would hope a partner would trust me enough to let me go to a party if she could not make it.
Resident
Posted: Monday, May 07, 2012 12:45:41 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/24/2011
Posts: 173
Location: United Kingdom
I would have stopped spending as much time with her, especially since I would have KNOWN
she was purposely after you, with only ill-willed intentions. Maybe I would just be a means for
her to get back at you; an instrument/trophy and nothing more. Shame he didn't consider this.
She sounds like a venus fly-trap, and you're better off without him.

Are you truly awake?
simplyjohn
Posted: Monday, May 07, 2012 5:06:38 AM

Rank: Chat Moderator
Moderator

Joined: 11/24/2011
Posts: 8,559
Location: Nr Woking, United Kingdom
Regardless of whether I thought you to be unreasonable or paranoid I would have not gone this assuming of course that I wanted our relationship to continue which does not seem to be the case here and thats the key. No bloke who is enjoying a relationship would want to jeopardise it over attending a party on his own surely !!.

Pretzel
Posted: Monday, May 07, 2012 9:45:01 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/9/2012
Posts: 141
Location: United States
Sounds like you're better off.
That wasn't being paranoid btw.

Resident
Posted: Monday, May 07, 2012 12:00:14 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/24/2011
Posts: 173
Location: United Kingdom
simplyjohn wrote:
Regardless of whether I thought you to be unreasonable or paranoid I would have not gone this assuming of course that I wanted our relationship to continue which does not seem to be the case here and thats the key. No bloke who is enjoying a relationship would want to jeopardise it over attending a party on his own surely !!.


+1

Are you truly awake?
Guest
Posted: Friday, May 11, 2012 2:02:18 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 674,273
It looks like she went after him and you getting paronoid helped her cause as she might have hoped it would. But saying that he more than likely had been with her before that in casual way for him but would have given her hope that they could be couple. As to telling a partner what they can and cant do it is a fine line between reasonable request and jeloulos raving. Having peeked at your pics I dont think you'll have trouble finding a new squeeze or two to help you move-on as you look like the bees knees.
muleskiner
Posted: Friday, May 11, 2012 10:39:51 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 4/28/2012
Posts: 52
Location: San Francisco Bay Area, United States
He isn't worth your time! Move on as he will only hurt you!
SensualDesires83
Posted: Saturday, May 12, 2012 1:36:15 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/27/2009
Posts: 373
Location: Southeast, United States, United States
tonibabiiee,

After what you have explained, and after being with him a year, you had all the right in the world to ask him to spend New Years with you and not her. If that guy had any morals at all, he would respect you and not worry about being with her. It's obvious that he has more than a working relationship with her. He had that going before he was even with you.

I can tell you right now, he has no respect for you and that if he loved you, he would have never thought you were unreasonable with your request. Since his heart was leading him astray, he saw that as an opportunity to be with the other woman.

Now, it's your turn. You need to put your feelings aside and get out of this relationship while you can. While you still have feelings for him, it is apparent that he has none for you at all. All he wanted to do was fuck the other woman instead and when you said what you said, it gave him free reign and he took it.

Nothing is holding you back from leaving. You just think there is because you still have feelings for him. Think about how he treated you. I know if it were me, the moment he took the opportunity to leave and get with and have sex with her, that would have been enough for me. I'd have been out that door in a second.

I think you even know you will be better off getting out, so ask yourself, what's the one reason that is holding you back? If you can't answer that question, then you have your answer.

He definitely is not worth your time, and if you ask me, not worth the other woman's time either. Sounds like he thinks more of himself than being with someone that loves him.

"So don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
Don't lie to me,
Just get your things.
I've made up your mind."

--Evanescence
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