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Do all women, have the caretaker trait, hard wired to their personality? Options · View
Guest
Posted: Monday, May 21, 2012 10:19:41 PM

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Recently I suffered a bone break, which requires me to be in a cast/crutches for a good while.

Since it's happened, I've had an inordinate amount of attention, from women of all ages, all walks of life.

How did you do it? What happened etc?

Then they go into the caretaker mode, like they need to give me care advise.

Maybe it gives them the opportunity to strike up a conversation. Maybe I'm less threatening, in crutches?

Because it's happened A LOT, I find it a little bit over the top, in some cases slightly annoying. I don't want a mother, I already have one, but maybe it's just an approach...

so I humour most of them, by giving them fairly outrageous or comedic responses. I have resorted to a "response of the day" I get asked so much.

I just wonder of this is a preprogrammed trait, that a majority of women have?
Honestly, I don't find it an attractive trait.

What do you ladies think, is the caretaker trait hardwired?
MMonroe
Posted: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 5:00:31 AM

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Hmm good question. I dont know about all women but i have been known to be 'mother hen'. I got called it alot when i was younger (about 5), hated it, tried to resist and now im 22 ive just accepted the fact that thats what i am. Not with just physical injuries but when people are down or upset i hate it, and try to help their situation as much as possible - or if not just give them a big hug!

I dont know if would approach a total stranger to talk about his broken leg though. If we were friends or just happened to meet then i would probably have to ask. Its almost rude not to. But i wouldnt purposefully approach a guy to make sure he was ok. There's still a part of me that thinks 'he's a grown man, im sre he can look after himself'



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blazestcyr
Posted: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 5:53:03 AM

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i have to agree...i believe we are wired that way for we give birth & have to take care of the baby...

though some ladies bypass this BIG time

thought provokig post...
redlips
Posted: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 7:37:29 AM

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I think maybe to a certain degree we are, but it varies with the individual as to how far it goes and how it is expressed. With you in a cast and on crutches I would want to help you if I could, but wouldn't feel I should ask what happened etc.

If you ignore beauty, you will soon find yourself without it.................Frank Lloyd Wright

I always practice obedience, when it's in my best interest.
littlemissbitch
Posted: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 9:11:31 AM

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it is in me.

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freakycactus
Posted: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 9:35:54 AM

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As has already been said, it varies from person to person and it's certainly not true of all women. I always joke if I'm in mother hen mode and I frequently tell customers I'm turning into a grandmother, always trying to fatten people up.

In your case, unless we were already talking or you were a customer, I wouldn't just approach you to ask after your leg or to give you advice.

Guest
Posted: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 11:32:28 AM

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Probably genetic. Think back to cave dweller times. Hunter/gather = male. Nurture/procreate = women.
Some have it more than others. Some not at all. Then again, if you're cute maybe that's a way to start talking to you. Nutbag
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 11:38:42 AM

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It's definitely something that is more built into women than into men and, let's face it, we're good at it. If you had to pick a counsellor I'd be willing to bet that at least 80% of people would pick a female counsellor to talk to.

I also believe that some people will take on other people's problems as a way of hiding from their own....this was something I definitely did for awhile but now that I've been dealing with my own problems I find myself far less inclined to deal with other people's. Obviously if it's a close friend or someone I care about I will....but I'm unlikely to approach someone I don't know/don't know that well to draw them in under my wing unless I suspect them to be 'in danger'.
Magical_felix
Posted: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 11:42:16 AM

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Quote:
Do all women, have the caretaker trait, hard wired to their personality?


No.



Guest
Posted: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 11:56:52 AM

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Magical_felix wrote:


No.


Apparently this guy wrote our genetics and shit!

We can all babble about sexism all that as much as we like but it would appear that this is something present in women...that urge to comfort and care (as someone mentioned above...women 'nest', men 'provide' and 'protect'), some women may have buried this out of choice, or some women may have buried this due to past experiences. I see it a bit like how there's a protective streak in all guys, they may not always punch a guy that's looking at their girl, but if it was taken far enough or if it was someone they really cared about they probably would.
lafayettemister
Posted: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 2:18:36 PM

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hotswimmer wrote:
Do all women, have the caretaker trait, hard wired to their personality?


No





When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
VanGogh
Posted: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 2:48:55 PM

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Quite frankly, I know of a few women who wouldn't give a shit about your cast or helping you.

I think as time has evolved, more women are of the attitude, "why should I care?" More and more women are not even entertaining the idea of children, because they don't want to be a caretaker. More and more women are opting for FWB, just so that they don't have to care for someone.

I have also met a few men who have the skill of "mothering" down pat. Quite annoying, if you ask me.

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Dancing_Doll
Posted: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 3:16:09 PM

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If that's you in the av-pic, they're probably just using it as an opportunity to chat you up. It's a good ice-breaker.

If strange women are literally just doing it to nurture you with no ulterior motives, then... yeah, that's kind of weird.

I am 'nurturing' in a relationship if my guy is sick/injured but only if he's the type that wants that kind of thing. I kind of just gage it according to the guy. Some love that whole "woe is me, I have the flu" chicken-soup nurse type thing, and others aren't into it at all. I just adjust according to what the guy prefers, and play it up or tone it down accordingly. I prefer "supportive" rather than "nurturing/mothering" though. I'm not going to treat an adult man like a child.

As for strangers, I don't go out of my way or get into personal details. I will help someone who needs it or asks for it in the same way as I'd help an elderly person or a person/animal that was just injured in my presence or in an accident. But I wouldn't be rushing up to an otherwise functional guy in a cast, coo'ing about how awful it must be and asking what happened and if I can help.

I would hold the door open though, but that's not really nurturing, it's just being polite.


Coco
Posted: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 3:28:33 PM

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No, not all of us have this trait.

I would almost certainly look at you and keep it moving. However, I've never been the nuturing type and I don't like to ego stroke men. I may do it from time to time, but it is not something ingrained in me.






Nikki703
Posted: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 3:31:36 PM

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I am very nurturing with friends, family and loved ones and of course animals too. i will go out of my way to care for them when they are ill. Guess maybe it it is the motherly instinct in me.

But as far as a stranger, not so much. I mean I would help them if they needed help in my presence, but I would not go out of my way to do it either.

But I do not believe all women are hard wired to be nurturers. I mean some are not even nurturing to their kids!
Magical_felix
Posted: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 3:36:55 PM

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Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 5,156
Location: California
LittleBambi wrote:


Apparently this guy wrote our genetics and shit!

We can all babble about sexism all that as much as we like but it would appear that this is something present in women...that urge to comfort and care (as someone mentioned above...women 'nest', men 'provide' and 'protect'), some women may have buried this out of choice, or some women may have buried this due to past experiences. I see it a bit like how there's a protective streak in all guys, they may not always punch a guy that's looking at their girl, but if it was taken far enough or if it was someone they really cared about they probably would.


No.



Naughtygrl73
Posted: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 5:56:17 PM

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I think women have a predispostion to be nurturing but like in everything there are exceptions.
honeydipped
Posted: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 9:03:46 PM

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no. this trait isn't present in all women. i've come across quite a few women who don't have this quality at all.

"it is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." ~aristotle
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, May 23, 2012 11:22:34 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 651,817
Thanks for your answers and insight, ladies.

With all due respect, the answers from the guys, have been ignored ;)
FelineFantasy
Posted: Wednesday, May 23, 2012 12:39:03 PM

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I believe all women do, but some just ignore it out of selfishness.

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TheDevilsWeakness
Posted: Wednesday, May 23, 2012 12:43:12 PM

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Caretaker trait? I used to have it... I lost it along with my give-a-damn after I was screwed over by a few exes.
After my own surgery and countless fights with pneumonia and it wasn't reciprocated and I was EXPECTED to take care of his lazy ass AND make his meals while I was still working AND taking care of the kids day in and out... Well, let's just say I became very bitter and jaded.
Unfortunately, the sins of the past haunt the good deeds of today. I go straight into "Suck it up and take it like a man" mode as soon as I hear the first whinge out of a guy.
If you need a Mother Hen or a Sugar Momma I am not that girl. Get off your ass and get your own cup of soup. While you're there... get me one too.


Kimasa
Posted: Wednesday, May 23, 2012 2:17:33 PM

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No but I would say the vast majority do have that natural trait.

However history proves that put into a position of power some women can demonstrate the complete opposite.

There were notorious camp guards like Ilse Koch and Irma Grese. And lesser known killers like Erna Petri, the wife of an SS officer and a mother who was convicted of shooting to death six Jewish children in Nazi-occupied Poland; or Johanna Altvater Zelle, a German secretary accused of child murder in the Volodymyr-Volynskyy ghetto in Nazi-occupied Ukraine.

The Nazi killing machine was undoubtedly a male-dominated affair. But according to new research, the participation of German women in the genocide, as perpetrators, accomplices or passive witnesses, was far greater than previously thought.

The researcher, Wendy Lower, an American historian now living in Munich, has drawn attention to the number of seemingly ordinary German women who willingly went out to the Nazi-occupied eastern territories as part of the war effort, to areas where genocide was openly occurring.

“Thousands would be a conservative estimate,” Ms. Lower said in an interview in Jerusalem last week.

While most did not bloody their own hands, the acts of those who did seemed all the more perverse because they operated outside the concentration camp system, on their own initiative.



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