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Sex before marriage? Or marriage before sex? Options · View
Dudealicious
Posted: Thursday, May 24, 2012 5:56:12 AM

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I tried the whole "wait until marriage" thing and it turned out to be awful. We were not sexually compatible at all, it eventually ended in divorce.

If you are not a good fit for each other sexually, the relationship is pretty much doomed. For people to say I can take it or leave it are lying to themselves, sex is the differentiation between a relationship and a friendship. If the sex sucks why in the hell would you stay in a relationship with that person?

As others have said, a test drive is a good precursor to see just how good you will be together make sure to take your time while you do so!

The night that changed my life, a four part series of a married man lusting after his co-worker

SexySophie
Posted: Thursday, May 24, 2012 6:44:39 AM

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I wouldn't buy a car without a test drive first. Marriage is a contract forever so you need to know what you're getting. Besides, if I thought enough of a guy to marry him I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off him past the first few dates.
jerseylynn
Posted: Thursday, May 24, 2012 11:29:02 AM

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I think living together and def having sex before marriage helps you make an important life decision. As many have mentioned that you have to be compatible and if you aren't well it ends ugly vs maybe as friends....But in the end it's a personal choice depending on your beliefs..

No one can make you jealous, angry, vengeful, or greedy -unless you let him.
- Napoleon Hill
clum
Posted: Thursday, May 24, 2012 12:13:53 PM

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Dudealicious wrote:
For people to say I can take it or leave it are lying to themselves, sex is the differentiation between a relationship and a friendship. If the sex sucks why in the hell would you stay in a relationship with that person?


I completely disagree with this. I firmly believe that one (well, two) could have a sexless relationship that had a lot more depth and meaning than even the strongest of friendships. The love you feel for a partner is different from the love you feel from a friend and I just will not concede that that is because of sex and sex alone.

Put it this was: If I had a choice between staying in my current relationship with a woman I love but knowing that we would never have sex again or having phenomenal sex on a regular basis with my best friend, I would definitely choose the former.

Sex is important in many relationship and it can make or break them. It's more important to some than to others and we can't tar everyone with the same brush.

She Just Wants To Be

Third place entry in the Toy With Me competition.
justagreeting
Posted: Sunday, May 27, 2012 12:14:48 PM

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Short answer :only crazy people or religious nutters could marry before having sex.

clum
Posted: Sunday, May 27, 2012 12:24:20 PM

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justagreeting wrote:
Short answer :only crazy people or religious nutters could marry before having sex.


Offensive on many levels. Maybe if you hadn't gone for the "short answer" you wouldn't have come off as such an ill-informed ass.

She Just Wants To Be

Third place entry in the Toy With Me competition.
Guest
Posted: Sunday, May 27, 2012 12:56:22 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
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I think you can have marriage before sex, but both parties neet to be experienced. It could potentially be hot if you both describe everything you would like to do to the other person...that build up could be great...as long as you have the goods to back it up. BUT I have serious doubts about two virgins marrying. The longer I'm in a serious relationship though, the more I realize that communication is even more important because we all grow and change. If you marry at 25 you're probably going to have different wants/needs sexually 20 years down the road if you're still together. So...I guess I'm saying your initial sexual "compatibility" is important, but it may change, and you have to be ready to evolve with someone and be open with them.
Coco
Posted: Sunday, May 27, 2012 1:20:28 PM

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Not ever, its just not a good idea. If you wait until you are married to engage in sex and you find that the two of you or ill equipped or don't enjoy each other, you're more than likely headed for divorce.

As much as I hate to say so, sex is an important factor in any relationship and should be considered as such. And as for me, that's a hell no. I gave it up on the third date, that boy, now my husband, had/has too much body for me to resist.

The one thing that I wish we had done is live together before getting married...but that's another question.




Guest
Posted: Sunday, May 27, 2012 1:33:35 PM

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Sex before marriage. It's 2012. Simple as that, lol.
justagreeting
Posted: Monday, May 28, 2012 4:33:30 AM

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clum wrote:


Offensive on many levels. Maybe if you hadn't gone for the "short answer" you wouldn't have come off as such an ill-informed ass.




Ok, I'll go for the long answer. Everybody has the right to be stupid and risk his/her own happiness by marrying someone without knowing all aspects of his/her future spouse. The problem is when they produce babies. Growing up in a disfunctional family is not fair. Gambling is okay in a casino, not in the process of family making.
Naughty_Magician
Posted: Monday, May 28, 2012 4:58:51 AM

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We should have sex after the first child is born. evil4

Had a dream I was king, I woke up still king!!
clum
Posted: Monday, May 28, 2012 8:29:38 AM

Rank: Clumeleon
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justagreeting wrote:
Ok, I'll go for the long answer. Everybody has the right to be stupid and risk his/her own happiness by marrying someone without knowing all aspects of his/her future spouse. The problem is when they produce babies. Growing up in a disfunctional family is not fair. Gambling is okay in a casino, not in the process of family making.


Better. However, are you then implying that people adhering to the rules of their religion ("religious nutters" I think you called them) are stupid?

Also, dysfunctional.

She Just Wants To Be

Third place entry in the Toy With Me competition.
justagreeting
Posted: Tuesday, May 29, 2012 3:55:18 AM

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clum wrote:


Better. However, are you then implying that people adhering to the rules of their religion ("religious nutters" I think you called them) are stupid?

Also, dysfunctional.



My spelling is a bit dysfunctional, thanks.

They are not stupid, just cowards who lack the guts to follow their own insticts and break off the mental chains they inherited from their ancestors, based on prejudices and taboo crap.

50 years ago could be reasonable, but is shocking nowadays.
clum
Posted: Tuesday, May 29, 2012 5:45:10 AM

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justagreeting wrote:
They are not stupid, just cowards who lack the guts to follow their own insticts and break off the mental chains they inherited from their ancestors, based on prejudices and taboo crap.

50 years ago could be reasonable, but is shocking nowadays.


Now you're implying that religious people do not/cannot think for themselves. I no longer know if you're being purposefully antagonistic or if you are actually just that offensive. Either way, it's bad for my rage.

The rules put in place by religions are, by and large, nothing to do with "prejudices and taboo crap" but with helping people to have the utmost respect for their body, their society, their environment and their own life. People who correctly follow the teachings of a religion are not cowards but people of faith who believe they are doing so for the sake of their own happiness and the happiness of others.

In this day and age, the overwhelming majority of people have the ability to choose their own religion after serious thought and consideration. If anything, far from being cowardly, it takes a lot of courage to be religious and do something like not have sex before marriage given all the pressures of modern society.

You do not give me the impression of a person who knows very much about religion or religious people. You're tremendously judgemental and, frankly, rude. You could probably do with a faith of some sort.

She Just Wants To Be

Third place entry in the Toy With Me competition.
Buz
Posted: Tuesday, May 29, 2012 6:13:15 AM

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Religious or "church" people actually tend to be among the most educated, mostly college graduates, at least in the region where I live. In fact in the USA, church attenders are mostly in the higher income brackets. Different denominations have totally different outlooks and levels of sexual acceptance. Not far from me are Baptist churches with gay pastors, gay & lesbian deacons/deaconesses. There are different levels of acceptance of all things sexual among the different religions.

If someone thinks it is important to remain a virgin until marriage it is their business and they deserve respect. They obviously have strong will power and discipline.

Furthermore, being bigoted against people who are religious is just that, BIGOTRY!

Bigotry is a sign of ignorance!

Guest
Posted: Tuesday, May 29, 2012 6:30:48 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
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clum wrote:


Now you're implying that religious people do not/cannot think for themselves. I no longer know if you're being purposefully antagonistic or if you are actually just that offensive. Either way, it's bad for my rage.

The rules put in place by religions are, by and large, nothing to do with "prejudices and taboo crap" but with helping people to have the utmost respect for their body, their society, their environment and their own life. People who correctly follow the teachings of a religion are not cowards but people of faith who believe they are doing so for the sake of their own happiness and the happiness of others.

In this day and age, the overwhelming majority of people have the ability to choose their own religion after serious thought and consideration. If anything, far from being cowardly, it takes a lot of courage to be religious and do something like not have sex before marriage given all the pressures of modern society.

You do not give me the impression of a person who knows very much about religion or religious people. You're tremendously judgemental and, frankly, rude. You could probably do with a faith of some sort.


Thank you very much for being so intelligent Big Hugs

And I just wanted to say something else. People who don't believe in sex before marriage are hardly going to be dissatisfied with their partner if they've got nothing to compare to. I mean, if two people both believe in not having sex out of wedlock (ooh, hate that word) then they're both going to be virgins, right? So how could one of them be disappointed with the others 'performance'? I don't get it. They've got no notes to compare to. Right? dontknow
And marriage isn't just about sex, y'know.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, May 29, 2012 6:51:16 AM

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Guys, just be cautious on expressing your ideas. I'm a student of law that's why I reprimand someone in this site to stop defaming the religious institutions on the marriage-before-sex issue. The church can do a valid intervention on that but in the end, THE DECISION WILL ALWAYS DEPEND ON AN INDIVIDUAL. So just be wary about your words. You can be charge of committing oral defamation. You're comments here should always be CIVIL AND JUST. Prove it that you are already civilized. I know we are liberal here and free to express our opinion. But not to the extent that YOU ARE ACTUALLY DEPRIVING THE OTHER'S RIGHTS IN THEIR FREEDOM TO BELIEVE. After all, marriage is not just all about sex, but it also complies with harmony and unison..and you can't easily find it with just having sex. Few couples had a great sex however, they still end up of separation.
justagreeting
Posted: Tuesday, May 29, 2012 8:52:43 AM

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crypticneophyte wrote:
Guys, just be cautious on expressing your ideas. I'm a student of law that's why I reprimand someone in this site to stop defaming the religious institutions on the marriage-before-sex issue. The church can do a valid intervention on that but in the end, THE DECISION WILL ALWAYS DEPEND ON AN INDIVIDUAL. So just be wary about your words. You can be charge of committing oral defamation. You're comments here should always be CIVIL AND JUST. Prove it that you are already civilized. I know we are liberal here and free to express our opinion. But not to the extent that YOU ARE ACTUALLY DEPRIVING THE OTHER'S RIGHTS IN THEIR FREEDOM TO BELIEVE. After all, marriage is not just all about sex, but it also complies with harmony and unison..and you can't easily find it with just having sex. Few couples had a great sex however, they still end up of separation.



I love the law. Well, I love female law students, actually. Just joking. I am reading right now The Summon, by John Grisham. A page turner.

Peace out.

Guest
Posted: Thursday, May 31, 2012 1:30:21 PM

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I'm right up there with "sexy sofie"......
I wouldn't walk into a car dealership and hand over the money for a new car without a test drive. So i wouldn't marry a man that i didn't feel i was compatible with in bed. Marriage isn't all about sex but......It has been proven time and time again that most marriages break up over sex or money.

Yes Naughty_Magician ........your suppose to have sex after the kids come along.......Laughs.
Guest
Posted: Monday, June 04, 2012 5:38:47 PM

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In my opinion, sex before marriage is an individuals/couples opinions however, meaningless sex with no emotional attachment or a attraction can have a big influence on someones outtake on this subject. If someone has sex just to have it and they enjoy doing that good for them. When someone has sex with no attachments, he/she would probably regret it afterwards and wouldn't see any point in sex and waiting till marriage.
Guest
Posted: Monday, June 04, 2012 6:03:35 PM

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I have to agree with most people's assessment of sex BEFORE marriage. Waiting until after is placing an extraordinary importance on either virginity or sexual compatibility and without that compatibility the marriage is going to be an unhappy one. Why risk that for the sake of a currently-odd moral superiority feeling? If you want to feel that "first time" is special, that's fine, make it so, but you don't have to wait for someone else's "official" sanction to do so. Many patriarchal-based religions based this "waiting until married" business on valued virginity and some man's moral superiority that he was the "first". That's really a condescending attitude. Historically, numerous examples of men giving their virgin brides syphillis occured because before marriage the man had already visited prostitutes and then the innocent bride reaped a very shocking and unpleasant disease through no fault of her own.

That said, what is the bottom-line purpose of waiting until you are religiously or civil-ceremony joined in wedlock? Is it moral, religious, social, or other influence? Is it what your families "expect"? Is it because one or both partners think it's right? Ask yourselves these questions before committing to a potential lifetime of sexual incompatibility.
T_Elle
Posted: Monday, June 04, 2012 6:08:05 PM

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ch_brian wrote:
I think you can have marriage before sex, but both parties neet to be experienced. It could potentially be hot if you both describe everything you would like to do to the other person...that build up could be great...as long as you have the goods to back it up. BUT I have serious doubts about two virgins marrying. The longer I'm in a serious relationship though, the more I realize that communication is even more important because we all grow and change. If you marry at 25 you're probably going to have different wants/needs sexually 20 years down the road if you're still together. So...I guess I'm saying your initial sexual "compatibility" is important, but it may change, and you have to be ready to evolve with someone and be open with them.


I really like and agree with this. It's all well and fine to say that you're sexually compatible NOW, so hey, maybe marriage with this person is a safer bet than marriage without trying them out first. However, I'm going to be a weirdo, and say something different. When my husband and I first started "dating," (i.e., getting into each other's pants every opportunity that presented itself), the sex was good, but... not the best I'd ever had. But I adored him, we had a zillion other things in common, so sex wasn't a deal maker or breaker.

It's now 17 years we've been together, 12 of which we've been married. MY sexual needs have changed DRASTICALLY in the intervening years, and amazingly, my husband has grown with me. Our sex life is better than ever, my drive these days has been through the ROOF (hormones???) and we've learned to please each other in far more creative ways. Lush has done amazing things for our sex life... and even 5 years ago, you wouldn't have caught me dead on a site like this, LOL!

And one last thing, since I'm blabbing on... Clum, I love you, sweetheart. love7
Guest
Posted: Monday, June 04, 2012 8:08:57 PM

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Justagreeting- Well here I am, the "crazy nutter" that is planning to wait. For your information, I'm attending college and yes I do have faith which serves as my main reason for waiting. Yes I realize I may very well regret this decision. No I am not afraid of sex itself, actually it's very difficult to resist fooling around. Why else would I be on lush? Just as I don't judge anyone who has sex before marriage, I really don't think that you should falsely judge me for waiting and sticking to what I believe. My 2 cents
Guest
Posted: Monday, June 04, 2012 8:59:08 PM

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When the love of a woman drew me to seek the profound intimacy of sexual union I demonstrated my love by basing that intimacy on the lifelong commitment of marriage. Was it worth the pain? Yes! Would I change that now if I had the opportunity? No!

True intimacy and belonging are not found in mere sensuality but in profound, livelong commitment to one another. That's so many are seeking, but not finding.
Guest
Posted: Monday, June 04, 2012 9:00:21 PM

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When the love of a woman drew me to seek the profound intimacy of sexual union I demonstrated my love by basing that intimacy on the lifelong commitment of marriage. Was it worth the pain? Yes! Would I change that now if I had the opportunity? No!

True intimacy and belonging are not found in mere sensuality but in profound, lifelong commitment to one another. That's what so many are seeking, but not finding.
clum
Posted: Tuesday, June 05, 2012 4:13:28 AM

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I really like the last few posts. These are the kind of responses that I'm sure the OP was looking for and it's encouraging to see healthy debate and different points of view brought in without offending anyone.

In case anyone was unclear on my actual stance on this issue, I'm not against sex before marriage (I fucking love it, in fact). I am, however, very religious and cannot bear such ignorant intolerance of other people's beliefs.

Pour Wine To religious nutters! occasion5

She Just Wants To Be

Third place entry in the Toy With Me competition.
1curiouscat
Posted: Tuesday, June 05, 2012 5:57:51 AM

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Location: São Paulo , Brazil
Im much more a believer of living with the person before marriage then anything else. It may be stupid or childish even, but what become sparks for the implosion of a relationship are the little everyday things. Clothes on the floor, where you leave your towel, the way you eat when guests arent around, how you carry yourself in your privare moments are all catalists to fights.

if you want to know someone, go through a kilo of salt with them. By the end of the bag, you have experienced a log with that person - if you two are still talking, then the relationship is a good one.

Sex is a consequence of pre-established modus operantis of the relationship. This is usually clear from your first date. If you are in a relationship and are considering marriage while still not sexual, then sex is really not an important factor in the relationship. Wait.

If sex is important to you two, then i believe that living together will provide you with plenty of oportunities to explore each other.



Overwhelming Reality

From Across the Room
TransitionalMan
Posted: Tuesday, June 05, 2012 7:43:12 AM

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Location: Ohio, United States
In my view it's silly to wait until marriage in order to have sex, but it's also silly not to use contraceptives and that's a bargain some people make.

But to give it a brief defense, if you know you won't have sex before marriage then your dating goals may be more 'get to know her' then 'get in the sack', which is certainly better in the long run.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, June 05, 2012 9:30:55 PM

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You always try on shoes before you buy them, right? You have to make sure they fit and are right for you. Sigh...but shoes do wear out don't they? lol
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, June 06, 2012 2:58:16 AM

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there is no way that i could marry a guy with out knowing "what hes working with"
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