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baker992009
Posted: Wednesday, March 18, 2009 6:31:23 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 2/19/2009
Posts: 66
How many people in here are in a sexless mariage? I have admitted that I am. It is not through any fault of my own and it is not because of medical issues on her part. She knows she has me by the balls...I have everything to loose if I divorce . And I'm too old to start over.

Sexless for 4 years now....and counting
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, March 18, 2009 7:02:29 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 821,053
Damn, bro, I feel your pain somewhat. I am not in a sexless marriage per se, but the amount of times we have it are so low that I feel I (and we) are missing something that every marriage needs. Though sex is not everything in a marriage, it is a needed foundation to build on. And for me at least, it is a difficult subject to bring up.
Henry
Posted: Wednesday, March 18, 2009 7:07:04 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/1/2009
Posts: 364
So.... what defines a marriage as being sexless? Or to put it another way...
how often does a normal married couple (married for over 5 years / 10 years) do it?
One time a month? One time a week? Several times a week?
runonwords
Posted: Wednesday, March 18, 2009 7:53:09 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/7/2009
Posts: 1,117
Location: Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada
I was in a rare sex marriage, we only did when she was wanting, ignoring my needs, wants and desires, I was and am a giving and considerate lover, to the point that she was so satisfied.... lol that she would not need for weeks or months!
I was and am a very giving and loving person out of the bedroom with romance and spontaneous actions, so I couldn't blame this on my stupidity or hardness!
I finally left and I am my own person in my own space......
Its all good.... even if at times its not! lol
Good luck to all who is living the pain!
Run
help
lovely_lady
Posted: Wednesday, March 18, 2009 7:56:35 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/1/2009
Posts: 1,100
Location: melbourne
It's not only men who can feel like they don't get enough... Women too can be in a sexless relationship....
I think sex should be at LEAST a weekly thing, of course the more the better... I have found that men can have a problem wanting it all the time too. Frustrating I say.
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, March 18, 2009 7:09:57 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 821,053
I never believed marital issues could affect our sex life, but the buggy was slowing down, and I could see it was headed for a sexless marriage. We both didn't want anything to do with that and we are now happy, which means separated and living apart/not seeing each other at all.

The beautiful Tech Goddess has proven what real love and trust can do in a relationship and bedroom, something I never really experienced, truthfully.
runonwords
Posted: Wednesday, March 18, 2009 8:38:33 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/7/2009
Posts: 1,117
Location: Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada
wow good for the two of you :)
thumbup
Guest
Posted: Thursday, March 19, 2009 7:08:56 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 821,053
Thanks, Run.

Quote:
I am my own person in my own space.....


That's priceless, isn't it?
Batman
Posted: Friday, March 20, 2009 7:55:52 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/9/2008
Posts: 1,909
Baker, I was in one.
5 years married, bet we could count on both hands the number of times we did it.
6 moth to consumate the marriage, 9 months without because of a cast.

Life sucked. and she wouldn't.

Bat
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, April 29, 2009 12:24:14 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 821,053
i am not in a sexless marriage....



but then again i am not married... could have something to do with it.
Sheets
Posted: Saturday, May 2, 2009 3:13:50 AM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 4/23/2009
Posts: 8
Do you know why your relationship is sexless? would be my first question...
Guest
Posted: Saturday, May 2, 2009 3:49:54 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 821,053
Henry wrote:
So.... what defines a marriage as being sexless? Or to put it another way...
how often does a normal married couple (married for over 5 years / 10 years) do it?
One time a month? One time a week? Several times a week?


I think that what defines a marriage as sexless is when one partner feels there is not enough sex and it is a problem for them.

As to "normal" frequency, that really depends on the couple, I think. My wife and I live on different continents, right now, so the frequency is very low. And I think there are cycles. There are times, when I am not away for an extended period, that we go every day for two weeks, and other times when we go a month without. It depends a lot upon what else is happening in your life at the time.

If someone wants more and can't tell their partner, then that is not only a sex problem, but also a communication problem, which is much more serious. If you tell your partner, and they make no effort to accomodate your desires, then there's a problem, and you'd have to decide for yourself if it is a problem you are willing to take as an acceptable cost of maintaining the relationship.
Guest
Posted: Monday, May 25, 2009 7:13:56 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 821,053
baker992009 wrote:
How many people in here are in a sexless mariage? I have admitted that I am. It is not through any fault of my own and it is not because of medical issues on her part. She knows she has me by the balls...I have everything to loose if I divorce . And I'm too old to start over.

Sexless for 4 years now....and counting


In the same situation...got divorced after 24 years the kids finally out and about...came down to the price you put on your happiness!
Guest
Posted: Sunday, October 18, 2009 11:14:14 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 821,053
my wife and i have been married for 17 years. and for the majority of our marriage it's never been sexless. i'd have to say our secret is talking. we don't hide anything from each other. we talk about everything.
Primal
Posted: Monday, October 19, 2009 3:10:30 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/14/2009
Posts: 700
Location: USA
The longest relationship I have had was about four years ago. We lived together for approx 16 or 17 months and the first 3-4 months we screwed each other like 300 times. Then, our work and school schedules got busy and we were awake/time off at different hours and so the amount of sex slowed down but we still found time to play and have sex in public and mess around so it wasn't dead. But, then the last 6 months or so she started putting out less and less and even started wearing JEANS to bed. This was confusing but I didn't think that much of it at first but I started to realize it had been over a month since we had sex and the light bulb went off that something was very wrong. I asked her why we were not having sex anymore and why she was wearing jean pants to bed instead of her underwear (which was her usual) and she just kept saying "I'm too tired" and "because they are comfortable" and then she told me she wanted to go back to jesus or something and not have sex anymore. I was just lost and confused with all of it. Long story short, she moved out to live with her mother and "find myself and who I am and return to a life of christ" and one month later I found out she was living with some drag racing fancy car douchebag.

Hell, I don't remember what my point was going to be...



In order to know virtue, you must first become acquainted with vice.
- Donatien Alphonse Francois de Sade


En vis mann slår aldri en hund i klubben med en stokk, fordi hunden vil vende rundt og biter mannens ballene av.
castlequeen
Posted: Monday, October 19, 2009 11:44:09 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/24/2009
Posts: 597
Hubby and I have been together over ten years, and if I throw out my carbonated hormones due to my current situation, we were averaging twice a week, sometimes more when the cold weather comes around (I like snuggling under the covers, what can I say?), but it was pretty regular. We've always made it a point though to keep the lines of communication open. If I'm not getting enough, or if I'm really not in the mood, I'll tell him and vice-versa. I'm kind of wearing him out right now, but he's being a good sport about it.

"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere." - Groucho Marx
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, October 20, 2009 7:31:09 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 821,053
I lived throw the same thing but I didn't want him on top of me any way.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, October 20, 2009 10:47:05 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 821,053
baker992009 wrote:
How many people in here are in a sexless mariage? I have admitted that I am. It is not through any fault of my own and it is not because of medical issues on her part. She knows she has me by the balls...I have everything to loose if I divorce . And I'm too old to start over.

Sexless for 4 years now....and counting

I really feel for you mate. My parents are in a sexless marriage and they are the same as you. They are in their late 60's and are more like brother and sister. They do not even share a bed anymore. I find it really sad as they have been together for 35 yrs and esepcially now their kid's have all grown up and left home, now it is just them two.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, October 20, 2009 10:48:57 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 821,053
Henry wrote:
So.... what defines a marriage as being sexless? Or to put it another way...
how often does a normal married couple (married for over 5 years / 10 years) do it?
One time a month? One time a week? Several times a week?



I think sexless is just that. If you still having sex even if its once a month or once every three months, that is not a sexless marriage.
baker992009
Posted: Tuesday, October 20, 2009 2:49:58 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 2/19/2009
Posts: 66
A sexless marriage by definition is a marriage where you have sex less than 10 times a year.. For me... I have had NO sexual contact with my wife since november 9th 2004... so fifth year coming up.
According to statistics... 20 % of all marriages are sexless.
Since it was her decision solely to stop having sexual relations... I have withdrawn from the marriage.. We still live in the same house... but now... I show no affection towards her what so ever. I ignore birthdays ... anniversaries... ect. I am bitter over her decision.... and if I were younger... I would not hesitate to leave and start over. Its too late for me now.... and will live out the rest of my life misserable.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, October 20, 2009 4:39:43 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 821,053
I have seen living proof that its never too late to start over... its more about whether or not your happiness is worth the risk...
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, October 20, 2009 8:13:08 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 821,053
Deleted...
barefoot
Posted: Tuesday, October 20, 2009 10:36:06 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 10/20/2009
Posts: 2
Its been since early august since we had sex....she acts like we never have to again...
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, October 21, 2009 1:32:03 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 821,053
baker992009 wrote:
A sexless marriage by definition is a marriage where you have sex less than 10 times a year.. For me... I have had NO sexual contact with my wife since november 9th 2004... so fifth year coming up.
According to statistics... 20 % of all marriages are sexless.
Since it was her decision solely to stop having sexual relations... I have withdrawn from the marriage.. We still live in the same house... but now... I show no affection towards her what so ever. I ignore birthdays ... anniversaries... ect. I am bitter over her decision.... and if I were younger... I would not hesitate to leave and start over. Its too late for me now.... and will live out the rest of my life misserable.


I do not know whether it is worth an my idea I have. What about just forgetting about that is it sexless for now. Start Looking after yourself, get to the gym and buy new trendy clothes. Buy some new aftershave. Smarten youself up for her an she may just think, hmmmm wow he is looking good these days, wonder if he's seeing someone, then hopefully she may start to think, ohh I don't want that. Then start paying her attention if you still love her don't forget anniversarries, birthday's. Special times you shared. part of a woman's mind is the type of attention she get's off her man it is a pre-requesite to making love to a man. Our minds needs to be wooed. I think if your on here, you should be able to pick up some tips. Hope this helps don't give up yet. Five years is a long time, but forever without sex is way to long!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!hello2
Primal
Posted: Wednesday, October 21, 2009 2:46:13 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/14/2009
Posts: 700
Location: USA
baker992009 wrote:
A sexless marriage by definition is a marriage where you have sex less than 10 times a year.. For me... I have had NO sexual contact with my wife since november 9th 2004... so fifth year coming up.
According to statistics... 20 % of all marriages are sexless.
Since it was her decision solely to stop having sexual relations... I have withdrawn from the marriage.. We still live in the same house... but now... I show no affection towards her what so ever. I ignore birthdays ... anniversaries... ect. I am bitter over her decision.... and if I were younger... I would not hesitate to leave and start over. Its too late for me now.... and will live out the rest of my life misserable.


Sounds like a very unhealthy relationship, what's the point? There are billions of fish in the sea.



In order to know virtue, you must first become acquainted with vice.
- Donatien Alphonse Francois de Sade


En vis mann slår aldri en hund i klubben med en stokk, fordi hunden vil vende rundt og biter mannens ballene av.
Shyone
Posted: Wednesday, October 21, 2009 2:28:48 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 9/13/2009
Posts: 19
Location: West Coast
Primal I don't know your age but going without a physical or emotional connection can not be healthy. It already seems you are angry and that is only surface reaction.

I don't know how long you have been married or anything else for that matter but you can't go on like this. You need to sit down with her and tell her your needs. Let her know if she continues to treat you like a roommate then you will look else where for affection.

If that terminates your marriage because she can't handle the idea of you being with someone else then it's her problem.

One other thought comes to mind. You might have her medically checked checked to see if there is an underlying cause to her cutting you off.

I wish you the best.
Shy
Guest
Posted: Friday, October 23, 2009 6:36:57 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 821,053
Ok does it count that I have been in another country for over a year and have 9 months left before I can stick it in her.
Primal
Posted: Friday, October 23, 2009 3:49:08 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/14/2009
Posts: 700
Location: USA
oddball wrote:
Ok does it count that I have been in another country for over a year and have 9 months left before I can stick it in her.


So a couple years in Okinawa? You in the Navy? If so, I heard they revoked the sailors off-base privileges, what the hell do you all do in your off-time? I know its against the rules, but I would try to find a female "bunk buddy" to pass the time with and have some fun on the down low.



In order to know virtue, you must first become acquainted with vice.
- Donatien Alphonse Francois de Sade


En vis mann slår aldri en hund i klubben med en stokk, fordi hunden vil vende rundt og biter mannens ballene av.
Guest
Posted: Friday, October 23, 2009 4:52:59 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 821,053
oddball wrote:
Ok does it count that I have been in another country for over a year and have 9 months left before I can stick it in her.


ha ha stick it in her. Wow she is a lucky woman to have you evil4
Guest
Posted: Friday, October 23, 2009 5:04:08 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 821,053
Would love to find someone else to pass the time but too many eyes around here.
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