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Sexless life or lifeless sex? Options · View
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, June 26, 2012 1:40:45 PM

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Which is worse, having a relationship where your partner will have sex with you but doesn't enjoy it or a relationship where ther is no sex?
VanGogh
Posted: Tuesday, June 26, 2012 1:51:46 PM

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Which is worse? I cannot imagine being with someone who has "mercy or guilty" sex with me. If that was the case, the relationship would be over and I would be moving on to one that is more fulfilling (sexually and emotionally).

IMHO .... a relationship without sex is a friendship.
Sensei
Posted: Tuesday, June 26, 2012 6:23:11 PM

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Dreamwriter1 wrote:
Which is worse, having a relationship where your partner will have sex with you but doesn't enjoy it or a relationship where ther is no sex?


If you figure it out, let me know.

In my opinion, both are equivalent. The situation makes me feel old beyond my years.

My novel, The Society, is available now in the Kindle Store: http://www.amazon.com/The-Society-ebook/dp/B00BPF9U2I
VanGogh
Posted: Tuesday, June 26, 2012 7:38:53 PM

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Sensei wrote:
If you figure it out, let me know.

In my opinion, both are equivalent. The situation makes me feel old beyond my years.


how sad.
Catnip
Posted: Wednesday, June 27, 2012 2:33:28 AM

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If the person doesn't enjoy it I'd rather be without.

If the relationship is good without it, I'd just get my sex elsewhere.

darksexycoca
Posted: Friday, June 29, 2012 9:13:53 PM

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I would rather be in a relationship with out it cause if that person really loves you and wants to be with you they will work at it or use toys on you or let you use toys or even do whatever they need to, to make it work.
Guest
Posted: Sunday, July 1, 2012 9:12:26 PM

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I think I am by a certain standard, the "dissatisfied" partner but I love her up with Joy every time. She is my beloved, we are neither of us young anymore and we are there for each other but we also have a mature separateness.
The best sex is always in the minds eye.
I just "settle" and let my imaginings be free. No one body can satisfy, ultimately.
Imaginings of others while with someone feed our mutual desire for each other. Longing or remembering another lover can spike a new interest in her or him. I for one, am thouroughly satisfied.
1ball
Posted: Wednesday, July 4, 2012 10:28:42 PM

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Both are terrible. If you find yourself in either situation, change something.

My latest story is too hot to publish. My most recent story before that is Even Stranger In Lust
littlemissbitch
Posted: Thursday, July 5, 2012 6:59:15 AM

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oh! oh!! me! me! this was my marriage!

for years my ex husband couldnt even admit he liked sex let alone really enjoy anything other than vanilla sex. he made me feel totally ashamed that i wanted more, that i was on lush, that i had a vibrator..shit like that.

then i stopped having sex with him for the last 2 years or so and i have to say having a sexless life was waaaaaay preferable to the lifeless and always slightly shameful sex i had been having...

littlemissbitch ~ professional face ripper offer, at your service..
WellMadeMale
Posted: Thursday, July 5, 2012 12:01:33 PM

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I would opt for the platonic relationship. I've enjoyed a few of those during my adult lifespan. There has always been a verbal agreement in place.

Obscenity is the last refuge of an inarticulate motherfucker.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, July 5, 2012 12:38:53 PM

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Depends what you mean by "relationship." If you mean monogamous marriage or something equivalent, then neither is very appealing. But it is perfectly possible to have a very nice relationship with someone that does not involve sex, as long as that is the understanding and nobody resents it. And you have the option to look elsewhere for what you need in the sexual realm.
hamz
Posted: Sunday, July 8, 2012 1:50:20 AM

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Location: New Zealand
Catnip wrote:


If the relationship is good without it, I'd just get my sex elsewhere.


I would like to agree.. but it is easier said than done... specially if the one you love does not agree to it. In that case you'll have to choose between remaining 'unfulfilled but faithful' vs. 'unfaithful and unfulfilled'!
Guest
Posted: Sunday, July 8, 2012 5:27:36 AM

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Sort of begs one or two questions or possibly wrongly based assumptions. Why does the person not enjoy sex? What can you do positively to help them enjoy sex (again hopefully!).

Speaking as someone who has tried never to have sex with someone without them being the priority in the act, I won't have sex unless the other person is enjoying it. This aint some great ego thing of being a great fucker (far more of being a great wanker in reality!) but i have just always wanted the other person to enjoy it as much as possible. So as someone who's other half aint been able to let go sexually for a few years now I am not prepared to just use her as a receptacle for my cum. Sadly, having good sex with her now does really mean that her head explodes and this aint a good thing in reality.

So answer to horrible original question? Yes, it is far better to not have meaningless selfish sex (sorry if that goes against the whole Lush ethos, but hey i am an awkward bastard!) but yeah of course it knackers your relationship, but you are meant to be in love with them and there is more than lust to love. And yeah the really bad news is that you can and probably do end up like a brother and sister without the incest!

Stop asking horrible real life questions!!
Guest
Posted: Sunday, July 8, 2012 7:47:25 AM

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Which is worse, having a relationship where your partner will have sex with you but doesn't enjoy it or a relationship where there is no sex.


It's much worse having a relationship where your partner will have sex with you but doesn't enjoy it. The reason I say this is because sometime health problems of one can mean no sex for the other and if you take a vow you must uphold it.... It does say in sickness and health. So I live without and have for going on 13 years. Am I happy some days I am others I'm not. In the end my vows will always win out.
skyelouise
Posted: Saturday, July 14, 2012 3:58:09 AM

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i would so none is appreciable as no sex then no fun in life so both are worst.
T_Elle
Posted: Saturday, July 14, 2012 3:51:30 PM

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Location: Canada
Ick... sex shouldn't be a chore, it should be an expression of mutual love and attraction. I will do a lot of things for my husband, not because I like to do them, but because HE does - for example, watch him play hockey, or help on his model train layout (okay, I like the hockey).

But sex would never fall into that category. I'd be devastated if I thought he only had sex with me just because it pleased me, or to get me off his back! Both situations would be intolerable for me. Sex isn't everything in a loving relationship, but for me it's an integral part. It's something special and wonderful reserved just for us. It can be just vanilla, or fun, or frantic, or rough, or beautiful...

It takes effort to keep it alive and fun, when you've been together a long time, but it's worth everything you put out - pun intended!!! love3
Guest
Posted: Saturday, July 14, 2012 4:02:46 PM

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When a relationship hits that point it is time to part friends and look for the passion in life.

Guest
Posted: Saturday, July 14, 2012 7:08:23 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
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You don't have to settle for one or the other of these extremes. If you find yourself in one of these situations, kick someone to the curb, even if it's you. Make a change. Life's too damn brief not to find pleasures in it.
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, July 25, 2012 4:05:05 AM

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sexless life
BelleduJour
Posted: Saturday, September 8, 2012 9:50:14 PM

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Location: Canada
Really??? Neither is acceptable and yet I think SO many couples settle for one or the other for one reason or another. I've had the sexless marriage and the lesson I learned from that is that life is too short NOT to be completely happy and fulfilled in all areas of your life and NEVER settle for less than you deserve. If you find yourself in either situation, my humble advice would be to definitely start some kind of communication about the problems in your relationship even if it means seeing a professional and if it still doesn't work, dump his/her ass and move on already!

Sam127
Posted: Sunday, May 4, 2014 9:08:47 PM

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Posts: 33

I've had no sex with my wife for the past twelve months. We've been married 34 years and I doubt we've made love more than 20 times or had any form of intimate contact in that period. We now sleep in separate bedrooms and I can not remember the last time I saw her naked . We don't argue and get along fine basically as brother and sister. For my perspective it's totally unsatisfactory. I have trained myself to accept it this includes my own release which again she will neither tolerate or discuss. I'm mid 50s so statistically have circa 20 more years I guess. I keep telling myself there is more to life that sex, but the trouble is that these days sex is all around us.

Sam
Magical_felix
Posted: Sunday, May 4, 2014 9:15:50 PM

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The latter. My penis can't tell the difference.

Smoocher
Posted: Monday, May 5, 2014 9:20:11 AM

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Maybe the latter leads to the former. Life's a bummer at times!! I am truly thankful for the cyber / phone relationship I have developed with LUSH friends.

http://www.lushstories.com/stories/love-stories/exit-33-trust.aspx

avrgblkgrl
Posted: Monday, May 5, 2014 10:00:40 AM

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Moderator

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Sam127 wrote:

I've had no sex with my wife for the past twelve months. We've been married 34 years and I doubt we've made love more than 20 times or had any form of intimate contact in that period. We now sleep in separate bedrooms and I can not remember the last time I saw her naked . We don't argue and get along fine basically as brother and sister. For my perspective it's totally unsatisfactory. I have trained myself to accept it this includes my own release which again she will neither tolerate or discuss. I'm mid 50s so statistically have circa 20 more years I guess. I keep telling myself there is more to life that sex, but the trouble is that these days sex is all around us.

Sam

***************
My heart goes out to you. That has to be hard. I'm sure it was not like that from the start. I fail to understand why men or women reason "I've got them now, I don't have to bother with all of that." It's different if two people agree on what they want from the start. Then, you can honestly say I told you so. That's a type of suffering I just could not endure or inflict it. It's different if health issues or something of that nature come into play. My man wouldn't be able to help that. I'd still know that he wanted me and he'd always be assured of my love. I wouldn't abandon him or hurt him in that situation, although it would be a hardship.

I'm a very sexual person. I can have a "friendship". There is nothing wrong with a meeting of the minds. That's actually a requirement of a relationship with me that's of any meaning. But, there is a level of intimacy that can never be achieved without the physical with me. I have a need to give it and a need to receive it. To be denied sex or to even be with someone that doesn't appreciate all that I give to bring them pleassure, appreciate my body. Well, I'm sorry. I can't live like that. C'est la vie.


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