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Assholes - figuratively speaking Options · View
Prism
Posted: Friday, July 20, 2012 3:08:08 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 4/8/2012
Posts: 45
Why do so many women sleep with assholes? It really shouldn't come as a surprise these guys are jerks. His friends know it. Your friends know it. Not just fuck, but date and marry. I just don't get it.

Bad boys fine. Dominated, unpredictable, feel protected, adventurous, ok ok, but why do so many women get naked for guys who treated them like crap, treat them like crap, and will continue to treat them like crap.

Anyone care to enlighten?
MoonlightSerenity
Posted: Friday, July 20, 2012 3:14:30 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/7/2012
Posts: 854
Location: United Kingdom
I wouldn't sleep, let alone go out on a date with anyone who makes me feel like crap. The last one that hid it from me got thrown out on his arse, and it served the fucker right. As soon as I find out that they're an asshole they don't stand a chance with me.

Teased and Tormented -My very first story and competition entry is now up!
TheDevilsWeakness
Posted: Friday, July 20, 2012 3:36:56 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 7/19/2011
Posts: 1,331
Location: I'm the girl that your father hoped he could date.
I think sometimes it boils down to how a woman sees herself.
If she doesn't think she deserves a "good guy" then she marries/dates/sleeps with ones that treat them the way they feel about themselves.
Friends of the above mentioned asshole won't warn them because they think maybe they can change the asshole's persona for the better.
And sometimes the asshole in question only shows bits and pieces of his true assholiness a little a time.
I've dated my fair share of assholes.
I think I thought I could change them.
Then I thought I could "handle" them.
Then I thought better of myself and kicked the bastards to the curb.

Self-realization and self-preservation sometimes takes awhile. And sometimes it takes a woman her whole life and many wasted years to realize it.

Dancing_Doll
Posted: Friday, July 20, 2012 4:45:30 PM

Rank: Alpha Blonde
Moderator

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 6,553
Location: Your dirty fantasy
Here's the thing... nobody would date an asshole if the guy presented himself this way upfront.

Assholes are often charming creatures that are good salesman and know how to create interest and close the deal before they flip the switch and reveal their true nature. This is usually after they get what they want. The woman will often try to make excuses for him at first. She will also fondly remember these little glimpses of the 'good guy' he played himself off as when they first started dating. She will feel like this 'good guy' is his true self and is just bubbling under the surface of his outward douchebaggery.

Women will justify that this man is just 'conflicted', misunderstood and 'afraid of love' and that really he is a good guy and with extra love, nurturing and 'stand by your man' perseverance, she will be able to change him for the better. By this point she is probably already deep into the infatuation stage and there will be something about the challenge of the situation that will keep her on her toes. Instead of cutting her losses, she will concentrate on the instances where he is the 'good guy' to her and ignore or make excuses for the rest of the time.

As someone else mentioned, assholes know their targets well. They pick people who are vulnerable with wavering self-esteem - someone that they can control and where they know the right buttons to push to always keep them in the power seat, always keep the girl wanting and chasing, and to always keep her unconfident in what she truly deserves. The emotionally-wounded are easier prey and these guys know how to pick those gazelles from the crowd of stronger animals on the dating savannah. They know the type of woman that will likely put up with their shit and those are the ones they tend to make those initial pitches to. Treating her like shit will only confirm her worst fears and keep her weak and unable to feel confident in going at it alone.

Even if the asshole does cut her loose, she will return to the dating scene even more wounded than before... and at risk of attracting the same kind of guy again, unless she takes a proper break from dating to reassess her self-worth and the kind of guy she really wants and feels she deserves.

That's the worst case scenario. Other girls see the charming guy, find out he's really an asshole in disguise and dump them outright. If it's a self-assured woman she will get better at seeing the red flags and warnings and start to avoid these types altogether.

I think every woman has at least one full-fledged asshole in her dating history. On some level, it's a good learning experience. lol

sweeter
Posted: Friday, July 20, 2012 5:20:28 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/24/2012
Posts: 205
Location: Where it is Sweet, United States
I'm not in to assholes but usually the crazy ones are more passionate in bed. And, a lot of women hold on to what the asshole use to do for her. I know from seeing it and dealing with it. I leave relationships very soon after I find out that they are assholes.

Anything you think is sweet, I'm a little more than that.
Emimeni
Posted: Friday, July 20, 2012 5:21:51 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 7/24/2011
Posts: 69
Location: United States
Dancing_Doll wrote:
Here's the thing... nobody would date an asshole if the guy presented himself this way upfront.

Assholes are often charming creatures that are good salesman and know how to create interest and close the deal before they flip the switch and reveal their true nature. This is usually after they get what they want. The woman will often try to make excuses for him at first. She will also fondly remember these little glimpses of the 'good guy' he played himself off as when they first started dating. She will feel like this 'good guy' is his true self and is just bubbling under the surface of his outward douchebaggery.

Women will justify that this man is just 'conflicted', misunderstood and 'afraid of love' and that really he is a good guy and with extra love, nurturing and 'stand by your man' perseverance, she will be able to change him for the better. By this point she is probably already deep into the infatuation stage and there will be something about the challenge of the situation that will keep her on her toes. Instead of cutting her losses, she will concentrate on the instances where he is the 'good guy' to her and ignore or make excuses for the rest of the time.

As someone else mentioned, assholes know their targets well. They pick people who are vulnerable with wavering self-esteem - someone that they can control and where they know the right buttons to push to always keep them in the power seat, always keep the girl wanting and chasing, and to always keep her unconfident in what she truly deserves. The emotionally-wounded are easier prey and these guys know how to pick those gazelles from the crowd of stronger animals on the dating savannah. They know the type of woman that will likely put up with their shit and those are the ones they tend to make those initial pitches to. Treating her like shit will only confirm her worst fears and keep her weak and unable to feel confident in going at it alone.

Even if the asshole does cut her loose, she will return to the dating scene even more wounded than before... and at risk of attracting the same kind of guy again, unless she takes a proper break from dating to reassess her self-worth and the kind of guy she really wants and feels she deserves.

That's the worst case scenario. Other girls see the charming guy, find out he's really an asshole in disguise and dump them outright. If it's a self-assured woman she will get better at seeing the red flags and warnings and start to avoid these types altogether.

I think every woman has at least one full-fledged asshole in her dating history. On some level, it's a good learning experience. lol


I pretty much agree with all that you said here.

From,
Emimeni
ramrod32784
Posted: Friday, August 10, 2012 1:38:02 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 7/29/2012
Posts: 558
Location: Fl, United States
I disagree women will go out with assholes regardless how they present themselves.I've always try to be a gentleman and a nice guy and was passed over so many times for jerks,but it's all good been married now 35 years
littlemissbitch
Posted: Friday, August 10, 2012 1:41:10 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/6/2011
Posts: 776
Location: the land of enchantment, United States
TheDevilsWeakness wrote:
I think sometimes it boils down to how a woman sees herself.


i think its this

littlemissbitch ~ professional face ripper offer, at your service..
sprite
Posted: Friday, August 10, 2012 1:48:45 PM

Rank: Her Royal Spriteness
Moderator

Joined: 6/18/2010
Posts: 16,291
Location: My Tower, United States
Dancing_Doll wrote:
Here's the thing... nobody would date an asshole if the guy presented himself this way upfront.

Assholes are often charming creatures that are good salesman and know how to create interest and close the deal before they flip the switch and reveal their true nature. This is usually after they get what they want. The woman will often try to make excuses for him at first. She will also fondly remember these little glimpses of the 'good guy' he played himself off as when they first started dating. She will feel like this 'good guy' is his true self and is just bubbling under the surface of his outward douchebaggery.

Women will justify that this man is just 'conflicted', misunderstood and 'afraid of love' and that really he is a good guy and with extra love, nurturing and 'stand by your man' perseverance, she will be able to change him for the better. By this point she is probably already deep into the infatuation stage and there will be something about the challenge of the situation that will keep her on her toes. Instead of cutting her losses, she will concentrate on the instances where he is the 'good guy' to her and ignore or make excuses for the rest of the time.

As someone else mentioned, assholes know their targets well. They pick people who are vulnerable with wavering self-esteem - someone that they can control and where they know the right buttons to push to always keep them in the power seat, always keep the girl wanting and chasing, and to always keep her unconfident in what she truly deserves. The emotionally-wounded are easier prey and these guys know how to pick those gazelles from the crowd of stronger animals on the dating savannah. They know the type of woman that will likely put up with their shit and those are the ones they tend to make those initial pitches to. Treating her like shit will only confirm her worst fears and keep her weak and unable to feel confident in going at it alone.

Even if the asshole does cut her loose, she will return to the dating scene even more wounded than before... and at risk of attracting the same kind of guy again, unless she takes a proper break from dating to reassess her self-worth and the kind of guy she really wants and feels she deserves.

That's the worst case scenario. Other girls see the charming guy, find out he's really an asshole in disguise and dump them outright. If it's a self-assured woman she will get better at seeing the red flags and warnings and start to avoid these types altogether.

I think every woman has at least one full-fledged asshole in her dating history. On some level, it's a good learning experience. lol


wow, this was eerily spot on. yeah, i have an asshole in my past, and this is pretty much word for word for the relationship. the important thing is not to repeat the mistake. i think i have managed that quite well. :)

Live, love, laugh.
Dirty_D
Posted: Friday, August 10, 2012 1:52:44 PM

Rank: Head Nurse
Moderator

Joined: 4/15/2011
Posts: 7,483
Location: Soaking up the sun, United States
Sometimes the way it is on the outside is not how it is on the inside. For example: I was in what was on the outside a good marriage. But privately my ex was an asshat to me. Now my SO has been described as an asshat to me by a friend. But, she had only met him once, when I came home at 1 A waking him up when he had to be at work the next day. So he was an ass in that moment, with good reason, but is typically very good to me. You might see someone at their bad moments, that everyone has, but not at the good.
Nikki703
Posted: Friday, August 10, 2012 3:45:56 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/7/2009
Posts: 13,787
Location: The Other Side Of The Mirror
Dancing_Doll wrote:
Here's the thing... nobody would date an asshole if the guy presented himself this way upfront.

Assholes are often charming creatures that are good salesman and know how to create interest and close the deal before they flip the switch and reveal their true nature. This is usually after they get what they want. The woman will often try to make excuses for him at first. She will also fondly remember these little glimpses of the 'good guy' he played himself off as when they first started dating. She will feel like this 'good guy' is his true self and is just bubbling under the surface of his outward douchebaggery.

Women will justify that this man is just 'conflicted', misunderstood and 'afraid of love' and that really he is a good guy and with extra love, nurturing and 'stand by your man' perseverance, she will be able to change him for the better. By this point she is probably already deep into the infatuation stage and there will be something about the challenge of the situation that will keep her on her toes. Instead of cutting her losses, she will concentrate on the instances where he is the 'good guy' to her and ignore or make excuses for the rest of the time.

As someone else mentioned, assholes know their targets well. They pick people who are vulnerable with wavering self-esteem - someone that they can control and where they know the right buttons to push to always keep them in the power seat, always keep the girl wanting and chasing, and to always keep her unconfident in what she truly deserves. The emotionally-wounded are easier prey and these guys know how to pick those gazelles from the crowd of stronger animals on the dating savannah. They know the type of woman that will likely put up with their shit and those are the ones they tend to make those initial pitches to. Treating her like shit will only confirm her worst fears and keep her weak and unable to feel confident in going at it alone.

Even if the asshole does cut her loose, she will return to the dating scene even more wounded than before... and at risk of attracting the same kind of guy again, unless she takes a proper break from dating to reassess her self-worth and the kind of guy she really wants and feels she deserves.

That's the worst case scenario. Other girls see the charming guy, find out he's really an asshole in disguise and dump them outright. If it's a self-assured woman she will get better at seeing the red flags and warnings and start to avoid these types altogether.

I think every woman has at least one full-fledged asshole in her dating history. On some level, it's a good learning experience. lol


Totally agree. If we knew they were assholes upfront we wouldnt date them. Just like if a guy knows a woman is a Total Bitch he probably wouldnt date her (unless of course she was easy, LOL).
CleverFox
Posted: Friday, August 10, 2012 4:08:29 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/25/2012
Posts: 483
Location: United States
Just to let you ladies know, I have been in the situation where I had a girlfriend that was an asshole. This kind of situation works both ways. Dancing Doll has the right idea.
Guest
Posted: Friday, August 10, 2012 11:51:56 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,508
ramrod32784 wrote:
I disagree women will go out with assholes regardless how they present themselves.I've always try to be a gentleman and a nice guy and was passed over so many times for jerks,but it's all good been married now 35 years

I agree........except for the being married part but anyway some of them SEE the red flags but mostly ignore then with the hope that one day he will ''change'' but hey as I think back of those times when I was a gentlemen and treated women with respect only to know now that it was a wasted effort
MMonroe
Posted: Saturday, August 11, 2012 2:08:53 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/10/2009
Posts: 1,893
Location: United Kingdom
Ive had TWO boyfriends in my time, im only 22 and already have learnt how to spot and avoid the assholes. Perhaps why ive been single for 3 years, im too good at it!



*Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?*



oldrascal
Posted: Saturday, August 11, 2012 2:29:13 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 7/6/2012
Posts: 44
Location: Right here, United States
I think all guys are assholes sometimes to a certain extent. A lot depends on the woman. Men are taught in our society to be dominant, so if the woman's permissive or unsure of herself the guy can ger carried away. Doesn't excuse it though.
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