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Close friend's failure to follow through with promise Options · View
Guest
Posted: Sunday, July 15, 2012 4:01:33 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 671,889
Hey guys. Beck here. I have a situation I need to get resolved. I have a very close friend that I am not able to see very often. We communicate via email.
Lately though I feel she has been ignorning me. She will tell me she will email and or call then does not follow through. On the days she does it will only be a bare bones message in the morning. She will promise to send another one during the day but often doesn't. Same thing with a phone call. We used to talk every day btw. Even when she went to help a cousin with a new baby she made a big deal about emailing every day and more than once. I feel like the friendship is faltering and don't know why or even how to discuss it. My friend says she is not jealous of me spending time with some of my other friends. I am not good at confrantation. Any advice would be appreciated. When she fails to follow through I feel upset and occasionally mad.crybaby
1ball
Posted: Sunday, July 15, 2012 5:58:17 PM

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You say you're not good at confrontation, but that's probably what's required. If it were me, since email seems to be a primary form of communication, I would say, "It seems that you aren't very interested in hearing from me. If I'm mistaken, please let me know. If there's some reason you're not being very talkative, please let me know if it's something I can do something about"

Then you wait. If you don't get an answer, you've got your answer.

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Shylass
Posted: Sunday, July 15, 2012 6:21:29 PM

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Location: Trumpton, United Kingdom
1ball wrote:
You say you're not good at confrontation, but that's probably what's required. If it were me, since email seems to be a primary form of communication, I would say, "It seems that you aren't very interested in hearing from me. If I'm mistaken, please let me know. If there's some reason you're not being very talkative, please let me know if it's something I can do something about"

Then you wait. If you don't get an answer, you've got your answer.


I agree. It gives her the opportunity to tell you what's bothering her, and if she doesn't take that opportunity, then either she has things in her life to sort out (whether it be finding the confidence to be honest with you, or working out what it is she wants, etc), or to not respond. If she doesn't respond, like 1ball says, you have your answer, hard as that may be. It would be hurtful, but you would at least be able to move forward. And if there is a problem that she communicates, you will have opportunity to work out how to solve it.

Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

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Guest
Posted: Sunday, July 15, 2012 6:26:44 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 671,889
Thank you 1Ball and Shy Lass. I appreciate it. Very sound advice. I will do just that and hopefully I will find out what is wrong.
Then I can decide to either move forward and or find a way to work things out.
LordOmega
Posted: Sunday, July 15, 2012 10:40:59 PM

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Location: Marietta, United States
One thing to remember Beck is that a person's word is the only real thing they have. If someone goes and constantly is not living up to their word, then there is either a strong reason, or that person is not trust worthy.

Time is an important thing in a friendship and a friendship worth having is one worth fighting for.


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blazestcyr
Posted: Monday, July 16, 2012 7:07:52 AM

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Location: where bugs die
had this happen to me

confronted them..they made up a bunch of excuses

we are not friends anymore

people that want to stay in touch do..period

but also friendships go through ups & dows....

so u have decide if you are ok with a part time buddy or not...
BigShyPussyKins
Posted: Wednesday, July 18, 2012 11:58:54 AM

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Joined: 6/26/2012
Posts: 111
Location: United Kingdom
communication is a two way street. Tell her how you feel and see what her reason is for ignoring you, but be prepared in case you don't like the answer.
Guest
Posted: Saturday, July 21, 2012 6:50:46 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 671,889
Thanks to all who responded. Like a poster mentioned communication is key and a friendship is a two way street.
In asking my friend hinted she was jealous and wanted more than just friends. I'm still not convince that there wasn't more going on.
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