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Scared about anal sex!! Options · View
MMonroe
Posted: Monday, November 9, 2009 5:04:53 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/10/2009
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Location: United Kingdom
Ok, on Thursday I'm going over to my on/off boyfriends place for a whole day in bed watching films and having sex. Sounds like a really great day to me and I'm really excited!

But earlier he asked me of I'd be up for trying anal (neither of us have done it before) and it was ok if i said no. I said i'd see how i felt on the day cos I'd probably chicken out and he said that was fine.

I'm really scared about it! Really scared!!!
Im not grossed out by it but the thought has never excited me. I always told me myself i could probably be persuaded if the guy wanted to try it but I'm not looking forward to it at all! I'm slightly dreading going over now in case he asks for it and i have to do it or turn him down!

I dont really know what I'm asking for here.. advice - am i making a fuss over nothing, it is really painful or not that bad? We'll have lube with us anyway so I think i'll be demanding using the whole bottle!

Also, I could never be forced to do something that i didnt want to do, I know when to say no and mean it, and i know that if he's a decent enough person he'll understand and wont force me but I'd still feel bad for turning him down.. can someone please tell me that i shouldnt feel bad for saying no

help
Charley
Posted: Monday, November 9, 2009 5:23:15 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/24/2009
Posts: 364
I've given anal sex to partners a few times, but only when they've specifically asked me to. On the whole, it's not something I'm that bothered with (I find it painful to give - rips foreskin), so it's not a thing that I'd ask a woman for. My only advice is do it only if you feel comfortable with it (don't be pressured), and yes use lots of lube.

If you decide you don't want it, then one thing you could say is "How about you let me get a strap-on and do you first?" That would certainly put me off.

Anal always reminds me of the old joke:

What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Answer: Oral sex will make your day, but anal sex will make your hole week.

Cx
TheChrisJ
Posted: Monday, November 9, 2009 6:51:31 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/13/2009
Posts: 315
It's just like ripping a band-aid off. You gotta do it real quickly and it will only hurt a little.

I'm just kidding I have no idea. All I know is don't use too much lube in the so called "anus", just trust me.

Forget who you thought I was, I'm The Chris J bitch!
runonwords
Posted: Monday, November 9, 2009 7:11:00 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/7/2009
Posts: 1,107
Location: Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada
Take charge and tell him thanks but no thanks! Just let the mood get you ready and if it works then edge through it, warning him to be slow and delicate.... the same way all women should be treated!
Enjoy!
MrNudiePants
Posted: Monday, November 9, 2009 7:11:35 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/10/2009
Posts: 2,226
Location: United States
Geez, I wish I could help. I've only given, and not received (LOL!) Some I've been with love it and some do not. Best advice is go slow, take your time. Make sure you let yourself relax each step of the way.
castlequeen
Posted: Monday, November 9, 2009 9:45:10 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/24/2009
Posts: 597
Men! Anal is best enjoyed if you remember the "ations": Preparation, Communication & Lubrication. See if you can find a copy of Anal Pleasure and Health which goes into detail on having a painless, pleasuring experience.

"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere." - Groucho Marx
Primal
Posted: Tuesday, November 10, 2009 12:14:16 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/14/2009
Posts: 700
Location: USA
Never had it either, but I do know you should start by relaxing and have him use his lubricated finger to gently open your sphincter muscles up. I think there is two of them in the first few inches and you have to relax and allow them to "un-clench" and loosen up before he can get his cock in there.

Go slow and steady and retreat when it hurts and then go back in slowly and keep working it back and forth until you open up.

Like I said, I have never tried it but that is what I read about it.



In order to know virtue, you must first become acquainted with vice.
- Donatien Alphonse Francois de Sade


En vis mann slår aldri en hund i klubben med en stokk, fordi hunden vil vende rundt og biter mannens ballene av.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, November 10, 2009 2:19:30 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 779,331
MMonroe wrote:
Ok, on Thursday I'm going over to my on/off boyfriends place for a whole day in bed watching films and having sex. Sounds like a really great day to me and I'm really excited!

But earlier he asked me of I'd be up for trying anal (neither of us have done it before) and it was ok if i said no. I said i'd see how i felt on the day cos I'd probably chicken out and he said that was fine.

I'm really scared about it! Really scared!!!
Im not grossed out by it but the thought has never excited me. I always told me myself i could probably be persuaded if the guy wanted to try it but I'm not looking forward to it at all! I'm slightly dreading going over now in case he asks for it and i have to do it or turn him down!

I dont really know what I'm asking for here.. advice - am i making a fuss over nothing, it is really painful or not that bad? We'll have lube with us anyway so I think i'll be demanding using the whole bottle!

Also, I could never be forced to do something that i didnt want to do, I know when to say no and mean it, and i know that if he's a decent enough person he'll understand and wont force me but I'd still feel bad for turning him down.. can someone please tell me that i shouldnt feel bad for saying no

help


Don't ever feel bad for saying no! If you're scared, you'll be tense and to have pleasurable anal sex, a woman needs to be into it, aroused, want it, and absolutely NOT feel pressured in any way. If the thought doesn't excite you, it just doesn't, and it isn't obligatory to try it, either.

With anal sex, the person being penetrated has to be the one in control. Her partner needs to be attentive to her wishes and how she is feeling. (I'm speaking in hetero terms here, for convenience.) She has to be prepared for it physically and mentally. If she wants to try it, then her mind is on board. Often what is recommended is to start with arousal in the area around the anus and perineum, starting with hands, using slender dildos or small anal plugs, and plenty of lube. Another thing that is recommended is that she has been brought to orgasm beforehand, which will relax her and arouse her further.

Starting with anal stimulation and working around to anal sex can bring a couple closer together, but if it is rushed, it can push you away from your on again, off again BF. If eventually you decide to try it, go slowly, and tell him that if you say "stop", you mean stop. He should also continually talk to you and ask you how you are doing. If it hurts, stop. Don't use numbing gels, either. Pain is a signal that something is wrong, numbing gels will mask that.

Hygiene is essential. Anything that has touched or pentrated the anus or the area around it, fingers or toys, should not be transferred to the vagina. A trace of fecal matter can enter the urethra, the opening of which is inside the vagina, and in women the urethra is very short. Bacteria from fecal matter travels far too easily up into the bladder, and can cause urinary tract infections, UTIs. If you have never had one of those, you do not, believe me, want one. I alway suggest that men use a condom when having anal sex, because men too can get UTIs from anal penetration. It isn't as common as it is for women, but the men I have discussed this with have said the infection was very difficult to deal with, and incredibly painful. (Okay that part I know about.) Same things goes if a condom has been used in the anus, change it for a clean one if then going to the vagina.

Sex should be about pleasure, not about being stressed and worried. Good luck.

mercianknight
Posted: Tuesday, November 10, 2009 6:15:48 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/11/2009
Posts: 2,027
Location: whispering conspiratorially in your ear, Bermuda
Primal wrote:
Never had it either, but I do know you should start by relaxing and have him use his lubricated finger to gently open your sphincter muscles up. I think there is two of them in the first few inches and you have to relax and allow them to "un-clench" and loosen up before he can get his cock in there.

Go slow and steady and retreat when it hurts and then go back in slowly and keep working it back and forth until you open up.

Like I said, I have never tried it but that is what I read about it.


Both Primal & CQ give a good response here.

My (now) wife was the one who brought up having anal and we really enjoy it now on an occasional basis. Really have to be in the mood.

What works for us is anal play whilst having regular sex. Have him work a well lubed finger (or two) into your anus to loosen you up - easier for him during doggy, but my wife prefers to have me reach around her when she mounts me. In her case, and hopefully yours, she gets so worked up during sex that when she is ready (can be before or after orgasm) she tells me to take her up the ass and, well, it's great for both of us.

I will caution you that it takes an awful lot of self control by the male to not want to 'ram' it in. Be sure you want to try this, be sure he cares for you, and stress to him to take it easy (at first) so that you get as much, if not more, pleasure out of this.

If all that fails - call me, I'll bring my own lube!! L16

"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element

"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
Mr_Sfstk8d
Posted: Tuesday, November 10, 2009 8:03:06 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/7/2009
Posts: 232
Location: Peoria, IL
Gypsy and Castle's responses both answer very fully. About the only thing I could add is that the preperation part should be given as much time as possible. The better prepared you are, the better the experience will be. Start on your own before hand. While masturbating, reach around and use your finger to massage your anus, rubbing in circles, then applying some pressure. This could be done during vaginal play too, or just by itself. Rub around while in the shower or bath. Hold your finger tip against the ring and clench and unclench your buns and sphincter. See how everything works. Find out what you like from anal stimulation, if anything. If it's a complete no-go for you on your own, it may well save you some time, or potential embarassment, with him even trying.

Also, I might reccomend that the first time you and he try anal play, don't even plan on penetration. If it happens, fine, but don't make it the final destination. Just plan on having fun with it. Use some fingers, tongue (see hygeine notes above), perhaps toys. Make sure you can enjoy that kind of play before letting him mount you that way. Believe me, he'll be hard as a rock just being able to play with it, that if penetration isn't on the table, he'll be tickled pink anyway.
Bunny12
Posted: Tuesday, November 10, 2009 8:58:14 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/2/2009
Posts: 1,027
Location: My own little world, United States
OK I'll admit it my hubby calls me a complete anal whore!!!! Love giving it to him and getting it from him. Actually men have the biggest strongest orgasms of all with prostate stimulation. I highly recommend you both give anal sex a try and the above advise is good but check this web site out:

http://www.allsexguide.com/analsex.htm

This will give you some great instructions but the best way for a man or woman with anal sex is to go very slow and start small and work your way up to larger things. Plenty of lubrication externally and internally. You should never feel pain neither me or the hubby does when anal is done correctly and the orgasms are incredible!!!!! I also highly recommend a few toys for anal sex my fav's below:

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=350270741688&ssPageName=STRK:MEWAX:IT

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=230394399204&ssPageName=STRK:MEWAX:IT

The Pandora vibe is fantastic for both a man's Prostate stimulation or can be used for a woman's g spot as well it's univerasal and has 7 vibration setting!! Really great in the ass of either partner or both when straight fucking!!! Gonna buy me another one. Give it a try and maybe you'll end up a big old anal whore just like me!!! LOL One note is that you must NEVER go from ass to pussy with anything - cocks, toys etc. or you are asking for a big infection and keep those toys clean! Try one time giving your bf a blow job with a lubed finger in his ass. Internally hook your finger upwards torwards his balls and feel for a little bulge that's his prostate. rub and massage it while you are blowing him and you will own him! It will be the best orgasm he's ever had! Then he'll be the one wanting to be fucked in the ass! LOL


Bunny12


Bunny Rabbits cute and fuzzy they want to love you but they have razor sharp teeth - don't piss them off!
DBarclay
Posted: Tuesday, November 10, 2009 9:00:09 AM

Rank: Mr Nobody

Joined: 2/28/2008
Posts: 948
Location: Florida, United States
its all such a pain in the Ass ....
MMonroe
Posted: Tuesday, November 10, 2009 9:29:11 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/10/2009
Posts: 1,897
Location: United Kingdom
Thanks everyone for your replies i'm a bit more relaxed about it now! If i'm more relaxed I think its more likely to gradually happen in the heat of the moment than be a complete surprise, and as I already know with vaginal sex, if either of you are tensed up and nervous its not going to happen.

He's alsp assured me that he'll stop if I tell him to stop so I'm gonna make sure i'm in control of whats happening, and he doesnt get too carried away!

Back to being excited about the day now! :D
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, November 10, 2009 1:29:01 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 779,331
DBarclay wrote:
its all such a pain in the Ass ....


*drum roll*
Catnip
Posted: Tuesday, November 10, 2009 4:04:10 PM

Rank: Internet Sensation

Joined: 3/30/2009
Posts: 3,967
Location: Cloudy dreams., Sweden
Sweety,
experiment yourself. When you are enjoying yourself, let your fingers slide down and feel the area. Go slow, be gentle. Relax. it's all about relaxing. (and size...*shiver*)
Besides if you do not like it. It's no big deal.
And you could always push it on the future. If he's a nice guy for you.. you'll have more of those days in bed. :)

Guest
Posted: Tuesday, November 10, 2009 6:20:30 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 779,331
"Anal is the new vagina."
MMonroe
Posted: Thursday, November 12, 2009 12:14:23 PM

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Joined: 4/10/2009
Posts: 1,897
Location: United Kingdom
Well we didnt do it but he did put a finger up there for a lil bit and I actually quite enjoyed it!

Not so worried about it now, I'm just glad he's kind of easing me into it and not going straight for it.... (I'm sure you're all interested to know! :p)
Guest
Posted: Thursday, November 12, 2009 12:28:00 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 779,331
MM I swear if you were here right now, I'd give you the biggest hug.
You are so sweet to give us an update and tell us how you're doing.
MMonroe
Posted: Thursday, November 12, 2009 1:34:15 PM

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Joined: 4/10/2009
Posts: 1,897
Location: United Kingdom
Well everyone made the effort to give me some advice and when i give someone advice I like to know how things went and if it helped at all - which it all did here, fankoo!!
Mr_Sfstk8d
Posted: Thursday, November 12, 2009 2:56:00 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/7/2009
Posts: 232
Location: Peoria, IL
Huzah! You're well on your way to having a new kind of fun, it sounds like. Keep it fun!!
TheChrisJ
Posted: Thursday, November 12, 2009 5:21:04 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/13/2009
Posts: 315
MMonroe wrote:
Well we didnt do it but he did put a finger up there for a lil bit and I actually quite enjoyed it!

Not so worried about it now, I'm just glad he's kind of easing me into it and not going straight for it.... (I'm sure you're all interested to know! :p)


That's funny, I just clicked on this thread to ask you how things went.

Forget who you thought I was, I'm The Chris J bitch!
Guest
Posted: Thursday, November 12, 2009 6:48:20 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 779,331
Please let us know if you do get to try it and how it went.
Guest
Posted: Saturday, November 14, 2009 7:42:11 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 779,331
MM, I know you received lot's of good advice, but I wanted to share that I was very scared at first, didn't like it the first few times, but kept trying until I found the right "fit" so to speak. I think the biggest thing about enjoying anal for me, is relaxing, being in control of the situation, but yet being out of control sexually, if that makes any sense. I find the most comfortable anal for me is on top. But when I am just so completely turned on missionary is out of this world. Good luck in your trials.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, September 4, 2012 4:15:21 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 779,331
MMonroe wrote:


Also, I could never be forced to do something that i didnt want to do, I know when to say no and mean it, and i know that if he's a decent enough person he'll understand and wont force me but I'd still feel bad for turning him down.. can someone please tell me that i shouldnt feel bad for saying no

help


Ok so that's the part where everyone should step up and say absolutely not! You should not feel bad about saying no if indeed you feel like you don't want to!
I have never tried it, I want to but never found a girl that wanted to. The bottom line (if you will excuse the pun) is that you have to feel comfortable! Please, I don't know you, but don't ever feel bad about saying no to something you don't want to do!

Also, lube is a great idea, not too much 'up' the butt is what I understand and also its probably best for you to ease back onto him as opposed to the other way around. This is only stuff I have overheard though...

Hope that helps a little.

Matt :) xx
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