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Posted: Sunday, August 12, 2012 5:13:40 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 722,163
So here is the story, my wife's sex drive has dramatically slowed down. She is no longer interested in having frequent sex. One - two times per month would be ideal for her. It obviously isn't for me. After hearing my coworkers talking about that EL James book, I have decided maybe I can get her interested in that book or online erotic stories. Perhaps it will ignite a flame within her.

Question, have you ever had this type of situation? How does one get their mate to read the stuff we most assuredly enjoyd'oh! ?
Posted: Sunday, August 12, 2012 5:53:40 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 3/2/2010
Posts: 60
Location: St. Petersburgh, United States
Take her out treat her like you did when you first met her. Talk to her and read to her. It may work for bouth of you . It works for me and mine.
Posted: Sunday, August 12, 2012 6:15:43 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/13/2011
Posts: 970
Location: United States
My wife likes romance novels, which can get fairly racy, but fall short of what you read here. She doesn't want to read anything more explicit, but they can make her dynamo hum. Google Mean Bitches and there's a website about romance novels. If the James book is too hot for her, try something more soppy.

My latest story is too hot to publish. My most recent story before that is Even Stranger In Lust
Posted: Sunday, August 12, 2012 8:19:38 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 722,163
I should start by saying that I speak from recent experience on both sides of this problem. Both my girlfriend and I have had certain issues in our lives that have diminished our sex drives, and unfortunately, that happened at the same time as the other partner's accelerated. I'll also be answering this in several parts, so try to bear with me, something might be helpful even if lots of it doesn't apply. I will get to your actual question pertaining to erotica at the end, but I wanted to start with some background. Also, please not that I'm not a doctor, therapist or professional of any kind. I'm just offering advice from my own experiences and hoping something helps.

First, be understanding. Any insistence or obvious frustration on your part will likely make the problem worse. Patience and courtesy are usually the answer to discovering the root cause, and that knowledge is what helps you both move past it.

She may be having a minor medical problem that she's unaware of, or not comfortable sharing with you. It's unfortunate, but many women still feel nervous about discussing their sexual health with their partners, even their husbands. Without knowing how long it's been going on it's hard for me to say, but she might have a yeast infection or UTI that she's hoping will go away or just hasn't treated yet.

If that's obviously wrong, which I'd wager it is, let's move on to some other possibilities. It could be a larger medical problem, but I'm not remotely qualified to address those, so I'll let that statement be what it is.

There may be some underlying psychological factors involved. She may be experiencing a great deal of stress. Work, home, family, etc. can all cause stress that isn't necessarily recognizable, and that can easily diminish a person's sexual desire. This can come in many forms, and if it is the case the first step is to identify it, the second is to resolve it. Unfortunately, resolution to such factors is often just waiting for the circumstance to change or end. Other emotional problems you might not think of as "stress" are possibilities as well, like a major change in living circumstances, i.e., a change in employment, a change in housing, an adult child moving back into the home, etc. The possibilities are endless, so do be patient.

Now, in answer to your direct question about erotica, I think the general response is 'yes', that's not a bad plan. Women (and not all women, but in general) tend to respond better to erotic fiction than they do to pornography. With that in mind, if she isn't comfortable with the term "erotic fiction" and enjoys romance novels, read them with her. Listen to them in audio book format together. Maybe take a step up from there to legitimate erotica. If she does enjoy it from the start, then I'd say, send her here. Lush is a very safe seeming place with well enforced rules about content that tend to make us feel more comfortable than less well managed sites like Literotica or Nifty (ick!).

My other suggestion regarding erotic fiction is, if you're a creatively inclined individual, write some. Write it for her. Read it to her if you're a performer. Let her read it with you in the room, or let her read it by herself. If she wants to masturbate to it (even without you) you should feel comfortable with that, even if it results in her not wanting to have sex at that moment. Patience, man, patience.

I hope something there is helpful, I realize I rambled on for a good long while there. Cheers.
Posted: Monday, August 13, 2012 1:00:22 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 7/29/2012
Posts: 558
Location: Fl, United States
talk to her find out the things that turn her on ,leave some stories lying around in other words make her feel like it is her idea
Posted: Monday, August 13, 2012 1:24:38 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 722,163
I was pleasantly surprised that she downloaded that book last night and started reading it.
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