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Guest
Posted: Thursday, March 13, 2008 12:25:24 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 671,886
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally, the guys' side of the story.

(I must admit, it's pretty good.)

We always hear "the rules" From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!

Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!


1. Men ARE not mind readers.


1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.



We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.


1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.


1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.


1. Crying is blackmail.


1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!


1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.


1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it.



That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.



In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.


1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one .


1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done.

Not both.

If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.


1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.


1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.


1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.



Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.


1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.


1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.



We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.


1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.


1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.


1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, motorsport, or golf.


1. You have enough clothes.


1. You have too many shoes.


1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!


1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;



But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.


Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.


Pass this to as many women as you can to give them a bigger laugh
Guest
Posted: Thursday, March 13, 2008 1:07:44 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 671,886
OMG!!! ROFLMAOOL

that is awesome!!!

=)laughing3 sign5 Applause Applause Applause Applause
Guest
Posted: Thursday, March 13, 2008 1:54:39 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 671,886
Well thank ye kind sir!
Guest
Posted: Thursday, March 13, 2008 3:02:17 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 671,886
See, these need to be engraved on a plaque. I've always loved those. Whenever I get any men-bashing emails, I send these in reply.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, March 13, 2008 3:31:20 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 671,886
I am a equal gender basher. We all can be assholes sometimes or just thick headed!
ghostwriter
Posted: Thursday, March 13, 2008 4:32:55 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 671,886
Can we vote that guy President? Ohh wait, I'm Canadian, we don't vote in the US. Too bad , who else will we get willing to speak the truth on behalf of men!
Batman
Posted: Thursday, March 13, 2008 4:57:17 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/9/2008
Posts: 1,909
Speak the truth of men - that would be the person who posted it.

Way to go Chef

But remember, she has an X-Marine sweetie.
mrplow
Posted: Thursday, March 13, 2008 9:56:07 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/5/2007
Posts: 1,030
Location: Here and now
I totally agree with all those. My wife drives me nuts whining about the toilet seat, and I have actually replied to her in those exact words evil5 Oh, and best not go there with the whole fat questions, that's a lose lose scenario!
Guest
Posted: Friday, March 14, 2008 7:33:56 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 671,886
I never bugged my hubs about the seat being up or down. So one night about 3a.m. I had to pee in the worse way. You know how you get up and don't even open your eyes, hands out in front of you. I walked into the bathroom, turned around and sat down. Right into the bowl and COLD water!! Y'all think a cat sounds loud and bad when it gets a bath? Try a hot headed Irish woman at 3 a.m.! I'm yelling for him to help me tho, not mad at him, I just couldn't get out on my own!! He flicks on the light and stands there for a minute laughing his ass off. He did manage to get me out and dried off and back into bed where I could warm up. But I swear that bed didn't stop shaking for an hour from his laughter. I never said a word about the seat but, it's not been up one time since then.
Guest
Posted: Friday, March 14, 2008 7:38:01 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 671,886
BTW thanks BatDude! But my sweetie is in Dallas now working his ass off while I bask in the glory that is Florida. *snicker* Trying to sell the house so that I might rejoin that tall handsome Marine of mine.crybaby love9 But, I am making a bootie call over there in a few weeks!! sex
Batman
Posted: Friday, March 14, 2008 9:47:21 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/9/2008
Posts: 1,909
Dam, I can stop laughing.hello1 hello1 hello1

bootyshake he didn't dry it off and warm it up?

I knew I liked him.
Guest
Posted: Friday, March 14, 2008 11:42:58 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 671,886
oh yeah. He picked me up out of the pot and grabbed a towel and warmed my bootie up. Had his head behind me but I could "feel" him laughing and trying hard not to. Then we went to bed and played spoons. He has a furry tummy and chest and it makes me warm.hello1
ramrod32784
Posted: Friday, August 17, 2012 10:06:29 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 7/29/2012
Posts: 558
Location: Fl, United States
Fantastic they ought to read allowed at each wedding ceremony
CleverFox
Posted: Saturday, August 18, 2012 12:17:04 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/25/2012
Posts: 484
Location: United States
I once asked my mother why she never got upset about the toilet seat being left up. She told me that my father had grown up in a house with seven men and one woman so he never learned to put the toilet seat down and the fact that there were four brothers and one sister in our family ment that it was much easier for her to remember to check the toilet seat herself than to try dragging that particular ox cart across China five times.

Now I always leave the toilet seat down. I have two dogs and three cats in the house. Both of the dogs are confirmed poop eaters (my nephew wants to make a scarlet 'P' to hang on their colors). It is the only way I can think to keep those animals from drinking the toilet water.
Jack_42
Posted: Saturday, August 18, 2012 1:15:06 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/21/2009
Posts: 1,009
Location: Prague, Czech Republic
Wolfie22
Posted: Saturday, August 18, 2012 2:07:54 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/1/2010
Posts: 112
Location: United States
I need these rules on a poster for my wall, nicely framed.
CosmoJones22
Posted: Saturday, August 18, 2012 2:18:02 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 8/8/2012
Posts: 9
Location: United States
"You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both." Perfectly stated. I used this one recently to much success. :)
kinky_girl
Posted: Monday, August 20, 2012 1:13:31 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/26/2011
Posts: 133
Location: The House of Kink, United Kingdom
chefkathleen wrote:
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one .



Definitely my two favourites! I shall bear this in mind hah.

Professio in silentium.
Guest
Posted: Monday, August 20, 2012 9:31:02 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 671,886
good to know ;) now which one of us girls are going to write down the girl rules to counter this?? :)
BigShyPussyKins
Posted: Monday, August 20, 2012 11:13:45 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/26/2012
Posts: 111
Location: United Kingdom
lmao thank you for the laugh

PS hope the sofa wasn't too uncomfortable lol
adele
Posted: Monday, August 20, 2012 4:04:13 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/8/2011
Posts: 21,401
Location: if I knew where I was then I would not be here...
chefkathleen wrote:


1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.

We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.



I do have something to say about this particular "rule". Men need it up for only half of what they do. they need it down for the other half, where women need it down ALL the time. So that means 75% of the time, it needs to be DOWN, not up! Isn't there something about majority rules? Plus have you ever taken a black light to a dark bathroom where the seat is left up every time it is flushed. Once you do, you will not only put the seat down, but the lid as well. Try it if you don't believe me!

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minx623
Posted: Monday, August 20, 2012 6:20:22 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 9/13/2011
Posts: 4
chefkathleen wrote:
I never bugged my hubs about the seat being up or down. So one night about 3a.m. I had to pee in the worse way. You know how you get up and don't even open your eyes, hands out in front of you. I walked into the bathroom, turned around and sat down. Right into the bowl and COLD water!! Y'all think a cat sounds loud and bad when it gets a bath? Try a hot headed Irish woman at 3 a.m.! I'm yelling for him to help me tho, not mad at him, I just couldn't get out on my own!! He flicks on the light and stands there for a minute laughing his ass off. He did manage to get me out and dried off and back into bed where I could warm up. But I swear that bed didn't stop shaking for an hour from his laughter. I never said a word about the seat but, it's not been up one time since then.


I had a similar 3am, that water is cold and quite a shock, especially when half asleep. I don't scream often, but that got a loud one outta me.


As for the rest of those.... if he has more shoes and more clothes than I do... I should be the one leaving the seat up then, right?
lafayettemister
Posted: Tuesday, August 21, 2012 8:32:28 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/4/2010
Posts: 6,435
Location: Alabama, United States
adele wrote:


I do have something to say about this particular "rule". Men need it up for only half of what they do. they need it down for the other half, where women need it down ALL the time. So that means 75% of the time, it needs to be DOWN, not up! Isn't there something about majority rules? Plus have you ever taken a black light to a dark bathroom where the seat is left up every time it is flushed. Once you do, you will not only put the seat down, but the lid as well. Try it if you don't believe me!



Lol. My #1 to #2 ratio isn't 50/50. Maybe 80/20 or 90/10.





When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
SirBunny
Posted: Wednesday, August 22, 2012 12:49:42 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/28/2012
Posts: 6,000
Location: KZN, South Africa
If we say we gonna do something, we will do it. There is no need to remind us every six months.




CleverFox
Posted: Wednesday, August 22, 2012 6:14:59 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/25/2012
Posts: 484
Location: United States
A pumpkin is a fruit? Damn, I am still confused about the tomato.
BLKDragon
Posted: Thursday, August 23, 2012 6:50:39 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/18/2012
Posts: 113
Location: pittsburgh, United States
bravo,bravo,bravo,i will give it to my wife yes .I will be on the couch ,but it has a pull out that is pretty comfortable .
keoloke
Posted: Sunday, September 02, 2012 12:27:43 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/12/2010
Posts: 599
Location: United States
Congrats ChefKat

This is a man's bible for women. The arguments that we could eliminate, also very funny.

It's always hard but very productive to step into someone also shoes.



Choose n Practice Happiness

Life is simple; we are what we eat and what we read. Talk is superfluous.
keoloke
Posted: Sunday, September 02, 2012 12:42:15 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/12/2010
Posts: 599
Location: United States
adele wrote:


I do have something...... Plus have you ever taken a black light to a dark bathroom where the seat is left up every time it is flushed. Once you do, you will not only put the seat down, but the lid as well. Try it if you don't believe me!


Also for the above reason, I must say that years ago with two little girls in the house I started to never lift the seat up because I sit even for number one.

Another must do practice is be to put the lids down before flushing. if you don't.. It's a fact that is allover the bathroom even on your toothbrush. No joke.

Choose n Practice Happiness

Life is simple; we are what we eat and what we read. Talk is superfluous.
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