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Sister-in-Law - Need a woman's perspective Options · View
scottrobertson
Posted: Saturday, August 25, 2012 10:52:42 PM

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Joined: 8/25/2012
Posts: 3
My sister-in-law (wife's brother's sister) recently decided to break up with her husband. They have a three year old child, and have been married about five years.

They moved into town from out of state about a year ago. The five of us (my wife and I, and her brother/wife/child) have had fun socializing over the past year.

My wife told me that Kristy confided to her that Greg "did something she cannot forgive him for". She's moving out to an apartment this weekend.

I sent Kristy a text message a couple of weeks ago telling her how sorry I was, and that I was there (emotionally) for her. She, my wife, and Kristy had lunch last week (first time since the break up).

Kristy has always given hugs - quick, cursory. When she met us for lunch, however, I'd never received a hug from her like that. Nothing overtly sexual. Just very firm, and she held onto me for a long time. Literally wouldn't let me let go.

She sat across from me, and kept making eye contact. Again, noting overtly sexual. Conversation between the three of us was casual.

When it was time to say good bye, she again gave me a long, firm hug.

She's texted me a couple of times since then - just to say "hi". I asked my wife if she'd heard from her, and she said "no".

This week my wife is out of town on business. I texted Kristy this evening, asking if she wanted to do breakfast Sunday. She said no, she's moving, but maybe we could get together sometime after work this week. I texted back sounds great. She texted back "Thanks, Honey - Miss You".

She's never called me honey.

So...... does Kristy have a motive here, or is she just emotionally in turmoil, and is looking for a friend? I'm a little concerned about meeting this week.

Thanks for any input.

Scott
1Zratedgal
Posted: Saturday, August 25, 2012 11:08:49 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/1/2011
Posts: 673
Location: Northern California, United States
You might have shown her male compassion, something that she did not get from her husband.
At this time, whatever happened between them, she is feeling hurt, abandoned and your simple gesture is of comfort to her.

On the Male fantasy side of things, there could be an attraction as many women never receive respect and care from a man in the simple way you did, and that could trigger an arousal in her. Something simple like care and chivalry can make a gal melt.

So it is possible and could be a need to just fuck, as we all do.

Now the only thing here is that you are playing with fire unless you live in a true open relationship like my Hubby and I do.
But you are still tracking on thin ice as she is related to your wife.

Be very Careful!

Kisses!

Steph
WellMadeMale
Posted: Saturday, August 25, 2012 11:13:44 PM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,427
Location: Cakeland, United States
scottrobertson wrote:
My sister-in-law (wife's brother's sister)

So...... does Kristy have a motive here, or is she just emotionally in turmoil, and is looking for a friend? I'm a little concerned about meeting this week.

Thanks for any input.

Scott


Go for it Scott, report back with any..



news, after the fact.

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danni69
Posted: Saturday, August 25, 2012 11:17:22 PM

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LOVE ALL OF MINE ALL SWEET WOMANS
Guest
Posted: Sunday, August 26, 2012 12:42:55 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 652,973
You gave us some good info. It was missing certain things, though, so my advice is meant to be used under the following assumptions.

Assumption #1: You are not in an open relationship.

Assumption #2: You are not interested in her, or at least not interested in cheating on your wife.

Assumption #3: You are a good guy with positive intent in this scenario.

It's probably best to not avoid her. You could be wrong about her intentions. She's probably just happy to have somebody to talk to who isn't her sister. Also important to remember, she could well not know what her intentions are at the moment. I say try and stay relaxed, and don't do anything you don't want to or think shouldn't happen. If it gets too weird for you, tell her that outright, but don't just make an excuse and leave. Just remember that you're in control of what you do, and that's enough in this scenario. I speak from experience, at least if you reduce the number of years on the relationships. It's probably nothing, but I'm sure that all of Lush is waiting to hear about it.
Nikki703
Posted: Sunday, August 26, 2012 12:51:04 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/7/2009
Posts: 13,635
Location: The Other Side Of The Mirror
scottrobertson wrote:
My sister-in-law (wife's brother's sister) recently decided to break up with her husband. They have a three year old child, and have been married about five years.

They moved into town from out of state about a year ago. The five of us (my wife and I, and her brother/wife/child) have had fun socializing over the past year.

My wife told me that Kristy confided to her that Greg "did something she cannot forgive him for". She's moving out to an apartment this weekend.

I sent Kristy a text message a couple of weeks ago telling her how sorry I was, and that I was there (emotionally) for her. She, my wife, and Kristy had lunch last week (first time since the break up).

Kristy has always given hugs - quick, cursory. When she met us for lunch, however, I'd never received a hug from her like that. Nothing overtly sexual. Just very firm, and she held onto me for a long time. Literally wouldn't let me let go.

She sat across from me, and kept making eye contact. Again, noting overtly sexual. Conversation between the three of us was casual.

When it was time to say good bye, she again gave me a long, firm hug.

She's texted me a couple of times since then - just to say "hi". I asked my wife if she'd heard from her, and she said "no".

This week my wife is out of town on business. I texted Kristy this evening, asking if she wanted to do breakfast Sunday. She said no, she's moving, but maybe we could get together sometime after work this week. I texted back sounds great. She texted back "Thanks, Honey - Miss You".

She's never called me honey.

So...... does Kristy have a motive here, or is she just emotionally in turmoil, and is looking for a friend? I'm a little concerned about meeting this week.

Thanks for any input.

Scott


Isnt your wife's brother's sister also your wife's sister?

You said "she, your wife and Kristy", is there a 3rd woman here too?

I am very confused. Maybe its late and I am a little drunk. But either way you are asking for trouble! Unless your wife is OK with this, Stay clear!!! Its OK to be her friend and lend support but do not do more than that.
Shylass
Posted: Sunday, August 26, 2012 5:08:15 AM

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Joined: 1/6/2012
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Nikki703 wrote:


Isnt your wife's brother's sister also your wife's sister?

You said "she, your wife and Kristy", is there a 3rd woman here too?

I am very confused. Maybe its late and I am a little drunk. But either way you are asking for trouble! Unless your wife is OK with this, Stay clear!!! Its OK to be her friend and lend support but do not do more than that.


It's possible it's a step-brother or half brother, and/or sister?

I think the poster was clarifying that by "she" he meant his wife (and just didn't use brackets).


I would say, like others, be very, very careful. She will be confused and hurt. It's easy to mis-read signs or create them in our heads during such times.

I would suggest meeting somewhere public for breakfast or whatever, and keeping the table between you both. Hugging is okay but don't be afraid to gently take hold of her arms and remove them and/or step away if you feel uncomfortable.

Make sure you say "(name of wife) and I..." when talking about how much you care and want to help. Act as though your wife were by your side when you meet, and that will help. And tell your wife you're meeting her too.

You can listen and support the lass, even if it's not neccessarily what she thinks she wants and needs. Good luck!



Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

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Sirene_Jaune
Posted: Sunday, August 26, 2012 5:24:13 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/6/2011
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Location: In my mind, Australia
I think you are reading to much into this scenerio.

Kristy has just gotten out of a long term relationship with her husband. Clearly her husband has done something to her that is unforgivable (maybe he forced himself on to her (side note yes it is rape if a partner/husband/boyfriend forces sex onto their other half without consent), hit into her, cheated on her or for whatever reason) and right now she has a lot to think about.

Especially since there is a child involved (custody issues). When she was talking with you, maybe she just wanted to have a male perspective or to see that not all males are pigs or she is just respecting you as an equal. From what you said the conversation was casual. Then it was casual.

In answer to the hug, well she was greatful that she has people she can count on during this difficult time it didn't mean she wanted to get it on with you.

Also it is obvious that she knows your wife is out of town. Maybe she responded with Thanks Honey and miss you because she is happy that someone is there for her and is greatful that you are always there for her. I call my good friend honey, gorgeous, sweetie and it's not sexual.

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Daria - I don't think that's how you spell "uvula."

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Guest
Posted: Sunday, August 26, 2012 6:11:47 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 652,973
It is difficult to comment with any hard and fast advice because we do not know the circumstances of Kristy's relationship with her hubby, but what I see from what u have written is a woman who has been in a suppressed relationship where the mere glance at another man has been frowned upon. If this is the case maybe she doesn't know how to be subtle in her approach to men now. She is obviously in a fragile state and maybe confided in you because she wants a male perspective on the break up. I would not go in assuming that it is sex or love that she is looking for from you, maybe go in with the approach that you are there for her and altho you tell your wife everything if she, Kristy wants to discuss her marital problems with you then you are willing to do so in confidence, but maybe suggest that anything else that goes on you may discuss with your wife.
I would say go to the lunch and just see how it goes - you will be in a public place so what is the worst that can happen.
Please let us know how it goes. I hope this is of some help to you.
VanGogh
Posted: Sunday, August 26, 2012 12:03:02 PM

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Joined: 2/10/2012
Posts: 3,368
Location: Canada
Sirene_Jaune wrote:
I think you are reading to much into this scenerio.

Kristy has just gotten out of a long term relationship with her husband. Clearly her husband has done something to her that is unforgivable (maybe he forced himself on to her (side note yes it is rape if a partner/husband/boyfriend forces sex onto their other half without consent), hit into her, cheated on her or for whatever reason) and right now she has a lot to think about.

Especially since there is a child involved (custody issues). When she was talking with you, maybe she just wanted to have a male perspective or to see that not all males are pigs or she is just respecting you as an equal. From what you said the conversation was casual. Then it was casual.

In answer to the hug, well she was greatful that she has people she can count on during this difficult time it didn't mean she wanted to get it on with you.

Also it is obvious that she knows your wife is out of town. Maybe she responded with Thanks Honey and miss you because she is happy that someone is there for her and is greatful that you are always there for her. I call my good friend honey, gorgeous, sweetie and it's not sexual.


I agree completely with S_J.

Scotty .... you may be reading far too much into this. Sometimes, it's a wonderful thing to KNOW someone is there for you (in this case, her).

Don't cross any line .... just be her friend. Otherwise, there may be more than one relationship ruined.

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scottrobertson
Posted: Sunday, August 26, 2012 12:34:43 PM

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Joined: 8/25/2012
Posts: 3
OK, guess I'm still not "all here".

<<Isnt your wife's brother's sister also your wife's sister?>> Kristy is married to my wife's brother.

<<You said "she, your wife and Kristy", is there a 3rd woman here too?>>

She (Kristy), my wife, and me.

Guess I should only post when I'm drunk. I might make more sense :-)

Thanks for all the input. It is very helpful.
AbigailThornton
Posted: Sunday, August 26, 2012 3:36:32 PM

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She's texted me a couple of times since then - just to say "hi". I asked my wife if she'd heard from her, and she said "no".

This week my wife is out of town on business. I texted Kristy this evening, asking if she wanted to do breakfast Sunday. She said no, she's moving, but maybe we could get together sometime after work this week. I texted back sounds great. She texted back "Thanks, Honey - Miss You".

She's never called me honey.


It's difficult to judge without knowing more details about your relationships with Kristy and your wife. But assuming you're in a 'normal' closed marriage - Have you told your wife about the above? That will tell you everything you need to know. You can see Kristy in good conscience if you are being open and up-front about what is happening with your wife. If you are lying / hiding details from your wife, you are playing with fantasy fire. Do you want something to happen with Kristy?

I have seen friends act completely out-of-character post break-up. It's irrational but Kristy might be a wrecking ball heading your way. It's your choice whether you step aside or risk being mowed down. Your first and only priority is to your wife.



Guest
Posted: Sunday, August 26, 2012 3:45:13 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 652,973
It is hard to know without more information.

To amend my original statement, or rather boil it down... don't over-think things. This is a place where projecting your own ideas onto the scenario is likely the biggest problem you're going to have.
scottrobertson
Posted: Monday, August 27, 2012 8:00:02 PM

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Joined: 8/25/2012
Posts: 3
OK, had dinner with Kristy tonight.

Spend about two hours talking. She, splitting with her husband, talked about her feelings and her fears. It was a good, heart to heart conversation.

At the end of the evening, we embraced each other for what seemed like forever.

I never got any "vibes" that she thought of me other than a friend.

Thanks to everyone for your feedback. It helped me go into tonight with a clearer mind.

We're friends, nothing else. Exactly the way I want it.

Thanks everyone.

Scott.
Guest
Posted: Monday, August 27, 2012 8:45:06 PM

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Glad to hear it, sir.
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