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Guest
Posted: Saturday, August 25, 2012 1:20:29 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 671,889
I'm curious are there any other slaves out there that have a hard time following some of their Master's rules?

Do you just swallow your pride and do it?

If its something that really bothers you, have you been able to use an opportunity to talk to your Master and see if a compromise could be met?





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I would just like to start some discussions on this forum. Discussions that could actually help,not only me, but individuals who are new to the lifestyle or individuals who are thinking about joining the lifestyle



Sensei
Posted: Saturday, August 25, 2012 2:46:33 PM

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Joined: 5/16/2012
Posts: 541
Location: United States
SlavePrincess wrote:


If its something that really bothers you, have you been able to use an opportunity to talk to your Master and see if a compromise could be met?




Open communication is critical in D/s lifestyles. Even if you have a speaking protocol, there must be some way within that protocol to ask the equivalent of, "Master, may I speak to you about something?" And that should be the opening to a period where the two parties can speak as equals.

My novel, The Society, is available now in the Kindle Store: http://www.amazon.com/The-Society-ebook/dp/B00BPF9U2I
sprite
Posted: Saturday, August 25, 2012 9:33:16 PM

Rank: Her Royal Spriteness
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Location: My Tower, United States
Sensei wrote:


Open communication is critical in D/s lifestyles. Even if you have a speaking protocol, there must be some way within that protocol to ask the equivalent of, "Master, may I speak to you about something?" And that should be the opening to a period where the two parties can speak as equals.


this. when something bothers me, in fact, my Mistress insists that i talk about it - she's more likely to punish me if i don't say something, and that goes for rules as well, not that i've had any issues with any rules... yet...

Live, love, laugh.
Sensei
Posted: Saturday, August 25, 2012 10:27:24 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/16/2012
Posts: 541
Location: United States
sprite wrote:


this. when something bothers me, in fact, my Mistress insists that i talk about it - she's more likely to punish me if i don't say something, and that goes for rules as well, not that i've had any issues with any rules... yet...


A slave cannot be truly owned by her master if she doesn't give everything without holding back. At the same time, a master must know everything in his slave's head so that he can fully carry out his responsibility to provide exactly the environment his slave needs to thrive. While I'm not sure I would go so far as to punish for a lack of communication, I would encourage you to look within on those occasions that you don't wish to share something and ask yourself why not. If there are deeper issues, then you should try to understand them - with the help of your master.

Rules violations that require punishment should always be accompanied by a lecture punctuated by lots of Q&A. A master will often find that rebellion likely has roots in some dissatisfaction with the environment he has created. If a master completely ignores mitigating circumstances, then the punishment will be less likely to be accepted and instead will build resentment, which is counterproductive to the goal of having your slave be happy in her gilded cage.

That's not to say that a master cannot engage in sadistic and even brutal play with his slave if he chooses (assuming that their dynamic includes that sort of thing). But there should be a distinction between (ab)using his slave for his own amusement and punishing her for a transgression.

EDIT: I use 'his' and 'he' to refer to the dom and 'she' and 'her' for the sub just because it's how I roll. Please feel free to substitute the appropriate gender for you and know that I meant in no way to slight alternative pairings.

My novel, The Society, is available now in the Kindle Store: http://www.amazon.com/The-Society-ebook/dp/B00BPF9U2I
MoonlightSerenity
Posted: Sunday, August 26, 2012 9:09:47 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/7/2012
Posts: 854
Location: United Kingdom
Sensei wrote:


A slave cannot be truly owned by her master if she doesn't give everything without holding back. At the same time, a master must know everything in his slave's head so that he can fully carry out his responsibility to provide exactly the environment his slave needs to thrive. While I'm not sure I would go so far as to punish for a lack of communication, I would encourage you to look within on those occasions that you don't wish to share something and ask yourself why not. If there are deeper issues, then you should try to understand them - with the help of your master.


I must say that I am a pet who is guilty of that. I have tried to understand why not. But often it comes down to being told to shut the fuck up in the past.

What would you say to those of us who have in the past been forced to keep our mouths shut and to just get on with it no matter what?

Sometimes it can also be hard picking the right moment or gaining courage to talk over some things.

Teased and Tormented -My very first story and competition entry is now up!
Sensei
Posted: Sunday, August 26, 2012 5:42:05 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/16/2012
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Location: United States
MoonlightSerenity wrote:


I must say that I am a pet who is guilty of that. I have tried to understand why not. But often it comes down to being told to shut the fuck up in the past.

What would you say to those of us who have in the past been forced to keep our mouths shut and to just get on with it no matter what?

Sometimes it can also be hard picking the right moment or gaining courage to talk over some things.


In all things, there is a time and a place. If I demand my slave do something that I know is well inside her limits, then back-talk at that moment is, in my view, actionable. There are certainly times when the acceptable response is either "Yes, sir" or a safe-word (I say that because dom's are human and make mistakes). That said, I think I prefer more a paternal expression of disapproval than a gruff or rude one. Perhaps that's just me - I'm a sensei, not a drill sergeant. But that's me and my dynamic - that doesn't suggest that "shut the fuck up!" is not an expected response for some. It's conceivable that this is a difference between your expectations and your dom's - one that's worthy of a frank discussion.

If your current dom is not the "STFU!" one, then I encourage you even more to bring this up with your dom. Talking about that will help bring down the barriers that may be preventing you from talking about more important things.

You might consider journaling. This means keeping a diary of your thoughts. This diary should be available for your dom's inspection at any time, and he should read it periodically. Journaling allows you a disconnect - you can open yourself up outside of his immediate presence.

It's extremely important for a master to be well and truly and completely inside his slave's head. The more he knows her, the better he can craft his leadership to fill her needs. The more open she is with him, the more it will encourage her to open up, as she will see he is trustworthy as he wisely uses what he learns from her.


My novel, The Society, is available now in the Kindle Store: http://www.amazon.com/The-Society-ebook/dp/B00BPF9U2I
Guest
Posted: Sunday, August 26, 2012 8:10:19 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 671,889
Sensei wrote:


You might consider journaling. This means keeping a diary of your thoughts. This diary should be available for your dom's inspection at any time, and he should read it periodically. Journaling allows you a disconnect - you can open yourself up outside of his immediate presence.

It's extremely important for a master to be well and truly and completely inside his slave's head. The more he knows her, the better he can craft his leadership to fill her needs. The more open she is with him, the more it will encourage her to open up, as she will see he is trustworthy as he wisely uses what he learns from her.



hello1 I absolutely 100% agree with you here!!notworthy I have a very hard time communicating the chaos that is inside my head sometimes. I also tend to over think things a LOT! Master has gotten me to start a blog where I can just dish it out. In a way it keeps a record of how I am progressing as a slave. It also helps me shift through all the feelings and thoughts I have on a regular basis.

It helps me a lot! In order for my thoughts to make sense, I have to just talk it all out or explain it to something, be it a wall or a blog or a very bored person. But after I get it all out and just let it in the air. Master is able to sort it out WAY better than I ever would and this helps our relationship deepen and develop.

It builds the trust between us. It also makes me fall head over heels for Him too. Cause He just GETS me lol :)love7 I've also noticed that the better the communication gets between Master and I, the less we really have to say. If I just look a certain way, He will immediately go, Princess...... and know how I am feeling and approx. what will be flying through my head. Then if He feels it is necessary we will have one of our "talks." Those are never to be taken lightly.happy8
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