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What is my obsession with this guy? Options · View
MMonroe
Posted: Monday, August 27, 2012 7:42:27 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/10/2009
Posts: 1,893
Location: United Kingdom
I have a guy friend who is sort of a fuck buddy, its not a regular thing but basically whenever we see each other which is usually once or twice a year. The rest of the time we sometimes chat online but havent for a long time.

I have just got back from a street car weekender that we both go to with the assumption, and hope i suppose, that we would meet up again like we have before but no. Im completely aware of the fuck buddy 'rules' of no strings attached etc, but i'd just like to know why i feel so rejected and depressed when this happens.

I dont love him, dont want a relationship with him but the sex is A.MAZ.ING. He is actually the first guy who took the time to please me rather than 'here, suck my cock, few thrusts for you and we're done'. The last time we had sex was 2 years ago and ive slept with someone else since but i am still hooked on him and put so much hope on meeting again and was so hurt and rejected when he didnt come over.

I like to think of myself as quite smart and wise when it comes to relationships and men. I can tell when a guy is coming on to me, and im pretty good at reading people and weeding out the assholes. I also like to think that i dont let stuff like this get to me, especially when its just a fuck buddy thing. So WHY do i feel like this, EVERY time?!



*Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?*



Archadia
Posted: Monday, August 27, 2012 8:13:52 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/1/2011
Posts: 426
Location: Middlesbrough, United Kingdom
lol I think you know, but you want it written for you in black and white. Just because you dont love him emotionally as you think is necessary for a relationship, doesnt mean you want to share him with somebody else, or even for him to move onto somebody else entirely. Its a typically selfish situation, one that ive found myself in a number of times. Ive had several 'fuck buddies' in the past, and while it was 'no strings attached' and the sex was great, when one of them slept with another person while we were 'fuck buddies', i ended the arrangement. I dont know why i did it exactly, sometimes you just dont want to share people, even if you dont want a relationship with them yourself. Also, i wonder if my pride (and yours) had been dented.

How would he have felt if you had called it off instead, because you had met somebody you wanted more, or maybe he wants more, and has clocked that you dont, thus he feels better off out if it. I think circumstance has as much to do with it as occurence, i've had girls that i slept with, who i was never really crazy about, they were just there, and i was happy for the casual sex, but never wanted more, if i'd have ended it, i doubt i would have cared, but because they ended it, i felt annoyed and rejected, as if it was me that wasnt good enough.

We want the best of both worlds, we want people to want us, and find us attractive, and even need us, and we want to put some energy into giving a little back, yet ultimately, we want to pick and chose who we have relations with, without the emotional baggage, or the strings of not having freedom of you want to get with, when you want to get with them.

It sounds like the guy is a sensational fuck, and that what you really want for him, because despite the fact you are not in love with him, nobody makes you feel the way he does, and thats what you 'need'. I think the only answer i can ever give is, let it go and move on, you had your fun, in the long run, its going nowhere, because deep down, you know you dont want it to.
blazestcyr
Posted: Monday, August 27, 2012 10:44:35 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/19/2011
Posts: 737
Location: where bugs die
tis a rare person who can have sex with a person(continously) & not have a smidge of feelings for that person

something sugar must be sooo right for u both to do it

but...it is time to move on

for once u start questioning a fuck buddy or the situation...u DO care

i love what archadia wrote...wise wise words

u are a hot smart sexy girl

how about a guy who is the same plus might want more than a step above a vibrator?


MMonroe
Posted: Monday, August 27, 2012 10:56:06 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/10/2009
Posts: 1,893
Location: United Kingdom
blazestcyr wrote:


how about a guy who is the same plus might want more than a step above a vibrator?



Is there one that actually exists?



*Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?*



1ball
Posted: Monday, August 27, 2012 11:45:36 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/13/2011
Posts: 970
Location: United States
Might be just the insecurity of not knowing why he stopped being interested. But the advice to move on still seems valid.

My latest story is too hot to publish. My most recent story before that is Even Stranger In Lust
MMonroe
Posted: Monday, August 27, 2012 12:15:30 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/10/2009
Posts: 1,893
Location: United Kingdom
Well im not going to say it here because it will make me sound like im making excuses for him but i know now why we didnt meet up. I dont want to stop seeing him, i just want to be ok with the casualness of it, not feel like im worth nothing when we cant meet up



*Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?*



Coco
Posted: Monday, August 27, 2012 1:33:29 PM

Rank: Lady of Mystery
Moderator

Joined: 7/22/2011
Posts: 4,936
Location: Fantasy City, United States
I don't agree that it's time to move on. I think that you crave the sex with him and want more of it; and why should you deprive yourself? It just maybe that you were so amped up at the possibility of meeting up with him that your ego was deflated a little when he said that he couldn't meet you. That's normal, a let down that's made you want him even more. It sounds to me that you've accepted the terms of the relationship but you want more of the bedroom play...




Oldfaithful
Posted: Monday, August 27, 2012 1:40:02 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/18/2012
Posts: 112
Location: United Kingdom
Sorry MM but i have to agree with the others in that its time to move on. A fuck buddy works only if you're both completely happy with it. But as you said yourself it is getting to you. It sounds to me like deep down you want a more solid relationship based on more than just great sex.


crazydiamond
Posted: Monday, August 27, 2012 1:40:15 PM

Rank: Clever Gem

Joined: 7/17/2011
Posts: 2,293
Location: Exactly where I should be!, Canada
As much as you want to say its sex... you would not be so gutted if you did not feel something more here.
The rules are set, that you should not, but i think you do.
It's your choice to carry this on. I hope you do not get hurt here.

* edit- your mind knows, but your body and subsequently that other effing organ..maybe are not as obtuse to it.

Dancing_Doll
Posted: Monday, August 27, 2012 9:14:47 PM

Rank: Alpha Blonde
Moderator

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 6,620
Location: Your dirty fantasy
Because even if someone is a fuckbuddy, we usually want the person to put in a bit of work behind the scenes to keep the fire/interest burning. It doesn't have to mean a relationship, but you probably want to stay vaguely in touch during the downtime - maybe some flirty texting/sexting now and then, just to touch base. It can be no-strings, no-commitment, no-relationship, but if the guy acts *completely* indifferent and just gets in touch like "hey, I'm in town, wanna hook up" or you *only* hear from him at booty-call time, then yeah, it can be hurtful/annoying. There's a way for a fuckbuddy to play a situation that doesn't actually take much effort but still keeps the interest level there during down-time when you're not hooking up.


1ball
Posted: Tuesday, August 28, 2012 10:46:05 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/13/2011
Posts: 970
Location: United States
MMonroe wrote:
Well im not going to say it here because it will make me sound like im making excuses for him but i know now why we didnt meet up. I dont want to stop seeing him, i just want to be ok with the casualness of it, not feel like im worth nothing when we cant meet up


It sounds like you're saying that you became satisfied after the disappointment that he wasn't uninterested, that unfortunate circumstances intervened. If that's the case, then you don't want to seem too clingy by demanding that he let you know in advance if he can't make it to a casual rendezvous, but of course it causes insecurity if he doesn't, because it might indicate uninterest. One good session with him will erase all that insecurity, so leave yourself open to that as long as you accept that he's interested.

As to what would help you be ok with the casualness of it and not feel worthless when he doesn't show up, another source of feeling good is probably the key to keeping it casual.

My latest story is too hot to publish. My most recent story before that is Even Stranger In Lust
Oldfaithful
Posted: Tuesday, August 28, 2012 10:53:01 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/18/2012
Posts: 112
Location: United Kingdom
Dancing_Doll wrote:
Because even if someone is a fuckbuddy, we usually want the person to put in a bit of work behind the scenes to keep the fire/interest burning. It doesn't have to mean a relationship, but you probably want to stay vaguely in touch during the downtime - maybe some flirty texting/sexting now and then, just to touch base. It can be no-strings, no-commitment, no-relationship, but if the guy acts *completely* indifferent and just gets in touch like "hey, I'm in town, wanna hook up" or you *only* hear from him at booty-call time, then yeah, it can be hurtful/annoying. There's a way for a fuckbuddy to play a situation that doesn't actually take much effort but still keeps the interest level there during down-time when you're not hooking up.


As usual another very insightful and intelligent contribution from DD!


stickyvix
Posted: Tuesday, August 28, 2012 12:39:43 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 4/20/2012
Posts: 26
Location: United Kingdom
Also sounds to me like you where expecting a fuck, where looking forward to a fuck, and had added a fuck to the list of things that you would be doing on this weekender. Like you would feel let down if you went to a festival and your favourite band, even though not the headline act, who where going to play didn't at the last minute. You'd be gutted they didn't play, have a good time anyways, but be left feeling a little dejected let down because you where expecting a performance to boost the weekend.

You probably also feel let down because he didn't let you know (for whatever reason) beforehand that your where not going to fuck, which would have been nice.

On the flip side, he may have caught crabs since the last time, so you might have missed out on a whole load of itching......;)
MMonroe
Posted: Thursday, August 30, 2012 2:07:30 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/10/2009
Posts: 1,893
Location: United Kingdom
Thanks for the advice everyone, its given me some good stuff to think about

Edit: and you're all spot on as well!



*Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?*



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