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redneckleader
Posted: Sunday, June 05, 2011 5:57:56 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 3/11/2011
Posts: 60
Location: orlando
When starting a relationship and one announces that they value honesty and tell the other that they dont toloerate a lier then why does the other person Lie right off the back and then still lie when confronted?????

I ask because of the last several relationships the ladies have lied to me and then wanted me back even though i was up front about lies?
SweetPenny
Posted: Sunday, June 05, 2011 6:38:44 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/15/2010
Posts: 1,274
Location: State of Confusion
I'm a fairly honest person, but if/when I lie, these are usually my reasons for it:

1. I am not yet ready to share personal/intimate information
2. I feel like someone will judge me unfavorably
3. I did something naughty and don't want to get caught
dan17
Posted: Monday, June 06, 2011 4:20:08 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/14/2011
Posts: 283
SweetPenny wrote:
I'm a fairly honest person, but if/when I lie, these are usually my reasons for it:

1. I am not yet ready to share personal/intimate information
2. I feel like someone will judge me unfavorably
3. I did something naughty and don't want to get caught


lie for me is a big deal but in the given reason is forgiven except number 3.

loving a person should be transparent/honest because when lies come that's the time relationship be broken

mrgay
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, June 07, 2011 4:10:18 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,508
redneckleader wrote:
When starting a relationship and one announces that they value honesty and tell the other that they dont toloerate a lier then why does the other person Lie right off the back and then still lie when confronted?????

I ask because of the last several relationships the ladies have lied to me and then wanted me back even though i was up front about lies?


Sweetpenny has pretty much hit the nail on the head with her explanations - we all tell lies, of differing magnitude all of the time...we wouldn't be able to form relationships if we told the whole truth all of the time. {watch jim carey in liar liar to understand this point with more clarity} not revealing, sugarcoating, white lies etc are all acceptable in my view. Without getting into pop psychology, I wonder about your expectations of a new relationship? Perhaps your expectations are too high? Resulting in a self fulfilling prophecy?

Honesty as a value is admirable - however, as with most things in life, each individual has a set of values which are formed from their frame of reference, which means they are on a continuum and not fixed....heck, I said I wasn't going to go into pop psychology.

Perhaps you could reflect on your expectations.....my two cents as the saying goes...
saturdaynight
Posted: Wednesday, June 08, 2011 10:03:28 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/11/2010
Posts: 1,045
Location: at your back! BOO!
orangefox444 wrote:
redneckleader wrote:
When starting a relationship and one announces that they value honesty and tell the other that they dont toloerate a lier then why does the other person Lie right off the back and then still lie when confronted?????

I ask because of the last several relationships the ladies have lied to me and then wanted me back even though i was up front about lies?


Sweetpenny has pretty much hit the nail on the head with her explanations - we all tell lies, of differing magnitude all of the time...we wouldn't be able to form relationships if we told the whole truth all of the time. {watch jim carey in liar liar to understand this point with more clarity} not revealing, sugarcoating, white lies etc are all acceptable in my view. Without getting into pop psychology, I wonder about your expectations of a new relationship? Perhaps your expectations are too high? Resulting in a self fulfilling prophecy?

Honesty as a value is admirable - however, as with most things in life, each individual has a set of values which are formed from their frame of reference, which means they are on a continuum and not fixed....heck, I said I wasn't going to go into pop psychology.

Perhaps you could reflect on your expectations.....my two cents as the saying goes...


I agree with everything they've said and add this:

Truth is relative. For someone who is lying, the lie they say is their truth for that moment which is what orangefox is saying I think

Smile at your enemies.. It makes them crazy...

Guest
Posted: Thursday, June 09, 2011 3:06:38 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,508
saturdaynight wrote:
orangefox444 wrote:
[quote=redneckleader]When starting a relationship and one announces that they value honesty and tell the other that they dont toloerate a lier then why does the other person Lie right off the back and then still lie when confronted?????

I ask because of the last several relationships the ladies have lied to me and then wanted me back even though i was up front about lies?


Sweetpenny has pretty much hit the nail on the head with her explanations - we all tell lies, of differing magnitude all of the time...we wouldn't be able to form relationships if we told the whole truth all of the time. {watch jim carey in liar liar to understand this point with more clarity} not revealing, sugarcoating, white lies etc are all acceptable in my view. Without getting into pop psychology, I wonder about your expectations of a new relationship? Perhaps your expectations are too high? Resulting in a self fulfilling prophecy?

Honesty as a value is admirable - however, as with most things in life, each individual has a set of values which are formed from their frame of reference, which means they are on a continuum and not fixed....heck, I said I wasn't going to go into pop psychology.

Perhaps you could reflect on your expectations.....my two cents as the saying goes...


I agree with everything they've said and add this:

Truth is relative. For someone who is lying, the lie they say is their truth for that moment which is what orangefox is saying I think[/quote

Yes that is exactly what I was trying to say - Saturdaynight said it a little more succinctly...
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, June 15, 2011 5:50:07 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,508
It amazes me to think that there are people brave enough not to lie to some they love or find attractive. It is wonderful to be completely honest! It must feel good! But given that shame has been so deeply a part of my character since infancy and given the pain of being rejected, I have great difficulty imagining perfect honesty. I don't expect it of anyone, but I applaud it and envy it as well.
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, June 15, 2011 8:38:14 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,508
The consequences of being truthful, in this world rife with emotional insecurity, don't always feel good. But it always feels good to know you're doing the right thing.

The only people I ever feel the need to lie to are agents of the corrupt power structure, such as policemen. That isn't an honesty issue, it's a necessary self-defense issue.

Everyone else gets the truth whether they like it or not.

...and if they don't like it... boy, that says something about them, doesn't it?
Catnip
Posted: Wednesday, June 15, 2011 10:54:15 PM

Rank: Internet Sensation

Joined: 3/30/2009
Posts: 3,967
Location: Cloudy dreams., Sweden
I think the police would be the last person I'd lie to actually.

Lets see..

My man ask me:
How are you going?

I say:
I'm doing ok.

What I should have said to be honest would take an hour to tell him. That means that he would have to sit and listen to me go over my emotions over and over again. Instead I rely on the fact that he will make me feel better and less lonely and so on and tell him I'm doing fine, unless I'm about to become a wreck.

After all who wants someone who whines all the time?



WellMadeMale
Posted: Wednesday, June 15, 2011 11:11:53 PM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,451
Location: Cakeland, United States
Catnip wrote:
I think the police would be the last person I'd lie to actually.


Actually, Miss-Irresistible-Feline-Attracting-Weed, most authority figures are the very last motherfuckers you want to tell the absolute truth to.

I say, 'fuck 'em and the horse they rode in on.' This philosophy has not failed me yet. And I've had a more than a few conversations with them.

I used to tell 'em the truth (as I saw it), til I realized they don't give a shit about the truth, they have already made their own truth...and I will not play into it.

If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
Orgasmic
Posted: Tuesday, June 28, 2011 11:52:14 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/25/2011
Posts: 196
Lying is just another form of protection against pain, most of the people omit truth when they are afraid of the consequences of telling fact, they lie to protect themselves and to avoid punishment, fear of anger and judgment can also be the reason for lying, most of the people are unable to prepare themselves for someones anger and/or judgment, hence to avoid getting punished they simply try to get out of the situation by lying
Buz
Posted: Thursday, August 18, 2011 6:42:57 AM

Rank: The Linebacker
Moderator

Joined: 3/2/2011
Posts: 7,145
Location: Atlanta, United States
Little white lies to keep from hurting someone's feelings. Big lies should definitely be avoided!

rudyP34
Posted: Friday, August 19, 2011 12:04:40 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/27/2010
Posts: 127
Location: Canada
I don't know how liars can keep up with all the lies. I'm just far too lazy to lie, keep track of what I told to whoever... I either tell the truth or shut my mouth. I never lie. Even if it's embarassing. I can deal with embarassment easily enough. I just find an excuse. It's much better than having to find justifications as to why you lied.

And guys... try it. If you tell people you absolutely NEVER lie and will answer any question they have, they're usually stomped and end up not being able to think of a single question. So, in the end, I don't even have to lie, because my most embarassing truths aren't even questioned on.
aalily
Posted: Thursday, August 25, 2011 4:05:45 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 6/23/2011
Posts: 53
Location: London Baby!
I'm quite an honest person too and hardly ever lie. I'm always upfront and honest about my mistakes and if i've done something 'naughty' like sweetpenny said then i just admit it. I think if i were to lie it would be because i'm not yet comfortable to unleash how i truly feel for fear that i might say something wrong and you won't like me any more (for example: Person: oh god i HATE that jacket!! don't you? me: Yes truth: I kind of like that jacket, but i don't want to tell you because i don't want you to think i have shit taste. when i am more comfortable with you, my answer will become: i think its alright! Pair it with that belt over there and you've got a hot outfit!) but that's kind of basic. I might lie if i don't want you to judge me, and i might lie if i'm uncomfortable with what you've asked me or i'm embarrassed about it. For example person: 'Have you ever kissed a girl? me: No. truth: yes, quite a few times but i don't want you to get the wrong idea)

But like someone else said, i pretty much live by the 'tell the truth or shut your mouth' rule.
I think some people are just compulsive liars and do it to make themselves sound more interesting, or to create drama, or because they lie so much they believe their own lies, or because they think if they tell lies enough they will be true, or because they just don't care about your feelings and want to have their cake and eat it so they tell you what you want to hear so that's possible.

You must give up the life that you had planned, in order to live the life that is waiting for you..
DirtyMartini
Posted: Thursday, August 25, 2011 4:34:44 PM

Rank: Purveyor of Poetry & Porn

Joined: 10/19/2009
Posts: 5,833
Location: Right here on Lush Stories..., United States
Torquatus wrote:
It amazes me to think that there are people brave enough not to lie to some they love or find attractive. It is wonderful to be completely honest! It must feel good! But given that shame has been so deeply a part of my character since infancy and given the pain of being rejected, I have great difficulty imagining perfect honesty.


Did I read that right? Was that a misprint?

Why would you lie to someone you "love or find attractive" unless you wanted to be rejected?


You know you want it, you know you need it bad...get it now on Amazon.com...
Lush Erotica, an Anthology of Award Winning Sex Stories

Guest
Posted: Saturday, March 24, 2012 6:36:19 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,508
dan17 wrote:


lie for me is a big deal but in the given reason is forgiven except number 3.

loving a person should be transparent/honest because when lies come that's the time relationship be broken


I like your way of thinking and it is so true. I don't believe in lies either. It just ends up turning upside down.
charmbrights
Posted: Sunday, March 25, 2012 1:28:57 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/2/2011
Posts: 192
Location: Tirphil, United Kingdom
It depends on the topic. If a parent asks, "Don't you think my child is so cute and clever?" there is only one possible answer, whether it is true or not.

News of ALL my novels (and where to get free copies) on charmbrights.webs.com/novels.htm.
cottonbike
Posted: Sunday, March 25, 2012 5:05:16 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 9/4/2010
Posts: 25
Location: France
My soon to be ex-wife has always had a problem with being honest with me, and anyone else for that matter.
If there was something that she didn't want you to know, she would always think long and hard and be evasive, economical with the truth or say that she didn't want to talk about it. She was always adamant that she never told lies; I tried to explain to her that, in effect, not telling the truth, was telling a lie; this she could not see. Since she walked out on me, I've found out so many things about her, that she was not truthful about; I now wonder who the person was that I married, did I marry a real person or was it all a facade, a mask to hide the inner self. It's heartbreaking never to know the truth about someone that you love, especially when you have been so honest and open with them. For me, truth and honesty are paramount, one can handle the truth; the unknown is another matter.
kinkyflame35
Posted: Sunday, March 25, 2012 7:46:18 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 2/8/2012
Posts: 83
Location: Balham, United Kingdom
One's conscience or guilt for a wrong they have done, will push a person to maybe lie and cover it up. And then lie again to cover that lie, its a vicious circle once inside.........
A person can also lie for something good,maybe a surprise of some sort.

Me personally whether for bad or good, I dislike lying and one that lies. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR BEING DISHONEST!!
Ruthie
Posted: Tuesday, March 27, 2012 1:11:25 AM

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WellMadeMale wrote:


Actually, Miss-Irresistible-Feline-Attracting-Weed, most authority figures are the very last motherfuckers you want to tell the absolute truth to.

I say, 'fuck 'em and the horse they rode in on.' This philosophy has not failed me yet. And I've had a more than a few conversations with them.

I used to tell 'em the truth (as I saw it), til I realized they don't give a shit about the truth, they have already made their own truth...and I will not play into it.


I never volunteer information to the police. The police will lie to me, so I have no problem lying to them. If I am ever in trouble the first thing I'm doing is asking for a lawyer and refusing to answer any questions at all until I talk to one. The police put people into jail and then the prosecutors use informants from that jail to lie and say the person confessed to them. They coerce people into false confessions all the time.
I don't owe them anything.

I try not to lie to my boyfriend any more than I can help though, or to any of my friends for that matter. I feel guilty when I do. I only consider things lies if they are told to protect myself though, not if they're told to protect the feelings of someone I don't want to hurt with the truth. The truth isn't as important to me as my friends feelings.
Guest
Posted: Saturday, August 18, 2012 3:04:23 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,508
DirtyMartini wrote:


Did I read that right? Was that a misprint?

Why would you lie to someone you "love or find attractive" unless you wanted to be rejected?


I was just wondering the same thing. I'm finding the more I interact here the more lies I'm constantly being told. I don't even know how to have a friendship/relationship with someone that lies and thus ... rejection.
Dani
Posted: Saturday, August 18, 2012 4:15:38 PM

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People lie when they don't feel comfortable telling the truth, whether it's to spare another's feelings or to cover their own ass.


Clu3
Posted: Monday, August 20, 2012 8:14:02 PM

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Location: Nowhere
depends with lie.
i had an ex who lie to me about his health for just make my interest on him even more.
i do believe people lie for getting more attention in good way.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, September 04, 2012 2:13:26 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
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People lie for many reasons. People will believe a lie for only one of two reasons: either they want it to be true or they are afraid it may be true. Honesty works best.
Princess4Jim
Posted: Wednesday, September 05, 2012 2:25:41 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/15/2011
Posts: 328
Location: In your Fantasy, United States
People lie for many reasons. We don't always know why they lie, and we might never know why they lied, but there can be many reasons why they lie, Maybe they want to be more interesting. maybe they feel like they will be judged maybe they wanted to be liked. We may never know.

Guest
Posted: Friday, September 07, 2012 4:28:27 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,508
I try not to get too involved with the lying issues at the start of a relationships, just let thing progress rather than demand absolute honesty. Trust is earned anyway so in time, if they are generally honest you will discover this in their everyday actions. Demanding absolute honesty at the start of the relationship seems a bit heavy handed to me personally. Saying that I'm the kind if person who likes to go with the flow.
blazestcyr
Posted: Friday, September 07, 2012 6:35:08 AM

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Joined: 10/19/2011
Posts: 737
Location: where bugs die
people lie for they are insecure about themselves...or the person they are lying to....

though i have to say if you ask if you look fat u deserve whatever lie u get...
keoloke
Posted: Friday, September 07, 2012 7:46:35 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/12/2010
Posts: 599
Location: United States
Generalizing as saying that someone is being honest thus not saying lies vs someone who we say is a liar is like saying there is only black and white. Some shades of black would appear to us as that if not put against a pure black.

Lying is part of our daily life. People's needs room so give room. A wife, husband, a partner and best friend are people too.

On the other hand there are people's who lie so much, that they don't even know that they are lying, or just defend the lie to extreme.

During our work day we're surrounded by constant deceivers and most of all is just lies. The political world is all about manipulation of the truth; so once if it's been tainted and its not the truth anylonger, what is it?

I'm no defending the liars since I'm not much of a good liar myself, but I do agree with WellMadeMan. If you keep speaking the truth all the time you will keep on falling behind other peoples. Your own truth is put to good use for their lies.

This is the world we live in.



Choose n Practice Happiness

Life is simple; we are what we eat and what we read. Talk is superfluous.
AmericanBeauty
Posted: Saturday, September 08, 2012 10:32:53 PM

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people lie because they don't want to hurt the ones that they love, but by doing that is hurting them too. Lying is always going to be part of our lives because some people are afraid to tell the truth.

Paysin
Posted: Monday, September 10, 2012 4:23:55 PM

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Joined: 9/8/2012
Posts: 17
Location: wherever you want me, United States
Lying is a safety mechanism for those that aren't ready to share something intimate/personal, feeling they will be judged harshly, or they think they did something unforgivable and don't want to be tossed away.
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