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Father/daughter dance & Mother/son baseball game banned for being discriminatory Options · View
lafayettemister
Posted: Thursday, September 20, 2012 9:20:09 AM

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Location: Alabama, United States
Mom sues over Father/daughter dance

In an effort to comply with state laws about gender discrimination, a Rhode Island school district has banned father-daughter dances and mother-son baseball games after a single mom complained that her daughter wasn't able to attend a dance.


The mother filed a complaint with the Rhode Island branch of the American Civil Liberties Union last May, saying that her child felt excluded from the dance because she did not have a father figure to take her. The dance was a longstanding event run by a parent-teacher organization.

"I think when schools tell girls 'You love dances' and boys 'You love baseball games,' I think that is going too far," Rhode Island ACLU executive director Steven Brown told talk-radio station WPRO-FM. "That is the whole point of having laws and policies to say public schools should not be the business of really encouraging such blatant stereotypes about what girls like and what boys like."


But some parents say the events were about tradition and family bonding, not gender roles.

"I'm outraged. My family looks forward to this," Lisa Shaljian Mancini told WBZ-TV. "I have three daughters in the school system, and they love this event."

One father -- who also happens to be a Republican candidate for State Senate in Rhode Island -- calls the ban is "an assault on traditional family values."

"For generations, we've had mother-daughter, father-son events," Sean Gately told Fox News. He found out about the ban after an open house earlier this month at his son's school, and brought it to the attention of the local media this week. "My wife was looking forward to taking our son to the annual mother-son event."

Though the complaint was filed with the ALCU in May and the school district resolved it in August, Gately has made the issue part of his election campaign. "I do believe that once this happens in Cranston, the ACLU will pursue every other school district in Rhode Island," he told Fox News.

In a statement released on Tuesday, the ALCU's Brown called the controversy "old news."

"The school district recognized that in the 21st century, public schools have no business fostering the notion that girls prefer to go to formal dances while boys prefer baseball games," the statement read. "PTOs remain free to hold family dances and other events, but the time has long since passed for public school resources to encourage stereotyping from the days of Ozzie and Harriet. Not every girl today is interested in growing up to be Cinderella -- not even in Cranston."

A message left for Brown by Yahoo! Shine was not immediately returned on Wednesday.

Title IX -- the federal law against sex discrimination in schools -- has exceptions for gender-specific parent-child events, but Rhode Island's gender discrimination law does not. Over the summer, the school district's lawyer decided that the dance and baseball game needed to be "open to family and students of both genders" in order to comply with state law.

"I acknowledge that many of these events have long traditions and for many parents, these types of gender-based events are not an issue," school Superintendent Judith A. Lundsten wrote in a letter sent to partner organizations in August. "However, this is a public school system and under no circumstances should we be isolating any child from full participation in school activities and events based on gender. Please be all-inclusive when planning your events."

"We're going to follow the law," Lundsten told WBZ-TV. "I think that, as a community, we'll figure out if we need to move forward and have the law changed."

Cranston Mayor Allan Fung said that he thinks the ban is a result of a "too limited, too narrow read" of Title IX and Rhode Island state law.

"That is what is most frustrating about the entire scenario right now," Cranston Mayor Allan Fung told WBZ-TV in Boston. "Because of one complaint, many children, many sons, many daughters might not have those memories that we all cherish growing up."

The ban only affects gender-specific events held at school. An all-inclusive "parent-child dance," for example, would not be a problem, School Committee member Janice Ruggieri told the Associated Press.

======================

Are father/daughter dances an old school tradition worth keeping? Or is it passe' and time to move on? One parent makes a complaint and has something banned that hundreds of other parents embrace. Is that a good thing being it shows our laws can be changed/fixed because of the efforts of a singular person? Or a bad thing that one person has the power to take away something that a majority of people have no issue with? Especially considering the other parents could easily set up a father/daughter dance outside of school authority? Same with mother/daughter baseball games.

I've taken my girl to a father/daughter dance and it was really cute. Of course she was on in Pre-K at the time, and we'll be going again this year. The school goes up to 8th grade and there were lots of older girls there too. They enjoyed it because they didn't have to worry about who little Johnny was dancing with or if little Peter thought she looked pretty in her dress.

Personally, I think it's pretty stupid to ban these things. One mother's kid couldn't go because he doesn't have a father. The girl could have been escorted by an uncle, older cousin, family friend. As a kid I never had a chance to go to a mother/son baseball game, but I know for sure my mother wouldn't have wanted to go anyway. It would just have been a night that I didn't participate. Nothing wrong with that.

People need to get over themselves. There was another article on yahoo about a woman that was arrested after a neighbor called the police to complain that her (first woman) kids were playing outside without a parent watching. WTF?

Back to the question.... gender specific school functions, yay or nay?





When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
sprite
Posted: Thursday, September 20, 2012 9:24:34 AM

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hey, they can ban gays from taking their boyfriends and lesbians from taking their girlfriends or anyone from taking a porn star so why the fuck do dads get to take their daughters? dude, as a teen i would SO not want my dad take me to a dance - it's just creepy and wrong! like wtf? no uncle either, i mean, jesus, what if he hits the punch bowl and starts hitting on me? yay! showertime again! father-daughter dance is just f'ing WEIRD. how about a brother-sister dance while you're at it? none of this shit should be going on.



Love not hate.
lafayettemister
Posted: Thursday, September 20, 2012 9:27:31 AM

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Location: Alabama, United States
sprite wrote:
hey, they can ban gays from taking their boyfriends and lesbians from taking their girlfriends or anyone from taking a porn star so why the fuck do dads get to take their daughters? dude, as a teen i would SO not want my dad take me to a dance - it's just creepy and wrong! like wtf? no uncle either, i mean, jesus, what if he hits the punch bowl and starts hitting on me? yay! showertime again! father-daughter dance is just f'ing WEIRD. how about a brother-sister dance while you're at it? none of this shit should be going on.


Come on, my kid is 5 years old. In her mind I hung the moon, and I'm sure as hell not going to correct her on that. Yea, there were teens there but they kinda just hung out together. Most of the girls were in grade school. It's not creepy. lol I feel like I need a shower now.





When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
sprite
Posted: Thursday, September 20, 2012 9:30:22 AM

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lafayettemister wrote:


Come on, my kid is 5 years old. In her mind I hung the moon, and I'm sure as hell not going to correct her on that. Yea, there were teens there but they kinda just hung out together. Most of the girls were in grade school. It's not creepy. lol I feel like I need a shower now.


no, totally, at 5 it's cute and your her daddy, and it's totally cool - i'm talking teens age girls here, tho, that would be weird, am i alone in this?



Love not hate.
lafayettemister
Posted: Thursday, September 20, 2012 9:33:05 AM

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sprite wrote:


no, totally, at 5 it's cute and your her daddy, and it's totally cool - i'm talking teens age girls here, tho, that would be weird, am i alone in this?


Teens are different. But they're also old enough to say, "nah, dad. can i go sleep at jennifer's house that night instead?"





When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
Nikki703
Posted: Thursday, September 20, 2012 10:25:51 AM

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sprite wrote:


no, totally, at 5 it's cute and your her daddy, and it's totally cool - i'm talking teens age girls here, tho, that would be weird, am i alone in this?


Not sure how I feel about this. But I do agree that is a little weird. I know when I was a teen, I wouldnt have wanted my father to take me to a dance. And my dad was pretty cool too. And I know my daughters wouldnt have wanted theri father to take them. Actually their father is an asshole so thats not a good example.

Are these father-daughter dances really a big thing. We dont have them where I live and I dont know of anyone who has ever attended one.

But if it is with a little girl like a 5yo, then it is pretty cute. But even then I think the mom should attend too.
WellMadeMale
Posted: Thursday, September 20, 2012 11:09:11 AM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,861
Location: Cakeland, United States
heheh...when I was in HS, I didn't have a girlfriend to take to The Prom. I didn't have a girlfriend period, not because I didn't like girls...but because I'd gone to school with all of them for nearly all my life at that point. I knew most of 'em as if they were my older or younger sister (blecchhh)

My mother brainstormed with her sister and suggested that her daughter (my age) accompany me to The Prom. My cousin went to another school in the same district (but everyone where I attended, knew her...as she once attended my school, ten or so years previously). Besides, she had a boyfriend and what the fuck would he think? The embarrassment level of fail was staggeringly high.

"No thanks, I'm not taking my 1st cousin to my gawddamned Prom...I'll go, leave early...then go score some cheap Kansas beer and get drunk in the hayfield in my rented tuxedo, like 75% of the other redneck guys will do. Maybe we'll even tip some cows, or haul an outhouse onto some train tracks later."

Anything short of an all male circle jerk, would beat being chaperoned by your cousin to a school dance.

Great topic for the feeling think tank, Lafayette. Kudos to you for digging it up!

Obscenity is the last refuge of an inarticulate motherfucker.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, September 20, 2012 12:05:03 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 816,696
lafayettemister wrote:
Mom sues over Father/daughter dance
Are father/daughter dances an old school tradition worth keeping? Or is it passe' and time to move on? One parent makes a complaint and has something banned that hundreds of other parents embrace. Is that a good thing being it shows our laws can be changed/fixed because of the efforts of a singular person? Or a bad thing that one person has the power to take away something that a majority of people have no issue with? Especially considering the other parents could easily set up a father/daughter dance outside of school authority? Same with mother/daughter baseball games.

I've taken my girl to a father/daughter dance and it was really cute. Of course she was on in Pre-K at the time, and we'll be going again this year. The school goes up to 8th grade and there were lots of older girls there too. They enjoyed it because they didn't have to worry about who little Johnny was dancing with or if little Peter thought she looked pretty in her dress.

Personally, I think it's pretty stupid to ban these things. One mother's kid couldn't go because he doesn't have a father. The girl could have been escorted by an uncle, older cousin, family friend. As a kid I never had a chance to go to a mother/son baseball game, but I know for sure my mother wouldn't have wanted to go anyway. It would just have been a night that I didn't participate. Nothing wrong with that.

People need to get over themselves. There was another article on yahoo about a woman that was arrested after a neighbor called the police to complain that her (first woman) kids were playing outside without a parent watching. WTF?

Back to the question.... gender specific school functions, yay or nay?


Don't you dare stop going either LM. Some of the best times a girl can remember is feeling special in her daddy's eyes. He's paying full attention to her and she'll remember it always. Her father is the first man in her life. All men will be measured by him for the rest of her life. Some day she'll think he's lame but, let her have the illusion as long as she can that he's the best thing since sliced bread.
So this bitter woman doesn't have any men in her life as roll models for her child, therefore all other kids have to suffer along with her. I think it's chicken shit of the people that banned it. Why didn't she go to the people in charge and say, my kid doesn't have a male roll model that can help her participate. What can we do about this? Is there a teacher or someone that can fill in? Would anyone abject if the mother stepped in to fill that roll put a damn name tag on her that says "fill in father"? There are tons of options here. Instead the women chose to be a bitch about it and ruin it for everyone. I hope they have something outside of their authority so that the little girls can enjoy that few minutes in her life where her daddy is a king.
1ball
Posted: Thursday, September 20, 2012 5:49:31 PM

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The Law of Unintended Consequences strikes again. I'm old enough to remember Bring Your Daughter To Work Day. The idea was to show daughters positive working women as role models to help them avoid thinking their place was in the home. Great idea. Then became Bring Your Sons and Daughters To Work Day, because it was discriminatory to give girls a day off from school for the sake of career advancement. Buncha brats running around and playing video games while their parents had to keep apologizing for their disruptions.

All part of the Vast Left and Right Wing Conspiracy to punish the GDP. clown

My latest story is too hot to publish. My most recent story before that is Even Stranger In Lust
Dani
Posted: Thursday, September 20, 2012 6:43:25 PM

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This absolutely disgusts me. I've attended several father-daughter dances with my dad. They're some of our most cherished memories. There's nothing creepy about it.



MrNudiePants
Posted: Thursday, September 20, 2012 8:13:14 PM

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Posts: 2,226
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sprite wrote:
hey, they can ban gays from taking their boyfriends and lesbians from taking their girlfriends or anyone from taking a porn star so why the fuck do dads get to take their daughters? dude, as a teen i would SO not want my dad take me to a dance - it's just creepy and wrong! like wtf? no uncle either, i mean, jesus, what if he hits the punch bowl and starts hitting on me? yay! showertime again! father-daughter dance is just f'ing WEIRD. how about a brother-sister dance while you're at it? none of this shit should be going on.



No, no, no, no, noooooo.......

That's not it at all.

I took my daughter to the father-daughter dance. They hold them for seventh-ish grade kids. Basically, it's just like any other middle-school dance. Boys line up over here, girls line up over there. All the kids line up and do the Cha Cha Slide, and the Hamster Dance. They play a slow song at the end and the dads dance once with their daughters. There's punch and cake and cookies. It's the kids first school dance, usually, and calling it the "Father-Daughter Dance" allows everybody to go without feeling all self-conscious and nervous about who is going with whom, or are you even old to date yet?

It's a sappy, sweet time where the fathers finally realize that their daughters are becoming young ladies, and their little baby girls are gone. I can't speak for the rest of the dads, but for me, it was a sad night. I never wanted my little baby girl to grow up. I always wanted to be the warm lap for her to crawl up into, and have a story read. I always wanted to be Doctor Dad, ready with a Band-Aid and some Neosporin, and an ice cream cone to make the boo boo all better. It made me realize that there will soon come a day when she doesn't need me anymore.

I treasure the memory of the Father-Daughter Dance, because when I bring up those memories, she's my little girl again, and she still needs me to fix the boo boo.
sprite
Posted: Thursday, September 20, 2012 8:45:06 PM

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ok... i'm taking people's word on this - we didn't do this kind of thing growing up. dad knew we were grown up when we either first got busted for dealing or were involved in our first shooting. sorry if anyone took offense, but yeah, this is just kind of out of the 1800s for me - barn raising, riding in a horse and buggy stuff, you know? Amish stuff. now father/daughter throw down i know all about. :)



Love not hate.
WellMadeMale
Posted: Thursday, September 20, 2012 8:51:27 PM

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Posts: 10,861
Location: Cakeland, United States
It's not a bad thing, Rachel. Really it's not.

Unless...you're one of the guys looking to put the moves on one of the popular girls and there's her DAD eyeballing all the guys within a 50 foot radius of his daughter.

Then.. you know..you just stand over with all the other hip dudes and don't dance at all that night.

Some of those Dads can kill with a single glare. One needs not to pop up on their radar.

Obscenity is the last refuge of an inarticulate motherfucker.
LadyX
Posted: Friday, September 21, 2012 4:31:35 PM

Rank: Artistic Tart

Joined: 9/25/2009
Posts: 4,773
MrNudiePants wrote:



No, no, no, no, noooooo.......

That's not it at all.

I took my daughter to the father-daughter dance. They hold them for seventh-ish grade kids. Basically, it's just like any other middle-school dance. Boys line up over here, girls line up over there. All the kids line up and do the Cha Cha Slide, and the Hamster Dance. They play a slow song at the end and the dads dance once with their daughters. There's punch and cake and cookies. It's the kids first school dance, usually, and calling it the "Father-Daughter Dance" allows everybody to go without feeling all self-conscious and nervous about who is going with whom, or are you even old to date yet?

It's a sappy, sweet time where the fathers finally realize that their daughters are becoming young ladies, and their little baby girls are gone. I can't speak for the rest of the dads, but for me, it was a sad night. I never wanted my little baby girl to grow up. I always wanted to be the warm lap for her to crawl up into, and have a story read. I always wanted to be Doctor Dad, ready with a Band-Aid and some Neosporin, and an ice cream cone to make the boo boo all better. It made me realize that there will soon come a day when she doesn't need me anymore.

I treasure the memory of the Father-Daughter Dance, because when I bring up those memories, she's my little girl again, and she still needs me to fix the boo boo.



aww.

well said. Kind of brought me around on this one.



Wish I'd had parents I felt that way about LOL, but that's a whole other subject.
Guest
Posted: Friday, September 21, 2012 4:35:28 PM

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I was thinking that about you and Sprite when I read his post too.
I wish you both could have known that love and security of that kind of a Father. It's a wonderful thing that stays with you for the rest of your life.
LadyX
Posted: Friday, September 21, 2012 4:41:26 PM

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Posts: 4,773
chefkathleen wrote:
I was thinking that about you and Sprite when I read his post too.
I wish you both could have known that love and security of that kind of a Father. It's a wonderful thing that stays with you for the rest of your life.


:)

I see it in other people, that's for sure. And now, with any luck, my child will experience that for himself.
Buz
Posted: Sunday, September 23, 2012 9:00:22 PM

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A father-daughter dance would easily garner 100,000 views in the incest section.

Oh shit I just came up with a great reason to ban those things!

How about a father-son dance, mother-daughter dance, a neighbor-daughter dance, or brother-sister dance, a stripper-senior boy dance? It can go on and on...

Ban 'em! Ban 'em! Ban 'em! director








loud_bkr
Posted: Monday, September 24, 2012 3:53:06 AM

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All dancing should be banned!!



adele
Posted: Monday, September 24, 2012 10:40:15 AM

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loud_bkr wrote:
All dancing should be banned!!



Well, at least all dancing by people who look like that, dressed like that!
sprite
Posted: Monday, September 24, 2012 11:21:46 AM

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LadyX wrote:



aww.

well said. Kind of brought me around on this one.


Wish I'd had parents I felt that way about LOL, but that's a whole other subject.


i am still suspect... you went all soft when you went and became a mom, Ms X *hugs* :)



Love not hate.
Guest
Posted: Monday, September 24, 2012 12:49:47 PM

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LadyX wrote:


:)

I see it in other people, that's for sure. And now, with any luck, my child will experience that for himself.


Man I hope you are right. It means so much to a person in the long run.
btw, that means you'll have to be out there on the ball field with him ya know. Whistle
Guest
Posted: Monday, September 24, 2012 1:11:12 PM

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its just another case of one whiner ruining something for the group. i say let them do it and teach the kid sometimes life isn't fair. binky
LadyX
Posted: Monday, September 24, 2012 3:35:57 PM

Rank: Artistic Tart

Joined: 9/25/2009
Posts: 4,773
chefkathleen wrote:


Man I hope you are right. It means so much to a person in the long run.
btw, that means you'll have to be out there on the ball field with him ya know. Whistle


LOL no! He has a daddy, that's what he's there for. I've got most of the other 95% covered.
MrNudiePants
Posted: Monday, September 24, 2012 9:11:06 PM

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LadyX wrote:


:)

I see it in other people, that's for sure. And now, with any luck, my child will experience that for himself.


He will. Of this I have no doubt. It won't be by luck, but because you are who you are.

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