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Would you date a man if Autism was involved? Options · View
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, September 26, 2012 12:50:22 PM

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Had this question burning inside me for a very long time and I figured maybe you ladies would be nice enough to share your opinions on this matter. Not since my junior year of High School have I had a girlfriend and due to my high morale values at that time I never had sex with her and prior to that I never really had a girlfriend even during grade school due to not giving that much thought when I was a child of 5 to 14 years old but when I reached 15 years old as much as I wanted to have a relationship with someone in those days I could not find anyone who understood me nor did I have the ability to talk to girls due to a very high level of shyness.

And as you can tell my shyness of girls are also primarily due to the fact that I'm a High Functioning Autistic, meaning that I can most of the time act like a normal human being but I still have some symptoms of Autism, and even now at 23 years old I can't really talk to girls without making an ass out of myself and I'm wondering to myself if I'm doing anything wrong that needs to be addressed. Depending on the replies I'll do my best to explain to y'all what I've been having problems with in future postings.
sprite
Posted: Wednesday, September 26, 2012 12:54:55 PM

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depends - not having any idea what the symptoms of a highly functional autistic man are, i can't comment - perhaps if you'd care to elaborate? if it's simply a matter of being shy, then theoretically, yeah, if we hit it off and i saw something beyond the shyness that attracted be.

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Guest
Posted: Wednesday, September 26, 2012 1:01:43 PM

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In response to what sprite said about wanting to know the symptoms of High Functioning Autism from AutismSpeaks.Org I found a list of symptoms that I'm guilty of being on half of the list

• limited or inappropriate social interactions
• "robotic" or repetitive speech
• challenges with nonverbal communication (gestures, facial expression, etc.) coupled with average to above average verbal skills
• tendency to discuss self rather than others
• inability to understand social/emotional issues or nonliteral phrases
• lack of eye contact or reciprocal conversation
• obsession with specific, often unusual, topics
• one-sided conversations
• awkward movements and/or mannerisms
MoonlightSerenity
Posted: Wednesday, September 26, 2012 1:48:31 PM

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As someone who used to be around people who suffer from all ranges of the autistic spectrum I can say that I don't discriminate. If I liked a guy and he had autism then I'd find a way to make it work out.

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Ariel21
Posted: Wednesday, September 26, 2012 2:11:14 PM

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I cant say i would discriminate on someone. That includes race, sexual orientation, religion and things such as autism. If i really liked someone its because of there personality. I would try and make it work.
loud_bkr
Posted: Wednesday, September 26, 2012 3:07:15 PM

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Well I dated a lady with HFA and she was wonderful. Yes there were issues but she had tricks to overcome them.
So even though this was aimed at the ladies I think it is relevant to the guys as well.

Good luck!

maggi
Posted: Wednesday, September 26, 2012 3:20:40 PM

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I wouldn't discriminate either. I have worked for many years with adults and children with autism and if i liked someone then I would try to work out any problems that we we might encounter - same as a relationship with anyone else.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, September 27, 2012 9:10:52 AM

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well the fact that I got some positive than I expected responses out of this thread it's motivating me to actually see if I can get some help in actually talking to girls maybe via a professional matchmaker (and I do believe that those exist) when I make a move to Illinois in the near future. But at the same time I'm also gonna have to some other counseling especially to although not part of my symptoms towards my Autism but I do think many of them do have it: a easy loss of temper over things where you shouldn't lose your temper on.

My temper has been doing a lot of harm to people who care about me and wanna help me and I have a tendency to throw it back at their face and its not doing me any good in terms of anything.
Nikki703
Posted: Thursday, September 27, 2012 9:46:47 AM

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If I liked the person I would at least give it a try. It is possible some of the characteristics could hinder us having a fulfilling relationship but I still would be willing to try.

1ball
Posted: Thursday, September 27, 2012 3:24:31 PM

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My advice would be to make sure they know you have this condition, so they can do research and learn what they're getting into. Some women shy away from any complicating factors in a relationship, and some just wouldn't understand that acting not normal is a condition and not a choice, but some would not mind having to have the patience that it takes to deal with HFA, as long as they can discriminate when some behavior is or isn't attributable to the HFA.


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Guest
Posted: Thursday, September 27, 2012 4:00:44 PM

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Well, the autism spectrum is so large that it's hard to say with just that piece of info. One of my best friends is an exceptionally high functioning autistic man currently pursuing a masters in library science- wouldn't date him because we've known each other since third grade and are not that kind of friends. Another guy I know is technically high functioning, but is so completely lost in his own thoughts that he can't make room for anybody else's- I wouldn't date him, because I think he's a jerk; how much that has to do with his autism is up for debate.

I briefly dated an autistic woman in my sophomore year of college, but as you probably know, the social symptoms of autism tend to manifest quite differently when occurring in women. I theorize that this is largely due to the way we train women in society to be timid and quiet- the way a lot of autistic men are- and they rebel. This occurs usually when a social niche is found, like being incredibly nerdy. She was.

All this to say that autism is an enormous spectrum, and it's not a lot of information to go on. I don't think you're doing anything wrong, though. My suggestion is that a social niche of accepting people is helpful, though. Even if you're not super into whatever it is they are- say, theater, or board games. You'll usually find a lot of ways to connect with people, and you'll meet people in small groups which is usually the easiest time to interact with them, especially when they're doing all the work of getting to know you *cough, cough* theater.

Hope that was useful.
Guest
Posted: Friday, September 28, 2012 7:57:34 AM

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CenterLine wrote:
Well, the autism spectrum is so large that it's hard to say with just that piece of info. One of my best friends is an exceptionally high functioning autistic man currently pursuing a masters in library science- wouldn't date him because we've known each other since third grade and are not that kind of friends. Another guy I know is technically high functioning, but is so completely lost in his own thoughts that he can't make room for anybody else's- I wouldn't date him, because I think he's a jerk; how much that has to do with his autism is up for debate.

I briefly dated an autistic woman in my sophomore year of college, but as you probably know, the social symptoms of autism tend to manifest quite differently when occurring in women. I theorize that this is largely due to the way we train women in society to be timid and quiet- the way a lot of autistic men are- and they rebel. This occurs usually when a social niche is found, like being incredibly nerdy. She was.

All this to say that autism is an enormous spectrum, and it's not a lot of information to go on. I don't think you're doing anything wrong, though. My suggestion is that a social niche of accepting people is helpful, though. Even if you're not super into whatever it is they are- say, theater, or board games. You'll usually find a lot of ways to connect with people, and you'll meet people in small groups which is usually the easiest time to interact with them, especially when they're doing all the work of getting to know you *cough, cough* theater.

Hope that was useful.


Fortunately I've been fortunate enough to find my own social niche which is usually found in the world of Liberal Talk radio especially in places to where you not only listen to the shows but you also watch em when they have webcams and they also have chat rooms where you can interact with other fans of these shows. Sure I'll admit it ain't physical meetings where I can speak to people face to face but the fact that politics is where I'm at my most comfortable once I start going back to college I'll make an effort to join debate teams....and from what I heard one time Debate Teams have been known to be more promiscuous than sports programs.
TheDevilsWeakness
Posted: Friday, September 28, 2012 8:28:01 AM

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ElectricOutcast wrote:
In response to what sprite said about wanting to know the symptoms of High Functioning Autism from AutismSpeaks.Org I found a list of symptoms that I'm guilty of being on half of the list

• limited or inappropriate social interactions
• "robotic" or repetitive speech
• challenges with nonverbal communication (gestures, facial expression, etc.) coupled with average to above average verbal skills
• tendency to discuss self rather than others
• inability to understand social/emotional issues or nonliteral phrases
• lack of eye contact or reciprocal conversation
• obsession with specific, often unusual, topics
• one-sided conversations
• awkward movements and/or mannerisms


From the majority of the symptoms listed, I would say no.
It wouldn't matter if you were autistic or not. I've met quite a few HFA that have just rubbed me the wrong way and makes me want to run. Someone always says, "Oh, it's because they're autistic."
It doesn't matter, I still get that flight feeling after being ridiculed or made to feel worthless because I wasn't interested in the topic they're discussing or I gave an opinion that they didn't agree with. (I've also met a few HFA that weren't like this, but there was no connection or "spark")
I want an interactive and equal partner, not someone that will lecture me on a topic and not let me get a word in edgewise nor allow me to voice my opinion or introduce a new topic to discuss.
It reminds me entirely too much of the mental and emotional abuse I endured with an ex.
And he wasn't autistic, he was just an asshole that nearly destroyed me.

Guest
Posted: Friday, September 28, 2012 8:49:11 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
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TheDevilsWeakness wrote:

I want an interactive and equal partner, not someone that will lecture me on a topic and not let me get a word in edgewise nor allow me to voice my opinion or introduce a new topic to discuss.
It reminds me entirely too much of the mental and emotional abuse I endured with an ex.
And he wasn't autistic, he was just an asshole that nearly destroyed me.


in terms of "not getting a word in edgewise" most of the time the opposite happens to me whenever I try to get into conversations where they're doing most of the talking and try as I might to get a window in where I can interrupt and bring my point in and sometimes people will allow me to say something once I get in but for those who don't usually that upsets me where I have to just get mad and raise my voice and it leaves nobody happy.
musicluver
Posted: Friday, September 28, 2012 11:03:49 AM

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Ok i know this is directed towards the ladies but id just like to say that if it was a female though it might start off differently i dont see why a relationship couldnt be built and furthered. Albeit there are alot of people who either cant or wont accept that there are many who would welcome you as you are for the kind of person you truly are inside. Ive dated women with mental and physical issues and though things arent always the same i cant say i didnt enjoy my time spent with each one of them. I look at it like this, we all have something about ourselves we dislike or would like to change from simple to serious issues but when it comes down to it we all generally want someone to love us for who we are and in return reciprocate those feelings. I wish you the best of luck and i believe we all have someone out there we are meant to be with and i hope you find yours.
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, October 08, 2014 10:07:40 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,386
For reasons I'm sure you could understand, a relationship with a low-functioning autistic person would be nearly impossible. However, with a high-functioning autistic guy, why not? My boufriend's best friend is high-functioning autistic and although he has some peoblems with girls (mostly because he goes for some crazy ones) he is normal in just about every way and could definitely be in a serious relationship,
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