Welcome Guest Search | Active Topics | Members | Log In | Register

cheating Options · View
sexy96
Posted: Saturday, December 12, 2009 6:50:24 AM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 11/1/2009
Posts: 2
Location: nsw
If someone cheats on u should u just leave them or give them a change
DBarclay
Posted: Saturday, December 12, 2009 7:38:10 AM

Rank: Mr Nobody

Joined: 2/28/2008
Posts: 948
Location: Florida, United States
sexy96 wrote:
If someone cheats on u should u just leave them or give them a change


Get out the big wood chipper ....
Primal
Posted: Saturday, December 12, 2009 8:37:30 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/14/2009
Posts: 700
Location: USA
Save your "free cheat card" for a rainy day.



In order to know virtue, you must first become acquainted with vice.
- Donatien Alphonse Francois de Sade


En vis mann slår aldri en hund i klubben med en stokk, fordi hunden vil vende rundt og biter mannens ballene av.
MMonroe
Posted: Saturday, December 12, 2009 9:59:34 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/10/2009
Posts: 1,893
Location: United Kingdom
Get rid. Even if he primses he's never gonna do it again, was the first time and a one off, you're still gonna be paranoid about it for the rest of your relationship, and without trust there is no relationship



*Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?*



Lisa
Posted: Saturday, December 12, 2009 1:55:30 PM

Rank: Moderator

Joined: 3/3/2009
Posts: 5,168
Location: Victoria, Australia
My opinion's not going to be a popular one, but I think in some instances, it's worth a second chance. I'm not a fan of leaving a situation just because it gets difficult. It can't be fun and games all the time.

If you love him, it might be worth the effort for you both to try and fix the relationship. If it's still not working, then it's time to leave.
Guest
Posted: Saturday, December 12, 2009 2:50:22 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 688,922
Lisa wrote:
My opinion's not going to be a popular one, but I think in some instances, it's worth a second chance. I'm not a fan of leaving a situation just because it gets difficult. It can't be fun and games all the time.

If you love him, it might be worth the effort for you both to try and fix the relationship. If it's still not working, then it's time to leave.


I agree.

You need to put things into perspective for yourself.
Do you see yourself with this man for the rest of your life?
Is he worth your tears? (the ones that are usually wont make you cry)
Do you love him enough to see this over?
Do you see yourself in a position to ever trust him completely again? Relationships are nothing if their isn't trust, for women that's usually the main reason why we seek commitment, its like a security blanket, knowing there is someone in the world you can love and trust completely and he will never betray you.

If you can answer those questions TRUTHFULLY, I think you will be able to answer it for yourself.
WellMadeMale
Posted: Saturday, December 12, 2009 3:12:21 PM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,487
Location: Cakeland, United States
I tried it Lisa's route, twice in my life...and both times...I later wished I had not.

I did care a great deal about the first young woman...and the 2nd one (ms super-freak)...I now realize I was a little too desperate (not enough self confidence...or just didn't want to toss the freaky sex out the window) to cut my ties with her on the spot.

Ever since the last woman, I've tried to engage in the monogamy conversation with any woman who I've decided I wanted to sleep with repeatedly and who acts as if she wants to do the same, with me. It's better I think to cut down on STD contamination, primarily...as well as keeping drama out of my life - by having other men (jealous or envious) encroaching upon and/or accosting me - while I'm out in public somewhere.

Woman #1 - confessed to me that she had strayed...and we talked things out, for nearly 5 hours...in the parking lot of a restaurant I had taken her for her birthday. After we had bumped into the man whom she had slept with a few times - eating at said restaurant with his own wife...and I'd noticed there was a little bit too much giddiness and familiarity between the two of them...as he came over to say 'hello'. I don't know if his wife was aware, but that wasn't my concern.

This young lady was very remorseful, in tears within 2 minutes after I merely asked her...as I was opening the vehicle door for her to enter and sit..."Hey, babe...have you been cheating on us...with that handsome and suave SOB? If so, then I can't fault you, he's quite charming, humorous and he's pretty good looking...but if so, then perhaps we should think about splitting up...I won't compete for the woman I love, in that manner...we've been together what now...6 years - perhaps it is time for me to let you go - all good things must end..."

Around 2 in the morning...both of us exhausted...I drove her back home, we enjoyed passionate lovemaking...and I paid the attention to her again for the next few months, which she felt I had not for the previous year...

Everything was peachy for the next four months, until I caught her stepping out on me again, with another handsome bastard - her boss. Lessons learned - cussing

So, in reality...I think it's really a bit of a crap shoot, and it all depends upon what you are willing to deal with...I've always thought (prior to those two women stepping out on me) - that 'once a cheater...always a cheater'...but now I try to hammer the understanding of any mutual relationship, down pat...from the start...

"Do you want to continue seeing other men, while seeing me?"

"If so, would it bother you if I saw other women?"

"If so, would you mind if we played together as a couple...ie - swinging / no cucking, perhaps we could see how far we'd both wish to grow this relationship - with regards to adventurous sexual play?"

I always have this discussion, in some form or flavor now...since 1999. It has led to some fun times...and it has ended a few budding relationships...but I haven't been heartbroken or disappointed since, either.

The last woman (ms super freak) - whom I discovered was using internet dating websites as a spider uses a web...decided that she didn't wanna play any 'too freaky' games as a couple...or delve into the swinging lifestyle - when I initiated that conversation with her. I think now, she was pissed off that I was onto her...she was very intelligent, quite cunning - an excellent liar.

Had I not walked in on her unannounced while she was having some fun...she'd have been quite content to live as a divorced woman - keeping me and two other men in the dark - making us all think she was our 'one-and-only'...

Too bad to, she was an adventurous kinked-up, 32-flavored - drop of the hat, bi-nympho, unlike any woman/pardner - I had known (to that point).

I saw her last year, at a library with her two, now mid-teen-aged children (both of whom I considered to be great kids)...she'd blossomed into quite the homely, haggard-looking 49 year old. She also had her current boyfriend or husband in-tow, with the three of them. He didn't look like he was particularly enthralled to be at the library.

I counted my blessings.





Most intelligent people are introspective and doubt themselves while many fucktards are proudly over-confident. - a tip of the hat to Charles Bukowski
rxtales
Posted: Saturday, December 12, 2009 4:25:28 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 11/28/2008
Posts: 2,589
Location: Newcastle, United Kingdom
Depends on the person, sometimes I think it's worth it to give the person a second chance. I have cheated on a bf on the past, granted the only reason was because he was abusive and I was scared to leave. But he found out and held it against me. If there's no trust in a relationship then it can't work. There was a reason I treated on him, it was a bad relationship and it should've ended when he found out, but it didn't. Maybe it's worth fixing if it was a one off mistake and there is still some trust. But if they have been cheating on you repeatedly with the same person or many partners, there is a reason and I would say leave him/her.
Guest
Posted: Saturday, December 12, 2009 5:30:24 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 688,922
For me, I would cut bait and move on. Self respect intact, and no wondering about whether or not there will be a next time.
Guest
Posted: Sunday, December 13, 2009 5:02:52 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 688,922
My ex husband cheated on me after 15 yrs of marriage. I couldn't keep loving him in the way I had done before. He looked different to me if you know what I mean, I couldn't bare for him to touch me. I stopped liking him as a person and for me that is worse than losing trust. I couldn't live with someone I didn't like.
MMonroe
Posted: Sunday, December 13, 2009 7:53:50 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/10/2009
Posts: 1,893
Location: United Kingdom
Maybe if you could give us more details about what happened to you, then we can give more advice about what to do



*Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?*



Guest
Posted: Monday, December 14, 2009 11:33:20 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 688,922

In light of the Tiger Woods ... explosion ... it's a very current topic over the watercooler.

from personal experience ... a man who is IN LOVE with you, committed and respectful to you - may look at another person, but would never cheat - because YOU mean too much to him.

Sex is just sex. Love is something different. Men and women can argue around that forever ....

I always think of Paul Newman's well-repeated comment about lovers/women coming on to him. (For those who are not aware, he was married for 40 plus years to Joanne Woodward - in a very tough industry- film) He said - why have a hamburger when you have steak at home? ok ... I know Primal will say something about that ...

So give him another chance? personally, I wouldn't, because he doesn't respect you or himself. I prefer a man who has self-respect. I prefer to live in the real world; not one that is based on lies ... cuz you'll never get the "real story".

Good luck ... and hope all these opinions assist you in some way to making a livable choice for yourself.

cheers
Van

mercianknight
Posted: Wednesday, December 16, 2009 10:04:42 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/11/2009
Posts: 2,027
Location: whispering conspiratorially in your ear, Bermuda
Lisa gets my vote - with one proviso.

It is absolutely imperative that one knows the (alleged) reason for the cheat or infidelity. Knowing the why can affect the decision whether to soldier on or not. And if you decide to walk away at you'll be armed with one persons perspective or reason as to why they cheated on you.

And that is about as brave as I get in this minefield. I'm off to hide in a bunker. Lisa, wanna join me for a cup of tea? angel7

"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element

"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
WickedShads
Posted: Wednesday, December 16, 2009 2:28:07 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/26/2009
Posts: 1,195
Location: Pennsylvania, United States
Merc, I think Lisa's point was that you can never really know the true "why", which would make your poviso irrelevant.

Personally I do think a single cheat "instance" is survivable. I do, however, question whether or not a relationship should just be "survived" rather than "cherished". If your aren't looking for a relationship to continue to grow and become more fulfilling over time, you've already "settled" for something less than ideal - so who cares if one party or the other cheats? *shrugs*

To me, the only reason for cheating, regardless of "how it happened" is somebody is at least partially dissatisfied with it. A fulfilled relationship would never involve cheating.

"I can resist everything except temptation." - Oscar Wilde
cremey
Posted: Saturday, April 10, 2010 10:43:52 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 4/5/2010
Posts: 25
Location: KY
forget them. if you want a relationship with them, forget it, you'll never be able to trust them again, no matter how hard you try, and thatll make yall fight a lot!!!! with no trust theres no relationship. of course if you want to keep him around and use him as a sex pet, well, thats a good idea, but dont try to make a go of a relationship. youll be wating your time and heart and energy!!! follow your gut........and go get his best friend....lo ;)
Users browsing this topic
Guest 


Forum Jump
You cannot post new topics in this forum.
You cannot reply to topics in this forum.
You cannot delete your posts in this forum.
You cannot edit your posts in this forum.
You cannot create polls in this forum.
You cannot vote in polls in this forum.

Main Forum RSS : RSS

Powered by Yet Another Forum.net version 1.9.1.6 (NET v4.0) - 11/14/2007
Copyright © 2003-2006 Yet Another Forum.net. All rights reserved.