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Guest
Posted: Wednesday, November 28, 2012 9:06:45 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 694,120
I want to ask you how you learn to trust new men that come into your life.

I met an lovely young man this week by accident, but then half way to getting to know him I backed off and thought he's probably a weirdo anyway. I have a feeling that I may just get stuck into a rut if I don't learn to trust men again.

I did have a violent mental relationship about 8 years ago, the scars have healed... but that trust part when you meet someone new is ever as present...

How can I move on?
sweet_as_candy
Posted: Wednesday, November 28, 2012 9:40:58 AM

Rank: Sydney Slider
Moderator

Joined: 5/28/2012
Posts: 2,826
Location: In the library
I am so very sorry to hear that you have suffered in the past. Perhaps your question maybe better suited in the agony aunts section?

http://www.lushstories.com/forum/yaf_topics37_Agony-Aunt-Olivia.aspx








blazestcyr
Posted: Wednesday, November 28, 2012 10:16:25 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/19/2011
Posts: 737
Location: where bugs die
not all men are violent

you know the signs...over controlling..obsessive...

having had a father and a husband like that i so understand your pain

but..you have to trust..make sure your friends think he is a good guy

and dont jump in until u know him very very well

you will get over this...

but you always..will be skeptical...
Guest
Posted: Thursday, November 29, 2012 12:57:44 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 694,120
icon_smile Thanks Blaze
freakycactus
Posted: Thursday, November 29, 2012 1:58:33 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/12/2010
Posts: 411
Location: On my cloud, United Kingdom
I agree with Blaze. It takes time, patience, support from family and friends and remembering that most men, most people, aren't violent. The process of trusting again is different for everyone and it's also tough.

If you meet someone, or get back in touch with this guy, and you want to get to know them but find yourself pulling away, tell them why. Someone who is worth getting to know will understand, be patient and will try to help you through it.

You'll probably find that you have certain triggers, you'll have a different reaction to some things people say or do, than others would. I know I do. You said the relationship was 8 years ago so you probably know of some already, learn what your triggers are and you'll learn to manage your reactions to some of them.

Just remember, it takes time and it can often be a frustrating process but you've already taken the most important step, you've recognised a problem and you've asked for help. That is a brave thing to do.

If you ever want to talk, let off steam or ask questions, you're welcome to message me any time.

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