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Is there such a thing as...bad sex? Options · View
WellMadeMale
Posted: Friday, April 16, 2010 7:26:42 PM

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Location: Cakeland, United States
On another forum I frequent (it is strictly a male only board, and has been since 1999) - it's often been stated:

There is no such thing as bad sex.

I disagree and I find myself in the vocal minority at a ratio of about 35 to 1.

I figure some of that is due to bravado (which I find difficult to believe considering that only three or four men there have ever met, and most of us never will meet). I had always hoped that the anonymity of that forum would encourage more open discourse. Sometimes about some subjects it has, but about this subject - nope.

So apparently there are 50 guys on that site who think that all sex is either good, great or phenomenal...but never bad.

I will be the first to admit (there) and anywhere else...I was a lousy lay (often selfish and sometimes just clumsy) for about the first ten years of my sexual experience and I would also say that more than a few women in the last 25 years might classify me as...a terrible piece of ass.

I don't think you can click with everyone, in that way. And if you have, then you're either a top-shelf casanova or, arrogant beyond repair.

I've endured many an engagement which I knew in my mind as it was occurring - "This will never happen again."

What say you?

If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Friday, April 16, 2010 7:49:31 PM

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I think we've all had bad sex at some point... and sometimes many points!

Those that say there is no such thing probably don't get it very often, and are just thrilled to get laid regardless of how good it was.

For me, if I'm not feeling passionate about the person, I really might as well stick to my toybox. If I'm out of sexual lust with someone, then I'm not going to be into it, and then I just find the sex is going through the motions.

If I'm not into it, I just won't have it. Plain and simple. This is usually when I know when to end a relationship... the first I'm having sex and realizing I'm just going through the motions, I know it's a warning sign that it might be time to check-out. And usually I do. I would MUCH rather be single/alone than in a relationship that I wasn't putting 100% into.


Algol
Posted: Friday, April 16, 2010 7:53:04 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/30/2008
Posts: 4,633
Location: In search of a warm place, United States
I too was young and inexperienced as was my partner and it was bad.

I can’t remember what the name of book was or who wrote it but I studied it from cover to cover.

I also sought out more experienced partners (women in their twenties and thirties) I learned a lot from them.

I can’t remember a time since my teen years has sex been bad… So yes… it can be bad but not if the chemistry is there and one of the participants knows how to lead.

Algol

DamonX
Posted: Friday, April 16, 2010 8:00:45 PM

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Joined: 1/25/2009
Posts: 795
I think that when you are young...sex is like pizza. Even if its bad...its still pretty good.

The mere fact that you are having sex...is a plus. Numbers actually matter.

As you get older though, there definately is bad sex. I think what constitutes "bad" differs between people though. To me, having plain missionary sex is ok for the first time, but after that, things better pick up. I will tolerate bad sex with a hot girl though, simply because she is hot. Likewise, I have been with less attractive girls many times over because the sex was so good.

I guess though, there are very few experiences that I have regretted so maybe (technically) there is no bad sex. But I've heard that men tend to regret the women that they don;t sleep with and women tend to regret the ones they do sleep with.
LaceyChains
Posted: Friday, April 16, 2010 8:15:15 PM

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Uh, yeah there is. If it's painful (when it's not supposed to be) or leaves you feeling empty or used, that is bad sex. I don't have to cum for it to be good, but I do have to feel good about it the next morning.
Jillicious
Posted: Friday, April 16, 2010 8:33:57 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/28/2009
Posts: 1,293
LaceyChains wrote:
Uh, yeah there is. If it's painful (when it's not supposed to be) or leaves you feeling empty or used, that is bad sex. I don't have to cum for it to be good, but I do have to feel good about it the next morning.


I nearly disagreed with everyone until I read your comment. Feeling used afterwards is really the only "bad" sex I have ever had. But I have always tried to avoid sex with a guy unless we were really into each other.
Besides that I've never had sex where I was completely disappointed. I have had some sex that wasn't very great but I wouldn't call it bad.

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Guest
Posted: Friday, April 16, 2010 9:34:44 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
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LaceyChains wrote:
Uh, yeah there is. If it's painful (when it's not supposed to be) or leaves you feeling empty or used, that is bad sex. I don't have to cum for it to be good, but I do have to feel good about it the next morning.


If sex is just a sport, and it is to some people, then it can be judged solely on performance. As you point out there are emotional aspects which can be quite negative. Two people bored with each other may find it hard to have an orgasm and when they do wonder why they bothered even when well versed in sexual techniques. It all amounts to bad sex.

On the other hand two people with the fire between them can have great and satisfying sex without being very good technically.
Guest
Posted: Friday, April 16, 2010 9:47:40 PM

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LaceyChains wrote:
Uh, yeah there is. If it's painful (when it's not supposed to be) or leaves you feeling empty or used, that is bad sex. I don't have to cum for it to be good, but I do have to feel good about it the next morning.


I agree. When it's lacking passion, and I think as I am resuming my normal path, what a waste ... that's bad sex.

Disappointed, and then horrified when the guy wants to repeat .... yikes!

Van
Guest
Posted: Friday, April 16, 2010 10:12:54 PM

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Depends on how you define it. Is it bad compared to other times you have it, or just in general. I think for a lot of people, their first time falls under bother categories. Bein inexperienced/nervous/unsure can make things a bit hard to manage and quite frankly painful. Mine personally was all three, but for other reasons.

But, I think everyone has bad sex at least once, depending again, on how you define it, and I think that definition is different for each individual
LaceyChains
Posted: Saturday, April 17, 2010 3:03:36 AM

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My first time hurt and the blood scared me even though I knew it was normal. I did really like the guy I was with though and he was very sweet about it. It wasn't by any stretch good sex, but it could have been alot worse.
My next guy was really clumsey and in such a hurry that, even though I'd done it with my first a dozen times or so, it hurt almost as much as losing my virginity did. Afterwards I was so angry with him and myself for trusting him when all he really wanted was to fuck me. That was probably the worst time I ever had, mostly because that was the first time I was really used for sex.
I've been with 11 men and 3 women and all but 3 of the guys were at least good enough to leave me willing or wanting them again.

LaceyChains
Posted: Saturday, April 17, 2010 3:13:40 AM

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Kyle wrote:
LaceyChains wrote:
Uh, yeah there is. If it's painful (when it's not supposed to be) or leaves you feeling empty or used, that is bad sex. I don't have to cum for it to be good, but I do have to feel good about it the next morning.


If sex is just a sport, and it is to some people, then it can be judged solely on performance. As you point out there are emotional aspects which can be quite negative. Two people bored with each other may find it hard to have an orgasm and when they do wonder why they bothered even when well versed in sexual techniques. It all amounts to bad sex.

On the other hand two people with the fire between them can have great and satisfying sex without being very good technically.


I don't know if it's a guy thing or not but I don't think I could have even decent sex without that emotional conection. I mean sex as a sport? I've been a fairly easy target for guys, still I have to feel something for a guy before I could have sex with him. Maybe that's just me.
WellMadeMale
Posted: Saturday, April 17, 2010 11:23:13 AM

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Location: Cakeland, United States
LaceyChains wrote:
I've been with 11 men and 3 women and all but 3 of the guys were at least good enough to leave me willing or wanting them again.


That is just about my ratio as well, Lacey.

15:3 ...or...1/5th - and that's all I was really driving at.

The great majority of men at my other forum...married young, are still married...or have had at most, 5 or fewer sexual partners in their lives.

They claim that they've never experienced a bad sexual experience with a woman. I think they are either: a) extremely fortunate...b) extremely inexperienced....c) extremely self unaware....d) unable to admit the truth, even in anonymity....e) full of shit

Or, (b) (c) (d) and (e).

If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
LaceyChains
Posted: Saturday, April 17, 2010 1:59:46 PM

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Maybe it has to do with the ego younger guys have. With a lot of them it's as long as they came it's good sex. If they didn't, it was wasn't really sex at all.
That's one reason I like older guys
I'll be honest, most of those 11 guys didn't make me cum, but they were just a little to inexperiance to know what I needed. Sometimes all it takes is for a guy to be patient and a good kisser fore to enjoy being with him
Catnip
Posted: Monday, April 19, 2010 1:11:22 AM

Rank: Internet Sensation

Joined: 3/30/2009
Posts: 3,967
Location: Cloudy dreams., Sweden
LaceyChains wrote:
Maybe it has to do with the ego younger guys have. With a lot of them it's as long as they came it's good sex. If they didn't, it was wasn't really sex at all.

coffee Men...


DamonX
Posted: Monday, April 19, 2010 8:28:38 PM

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Joined: 1/25/2009
Posts: 795
Oh come on now. You can't always blame men. Most younger girls I've been with just lay there. Sometimes you have to actually tell guys what you like. Its easy to get a guy off...just insert, move in and out...and repeat. Women (usually) are a bit more variable in what works and what doesn't.

I think young guys know when sex is bad...they just don't care as much. When you're young, you're happy just to be sticking in your dick in something. Bad sex is better than no sex.
LadyX
Posted: Tuesday, April 20, 2010 4:42:37 PM

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Okay 2 things-

1 Yes there is such a thing as bad sex. I call it- my first time. Seriously, worst sex possible. And there are lots of ways it can be bad. The guy can be too big, too small, too rough, too passive, not last long enough, you name it, it can ruin sex.

2 It's true, its not all the guy's fault when sex sucks. I hear from guys a lot that their regular partner is no damn good at it, and lots of times the don't care to change or learn, so guys getting all the blame on this is bullshit, I have to admit.
Guest
Posted: Saturday, April 24, 2010 5:11:56 PM

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wear i come from, bad sex is just around the corner.

no sex is much preferred, at leest by me.
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Sunday, April 25, 2010 9:20:42 PM

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I've noticed that some people aren't very comfortable being vocal during sex, and I think that if you aren't communicating throughout, this can lead to a greater potential for bad sex.

If there hasn't been any dirty talk (or romantic talk if you prefer it that way), then it really just amounts to a lot of action, heavy breathing, and the occasional moans or grunts.

If by the end of it, you have to turn to your partner and ask "was it good for you?", or "did you enjoy that?", or even validating "that was great", then chances are you're sliding down the bad-sex scale.

If you're in doubt, it probably wasn't that good... and certainly not as good as it could have been.

Milik_Redman
Posted: Sunday, April 25, 2010 10:44:37 PM

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I agree with Doll. Communication is critical. I find it much more enjoyable if my partner is willing to tell me what works and what doesn't. A lot of that is experiance and getting to the point in our sexual development that we are no longer shy about expressing ourselves.
Guest
Posted: Monday, April 26, 2010 1:44:55 AM

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I fully agree there is such a thing as bad sex. If you and your partner both don't enjoy it, if you feel like your just a piece of meat afterwards, or for us ladies, when we can't feel a thing (if you know what I mean). My husband and I have a agreement, if one of us is not up for it we don't do it. I firmly believe you both have to be into it. clapping
Guest
Posted: Monday, April 26, 2010 3:35:29 AM

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LaceyChains wrote:
Uh, yeah there is. If it's painful (when it's not supposed to be) or leaves you feeling empty or used, that is bad sex. I don't have to cum for it to be good, but I do have to feel good about it the next morning.


I agree.
Catnip
Posted: Monday, April 26, 2010 4:14:42 AM

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Now, my "men..." comment wasn't to blame all the men as such.
Though if the sex is bad and the girl is passive, maybe something is wrong and you should stop for a moment and reflect over the situation.
Sex should be a good experience and I've experienced too many bad sexcapades where I've been too scared to tell the other person I didn't like what he was doing and turned totally passive to just get through it.
And time after time trying to guide a stiff hand that is doing things wrong but can't seem to let go of the control and learn.


LaceyChains
Posted: Monday, April 26, 2010 4:22:52 AM

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If you had to fake your O its probably going into the bad sex catagory. I hope Im not on anyones list of bad sexual experiances, but I have to admit to doing it even though my heart wasn't in it. When your just wanting to sleep and the guy crawls into bed with a hard on whats a girl to do?
Guest
Posted: Monday, April 26, 2010 6:50:10 AM

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LaceyChains wrote:
If you had to fake your O its probably going into the bad sex catagory. I hope Im not on anyones list of bad sexual experiances, but I have to admit to doing it even though my heart wasn't in it. When your just wanting to sleep and the guy crawls into bed with a hard on whats a girl to do?


Say no? I mean, I'm njot speaking for all guys here, but I would rather deal with it myself and have 100% of my girl another time, than have 50% of her just for the sake of getting off. Especially if she has to fake it just to please me. I had a girl once, back when I was getting into the whole sex thing who just stopped me in the middle of everything, before I even really started, cand gave me the cliff notes on tips just so we could both enjoy it and I had a blast.

I really think bad sex is depending on how you see it though. I think if you're at the point of fakin git, or not being 100% into it, then its pretty much bad sex.
mercianknight
Posted: Monday, April 26, 2010 9:44:49 AM

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Dancing_Doll wrote:
I've noticed that some people aren't very comfortable being vocal during sex, and I think that if you aren't communicating throughout, this can lead to a greater potential for bad sex.

If there hasn't been any dirty talk (or romantic talk if you prefer it that way), then it really just amounts to a lot of action, heavy breathing, and the occasional moans or grunts.

If by the end of it, you have to turn to your partner and ask "was it good for you?", or "did you enjoy that?", or even validating "that was great", then chances are you're sliding down the bad-sex scale.

If you're in doubt, it probably wasn't that good... and certainly not as good as it could have been.


Good post DD - hit the nail smack square on the head as far as I am concerned.

Have I ever had bad sex - oh, dear me, yes. However, regardless of the therapeutic values, I'd rather NOT dwell on such upsetting memories (sniff) thank a lot WMM crybaby

"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element

"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, April 28, 2010 4:18:11 PM

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My post ended up a duplicate, maybe a chat moderator can delete this one.

Guest
Posted: Wednesday, April 28, 2010 4:18:13 PM

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What works for one person may not work for another. Sex is a mystery deeper than any propagated during the celebration of high mass in the middle ages when superstitious were as real as rain.

I am not that big a fan of being vocal, I have found it distracting and disingenuous at times. One time I started talking dirty and then wondered what the fuck am I doing, this means nothing to me. I don't need to point out the quality of your tits or the size of my cock or what I am going to do your pussy or clitoris or how hard I am going to fuck you, eat you, suck your nipples or what the fuck ever. I just can't do it that way. It is not me.

I see sex as a physical communication, words become movement, questions are answered with touch and taste and bite and the truth in your eyes. My interest is in a deeply personal experience with the other. I want the other to know I am there, not to please myself but on an adventure with her to places we cannot go alone. It is more about the we for me.

Knowing what the other likes is of great consequence, what is more important is finding pleasure in pleasing the other. It may sound like weakness but it is really an act of strength.

I would like to make it clear I am only speaking for myself and that I fully appreciate the rich diversity of sexuality our species can experience. Bad sex is relevant to time and place, for me not being connected is bad sex.

ethan1066
Posted: Wednesday, May 26, 2010 4:17:02 AM

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yeah i am agree with the term bad sex ..it exists there but we dont want it to be...a sex can be bad for either male or female or to both....this could be overcome by mutual communications and understanding

rabbit vibrator are girls true friends.
urbigdaddyjr
Posted: Monday, June 14, 2010 2:08:25 AM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 6/2/2010
Posts: 2
theres a lot of ways sex can be bad
1. no orgasm
2. u dont enjoy it
3. u feel nuthin while ur doing it
4.u dont like the person ur doin it with
etc. etc. u see where im going with this?


come home to bigdaddy
Guest
Posted: Monday, August 09, 2010 12:41:02 AM

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Agreed, bad sex sucks, but hey, it happens. Despite that I think there's a lot you can take out of a bad sexual experience. The best thing you can do is think about what made it such a bomb move - I think it's a little pointless dwelling on who's fault it was....Unless he/she is an ex, in which case feel free to mind bash them.
For instance, sometimes the physical and emotional key just don't work....despite how great physical sex is, you may truly despise the other person. Yup I've been in that situation...and it only got worse after I decided to sleep with him. Lust doesn't mean you hate them any less....a hard lesson learned. But it wasn't until much later that I realised it WAS bad sex, not purely because it was a bad idea in the first place.

For me the realisation that the sex I have just had was shocking always seems to hit me a little later, I never go into a sexual situation expecting something negative and I think for some reason my brain just doesn't tick over and register that it sucked until a little while later...or a lot later. THe point is, it WILL eventually strike me....perhaps it's the comparative nature that I know a lot of us view our sexual experiences in.

Ok sex can turn into bad sex when you have truly mindblowing sex. I think, although it's hard, its important not to be anachronistic.

XX
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