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Highly emotive---gay adoption Options · View
Guest
Posted: Monday, September 06, 2010 8:26:09 PM

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Ok Gay adoption, views..........

i will start and you'll soon see why i will try and keep this short and sweet.

My ex partner and i were lucky enough to foster a child with autism, she came from a home where domestic violence and abuse was rife, all 4 kids were forcibly removed for safety issues.

She came to us in a mess......unbelievable mess. 4yrs on she is a beautiful, happy secure little girl who my ex (we split not long ago) and i adore and love dearly.

WE ARE LEGALLY NOT ALLOWED TO ADOPT HER!

we are lesbians, we cannot legally adopt her, but we are allowed to take on this damaged little girl who was damaged by her heterosexual biological parents, care for her for 4 yrs, love her and help her in ways no one can assume to realize unless they knew her then and now.

We have been allowed to go to court and have a permanent care order put on her and us. We have legal guardianship and custody of her.

BUT BECAUSE WE ARE LESBIANS WE ARE NOT ABLE TO ADOPT HER!

As gays in Australia we are ok to foster, do respite care for some of the most damaged and disabled kids in the country but we're not allowed to adopt...........why? because we are gay and look at what that might do to a child!!

Ok as you can see it makes my blood boil that its perfectly fine for her heterosexual mother to have 7 children, all but 1 are in the care of the state due to abuse issues and yet we as her loving parents are not legally allow to adopt cos of being same sex!!!

Go figure

is it cos they think these kids are already screwed so what more harm can 2 men or 2 women do to them so these kids are safe????

Oh and i wont even go into the fact that a heterosexual male carer abused our daughter and 11 other disabled kids in his care..........he was allowed to be assessed as a single carer yet as a lesbian i'd be put through the ringer as to my suitability to care for kids on my own due to sexuality!!!!

Surely as long as a child will be loved, cared for and given all that they need sexuality is irrelevant?

Don't people get that as homosexuals its kinda hard for us to have kids of our own and that any child we adopt is a highly wanted and loved child??????????????

my daughters mum openly admitted that 3 out of 7 kids were a 'ooops pregnant again' and yet we fought for 2 yrs to even get the legal standing we do now! Still not adoption of her, she still has legal requirements to see her biological parents even though it greatly distresses her every fucking time!

ok sorry highly emotive for me, excuse me now while i go and punch the daylights out of my pillow!!!!
Guest
Posted: Monday, September 06, 2010 9:33:33 PM

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Because it is wrong... It is totally f**ked up... If they wanted kids, they should have thought of that before they decided to be gay... The kid/s will definitely turn gay... and lastly... They are pedophiles.

Is what a homophobic/irrational person would say, and sadly, I have heard one, if not all of the above bizarre comments/ignorance/insults many times.

First, I would like to say congratulations for at least getting legal guardianship and custody of her.... hello1

Secondly, my condolences to all of us for being in a world were the law is so f**king screwed up. I cannot understand why they would allow a gay couple to foster, gain LG and custody but NOT ADOPTION??????

What is the f**king difference???? The only thing I can think of, is that the child will not have the same name.

This is something I really have to look into, as it something I know nothing about so will not say too much at the moment, but speaking personally, I see nothing wrong with it... nothing at all.

My heart goes out to you celtic, your ex and your DAUGHTER.



sprite
Posted: Monday, September 06, 2010 9:52:35 PM

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can't really say it any better then Harmony did, Zoey. All i can do is add my love, sympathy, and support to hers. *hugs*

Live, love, laugh.
LadyX
Posted: Monday, September 06, 2010 10:19:35 PM

Rank: Artistic Tart
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I third that emotion- fear of whats not familiar, hatred, and bigotry really hold us back as a culture sometimes. There's NO reason why a loving person or couple, regardless of orientation, shouldn't be able to provide a home for a child. Some bigots, including some with the law and the power to either award or deny, would rather a kid go without a home than be with people whose way of life doesn't match their norm.

They're on the losing end of this, though. The world is changing, and the closed-minded will be the losers, it's only a matter of time- I hope.
Guest
Posted: Monday, September 06, 2010 10:27:59 PM

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http://www.aclu.org/lgbt-rights_hiv-aids/aclu-fights-floridas-gay-adoption-ban

Unfortunately, this has been going on for a long time. A former colleague of mine at Jackson Memorial Hospital was involved in a dispute where a loving couple took in children that had the AIDS virus and were terminal. They took them in, gave them a home, love, and family. A documentary was made about their story, I could not find it in my haste to post my response. In the end they were forced to leave Miami if they wanted to keep their children, and ended up in Oregon or somewhere out in the northwest. In the end, the local government there too, turned on them.

I really want to hurt those who cast any disparaging remarks on anyone who gives a home to a child that needs one on the mere fact that they are gay. To them I say..."FUCK YOU!!!!"

There is no argument here. Two loving, mature adults, who decide to take in a child and give them love should only receive admiration. Even "straights" are blind to the children that exist in this world already and don't have a home. This is one of my biggest internal questions on those who spew the moral high ground of "family ethics," while also toting the bible in the other hand. Sarah Palin, I'm looking at you bitch.

Celticweirdness, you are not alone, and you deserve to be pissed, and there are many more of us out there too, on many continents. Good luck.
Guest
Posted: Monday, September 06, 2010 10:37:42 PM

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http://wearedad.com/

Found it after i could think straight...haha, pun intended.
WorkAlone
Posted: Monday, September 06, 2010 11:58:19 PM

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Weirdness, my heart goes out to you. You are the victim of our system of fear and prejudice and it's just plain bigotry.

There is no reason for same-sex couples to be disqualified from adopting children. Recent studies have shown that children raised by same-sex couples are no less happy, well-adjusted, or in any way different than children raised by "breeders". The irony, of course, is that the orphans are the product of breeders who gave them up to strangers--hard to imagine how a loving couple (regardless of whether they are straight or gay) who was willing to go through the lengthy process of adopting a child could be anywhere close to being as bad as that. Heck, they wouldn't take the children away if a hetero couple divorced, leaving the children to be raised by one sex; they wouldn't even take away the kids if a single parent was in same-sex relationship, so why not allow same-sex couples to adopt (subject, of course, to the same screening as any couple would receive prior to adoption). Same-sex couples deserve all the same rights as the straights--marriage, adoption, divorce, rights of survivorship, family medical benefits, etc., etc., etc. Then again, I'd say that about people of colour, people of different religions, people of varying educational levels; heck, I'll even defend the rights of caucasian Conservatives who want to adopt ;)

I happen to live in Canada where same-sex marriage is legal (under the "it's none of my f*cking business as long as I can still marry who I want to" doctrine) and same-sex couples have most, if not all, of the same rights as hetero couples. I lived in Texas for a number of years, and it was shocking to be in a place that's vehemently anti-government, but still wants the government in the bedroom. You can carry a concealed weapon, but two consenting adults can't have intercourse unless they are of different sexes--which is the bigger threat to the community? Sheesh!

Good luck and best wishes for you and your family.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, September 07, 2010 8:01:48 AM

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well its certainly all been said, but i wanted to lend my support too. the entire idea that gays should not adopt is asinine. but it seems the good people of Lush know that icon_smile
MrNudiePants
Posted: Tuesday, September 07, 2010 8:14:37 AM

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If I stretched my imagination, I could come up with lots of reasons why gays shouldn't be allowed to adopt. Of course very few of those reasons have any validity, and of the few that I feel actually ARE valid, none of them can't be overcome with a little empathy and compassion. There's nothing more I can really say except that I feel for you, Zoe, and wish you nothing but the best in your endeavors.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, September 07, 2010 11:21:59 AM

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MrNudiePants wrote:
If I stretched my imagination, I could come up with lots of reasons why gays shouldn't be allowed to adopt. Of course very few of those reasons have any validity, and of the few that I feel actually ARE valid, none of them can't be overcome with a little empathy and compassion. There's nothing more I can really say except that I feel for you, Zoe, and wish you nothing but the best in your endeavors.


Oh mr nudie! now i have to ask! what possible valid reason can you come up with that a loving same sex couple should not adopt a child?
MrNudiePants
Posted: Tuesday, September 07, 2010 3:05:55 PM

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LittleMissBitch wrote:
MrNudiePants wrote:
If I stretched my imagination, I could come up with lots of reasons why gays shouldn't be allowed to adopt. Of course very few of those reasons have any validity, and of the few that I feel actually ARE valid, none of them can't be overcome with a little empathy and compassion. There's nothing more I can really say except that I feel for you, Zoe, and wish you nothing but the best in your endeavors.


Oh mr nudie! now i have to ask! what possible valid reason can you come up with that a loving same sex couple should not adopt a child?


One would be since most places don't allow gays to marry, there may be a greater chance that an adoptive couple would break up down the road, leading to custody squabbles and drama that a child could better be spared. Another would be since gays generally tend to lead more licentious lives, an adopted child may be exposed to more adult themes than if that child were raised in a heterosexual home.


I never said any of these reasons were really valid, hon. But to the hidebound jackoffs currently occupying positions of power around the world they would be.
Magical_felix
Posted: Tuesday, September 07, 2010 3:30:49 PM

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I would have loved having two moms. I learned 100 times more things from my mom than my dad. Sorry this really isn't a great response to the thread but it just got me to thinking what my life would be like if there were two of my mom.



Guest
Posted: Tuesday, September 07, 2010 3:38:20 PM

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Magical_felix wrote:
I would have loved having two moms. I learned 100 times more things from my mom than my dad. Sorry this really isn't a great response to the thread but it just got me to thinking what my life would be like if there were two of my mom.


Good point Felix. My husband was raised by a woman(mother). Much better than if he'd been raised by a man(father). Although, there was positive male influence in his life as well.
Magical_felix
Posted: Tuesday, September 07, 2010 3:41:01 PM

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chefkathleen wrote:
Magical_felix wrote:
I would have loved having two moms. I learned 100 times more things from my mom than my dad. Sorry this really isn't a great response to the thread but it just got me to thinking what my life would be like if there were two of my mom.


Good point Felix. My husband was raised by a woman(mother). Much better than if he'd been raised by a man(father). Although, there was positive male influence in his life as well.


Not that moms are better, just my mom was better than MY dad... Even now my mom bends over backwards to help me with anything she can. My dad just kind of forgets he had kids.



Guest
Posted: Tuesday, September 07, 2010 3:50:20 PM

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Magical_felix wrote:
chefkathleen wrote:
Magical_felix wrote:
I would have loved having two moms. I learned 100 times more things from my mom than my dad. Sorry this really isn't a great response to the thread but it just got me to thinking what my life would be like if there were two of my mom.


Good point Felix. My husband was raised by a woman(mother). Much better than if he'd been raised by a man(father). Although, there was positive male influence in his life as well.


Not that moms are better, just my mom was better than MY dad... Even now my mom bends over backwards to help me with anything she can. My dad just kind of forgets he had kids.


Exactly. His was the lesser of two evils.
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Tuesday, September 07, 2010 5:16:49 PM

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MrNudiePants wrote:
LittleMissBitch wrote:
MrNudiePants wrote:
If I stretched my imagination, I could come up with lots of reasons why gays shouldn't be allowed to adopt. Of course very few of those reasons have any validity, and of the few that I feel actually ARE valid, none of them can't be overcome with a little empathy and compassion. There's nothing more I can really say except that I feel for you, Zoe, and wish you nothing but the best in your endeavors.


Oh mr nudie! now i have to ask! what possible valid reason can you come up with that a loving same sex couple should not adopt a child?


One would be since most places don't allow gays to marry, there may be a greater chance that an adoptive couple would break up down the road, leading to custody squabbles and drama that a child could better be spared. Another would be since gays generally tend to lead more licentious lives, an adopted child may be exposed to more adult themes than if that child were raised in a heterosexual home.


I never said any of these reasons were really valid, hon. But to the hidebound jackoffs currently occupying positions of power around the world they would be.


Don't you think this is perpetuating blatant stereotypes? It's a bit of a cop-out to say well, it's not that I think this... it's just that everyone else thinks this.

In your earlier statement, you did say this: "of the few that I feel actually ARE valid, none of them can't be overcome with a little empathy and compassion."

So I'm assuming you were naming the reasons you felt "are" valid? Sorry, I just want to make sure I'm understanding you correctly... icon_smile

As for my beliefs on this topic... it's inane in today's world to hold back a same-sex couple from adopting a child. If you are a loving human being, a productive member of society, and want to adopt a child, you should absolutely have the right to do that. Couples break up all the time. There are many single parents adopting children now as it is. There are no more risks to the child with a same-sex couple as there are with a hetero couple.

MrNudiePants
Posted: Tuesday, September 07, 2010 5:22:45 PM

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Dancing_Doll wrote:


Don't you think this is perpetuating blatant stereotypes? It's a bit of a cop-out to say well, it's not that I think this... it's just that everyone else thinks this.



Give it a rest, Damon.
LadyX
Posted: Tuesday, September 07, 2010 5:57:34 PM

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Okay, the good news is- every thread in Think Tank is now exactly the same. The subjects are just conversation starters for 1-on-1 and 2-on-1 pissing matches- I know I'm enjoying it, how about everyone else? I think all the views are people clicking on it, seeing that it's still just bickering, and clicking off again.

I may never have been on a debate team, or to college at all, but I know debate when I see it. This ain't it- not that it matters.

Dancing_Doll
Posted: Tuesday, September 07, 2010 6:04:09 PM

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MrNudiePants wrote:
Dancing_Doll wrote:


Don't you think this is perpetuating blatant stereotypes? It's a bit of a cop-out to say well, it's not that I think this... it's just that everyone else thinks this.



Give it a rest, Damon.


Aww, but I got to this thread before he did! crybaby

Actually I thought it was a legitimate question, since you have differing opinions on this subject from everyone else who has posted so far. I'm just trying to understand them, since the views you put forward are the ones that are related to reasons why certain countries or jurisdictions prohibit same sex couples from adopting.

I thought the Tank was for discussion. I wasn't attacking... I was asking a question relevant to the issue presented by the OP. The same as LMB did.

Plus I wouldn't want to engage MrNudiePants in a pissing match... I don't have the right equipment... geek

Jillicious
Posted: Tuesday, September 07, 2010 6:08:15 PM

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Joined: 10/28/2009
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Dancing_Doll wrote:
MrNudiePants wrote:
Dancing_Doll wrote:


Don't you think this is perpetuating blatant stereotypes? It's a bit of a cop-out to say well, it's not that I think this... it's just that everyone else thinks this.



Give it a rest, Damon.


Aww, but I got to this thread before he did! crybaby

Actually I thought it was a legitimate question, since you have differing opinions on this subject from everyone else who has posted so far. I'm just trying to understand them, since the views you put forward are the ones that are related to reasons why certain countries or jurisdictions prohibit same sex couples from adopting.

I thought the Tank was for discussion. I wasn't attacking... I was asking a question relevant to the issue presented by the OP. The same as LMB did.

Plus I wouldn't want to engage MrNudiePants in a pissing match... I don't have the right equipment... geek





Thousands of user submitted stories removed from the site. You are nothing without your users or their freely submitted stories.
Jillicious
Posted: Tuesday, September 07, 2010 6:09:24 PM

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Zoe, I hope you are able to work out something acceptable, unfortunately not ideal.

Thousands of user submitted stories removed from the site. You are nothing without your users or their freely submitted stories.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, September 07, 2010 6:16:49 PM

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LadyX wrote:
Okay, the good news is- every thread in Think Tank is now exactly the same. The subjects are just conversation starters for 1-on-1 and 2-on-1 pissing matches- I know I'm enjoying it, how about everyone else? I think all the views are people clicking on it, seeing that it's still just bickering, and clicking off again.

I may never have been on a debate team, or to college at all, but I know debate when I see it. This ain't it- not that it matters.



there has been quite a bit of splashing here in the deep end lately..but could you pass the popcorn?
DamonX
Posted: Tuesday, September 07, 2010 6:23:07 PM

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MrNudiePants wrote:
Dancing_Doll wrote:


Don't you think this is perpetuating blatant stereotypes? It's a bit of a cop-out to say well, it's not that I think this... it's just that everyone else thinks this.



Give it a rest, Damon.


How did I get dragged into this? dontknow
Magical_felix
Posted: Tuesday, September 07, 2010 6:29:52 PM

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Joined: 4/3/2010
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Location: California
LadyX wrote:
Okay, the good news is- every thread in Think Tank is now exactly the same. The subjects are just conversation starters for 1-on-1 and 2-on-1 pissing matches- I know I'm enjoying it, how about everyone else? I think all the views are people clicking on it, seeing that it's still just bickering, and clicking off again.

I may never have been on a debate team, or to college at all, but I know debate when I see it. This ain't it- not that it matters.



I think the think tank is the funnest forum... It's the first one I click on when I log on anyway.



Dancing_Doll
Posted: Tuesday, September 07, 2010 6:30:25 PM

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I thought this was interesting... countries where gay adoption is currently legal. These seem to be the more progressive areas of the world. It's unfortunate when some countries recognize it, while others don't. Not sure if anyone knows for sure, but if a same-sex couple adopts legally in one country but then move to a country that doesn't recognize it... what happens?

Adoption by same-sex couples is currently legal in the following countries:
Andorra (2005)[9]
Argentina (2010)[10]
Belgium (2006)[11]
Brazil (2010)[12]
Denmark (2010)[13]
Iceland (2006)[14]
Netherlands (2001)[15]
Norway (2009)[16]
South Africa (2002)[17]
Spain (2005)[18]
Sweden (2002)[19]
United Kingdom: England and Wales (2005),[20] Scotland (2009)[21] and Northern Ireland (unclear).[22]
Uruguay (2009)[23][24]

Adoption by same-sex couples is currently legal in the following jurisdictions:
Australia: Western Australia (2002),[25] and the Australian Capital Territory (2004),[25]
Canada: Ontario (1999),[26] British Columbia (1996),[26] Saskatchewan (2001),[27] Nova Scotia (2001),[26] Manitoba (2002),[26] Newfoundland and Labrador (2002),[26] the Northwest Territories (2002),[26] Quebec (2002)[26], New Brunswick (2007),[26] Alberta,[28] and Prince Edward Island.[29]
Mexico: Mexico City (2010)[30]
United States: the District of Columbia (1995),[31] New Jersey (1998),[32] New York (2002),[31] Indiana (2006),[31] Maine (2007),[31] California,[31] Connecticut,[31] Illinois,[31] Massachusetts,[31] Oregon,[31] Vermont,[31] and the unincorporated territory of Guam.[25]

MrNudiePants
Posted: Tuesday, September 07, 2010 6:30:33 PM

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Dancing_Doll wrote:

Actually I thought it was a legitimate question, since you have differing opinions on this subject from everyone else who has posted so far. I'm just trying to understand them, since the views you put forward are the ones that are related to reasons why certain countries or jurisdictions prohibit same sex couples from adopting.

I thought the Tank was for discussion. I wasn't attacking... I was asking a question relevant to the issue presented by the OP. The same as LMB did.



Not that it's the least little fucking bit relevant to the original post, but...

1. I think ALL potential adoptive parents ought to be scrutinized a hell of a lot more carefully than they are now. The same goes for foster parents. I've dealt with kids that have been "in the system" and I've seen what bad parents can do to kids. It's something I wouldn't wish on anyone.

2. I think heterosexual couples should be scrutinized every bit as closely as homosexual couples, and since their kids are likely to face slightly different problems growing up, that fact ought to be taken into consideration when deciding if a particular couple is fit to adopt a child.

3. I see no reason why homosexual couples shouldn't be allowed to adopt, just as heterosexual couples do, as long as the best interests of the children is served.

4. Stereotypes exist, no matter how outrageous or invalid they are. The officious dickwads that hold political office tend to pander to the lowest common denominator, and use these stereotypes to their benefit in rousing the rabble.

5. My opinion is NOT different than anyone else who has posted so far. You just seem to enjoy being inflammatory, which is NOT the reason for this forum. Reading through the latest gems from you and Damon, I wouldn't blame Nic is she were to trash this whole forum as a failed experiment. If you have any reasonable discussion to add, please feel free - if not, I feel the forum would be better served if you both would just quit posting.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, September 07, 2010 6:37:39 PM

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oooo doll! that is super interesting and im glad to see some of my 50 states are on there! i really didnt think it was legal anywhere here! yay! america is maturing!!

and sidebar...could NOT get over that mother theresa stuff you found! good lord!
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, September 07, 2010 6:37:41 PM

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oy vey! just when i think i got a handle on it...double post!
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, September 07, 2010 6:51:21 PM

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Whatever the personal issues between Mrnudiepants and Damon sometimes it brings decent debate but half the time it seems you hijack a thread for personal vendeta.


Foster parents need more scrutiny?-----------yes i agree, however it seems to me and i can only go on what i have seen obviously! As a lesbain couple we were put through the ringer!! it took us a year to be approved and EVERY aspect of our life was looked into and i mean EVERY aspect.

Cant tell you how much screening the bastard that abused my daughter had prior to being a foster carer but i can tell you that he worked for 4 different foster agencies and would have been assessed by each agency individually and yet got away with abusing disabled and vulnerable youngsters for a period of 10 fucking years!!!!

Get this, all his victims were noon verbal and unreliable witnesses until this past year when one lonely kid was able to stand up in court and testify........course previous allegation couldn't be used in court against him despite all evidence cops had. He got 3MTHS SUSPENDED SENTENCE!!!


<b>Another would be since gays generally tend to lead more licentious lives, an adopted child may be exposed to more adult themes than if that child were raised in a heterosexual home.<b/>

I know this isn't necessarily your opinion but i had to laugh.........God i wish we had had time to be more licentious!! ok so i'm on here now but then my daughter lives with my ex now and i have time. The couples i know that are off having open marriages, watching porn and cybering left right an centre and exposing there children to adult themes are all HETEROSEXUAL and shit they worry the crap out of me!!

Friends of mine that are in homosexual relationships with kids are overly cautious as to what they do all the fucking time cos of being judged unfairly by society, we walk on egg shells constantly............not once have any of us missed a single school event cos of how it may be judged.

talking of which i'm off to a dress up school parade now.



MrNudiePants
Posted: Tuesday, September 07, 2010 7:22:34 PM

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I wholeheartedly apologize, Zoe, for any disturbance my posting here may have caused.

I do feel for you, because I've seen guys like that get away with all kinds of things. I can easily believe that you and your partner have been "put through the ringer". I've been on the "foster parent" side as well, taking care of kids that have been put through "the ringer" themselves. What should happen, though, is that the other bastard should have been put through that same ringer, and been caught before he had a chance to violate the trust of the charges that were put into his care.

God bless you and your partner, Zoe, for giving a needy child a good home, and all my best.
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