My wife cheated a couple years ago, but I still feel like I want to repay the favor. Should I. I feel like our sex life is lacking and I feel I need more excitement.
No
Ok well, that's the short answer version. The longer version is that payback is only going to do more damage. The damage may not just be to her either. She obviously hurt you and so you know it's wrong. It may only be a matter if time before your own cheating makes you feel just as bad, this time about yourself. You can convince yourself she didn't realize what she was doing or how it would affect you, but years later, with foresight and having just been through it on the other side, you certainly know what you're doing. how will you feel about yourself if you do this?
Just my two cents.
nope, nope, nope - acts done out of spite, or ones that are done because "they did it to me, so I'm going to do it to them or someone else" rarely leave a person feeling good, satisfied or content after they do it. Besides, you're not righting her wrong by mimicking her wrong. Experiencing a hurtful or offensive event in life doesn't give us the right to act out in hurtful or offensive ways to others.
Plus it's cheating. Not cool. I'm not here to judge, each to their own, but cheating just plain and simply isn't cool. Just ask that penguin above me, after all - he looks pretty cool.
Don't do it. That's just fucking idiotic. Don't stoop to her level.
i think recompense is not a solution to the problem all you need to do talk to your wife and sort out the difference between the two of you.
always bare your mind don't solve problem to another problem later on
A person chooses to take the risk of going out of the safe zone and cheat because, he/ she was deprived of something very basic. Are you being deprived? and anyways..how does it matter what one suggests, you will do what you have to...lol
No do not, would cheating on her really make you feel better at all; prove that you are the more loyal person.
Oh the feeling to balance the problems ... balance is natural and not forced, so to cheat as a pay back would not balance the situation, it would just add further pain ... Best to get it out into the open and avoid unreasonable expectation...
Yes, cheating would give you some more excitment and adventure in your sex life, but your relationship with your wife would suffer because of it. Cheating doesn't fix what she did. My suggestion talk to your wife and be perfectly honest with her "hey, honey, our sex life sucks and is really boring right now, let's find a way to change things up a little." Chances are she may agree with you, that may have been part of why she cheated in the first place. And if both of you want to sleep with other people, maybe suggest an open relationship or inviting people into the bedroom with you.
There is a moment of power here if you want to try an open relationship. She cheated, you want to cheat, maybe there's a workable solution there. There may be a problem with your closed relationship if you both want to cheat but open relationships can be really hard. It may be attractive to think you can date other woment but picture your wife telling you she's heading out for her date tonight and that you shouldn't wait up for her. Right now, you may have some extra power because she strayed, but pressing that advantage may lead to an unbalanced agreement that will ultimately lead to the end of the relationship. I know a couple going through this right now and it isn't pretty.
Anyways, yes, an open relationship may be an answer and would have the advantage that you're being open and honest with your spouse. As such, it's not cheating and you can have a clear conscience. But, it's probably a mine field right now and you have to careful about how you approach it, set it up, and negotiate it to make it something sustainable. Personally, I think it's too dangerous to do under these circumstances since you really need a STRONGER relationship to be open rather than a weakened one, but that's just a personal opinion. Your mileage may vary.
Good luck!
If you do cheat, make sure the girl you cheat with is hotter. Or else you'll still feel shitty... Maybe even worse.
Thanks all for the input. Deep inside I know what is right, but sometimes I just need someone to remind me not to act stupidly. I have to admit, I have had alot of differing emotions and sometimes they can get the best of you. I don't know that even if the situation presented itself for an affair, I could go through with it. Unfortunately, I can' say that I have fully forgiven her in the years since the affair. I still get angry. My biggest issue is that I cant honestly say that I got the feelings back that I had prior to finding out. I still don't feel the same toward her. Maybe I have forgotten how to love. She doesn't know how I feel, and I struggle with telling her. Is it a burden that I just need to carry to keep my family together? If not for the children, I am sure I would have left her. I grew up pretty much without a father, and I don't want them to have to do the same.
revenge is sweet but not when kids are involved. You get caught you lose the kids, the house and the family pet. Not worth it when you put the price tag on it. If you want out because of not forgiving and being angry then get out. Don't seek an excuse to get caught to get back at her. Obviously she did not give a shit about the kids or you when she did it....so what do you say when you do it....the same thing. Married, loveless, kids are the only reason I am in it. Been cheated on by my first childs mom, spent the rest of his life traveling 3 hrs one way to see him. Not worth it, if you are pissed tell her. Get it out on the table or man up and eat the guilt and hatred and move on for the kids sake. That is just my take on it.
Yeah! I mean, after all....two wrongs make a right....RIGHT? Oh no wait, wrong. Don't do it, if you want to fuck around with another woman then be the bigger person, split up with her and go do just that.
I agree with most of the replys.
No, you can't change history and that is history.
Talk with your wife and experss your feelings, needs, wants and desires.
You may be plesantly surprised with the out come.
Be honest and true to yourself, and if she know longer wants to
grow and be happy with you, move on.
Life is to short to live not being happy.
Good luck
It might be best to think about how much hurt and pain you felt yourself when your wife told you that she had cheated on you. It's obvious that you still love / care about your wife; so would you really want to inflict that same pain on her by cheating on you? If the answer is yes then it possibly might be the right time to seperate as the cheating is affecting you more than you realise.
I hope you come to the right answer whatever it is.
I am going to add my thoughts that come from personal experience, the way I should have done it instead of how I actually did it.
If she cheated and you are thinking of cheating, it is time to get your affairs (yes I see the pun) in order and end the relationship. It may seem like a harsh thing to say and all the above advice given is great but my opinion is to move on.
Several years ago, after I had been involved and cohabiting with a young woman for a few years...our work and school schedules began to eat into the time together she and I could share. I think I also took her for granted as well and allowed my assumptions to cloud my better judgement.
She began a sexual relationship with a man she worked closely with on a daily basis and after a few months I simply confronted her with my suspicions and her silence confirmed what she was unwilling to give voice to.
I then helped her move out of our residence and into this other man's home, as we both felt we should end our relationship.
Within the space of three months she was moving out of his house, breaking off all contact with him, quitting her job and taking another with a different firm. She and I remained friends.
She expressed to me her profound sorry and regret for straying while we were together, but try as I might...while I still felt close to her in many ways, I could not ever trust her again to the point necessary - I felt/feel...for a continuation with our relationship at a level approaching what we once enjoyed/endured.
Often times, doing the right thing results in emotional pain...but not doing the correct thing will result in even more mental havoc.
It simply was not meant to be, for the long term.
Becoming a 'cheater' to strike back at someone is not something I would want to become, nor an act I would relish having on my resume'. I'd think you'd have to locate a willing cheating partner for one thing, or you'd be cheating with an innocent person and risk hurting him or her, as well.
Pfft, screw a bunch of that noise.
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
No dont! it will only make things worse and give her the go ahead to do it again, you need to look at the reason she cheated on you in the first place.
as long as she tells the details it is not considering as cheating !!
