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Why are ladies so confusing????

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I was staying at a females friends house for a few days. While I was there I stayed in her bed every night. But when I tried to make a move she turned me down. Why would she want me to sleep in her bed if she didn't want to sleep together?
littlemissbitch
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maybe she was just being nice so you wouldnt have to sleep on the floor, maybe she just wanted to sleep next to someone or maybe she wanted to but just kept chickening out. but i can say there would be people or reasons i would be ok sleeping NEXT to someone but not have sex with them.

im betting on that she just wanted to sleep next to what appears to be a big strong guy. sometimes girls need different things in bed than guys.
littlemissbitch ~ professional face ripper offer, at your service..
Nikki703
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Quote by forgedsteel11
I was staying at a females friends house for a few days. While I was there I stayed in her bed every night. But when I tried to make a move she turned me down. Why would she want me to sleep in her bed if she didn't want to sleep together?


Maybe she thought you would more comfortable than on the sofa.
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Because she wanted somebody to cuddle up to, no have sex with. I have plenty of male friends i would sleep next to but not want to have sex with them
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Quote by MMonroe
Because she wanted somebody to cuddle up to, no have sex with. I have plenty of male friends i would sleep next to but not want to have sex with them


This plus it's a real comfort having a guy (or just anyone, to be quite honest) sleeping next to you. I'm not quite with the dark/nighttime and always sleep better with someone else in my bed.

I don't think the question here is 'why are ladies so confusing' but more why did you assume she wanted to have sex with you?
Shylass
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Quote by forgedsteel11
I was staying at a females friends house for a few days. While I was there I stayed in her bed every night. But when I tried to make a move she turned me down. Why would she want me to sleep in her bed if she didn't want to sleep together?


In answer to the thread title question, I have no idea, but I wish I knew!

Maybe you read her signals wrong? She read yours wrong? Both of you read each others' wrong? One thing that may have happened is, when faced with the reality of something a lass has been dreaming about and wants, sometimes she panics and runs. Take my word for it - some of us do that. Instinctual reactions can be horrible, but it may also be a way of clearly stating something or protecting onself both from the present and the past.

Maybe she had her period, too, and was too embarassed to say? Maybe she doesn't fancy you? It could be anything!

I would suggest you actually ask her, gently and carefully. I would personally be grateful to hear, "I like sleeping next to you, and I would like it to be more, too. But I see you aren't comfortable with that. May I ask why?"

Okay, longwinded, drawn out and most people are probably reading this going,

But some of us need that. Maybe she does. But you won't know unless you ask nicely.
Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

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Well weve hinted at having sex with each other and were pretty close friends. I'm not upset and I wasnt expecting sex but I just thought id give it a shot. plus weve kissed before. Innocent I know but still a sign of affection
Magical_felix
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Quote by forgedsteel11
I was staying at a females friends house for a few days. While I was there I stayed in her bed every night. But when I tried to make a move she turned me down. Why would she want me to sleep in her bed if she didn't want to sleep together?


I'm not one of the gals... But trust me, they don't know why they are so confusing... Guys are confusing too. Not trying to talk shit..

BUT.. I think you left out a vital piece of information and that is, how do you know this girl? Is she a casual friend? Someone you met a t a party? Does she flirt with you? Is she single? What has been the nature of your relationship prior to this sleeping in bed together?

Sometimes girls play games like this just to know that they could have had you or it could have just been that she is intimately awkward and doesn't know how to respond well to advances. But, some girls do like to play games as an ego boost. She may know that she would never sleep with you but it's fun for her to toy with you.

Also.. Did you make a move the first night? If she turned you down the first time but then allowed you to sleep in bed with her anyway the next few nights knowing what is bouncing around in your head, then maybe she wants it but is just not ready. Or maybe she is one of those girls you need to be really aggressive with because some girls just clam up with sex so they seek out aggressive guys because then she can be her shy self knowing that eventually your aggression will break down her wall.
WellMadeMale
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and you are how old?
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
latinfoxy
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Im with most girls here, just because you are sleeping in the same bed doesnt mean she wants to have sex with you, if this was true i would have slept with most of my close male friends. I LOVE to cuddle so if i get the chance to cuddle with one of my male friends i do it and we cuddle the hell out of each other, but thats it! And the part about that you have kissed before needs a little but more of an explenation have you just drunkenly kissed? Because that doesnt count heheheh

Ps: you are right about something we are complicated to understand creatures, but thats half the fun isnt it? *giggles*
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Ha! I think I might've been a man in another life. I don't cuddle with male friends. Never have. If I allow a guy into my bed for the first time it was always for one reason and snuggling was NOT it!

Otherwise, you can sleep it off on the couch or on the floor and here's a pillow!
VanGogh
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Quote by Curlygirly
Ha! I think I might've been a man in another life. I don't cuddle with male friends. Never have. If I allow a guy into my bed for the first time it was always for one reason and snuggling was NOT it!

Otherwise, you can sleep it off on the couch or on the floor and here's a pillow!


This post is another affirmation on why we are friends, CurlyGirly!!

I don't think I'd let a guy into my bed if I wasn't going to fuck him senseless.

I mean .... cuddling is for after sex, no?

Ruthie
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Quote by WellMadeMale
and you are how old?


This.
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Resident
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And odd question, really; in her eyes, you're probably the one whose confused.

Why not give up the idea of trying to lay it on her, and just lay in bed with her?

Put the ball in her court, so to speak. If she picks it up to make her move, then
play. If not, then you haven't wasted energy and you haven't damaged the trust
and friendship you two have established.

Sometimes it's hard to find the line between affectionate and sexual intimacy, and
the rules vary from woman to woman, and by how much. If it's absolutely killing
you, then tread softly and ask her of her expectations...
Are you truly awake?
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Wet met in a college class we had together. And im 22 now. Its not a huge deal to me. Were still friends and still talk so I'm okay with that
Buz
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They are confusing and complicated ....but so much damn fun!!!!!!
lafayettemister
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Quote by Curlygirly
Ha! I think I might've been a man in another life. I don't cuddle with male friends. Never have. If I allow a guy into my bed for the first time it was always for one reason and snuggling was NOT it!

Otherwise, you can sleep it off on the couch or on the floor and here's a pillow!










When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
TheDevilsWeakness
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Quote by forgedsteel11
I was staying at a females friends house for a few days. While I was there I stayed in her bed every night. But when I tried to make a move she turned me down. Why would she want me to sleep in her bed if she didn't want to sleep together?


Oh... you DID sleep together... as in a SLEEPOVER

Put a little effort into it... Just because you shared a bed doesn't mean she's going to give it up so easily.
She did half the work to get you into her bed. Now wine & dine her.

If you don't put any effort into making her feel special before you guys go to sleep.... why should she make it any easier for you to get into her panties?

For example: Make her dinner (or get her favorite takeout if you don't cook) Draw her a bath. Set out towels and all kinds of bath crap nearly every girl has in their bathrooms (You can find bath sets at the drugstore or target/walmart). Set out a glass of wine w/a magazine, a book, or some puzzles. This lets her know you're taking an interest in her besides in the bedroom.

I'm totally with CG and PA... but I'm also not going to give it away freely without making you boys work a little for it.
Buz
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Quote by TheDevilsWeakness


Oh... you DID sleep together... as in a SLEEPOVER

Put a little effort into it... Just because you shared a bed doesn't mean she's going to give it up so easily.
She did half the work to get you into her bed. Now wine & dine her.

If you don't put any effort into making her feel special before you guys go to sleep.... why should she make it any easier for you to get into her panties?

For example: Make her dinner (or get her favorite takeout if you don't cook) Draw her a bath. Set out towels and all kinds of bath crap nearly every girl has in their bathrooms (You can find bath sets at the drugstore or target/walmart). Set out a glass of wine w/a magazine, a book, or some puzzles. This lets her know you're taking an interest in her besides in the bedroom.

I'm totally with CG and PA... but I'm also not going to give it away freely without making you boys work a little for it.


So picketing the front of her apartment with a sign that say's "I'm Horny!" while wearing a male g-string is not a good idea?
TheDevilsWeakness
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Quote by Buz


So picketing the front of her apartment with a sign that say's "I'm Horny!" while wearing a male g-string is not a good idea?


I want cartwheels, backflips and tacky christmas lights then... OH and candy!
lafayettemister
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Quote by TheDevilsWeakness


I want cartwheels, backflips and tacky christmas lights then... OH and candy!


I have an All-Day Sucker, does that qualify?



When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
TheDevilsWeakness
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Quote by lafayettemister


I have an All-Day Sucker, does that qualify?


Is this part of your 2-for-1 deal then?

Cause I still have shelving that needs to be put up...
Warlock
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Quote by forgedsteel11
I was staying at a females friends house for a few days. While I was there I stayed in her bed every night. But when I tried to make a move she turned me down. Why would she want me to sleep in her bed if she didn't want to sleep together?


It took me a long time to understand.. but it isn't always about sex.. there is a journey that leads to every destination and sometimes we men try to just get there as fast as we can.. there is a comfort in closeness.. and she gave you the privilege of her private space.. which on some levels is far more intimate than sex.. maybe she just wanted you to recognize that..
lafayettemister
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I'm going to take the male chauvinst pig thought process here. If a grown woman invites a male friend to spend the night with her, in HER bed, then she should know that he's thinking she wants something physical to happen. Unless she states up front, "I'm going to let you sleep in my bed because it's big enough for both of us. No use you sleeping on the couch if there's room here. But don't get any ideas, just sleeping." then he's thinking he has the green light to start something.

She may not want a quick and meaningless fuckfest. Maybe she does want cuddling and passion and lovemaking with a person she cares about. I don't think the OP was totally out of line thinking that she wanted some kind of fun. If he tried and she said "no" he should stop. But I can see how and why he tried to get some action.

How often do women invite/allow men to sleep in their beds just to spend the night? If any of you invited a dude to spend the night and he DIDN'T make a move, would you be offended or think something was wrong with him?



When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
nickatplay
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Interesting one this, the mind of a woman! We need to know her sexual past. Could be she's had a bad experience, and is shy/afraid to make the first move. I recently met a girl who was when she was 16, for example! It leaves its scars. Could be she is a virgin?! I would say you need to TALK about it. But here's an idea.....

Don't deny her the cuddles she craves. Explain that she turns you on so much and you'd love to make love to her, but that you love cuddling. Tell her she has such an effect on you that you prefer to sleep on the couch. Cuddle her until she goes to sleep, but then you go and sleep on the couch. Make her feel special, and show you care, by removing yourself. Maybe she will realise the effect she has on you. Is that a plan?
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So, you've know each other for a while. Close friends.... you're asking the wrong people. Ask her! Friends talk don't they?
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Quote by lafayettemister
I'm going to take the male chauvinst pig thought process here. If a grown woman invites a male friend to spend the night with her, in HER bed, then she should know that he's thinking she wants something physical to happen.


I appreciate that you went on to say 'unless she said this..' but I fail to see why anything should be assumed. Slightly different story if she stripped off and hip waggled away from you, but failing that I see it as this:

Why should women be made to step around this kind of thing, make room for it? In my eyes this kind of assumption, behaviour, whatever you want to call it, shouldn't be there, at all, so it is not something I would make room for - ever.

With regards to the OP, we don't know the circumstances so daft to make set in stone judgements... this isn't aimed at the OP.
lafayettemister
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Quote by LittleBambi


I appreciate that you went on to say 'unless she said this..' but I fail to see why anything should be assumed. Slightly different story if she stripped off and hip waggled away from you, but failing that I see it as this:

Why should women be made to step around this kind of thing, make room for it? In my eyes this kind of assumption, behaviour, whatever you want to call it, shouldn't be there, at all, so it is not something I would make room for - ever.

With regards to the OP, we don't know the circumstances so daft to make set in stone judgements... this isn't aimed at the OP.



I don't think it's about women having to step around this kind of thing. As CG and PA posted earlier, if they invite a man into their bed it's for one reason. To get laid. Having women think the same way on this just shows how easy it would be for anyone to make the assumption the OP did. And I don't see it as a strictly woman issue. If a man invites a female friend of his into his bed, she'd have every right to think the same thing.

Is it right or wrong? I don't know, maybe so. We can only go on experience. And in my experience I've never been invited to sleep in a woman's bed just to sleep. I don't think it's off the wall crazy that the OP thought she wanted something physical to happen. Now, that in NO way means that it is expected that she gives up the goods. And in NO way should he force or coerce her into anything. That's a whole different ball of wax.

I think we need more info from the OP. How long have you known her? Did she hop into bed, rolll over and try to go to sleep? Was there pillow talk? If so, about what? Did she cuddle you? Did either of you sleep nude? Did you get into bed and lean into her and get an immediate denial? (if so, trying again the 2nd night was foolish)



When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
littlemissbitch
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its pretty much a given that any man anywhere is going to at least hope for sex if invited into bed with a woman. and she should have known that. the only men and women who go to bed together without the expectation of sex are married couples ;) lol...kidding kidding

i dont think its unreasonable to have expected her to be clear about what she wanted or didnt want. but im coming at this from the point of view of someone who is comfortable being clear about what i want and dont want. you guys seem pretty young and maybe she just wasnt mature enough to articulate it.

its ok to just wanna have a sleep over. but guys really need to be drawn a picture sometimes so that we can all stay on the same page.
littlemissbitch ~ professional face ripper offer, at your service..
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Quote by littlemissbitch
its pretty much a given that any man anywhere is going to at least hope for sex if invited into bed with a woman. and she should have known that. the only men and women who go to bed together without the expectation of sex are married couples ;) lol...kidding kidding

i dont think its unreasonable to have expected her to be clear about what she wanted or didnt want. but im coming at this from the point of view of someone who is comfortable being clear about what i want and dont want. you guys seem pretty young and maybe she just wasnt mature enough to articulate it.

its ok to just wanna have a sleep over. but guys really need to be drawn a picture sometimes so that we can all stay on the same page.


I totally agree with LM and LMB here. You are inviting someone to sleep in your bed and not, let's say, giving them a ride home from work when he unexpectedly made moves. You can't really get much more intimate than sharing your bed. If it was to be just a sleepover, I would have set expectations up in the beginning. As I mentioned, when I invite a man into my bed it is for one reason, and I would be very disappointed if he didn't act on it.