I found an article posing this question, it stated the majority of the answers were "Getting emotionally hurt". Just wanted to get some other opinions on this.
Too much gear to haul around.. fuckin' knots are miserable to get out of wet rope.. some candle wax stains.. slap and tickle gets old.. and it's a real cock-block to keep hearing "oww!! dammit!!" If I want to work this hard I'll just re-pave my driveway during sex..
It seems to me that Sprite and Fugs are saying essentially the same thing. If the relationship is still in the true fear stage (and all of us who have been through at least one failed relationship have that), it probably is not one that should go forward into real BDSM. But, even with a well-known and trusted partner, there are two things at (to risk a bad pun) play. First, there is always some trepidation at entering any sort of new activity, be it mental, physical, or any combination thereof. Second, a safe word is absolutely necessary if for no other reason than the activity IS new. Neither partner in the reltionship knows the other's limits. I think tht trepidation and those limits are what Sprite is talking about, and I suspect Fugs would agree those are both very real, but she would not agree that fer and the trepidation are the same degree or quality.
Sprite and Fugs - Have I understood you both correctly?
"There's only three tempos: slow, medium and fast. When you get between in the cracks, ain't nuthin' happenin'." Ben Webster
Personal experience - when i entered into my current relationship with my wife (as opposed to the one with my adorable yet stern and very capable Mistress) there was a certain amount of trepidation. One. it was a relationship changer for us and there was worry that, if it didn't work out, i'd be losing more then just a Mistress. Two. I'd been in BAD bdsm relationships in the past and it's only natural for that to come into play. That all said, i do think that "concern" IS a much better word to insert into the conversation at hand - fear, while perhaps applicable, is fairly strong.
You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
Actually... I do have a very real fear... and this is something I need to work on.
I'm a sub, I hand over my control to my Dom. With that, I place my trust in them to do right by me.
It takes me a very long time to trust someone enough to do that.
I, like sprite, have been in an abusive BDSM relationship. It was a gradual thing, and not overnight. It was over years.
Since then, I've had issues with trust and giving my control to anyone. I am now "damaged goods".
So for me, I fear I will never be able to give control and learn to trust a Dom... ever again.
Especially in a lifestyle I used to love and enjoy.
While i generally dislike disagreeing with people i have to say fugs you are incorrect.
Venturing into ANY new relationship, be it bdsm, {i am a submissive and have been for many years} straight, gay, martian.. i mean really the list could go on.. there will always be fear.
It is something that comes with new, unchartered territory. It comes as we venture into an unknown NEW relationship and find our footing. It heightens our awareness and strengthens our convictions in what we seek, what we need and what we strive for.
Now were you to say that those that felt fear after being in a relationship then i would be more comfortable agreeing with you. However if you wish to discount fear at the onset of a relationship, i would politely say that you may want to rethink things.
Perhaps then, you should welcome your freakdom, but you may also want to leave a forwarding address should you not fear meeting new people on a one to one private setting.
Darling.. cautious is using fear..
enough said .. i do know how to put the chalk down when i say i will..
shakes my head and head off to find other things to do rather than banter with someone who obviously needs to be right all the time.