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Mom arrested for choking 14yr old that bullied her daughter Options · View
lafayettemister
Posted: Monday, June 4, 2012 1:22:24 PM

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Mom chokes bully

Read the comments at the end of the article. Many think the kid deserved it. I'm not too sure about that. If nothing else, it reaffirms to the bully that violence and power works.

Bullying has become an enormous problem. Where is the line between "kids being kids" and bullying? Do some parents overreact to negative comments about their kid? Have kids become unable to resolve conflict on their own?

Bullying via the internet seems to be the worst thing to me. In my day (insert old fogie jokes here) when a person said something about another kid, it was usually face to face. At which point the victim would be upset, cry, get angry, lash out, or whatever. The bully would see how what was said or done affected the victim... sometimes he'd enjoy the power and continue to bully. But usually, a person's empathy and compassion would kick in and he'd not be so mean. We've all said or done something that we regretted after we saw how much it hurt the other person.

But on the internet that doesn't happen. It's done with distance of space and time. By the time victim and bully are face to face, the initial hurt is gone. The victim has steeled himself and hidden his pain, so the bully doesn't get the "benefit" of seeing the damage that was done. So the cycle seems to continue more easily.

Does this mom deserve to be sentenced for child abuse?





When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
LadyX
Posted: Monday, June 4, 2012 1:43:24 PM

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To paraphrase an old Chris Rock joke about O.J.: "I'm not saying she should've choked him...but I understand."

I've read a fair bit about bullying among kids and teenagers. One of the all-too-common themes I've noticed is a lack of action by the school authorities. I can think of four or five cases right off the top of my head where the family pleaded with the school administration to intervene somehow, and they did not, and sometime not long after that, the kid ends up either dead or hurt badly, by his/her own hands or those of his/her bully. Schools can't fix everything, but they can do a hell of a lot better than nothing, which is what happens a hell of a lot. I can't imagine what it would be like to see your child live in fear, unable to do anything about it, and unable to convince any authorities to help, either. A parent wants to make it right for their kids, to "fix it", if they can at all.

It's easy to say "well, it's your job to teach your child to defend and take care of themselves", but bullying is not a one-size-fits-all problem, nor is every kid cut out to use his/her fists, or stand up in any way whatsoever. Sometimes hitting back will end the problem, and sometimes it will land the bullied kid in the hospital or worse. Same with ignoring it, or trying to verbally outwit them.

It's getting more media attention lately, and I think that's good. It's always good to shine a light on evil wherever it is, make it squirm, and hopefully suffocate under society's pressure as often as possible.

As for the mom: if she committed the crime, I guess she has to do the time. But morally, I won't judge until I'm in that position myself; hopefully I never will be.

lafayettemister
Posted: Monday, June 4, 2012 1:52:09 PM

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School authorities should nip it in the bud. Although I can see that they may have their hands full. Some over-bearing, over protective, helicopter parents put too much undue pressure on teachers, principals, and administrators. I know in my son's school this year one parent went to school to raise hell that her son's friends were bullying him. When all the truth came out, the boy's friends just got tired of dealing with his whining and complaining. They didn't actually do anything mean or spiteful. Just that his 2 "best" friends (we're talking 4th grade, btw) didn't want to play with him anymore. Yet the mom took up hours and hours of school officials time. It's sad to say, but maybe they're getting jaded or overwhelmed to see real problems when they occur.

I don't what the answer is. Maybe it's time schools have an on-staff professional that strictly deals with these issues. With all the other things that teachers and administrators have going on, they can't keep up. I've seen it firsthand.







When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
VanGogh
Posted: Monday, June 4, 2012 2:06:49 PM

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LadyX wrote:
It's always good to shine a light on evil wherever it is, make it squirm, and hopefully suffocate under society's pressure as often as possible.


but as we have noted in many circumstances, most people in authority/with pull/even sideliners, shrug their shoulders and say "get tougher".
Nikki703
Posted: Monday, June 4, 2012 2:11:04 PM

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LadyX wrote:
"I'm not saying she should've choked him...but I understand."




I feel the same way. It is wrong for an adult to hit a child, but if it was my daughter..............................! I would take any measure to protect my children and sometimes your emotions get the best of you before you realize what is happneing.

Bullying is a big problem although I am not sure it is anymore of a probelm today than it was in the past. Maybe the the methods of bullying have changed. It is just getting more publicity than in the past. And there is a pretty fine line between what is really bullying and what is normal kids being kids. Like what LM said about the 2 boys not wanting to be friends with the whiny kid. That is not bullying. But some parents will never give their kids wrong, everything is always someone elses fault, never their's or their kid's!
LadyX
Posted: Monday, June 4, 2012 2:15:10 PM

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PersonalAssistant wrote:


but as we have noted in many circumstances, most people in authority/with pull/even sideliners, shrug their shoulders and say "get tougher".


In some cases, it's probably good advice -- such as the situation that LM brought up with the two kids that simply didn't want to deal with the other kid's whining anymore. Depends on the kid, the bully, and the situation. But when it comes to children in schools, the willful inaction of school officials leaves blood on their hands all too often.
Guest
Posted: Monday, June 4, 2012 2:44:02 PM

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lafayettemister wrote:
School authorities should nip it in the bud.


But how do you suggest they go about doing this?

This, in my eyes (speaking as someone who was both home and school educated), one of the worst things about school....and the lack of bullying among home educated kids was one of the best things about being home ed.

Back on track, it's not as if schools, authorities etc aren't trying not to sort out bullying...but how do you nip it in the bud when you have one teacher per 30 odd kids?! That's school for you, may as well just accept it!

It is horrible, but unless a fuck tonne of money is put into it this is how it'll stay.
AngelHeart01
Posted: Monday, June 4, 2012 2:49:36 PM

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LadyX wrote:
To paraphrase an old Chris Rock joke about O.J.: "I'm not saying she should've choked him...but I understand."

I've read a fair bit about bullying among kids and teenagers. One of the all-too-common themes I've noticed is a lack of action by the school authorities. I can think of four or five cases right off the top of my head where the family pleaded with the school administration to intervene somehow, and they did not, and sometime not long after that, the kid ends up either dead or hurt badly, by his/her own hands or those of his/her bully. Schools can't fix everything, but they can do a hell of a lot better than nothing, which is what happens a hell of a lot. I can't imagine what it would be like to see your child live in fear, unable to do anything about it, and unable to convince any authorities to help, either. A parent wants to make it right for their kids, to "fix it", if they can at all.

It's easy to say "well, it's your job to teach your child to defend and take care of themselves", but bullying is not a one-size-fits-all problem, nor is every kid cut out to use his/her fists, or stand up in any way whatsoever. Sometimes hitting back will end the problem, and sometimes it will land the bullied kid in the hospital or worse. Same with ignoring it, or trying to verbally outwit them.

It's getting more media attention lately, and I think that's good. It's always good to shine a light on evil wherever it is, make it squirm, and hopefully suffocate under society's pressure as often as possible.

As for the mom: if she committed the crime, I guess she has to do the time. But morally, I won't judge until I'm in that position myself; hopefully I never will be.



I agree. I also think because of the "no tolerance rule" (which hasn't really shown true) ... kids are left feeling like they can't defend themselves. I would hate for my kid to not defend his or herself if/when I have any.
If someone is talking crap, defend yourself.
If it becomes physical .. protect/defend yourself. Don't just stand there.
I say .. Don't start it, but finish it. (If I were being physically bullied)



LadyX
Posted: Monday, June 4, 2012 2:50:08 PM

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LittleBambi wrote:

it's not as if schools, authorities etc aren't trying not to sort out bullying...but how do you nip it in the bud when you have one teacher per 30 odd kids?! That's school for you, may as well just accept it!


Yes, yes it is, actually. Over and over, they avoid the problem.

The cost to add staff and implement programs would be considerable, and has to go into the overall budget balancing act, and schools are often already in a crunch. But that doesn't mean it's not worth it. All day long you hear people say that schools waste money; so let's see it get reallocated. Who among us doesn't believe safety of the students shouldn't be a high priority.

The cost to be simply vigilant, however, isn't that much at all. Especially not compared to the running costs of inaction.
Guest
Posted: Monday, June 4, 2012 2:51:20 PM

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I heard locally that the kid said that she wasn't even worth raping. The girl told her mom that she felt like life wasn't worth living after everyone could see what he wrote about her. I understand the mother's feelings. I would want to choke the little shit too. But, really, what do people expect school authorities to do with the limited funds that they have as it is? They can't afford gym class and some are doing away with band classes and other extracurricular activities. Some classes have 35/40 kids in it that one teacher is trying to control and teach something. The most I can see the school doing is suspending the kid with fines leveled against the parents for it.
Call the police and tell them what? Some kid called my kid a fatso and said she wasn't sexy? It's one kids word against the other. Writing it on a FB wall? You suck you fat cow? So what charge do the cops levy against the boy in this case?
People are expecting everyone else to handle things in their children's lives that just isn't anyone else's problem. You have the bill come for your kids cell. Female child's mother goes to male child's mother and says WTH? Can you control him please?
Can you not monitor your child's cell phone/computer activities? Expecting the schools and cops to do everything is getting out of hand. I feel for her. I really do. I'd have probably told that little fucker that's I'd have him killed if he ever did it again. I'd get probation for grabbing the little shit and would deny the threat. BUT, I would not expect anyone else to handle it for me.
Guest
Posted: Monday, June 4, 2012 2:53:03 PM

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LadyX wrote:


Yes, yes it is, actually. Over and over, they avoid the problem.

The cost to add staff and implement programs would be considerable, and has to go into the overall budget balancing act, and schools are often already in a crunch. But that doesn't mean it's not worth it. All day long you hear people say that schools waste money; so let's see it get reallocated. Who among us doesn't believe safety of the students shouldn't be a high priority.

The cost to be simply vigilant, however, isn't that much at all. Especially not compared to the running costs of inaction.


The reality is that one pair of eyes can only do so much. On the subject of realities it is also worth considering that the bullies have some deep rooted 'reason' for this behaviour....it's always problems at home, a rough upbringing, a lack of attention, they've been bullied themselves, a feeling of a lack of control over their life etc. A teacher or a 'dinner lady' as we used to have in school (they used to monitor the playgrounds also) are simply not well enough equipped to deal with this. Yeah, you can give them a slap on the wrist (insert here whatever anyone would wish the punishment to be), but that doesn't fix anything. Pain relief, not a cure.
LadyX
Posted: Monday, June 4, 2012 2:56:09 PM

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LittleBambi wrote:


The reality is that one pair of eyes can only do so much. On the subject of realities it is also worth considering that the bullies have some deep rooted 'reason' for this behaviour....it's always problems at home, a rough upbringing, a lack of attention, they've been bullied themselves, a feeling of a lack of control over their life etc. A teacher or a 'dinner lady' as we used to have in school (they used to monitor the playgrounds also) are simply not well enough equipped to deal with this. Yeah, you can give them a slap on the wrist (insert here whatever anyone would wish the punishment to be), but that doesn't fix anything. Pain relief, not a cure.


The point is not the personnel and budgetary disadvantage that school staffing is up against. Nor is it the ultimate inability to psychologically "solve" the root of each individual bully's behavior.

It's willful inaction. You can read about it over and over. There's no defense or logic to accepting it as is, as there's always something that can be done. Reasonable people (which excludes many, granted) don't expect schools to solve the entire problem, but they often ignore the entire problem instead. Let's worry about the ceiling of what can actually be done AFTER action is attempted. We're not even to the first step in many cases. That's the unacceptable shame in this, not the teacher-to-student logistics.
lafayettemister
Posted: Monday, June 4, 2012 2:59:15 PM

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One other thing to note... many times school officials DO do something. They call home or send a note to the bully's parents telling them what he's done. The reaction that is received most of the time is denial and defense by the parents. It's the "not my kid" syndrome. If parents aren't willing to be equally responsible for bullying when their kid IS the bully, then not much can be accomplished.





When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
Guest
Posted: Monday, June 4, 2012 3:07:30 PM

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LadyX wrote:


The point is not the personnel and budgetary disadvantage that school staffing is up against. It's willful inaction. You can read about it over and over. There's no defense or logic to accepting it as is, as there's always something that can be done. Reasonable people (which excludes many, granted) don't expect schools to solve the entire problem, but they often ignore the entire problem instead. Let's worry about the ceiling of what can actually be done AFTER action is attempted. We're not even to the first step in many cases. That's the unacceptable shame in this, not the teacher-to-student logistics.


Some schools will always be worse than others, but more money put in to the staffing of schools would do a significant amount re the levels of bullying. So with regards to lessening it that is the point. More money = two things: 1) The ability to hire more staff and thus have more pairs of eyes 2) The ability to give staff a better wage and thus be able to employ people that would actually do a seriously good job in all aspects - teaching, emotionally, re bullying etc. (Edit: as an after thought... 3) provide some/better training as to how to deal with the bullies, victims and their parents?)

lafayettemister wrote:
One other thing to note... many times school officials DO do something. They call home or send a note to the bully's parents telling them what he's done. The reaction that is received most of the time is denial and defense by the parents. It's the "not my kid" syndrome. If parents aren't willing to be equally responsible for bullying when their kid IS the bully, then not much can be accomplished.


Yes. This is also true and, partly, what I was getting at re trouble at home, parents etc.

On an additional note, I went to a secondary school (high school to you Americans) where bullying was practically non-existent. What we had over most other schools locally (where bullying was much, much worse) was an approachable school 'counsellor' who was, essentially, a school mum with her door wide open for anyone to drop in when they needed to cool off, take a break, get away, whatever. Less of the formal appointments stuff, more of the working with the 'trouble' (and 'troubled') kids in a productive manner, more of working with their parents to try and improve things there....and her little room had an exercise bike. Bizarre, but really, really good for the younger boys to come in and blow off some steam on instead of lashing out at people. We also had an informal buddying system, I was in this room a lot of the time myself (for non-bullying related reasons) and in my final year I used to take a few of the younger trouble kids under my wing, spend time with them, look out for them around the school, listen to them and advise/talk to them since they're far more likely to listen to a fellow student than an angry teacher. None of this 'they're the enemy' type of thing.

I know I've wandered off topic here somewhat with my little story, but maybe there's something in there somewhere that feels relevant.

Here's to hoping anyhow Pour Wine
Selynar
Posted: Monday, June 4, 2012 3:17:57 PM

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PersonalAssistant wrote:


but as we have noted in many circumstances, most people in authority/with pull/even sideliners, shrug their shoulders and say "get tougher".


I got told that by my old man when I was a kid. I'm 29 now, so it wasn't too long ago, but still before all this PC crap. I did... and got suspended, and arrested once. :P Why? Because those in authority said that I shouldn't fight.

So we have choices, either we can be pushed around, verbally and physically, since pushing isn't violence. We can run to someone in power where they tell us to "toughen up" or deal with it ourselves, and even then the bully gets pissed and starts doing it even more. Or we fight back.

As I said, problem with fighting back is that you wind up in trouble.

There is no answer to bullying, unfortunately, we've PC'd our only real option out the door. Bullying is all part of the Alpha Dog part of us. We need to be on top. Those that bark the loudest, are on top until put in their place. With the system that we have now, the bullies can't get put in their place, the best they get is a slap on the wrist and a "Don't be so mean."

I still subscribe to a Don't Touch Me, I won't Touch you. Attitude. I go out of my way not to start trouble with people but I'll be damned if you're going to push me around. I got tired of that when I was a kid. I grew real fast, and I was overweight, and thus was slow. I got made fun of for that, for being poor, for family issues that were happening.

I lost my way a bit with my attitude and temper, but found the middle ground of "Don't Touch Me, I won't Touch You". I've discovered that most bullies aren't that smart. They spew out nonsense they've heard. Either from other kids, parents, or stuff they were bullied with. When I have kids I'm going to teach them how to verbally tear bullies apart.... and how to defend themselves because if words don't work... the bully will start getting physical.

Another problem to that mentality though is schools don't punish those that start fights they punish both. In high school I was getting something from my locker and as I bent down someone that had an issue with me booted me in the face before I even knew I was there... I got up, bleeding from nose and mouth already, and started wailing on this guy.

At the end of it, we were both suspended 2 weeks for fighting.... I'm sorry but screw you principals... Actually do your job and listen don't just punish both. Someone starts a fight with you and what? Turn the other cheek while they wail away on you? Lets take an ass kicking so we can avoid getting in trouble for defending ourselves.... That's the mentality of authority nowadays.

I had my car vandalized a couple of years ago. I called the police, they refused to send a cop to take a look. I even informed them that I had a good idea who did it, and there is boot prints on my car in rubber from how hard they were kicking it. They still refused. So I informed them that the next time it happens I'll deal with it myself since they were refusing to uphold the law, and earn their paychecks.... They warned me if anyone got hurt because of this situation(i.e. they vandalize my car and hurt themselves) I'm being arrested for assault, and threats.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!! *laughs* This world is going to a place where you can do whatever you want because authority does nothing at any level, and the second your victim defends themselves, you both get in shit.... but so what? You were going to get in crap either way... and THEY through the first punch.

Edit: Also, I went to one of the rougher high schools in my city, I'd hate to see what some of the others were like. We had ex Military there as teachers, to help prevent fights, and they got smart and realized it was safer to stay in doors and clean up after. :P
lafayettemister
Posted: Monday, June 4, 2012 3:21:07 PM

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My kids' school had a little seminar about bullying. Another thing to mention. In the past bullies were the kind of kid that Bambi is talking about. Kid is neglected or abused at home, has some sort of family issues. Those kids often lashed out, usually physically at school. Bullies are great at picking out the weak link in a crowd. Like lions picking off zebra.

Studies have shown that bullies nowadays aren't the same. They usually come from fairly well off families. Have loving parents, but those parents are hover parents that do everything for their kid. Never allow their kid to make mistakes and when they do, the parents deal with it or make it go away by bitching and complaining at whomever is raising the issue. Blame the messenger mentality. Today's bully is far more likely to be well known and respected in school. Not the outcast/outsider that we see in movies.





When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
Guest
Posted: Monday, June 4, 2012 3:24:50 PM

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While schools should be proactive about bullying, the online bullying is in most cases out of schools hands, which most people tend to overlook. Such as this case here. The fact that the kids is a classmate leaves nothing in the hands of the school. If it were something like a schools social networking site, or email or in the hall then they would have the ability to do stuff about it. its not avoidance, its just not them having any leg to stand on from a legal perspective to enact any sort of punishment. I've been on the shit end of the stick being bullied before so i speak out of experience. Parents would need to seek action from proper authorities, not just lay the blame on schools assuming they are a catch all for this problem.

Edit: however, i still am far in favor of what the mom did. people need to find out that actions, even if just words, have some serious consequences. i put up with getting bullied on my school bus to a point. a kid went to far and i broke his nose. never bothered me again.
Selynar
Posted: Monday, June 4, 2012 3:24:53 PM

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lafayettemister wrote:
Studies have shown that bullies nowadays aren't the same. They usually come from fairly well off families. Have loving parents, but those parents are hover parents that do everything for their kid. Never allow their kid to make mistakes and when they do, the parents deal with it or make it go away by bitching and complaining at whomever is raising the issue. Blame the messenger mentality. Today's bully is far more likely to be well known and respected in school. Not the outcast/outsider that we see in movies.


That's a really good point I think that also touches on "My kid can do no wrong" mentality. Wasn't my kid. Impossible. Even if you have evidence they bury their head in the sand until you stop talking.

Sprichler wrote:
While schools should be proactive about bullying, the online bullying is in most cases out of schools hands, which most people tend to overlook. Such as this case here. The fact that the kids is a classmate leaves nothing in the hands of the school. If it were something like a schools social networking site, or email or in the hall then they would have the ability to do stuff about it. its not avoidance, its just not them having any leg to stand on from a legal perspective to enact any sort of punishment. I've been on the shit end of the stick being bullied before so i speak out of experience. Parents would need to seek action from proper authorities, not just lay the blame on schools assuming they are a catch all for this problem.


At that point its up to the law enforcement agency. As was said in the quick news article the father had tried that, and they refused to help.
Guest
Posted: Monday, June 4, 2012 3:33:17 PM

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Selynar wrote:


At that point its up to the law enforcement agency. As was said in the quick news article the father had tried that, and they refused to help.


exactly, if the authorities wont do anything then you either take it into your own hands or lawyer up. if police are refusing to push/enforce anti bully laws, im sure a lawyer would be more than happy to take them and the county/city to court for whatever legal term not enforcing the laws falls under. Just be sure to document document document.

As one of my Drill Sergeants told me and i believe it as well "there are only three times i believe physical violence is worth the risk : Defending yourself, your family, or those who are incapable of defending themselves."
Selynar
Posted: Monday, June 4, 2012 4:01:05 PM

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Sprichler wrote:
As one of my Drill Sergeants told me and i believe it as well "there are only three times i believe physical violence is worth the risk : Defending yourself, your family, or those who are incapable of defending themselves."


I agree, too bad I'm Canadian where its the offender that usually has the law going for them. :P Seem to take a "Both parties at fault attitude", and in our legal system we have to prove conclusively. If there is any doubt the charge will be dropped.

I was talking to a cop about how in Canada if someone breaks into your home, and attacks you, and he gets it worse than you, its you as the homeowner that will get in trouble, and more than likely sued. The cop told me, the simplest way is to kill the intruder, and claim that you thought he had a weapon. Its dark, hard to see mistakes happen. Is what he told me.

As for "Those who are incapable of defending themselves", try it up here, and see who winds up in jail. You or the bully.
LadyX
Posted: Monday, June 4, 2012 4:03:24 PM

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Selynar wrote:


As for "Those who are incapable of defending themselves", try it up here, and see who winds up in jail. You or the bully.


Damn. It's a bleak-ass world. angry7
Selynar
Posted: Monday, June 4, 2012 4:20:53 PM

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*nods* Its why I got arrested. ;) A friend of mine is disabled, and he was getting bullied by people in a public washroom. He had a bone condition where if his shin breaks, it developed in such away it can't be set properly. They were screwing with him by bringing the bat down on his shin while he was being held down. Not hard enough to break it, but hard enough to scare him into tears....

I happened to walk by and heard him, went in and shattered the guys kneecap with the bat. I went in for assault with a weapon... My lawyer happened to be very good and got me off the charge... but still. *shrugs* That was 12 years ago.
elitfromnorth
Posted: Wednesday, June 6, 2012 6:54:01 PM

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One major problem at least now that texts and internet has become part of the bullying is how far the school is legally capable of going. It's not uncommon that all of the bullying happens away from school. So what can the school do? Their hands are very often tied as long as the political authorities says that any bullying that happens between two people going to the same school can also be dealt with by the school in form of detention, suspension, new school etc.

Over here pupils are protected by the work enviroment law, that says that it is illegal to bully your fellow pupils and the school have to give a safe working environment for their pupils. Whenever the bullying happens on the school they have no problem doing it(as long as they're aware of it, which can be difficult especially with girls). But what when the bullying is outside of school. Yes, the pupil is afraid of going to school and all that, but very often the school gets hammered down with "It's outside of school. You can't do anything. It's up to the parents." And we all know how resolute parents can be with their children...

Schools needs to be given absolute power to handle whatever students do to each other, even outside school. Then they would have no excuse not to deal with it. Add that they should lower the bar for expelling pupils and sending them off to other schools. It could work as a deterrent if the bully is pulled into the principal's office and told "Last chance. Do it again and you're off to another school. Behave or lose all your friends and start over." Maybe even report threats and physical violence to the police and that the police are actually willing to deal with it.

"It's at that point you realise Lady Luck is actually a hooker, and you're fresh out of cash."
MoonlightSerenity
Posted: Friday, June 8, 2012 8:51:59 AM

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Location: United Kingdom
Can I just chip in here and say that I've been bullied since primary school. Nearly every week in primary I got sent down to the headteachers office with the bully and everytime she cried and got away with it. Once the teacher even turned to the class and told them to pick which one of us (me or the bully) was telling the truth, naturally they all choose her as she has been seen to have special needs and not know what she's doing, although hardly anyone believed that part. This bullying continued into high school, and no-one did anything apart from give her a gentle reminder over her swearing. Once when her parents did find out about it they came to my door and threatened my mother. This has had an impact to me even today and I'm missing out part of the story. But you get the general idea.

For this I've been through counciling for it. But that's the extent of which the schools here are willing to go if the student has a more severe difficulty than another. Most times she actually used it to get away with everything. At one point she was even stalking me, of which the school didn't believe either. They turned a blind eye to everything she did. Even accepted it when she was telling blatant lies, I have asked teachers about this and they have said that they didn't want to upset her. Of which is most reasons as to why schools don't do anything.

And related to this - if the child was recieving anything near to what me and some close friends have recieved then go ahead. I know this may sound cruel, but sometimes the only way of getting the message through is giving the bully a taste of their own medicine so to speak (of which can fail in my case as I got a good roaring at for just calling her a bitch)

I also point out that I understand the mother fully. Some bullies don't just stop at the poor kid their bulling which is sad enough, some target the family as well which has happened in my case but I won't go into in more detail unless asked.

School do have powers - they just refuse to use them.

Teased and Tormented -My very first story and competition entry is now up!
elitfromnorth
Posted: Friday, June 8, 2012 6:51:27 PM

Rank: Brawling Berserker

Joined: 2/12/2012
Posts: 1,637
Location: Burrowed, Norway
Sadly it very often comes down to the individual headmaster. I understand why in many cases a headmaster would want to sweep it under the carpet, because if he/she did anything about it then you're causing a shitstorm. Today it would be parents of the bully going to the media and telling how the school was accusing their cute little kid who never hurt a fly of something as horrible as bullying. They'd refuse to believe that their little brat is on a level of cuntiness that is hard to understand. You also have to problem of who to believe. It's usually just down to he said she said and 99% of the times classmates won't say anything, because they don't wanna be a snitch, thus lose respect amongst the other kids. It's hard, really hard from a teacher's point of view if they want to do something about it but there are no witnesses. Then the teachers have to ask themselves "Is this student capable of being such a massive cunt?"(and yes, kids that systematically bully other kids and make their life a living hell deserve to be called nothing less than cunts).

But that said, what I mentioned above is no excuse for not dealing with it. Some headmaster's got the balls to go through with it and weather the storm, others don't and decide to ignore the problem or not even admit that there is a problem. It's not uncommon in society. You see it at the workplace not only with bullying but also sexual harassment. And very often it is hard to spot it. Teachers have 28 kids in their class, can't be everywhere at once and when it happens to and from school they're not able to see it. Not to mention texts, facebook, msn and all that. Also like I mentioned earlier, how far does the school's jurisdiction go?

"It's at that point you realise Lady Luck is actually a hooker, and you're fresh out of cash."
Guest
Posted: Friday, June 8, 2012 8:06:34 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,296
elitfromnorth wrote:
Also like I mentioned earlier, how far does the school's jurisdiction go?


In my opinion, School jurisdiction goes only as far as its properties, and applies on trips, school sponsored events. any farther than that and you start the slippery slope that lots of people cry about. i'm particularly nervous about that because i live across the street from TWO schools. talk about not being able to do anything in your own house during the day.
ReleaseMe4034
Posted: Monday, June 11, 2012 8:20:12 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 5/24/2010
Posts: 31
Location: west of worcester, United States
If it was my child I would go and protect that child to all means necessary. Unfortunatly bullying is soo much different than how it was back in the 50's and 60's and different then earlier years or even when I grew up in the 80's and 90's I think I would tell my child that if someone is bullying you with words then you let the school know if its physical then protect yourself and I would support you 100 percent.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, June 19, 2012 2:39:14 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,296
I think the focus needs to be on the root of the problem rather than just the symptoms of bullying.

Bullying has existed throughout history, but today, it's our society that has failed in teaching respect and love and a foundation of self-esteem so that kids and adults can respond with things like "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"

Instead, adults and children are watching HOURS of crap tv, video games, internet, etc and their minds are filled with messages telling them they are not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough, have clear enough skin, keep their erections long enough, etc. etc. They watch dozens of sit-coms that are full of bullying, belittling, making fun of each other - and people laugh at it! They watch reality tv which shows people acting like ASSES become "celebrities!"

Where the hell do people think these kids are learning their behavior??? Seriously, if people want to reduce the impact of bullying - turn off the fucking TV, video games, and computers! Spend time with each other, spend time with people!

Teach kids and adults to love, respect and accept themselves as they are! When they love themselves unconditionally, then bullying won't bother them much, and bullies won't bully much, because they will love instead and appreciate others and their differences!

Learn how to love and accept yourself as you are! Begin practicing self-love today!!!!

love you all :-)
MoonlightSerenity
Posted: Tuesday, June 19, 2012 3:11:35 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/7/2012
Posts: 854
Location: United Kingdom
macyalexander wrote:

Instead, adults and children are watching HOURS of crap tv, video games, internet, etc and their minds are filled with messages telling them they are not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough, have clear enough skin, keep their erections long enough, etc. etc. They watch dozens of sit-coms that are full of bullying, belittling, making fun of each other - and people laugh at it! They watch reality tv which shows people acting like ASSES become "celebrities!"

Where the hell do people think these kids are learning their behavior??? Seriously, if people want to reduce the impact of bullying - turn off the fucking TV, video games, and computers! Spend time with each other, spend time with people!


Can I please pick up on this. People can be normal even with these things, it all comes down to how the parent reacts with the child while their watching and doing these things. If the parents talk to them and the child understands that what they are seeing is not to be copied then let them all they want. It's the parent's in general that is the bad influence not the tv shows and that

Oh and here's a video that I believe some of the lushers here might have seen but I think it might be good to add this in before anyone starts blaming external sources -



Teased and Tormented -My very first story and competition entry is now up!
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, June 19, 2012 3:13:18 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,296
macyalexander wrote:
I think the focus needs to be on the root of the problem rather than just the symptoms of bullying.

Bullying has existed throughout history, but today, it's our society that has failed in teaching respect and love and a foundation of self-esteem so that kids and adults can respond with things like "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"

Instead, adults and children are watching HOURS of crap tv, video games, internet, etc and their minds are filled with messages telling them they are not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough, have clear enough skin, keep their erections long enough, etc. etc. They watch dozens of sit-coms that are full of bullying, belittling, making fun of each other - and people laugh at it! They watch reality tv which shows people acting like ASSES become "celebrities!"

Where the hell do people think these kids are learning their behavior??? Seriously, if people want to reduce the impact of bullying - turn off the fucking TV, video games, and computers! Spend time with each other, spend time with people!

Teach kids and adults to love, respect and accept themselves as they are! When they love themselves unconditionally, then bullying won't bother them much, and bullies won't bully much, because they will love instead and appreciate others and their differences!

Learn how to love and accept yourself as you are! Begin practicing self-love today!!!!

love you all :-)


I'm really sorry here, but this failed teaching self esteem and respect bit is pretty much true. However, the fact of the matter is that to kids, words do hurt. they have tried establishing self esteem with things like participation awards and what not. The truth is kids confidence is incredibly easy to undermine especially in the teenage years. add the fact that now you have texting and face book which puts them even more up for judgement and comment by their peers and it goes to a whole new level.

Blaming media for low self esteem is like blaming fast food for being fat, or video games and metal/rock and roll for being violent (ex. Columbine). I'm not sure if that's really what you were aiming at or if you were focusing on how media is full of negative imagery (which it is), but that's a far from sound reasoning, because the media isn't the problem as to why people have low self esteem. that would imply that the victims are at fault for watching television or using the internet.

That actually should come back down on the parents for not doing their job and monitoring what their kids are doing. which loops back to the source of "oh my child is an angel and does no wrong". parents conducting followup is the critical factor

I'm not certain if you were blaming the media as the problem, but to me that was the way it came across for me. I'm not defending the media in any stretch, but to full out blame media for people acting how they do is a lazy argument.
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