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Shylass
Posted: Thursday, October 18, 2012 11:56:19 AM

Rank: Gingerbread Lover

Joined: 1/6/2012
Posts: 3,645
Location: Trumpton, United Kingdom
Okay,whilst I have many more things I could say, but didn't, this thread is now a mix of helpful advice and personal attacks (whether merited or not).

Can future posters be constructive, or bow out, please?

I would be interested to know how the OP now views his feelings on whether this thread was worth posting. There is some valuable help here. It would be constructive for all of us to view our own behaviour and responses, whatever our history, to ask ourselves what kind of person our posting shows us to be.

Please be civil. Thank you. sunny



Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

***
********************************CLICK THE BANNERS TO BUY THESE WILLY-STIFFENING BOOKS!********************************
Guest
Posted: Thursday, October 18, 2012 2:17:36 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 651,817
Hmmmmm....constructive I hope.

Back in 2005 I was looking for a possible affair. My wife had pretty much lost interest in intimacy and I hadn't. She may have gained 10 pounds over the course of our marriage and the birth of our two daughters. I was needing the intimacy and thought maybe I could deal with an affair.

I went to counseling, invited her to go but she declined. She didn't think we had a problem. I read books to help our relationship, I talked to her about "us" to no avail.

Then after about six months I really thought long and hard what our marriage was based on. It wasn't all about sex, SURPIRSE!.

So, I changed (slowly) my way of thinking about us. The stigma and hurt caused by having an affair (plus the financial aspect) would have been too much and she really didn't deserve it.

We talked a lot more and I told her over and over again how much I loved her and how important being intimate (not actually having sex) was to me. Things got better and now it's something I don't think about.

We've been married over 31 years and have two great daughters.


That's my 2 cents.
keoloke
Posted: Thursday, October 18, 2012 8:43:38 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/12/2010
Posts: 599
Location: United States
Dear "has a brain" ....?

you have mentioned the words fat, woman, affair and choccolate, well you thought you were going to get simpathy from the very same peoples that you would want the piece of ass from?

A) There must be something also.

B) You don't want an advise, you want a piece of it. Try another site!

C) The screw that you will do would not be worth the screw that you will get!

Hey, just talk to her and when you do, make sure you don't use any of the words above. Well you could bring the choccolate, maybe she would say "ohh I really should not eat that" and you hand her a small piece anyway.




Choose n Practice Happiness

Life is simple; we are what we eat and what we read. Talk is superfluous.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, October 18, 2012 9:45:12 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 651,817
Seems the OP has left the building
Dudealicious
Posted: Thursday, October 18, 2012 10:02:07 PM

Rank: Wise Ass
Moderator

Joined: 11/12/2010
Posts: 5,509
Location: The center of the universe, Canada
Irishdandy wrote:
Seems the OP has left the building


How has the OP left the building? His profile is still here, maybe he is tired of posting further to explain his case and getting shelled for it. I personally don't agree with his post but why would you say this? Maybe he has quietly taken your advice and feels there is no need to post anymore.



The night that changed my life, a four part series of a married man lusting after his co-worker

Hasabrain2
Posted: Saturday, October 27, 2012 11:55:15 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/1/2011
Posts: 145
[quote=keoloke]Dear "has a brain" ....?

you have mentioned the words fat, woman, affair and choccolate, well you thought you were going to get simpathy from the very same peoples that you would want the piece of ass from?

A) There must be something also.

B) You don't want an advise, you want a piece of it. Try another site!

C) The screw that you will do would not be worth the screw that you will get!

Hey, just talk to her and when you do, make sure you don't use any of the words above. Well you could bring the choccolate, maybe she would say "ohh I really should not eat that" and you hand her a small piece anyway.


A) There is nothing else. I'm a nice guy (just ask my coworkers) in a bad sitaution

B) The moderator asked for advice (not advise) not judgment.

C) For the record, I don't give her chocolate or buy other temptations for her. Her bad habits sometimes affect the kids. If she goes to the store, she about much, much more likely to buy ice cream than I am.
MarySweets
Posted: Sunday, October 28, 2012 5:47:06 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/5/2012
Posts: 292
Location: In my fantastic mind, Australia
No one has really said anything about how the wife must be feeling.

Hasabrain2 don't you think your wife already feels shit about her body. She was hoping the gastric bypass would be the miracle cure to her weight problems.

DO YOU THINK SHE FEELS EMBARRASSED BY THE PERSISTANT GAS AND THE WEIGHT GAIN? OF COURSE SHE DOES. AND HER SELF-ESTEEM MUST BE SHOCKINGINGLY LOW.

EVERY OVER WEIGHT PERSON FEELS DISGUSTING WITH THEMSELVES AND IT DOESN'T HELP WHEN THEIR OTHER HALF ISN'T BEING SUPPORTIVE TO THEIR PLIGHT.

At first I thought I give you a chance because maybe you worded it wrong but your responses are narcissitic.

IT's all "Oh poor me having to put up with a fat wife who doesn't even help her situation because she sneaks behind my back and devours chocolate. She isn't helping herself. Oh and the other day I had to help my father-in-law (wow you couldn't put down father-in-law) move furniture because wife's grandma had to be put into a home. I could be doing something else boo hoo me me me. I deserve a healthy skinny hot wife not this fat frump I lay next to. Oh I'm a nice guy just ask anyone and please don't judge me!'

Well how can we judge when you have thrown this in front of us.

She is most likely binge eating "sweets" because she has you telling her how she shouldn't be eatting this or that and that she is fat and her body now disgusts you and how the fuck did she let herself get to be over 70 pounds heavier. Food is giving her comfort as it's not telling her how disappointing she is, what a terrible mother and role model to the kids.

I wonder how much you weigh? What do you look like? Are you as hot as Robert Pattinson? Brad Pitt? Leonardo Decaprio? No of course not.
======

Look my advice is change your attitude mate. Be supportive to her needs, tell her something positive about herself once a day. Such as "I think you made a fantastic dinner." "The kids sure love what your doing..." "I think that item of clothing makes you look gorgeous."

She will pick up on the positive words from you and will try to sort things out with things going on with her body. Most likely she should go to her GP and get advice as it doesn't sound right about the gas and the weight gain who knows maybe her stomach/intestine has raptured.

Why I'm giving advice is that my Fiance has health problems and I have a few health issues. Actually I'm going to be having jaw surgery in a week and a half. My Fiance has driven me back and forth to dentist/orthodontist appointments and to hospital over the last two years. He rarely complains about taking me. Even at times I can tell he rather be at home doing things on the house then driving me two and half to three hours each way per visit.

Mr Sweets has mental health issues and yes I actually stuck by him and visited him when he had a huge mental break down where he had to spend a few weeks in a mental health hospital.
He might say bizzare things, get over excited on ideas and might say things that are totally out of line. Because he can open his mouth without stopping to think things through.
And currently he has a bowel problem and need to get a colonoscopy because he is bleeding from his rectum after a bowel movement. His gas is also pretty bad too.

You know what hasabrain2 I could leave him , there is no children between us and no other official legal things holding us together. How many people want to say "Hey my dream partner has bi-polar and is borderline schizophrenic. He thinks in the not to distant future people are going to lure me away from him. When really they are not." Not many that's for sure. *Yes in one of his psychotic episodes my partner did say that he knows 100% sure that people are going to take me away from him.*

We have seperated for a year (still remained friends). And been together for close to 8 years. The thing is despite his mental health problems my Fiance has a good heart. He loves me despite my own flaws. Yes I do have flaws I'm a human being.

People around me have asked "Mary why are still with this nut job? You could do so much better."
This even included my former best friend from high school who dumped me after I replied:

"Look Sophie, he might have mental health issues, he can go weeks with being the most charming and sweet boyfriend. Then his psychotic episodes take over and I just try to ignore it as best as I could. Let him ride it out then he is back to his charming self. You just have to accept people have flaws it can be physical or mental. It happens no-one is perfect."

What I'm saying is...please place yourself in her shoes. She has failed her surgery, her body is going through hell and she doesn't need to be reminded by her husband that she has failed. It is a lot for a body to go through. Her self-esteem is rock bottom so she is turning to food as a pick me up.

As for yourself. I think you really need to take a long hard look at yourself. Make an honest list of pros and cons. Maybe you both need to go to a threapist to sort this issue out. I'm sensing your wife knows how you feel.

"Sexual pleasure in woman is a kind of magic spell; it demands complete abandon; if words or movements oppose the magic of caresses, the spell is broken."

Simone de Beauvoir
Hasabrain2
Posted: Sunday, October 28, 2012 3:04:33 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/1/2011
Posts: 145
Ok this is my last post. . . Honestly folks, there have been a lot of women and men who have cheated for far less reasons than mine.

I really find it sad that everyone is so judgemental. Over the eons of time, how many women have cheated simply because thier
husband went off to serve his country and she was just lonely?

I am simply tired of the gas, being squezzed too tight next to my wife at the movies, plane flight etc.

For the sake of kids, until they are out of school, I will not divorce her. End of story on that one.

There is no yelling or belittling. I'm just tired of all the side effects of her weight (not just the gas, but not being able to ride
bikes together, or go hiking, or a lot of other things).

Over the mutliple suregies, and thousand of dollars, I have been supportive, but I've just had to go to the well too many times, and the well is now dry.

If you think am self-centered, petty, a terrible cheat, a scoundrl, or a jerk, then tie two pillows around your lover and open a can of cat food, then make love, then and only then you can put a halo over your head and call me an ass.
crazydiamond
Posted: Sunday, October 28, 2012 3:44:04 PM

Rank: Clever Gem

Joined: 7/17/2011
Posts: 2,292
Location: Exactly where I should be!, Canada
You know what...I retort.

I see you are suffering, she is too, but right now, I see you are coping in your way- to your pain.

You are in turmoil and we should be a little less harsh x
She is too, but she indeed is not here to speak. I think your delivery was harsh, and could really make a lot of people judge you, so in that, you should think about your deliverance.

At the end of the day, I see you are unhappy, but truly, we make our own happiness, you knew what you were getting into, we all know.

You either man up, or move on. Don't diss the woman in a public forum, that's just mean x



Shylass
Posted: Sunday, October 28, 2012 3:53:06 PM

Rank: Gingerbread Lover

Joined: 1/6/2012
Posts: 3,645
Location: Trumpton, United Kingdom
crazydiamond wrote:
You know what...I retort.

I see you are suffering, she is too, but right now, I see you are coping in your way- to your pain.

You are in turmoil and we should be a little less harsh x
She is too, but she indeed is not here to speak. I think your delivery was harsh, and could really make a lot of people judge you, so in that, you should thinkabout your deliverance.

At the end of the day, I see you are unhappy, but truly, we make our own happiness, you knew what you were getting into, we all know.

You either man up, or move on. Don't diss the woman in a public forum, that's just mean x



Applause


Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

***
********************************CLICK THE BANNERS TO BUY THESE WILLY-STIFFENING BOOKS!********************************
MarySweets
Posted: Sunday, October 28, 2012 10:26:10 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/5/2012
Posts: 292
Location: In my fantastic mind, Australia
crazydiamond wrote:
You know what...I retort.

I see you are suffering, she is too, but right now, I see you are coping in your way- to your pain.

You are in turmoil and we should be a little less harsh x
She is too, but she indeed is not here to speak. I think your delivery was harsh, and could really make a lot of people judge you, so in that, you should think about your deliverance.

At the end of the day, I see you are unhappy, but truly, we make our own happiness, you knew what you were getting into, we all know.

You either man up, or move on. Don't diss the woman in a public forum, that's just mean x



I have to say that yes I nearly yelled at hasabrain because I can't stand people that want to leave their other half because something so petty as putting on weight. Weight is hard to shift and the muscles burn etc. This isn't just a physical thing it is also mental. It takes a lot of hard work and it doesn't happen over night.

I just had to put in my 2 cents and tell Hasabrain2 relationships go through trails and tribulations. As I said Mr Sweets goes through psychosis at random periods. I could go on line and tell a bunch of strangers how hard it is to be with someone who has mental health issues. Oh and tell people openly some of the things Mr Sweets does and says while he is going through psychosis to make myself feel better.
But I don't.

No I'm no saint either. I agree with CrazyDiamond they said it best Only we can make our own happiness. If you want to out and hang out with a prositute go for it.

Just don't paint this vulgar picture of your poor wife.

"Sexual pleasure in woman is a kind of magic spell; it demands complete abandon; if words or movements oppose the magic of caresses, the spell is broken."

Simone de Beauvoir
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