Questions and Answers on a BDSM online Relationship

Quote by Poppet
Alright I have a question. Of course I want answers from both Dom’s and subs on this because I think it’ll help get my answers faster if answered by both. You can be a male Dom, Female Dom, male sub, and female sub, whatever. It doesn't matter for these questions… Just as long as it is/was D/s relationship. This is more based for an online relationship, not an in real in person relationship.

(A lot of these questions are for subs but as a Dom you can answer if you have your subs do this.)

1. Yes and no, in real life, but with rules that apply to online situations as well.

2. I have given my sub both online tasks as well as "in real life" tasks.

3. If so, such as what? (Like photos, videos, leaving daily messages, keeping a journal, wearing or saying certain things.) New to it so still working on the details, but so far she cannot txt or chat and drive, cannot cyber without permission.

4. So far spanking only, but weldonperv and online BDSM sites are giving me other ideas

5. yes and In real life, trumps all type of cyber ;)

6. On lush yes, to select friends and family

7. No, but we both do

8. Yes my sub is, but she is selective anyway.

9. As long as it doesn't lead to cybering she can pvt chat

10. same as above

11. Real world only, but my sub has an online Domme

12. I don't

13. Just getting into it so, about 1 month or less. We are exploring the relationship together.


Alright I think that’s about it. I know it’s a lot of questions and a bit personal but I really would like to see how others live their online D/s relationships. Thank you for taking the time...

Quote by Poppet
1. Are you currently or have you ever been in a D/s relationship online?

Yes

2. If you have, have you ever had or given daily “homework, chores, requirements, things to do” set by your Dom?

Yes, I do almost daily when I do see him at least.

3. If so, such as what? (Like photos, videos, leaving daily messages, keeping a journal, wearing or saying certain things.)

Pictures, videos, reading requirements, learning more about the style, having him recite something I have written, pictures n music on profile, and other stuff.

4. Are you punished if you misbehave? (If you are, how? Spankings, timeouts, apology letters, sexual things taken away.)

Yes, he is. He's spanked or loss of time with me. It'll become more as we get deeper into our relationship.

5. Do you have sex with your D/s? If you do, how do you find it easier? (Cyber “typing”, Voice “phone, Skype, or any other means of voicing.” Cam? Pictures?)

Yes, I have sex with him. We cyber, cam, and voice.

6. Do you let it be known you’re in a D/s relationship?

Yes, we both do.

7. Are you required to put it on your profile?

It wasn't required but it is there on both profiles.

8. Are you allowed to add friends at your own will?

I didn't take that away from him, no. He uses his best judgement.

9. Can you private chat (online messages or pvt messages)?

Only with his friends.

10. Are you allowed to whisper?

I rather he didn't but it's not a rule.

11. Are you in a D/s that is strictly just you and your D/s or do you have real world people your with?

It's just us.

12. Why do you have an online D/s?

I've never met a man in person who's in the LS.

13. How long have you been in the Lifestyle?

I wouldn't say I'm officially in it, I've always been this way though.

A. Are you currently or have you ever been in a D/s relationship online?

B. If you have, have you ever assigned daily “homework, chores, requirements, things to do” to your sub?

C. If so, such as what? (eg, photos, videos, leaving daily messages, keeping a journal, wearing or saying certain things.)

D. Do you punish misbehaviour? (If you are, how? Spankings, timeouts, apology letters, sexual things taken away.)

E. Do you have sex with your sub? If you do, how do you find it easier? (Cyber “typing”, Voice “phone, Skype, or any other means of voicing.” Cam? Pictures?)

F. Do you let it be known you’re in a D/s relationship?

G. Do you insist your sub puts it on his/her profile?

H. Do you allow your sub to add friends at his/her own will?

I. Do you allow your sub to private chat with others (online messages or pvt messages)?

J. Do you allow your sub to whisper?

K. Are you in a D/s that is strictly just you and your sub or do you have real world people you're with?

L. Why do you have an online D/s?

M. How long have you been in the Lifestyle?

Quote by Poppet


1. Are you currently or have you ever been in a D/s relationship online?

Have been. It's not preferable, but it's better than no relationship.


2. If you have, have you ever had or given daily “homework, chores, requirements, things to do” set by your Dom?

Oh, yes. And the longer we were acquainted, the longer the list became.

3. If so, such as what? (Like photos, videos, leaving daily messages, keeping a journal, wearing or saying certain things.)

Daily conversations via chat/video; clothing (and lack of clothing) requirements; performance requirements; daily journal entries; task completion requirements

4. Are you punished if you misbehave? (If you are, how? Spankings, timeouts, apology letters, sexual things taken away.)

LOL. It wouldn't have been much of a "discipline" relationship were there no punishments.

5. Do you have sex with your D/s? If you do, how do you find it easier? (Cyber “typing”, Voice “phone, Skype, or any other means of voicing.” Cam? Pictures?)

They were not exclusively on-line, and yet those who had the ability to control me, were able to do so by any means available, including utilizing all kinds of technological means.

6. Do you let it be known you’re in a D/s relationship?

Other than disclosing it in topic-related forums or blogs, only at the Master's insistance. The Masters's I have known had professional reputations to think of and didn't appreciate bondage photos on their Facebook timelines. I don't reveal it to people who have no empathy for the lifestyle. I am not one those BDSM pride activists.

7. Are you required to put it on your profile?

I've been requested to do that, but I would rather not do that anymore - at least not until some sort of trial period has expired. Yes, it does offer the Master yet another symbol of control, however it limits the Master as well.

8. Are you allowed to add friends at your own will?

I'm not sure what is meant by this. I didn't have exclusively online relationships. I didn't have a Master at FetLife. I've never been on Second Life. I have a number of online profiles which have no information about my sexual interests. A couple of gentlemen had some issues about the company I kept. We agreed that I would have little interaction with such persons during the udration of our relationship. We agreed that virtual acquaintances are out-of-bounds. It was irrelevant because the Master made so much demand on my time, that it didn't matter how many friends I would add. I had no time for them anyway.

9. Can you private chat (online messages or pvt messages)?

Does this mean like at Lush? I suppose I could. It wouldn't matter if I did answer online messages if I were under ownership, because: a) the Master would know more or less the contents of such interactions b) I'm not inclined to cyber with passers-by c) the Master would monopolize my time so much, that there would be little room for these sorts of opportunities.

10. Are you allowed to whisper?

Yes. I was allowed to whisper, shout, scream, laugh or speak in a normal voice.

11. Are you in a D/s that is strictly just you and your D/s or do you have real world people your with?

N/A at the moment.

12. Why do you have an online D/s?

Because statistically, it's extremely difficult to find a partner in your neighbourhood who enjoys the same sort of bedroom/lifestyle activities you do. It's difficult enough to meet a vanilla person you might get along with and someone who is compatible. Lifestylers have extreme tastes. You narrow your view down from people who are not shy, not inhibited, and you have to continue to sort from all the possibilities of potential partners. Not shy, not inhibited, not afraid to take charge, not afraid to dominate, sexually experienced, not afraid to take the sub to her limits, not afraid to inflict coporal punishment, not violent, not purely sadistic, not volatile, not mentally unstable, has control over their emotions, has an above average intelligence, is knowledgeable in a broad range of sexual practices, etc ---all those things one expects a Master to be -- at that point it's over-optimistic to expect that they are also drop-dead attractive, rich and live next door, too.

13. How long have you been in the Lifestyle?

Four years