Some people say that you shouldn't date people you are good friends with, or have known them a long time as it can ruin the entire friendship. Now I am just wondering as i have been out of a relationship for a few months and a friend of mine lost her boyfriend almost a month ago.
I've known them pretty much as long as I can remember, we share a good fair amount of things in common, and we talk every day we can. I will admit that on 4 occasions we have been out with friends and such and some how woke up in the same bed in the morning, Sometimes i remember what happened that night others i don't, yeah we have slept together a few times but nothing has happened after it. Truth be told I do wish something did happen between us but because of most people that I know claim you shouldn't date Close/life time friends as the friendships never hold if the relationship doesn't work out... So with all of that said i was wondering if anyone had a similar thing to me that they could issue advice on
Dating? I find nothing wrong with "dating" a friend... even a close one. Heck, that is what friends are for, right?
As for SEX.... that can be a bit trickier. Sex ALWAYS changes the dynamics of a relationship. Some will probably come on here and say it is fine and it only makes things better, etc. but the TRUTH is that sex brings a different dynamic to the relationship and it is very hard (if not impossible) to go BACK to the place you were before. It is a bell that can't be un-rung. And it also can either connect you more deeply, or it can truly mess with your head and emotions. This is why "friends with benefits" is not something I ever recommend to anyone, no matter how many "good" stories others may post up or offer as proof that it is a good thing. More times than not, one of the parties involved ends up wanting more, or becomes jealous, or other factors that are NOT a good thing.
Sex has been used as a means of control, as a weapon, and as leverage from the dawn of time... there is a reason for this, and just because some would like to think we have "evolved" and "past all that" does not mean we HAVE as a species. ;)
Good luck though.
You probably have to ask yourself if the friendship can last WITHOUT a relationship. What's going to happen if you end up resenting any future boyfriends she has or worse you find yourself thinking about her when you enter a new relationship?
At the moment you sound like each other's back-up plan. If you enter a relationship with her, all of a sudden you have no backup plan - no safety net to catch you if it all turns to crap. I could get lost in metaphors referring to spare wheels but i'm pretty sure get the idea.
I can't really offer anything similar that's involved me but I know people with very successful relationships that have come from long term friendships. What I would say though is that these relationships tend to be with people aged 40+ and usually a second or third marriage. I have no idea what your individual circumstances are.
Warning: The opinions above are those of an anonymous individual on the internet. They are opinions, unless they're facts. They may be ill-informed, out of touch with reality or just plain stupid. They may contain traces of irony. If reading these opinions causes you to be become outraged or you start displaying the symptoms of outrage, stop reading them immediately. If symptoms persist, consult a psychiatrist.
Why not read some stories instead
NEW! Want a quick read for your coffee break? Why not try this... Flash Erotica: Scrubber I am pleased to say that I know where you both are coming from, but witht that said I'm amazed at the fact of people who tend to be relationships that you know of are in there 40s+ suggesting they could of met anytime. Downside for that is since you refer it to the age of 40+ makes me more unlikely to try and attempt it due to it can change the entire thing and might not go in a good way...
On the subject of Back-up Plans they basically are a would Be scenario for certain outcomes and having some in place wouldn't hurt, and it can have a lesser impact on the relationship if it goes to hell and perhaps save the friendship. Only issue I would have with that is you cant plan out everything but I do suppose for the ones I/We do decide to make can be used when needed even in a worst case scenario.
Overall I'm very satisfied with 2 reply's out of 48 people looking.
do you mean sex or a realtionship?
by all means do have a realtionship!!!!
but date first dont fall into the sack that second because you know each other
start fresh..learn things from a lovers point of view
i think "dont date a friend "is if all it can be is sexual or she is a rebound
but do if not only does she make you laugh but your heart sing too
however know..that if one ends it...the friendship MIGHT end too
but think if it does work...this is someone who GETS you....
always be honest be caring and remember who SHE was to you first
i do so hope it works out
All depends on what you want from life, I think. Some people (and for the life of me, I don't know why) can't be friendly with their fucks and vice versa. Why would you fuck someone you don't even like as a friend?
I say go for it. Worse case scenario is that it may be awkward for a little bit after.
Alright it was a bit weird trying to ask her if she would like to go further than just friends... I honestly didn't know how to word it lol... A good and bad thing came from it... Firstly the good thing when i did ask her she did look interested in what i was trying to get across but she even helped me finish my sentence for it. I guess the good side is that she was interested in what i was trying to suggest but the bad part is... what the hell does it mean when a woman says 'They don't want to ruin what we have but will think it over first' mean?
Did you take any time to explain to her that your friendship doesn't have to end if the relationship does?
As Coots said, it would be awkward for a while but if the friendship is true then it could suvive.
It would be a shame for her to turn you down if that is her ONLY concern.
When a woman says she doesn't want to ruin a good thing, it usually means you're in the friend zone. Probably permanently. She doesn't crave you, but she'll hang with you sometimes. You may be a buddy, but not a fuck buddy necessarily. If you want passionate hunger, don't expect it from her.
Well i had a fun day earlier today in town... we met up and discussed it more properly over dinner she was asking things like do i really see it working out well for us how long ive been thinking about it if i wanted kids or to stay in the same house as her ect... it got a bit strange but im fairly happy at how the outcome is looking for us now i just hope it gets much better... than in theory... but in a weird way i think she is just teasing me...
