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What do you think of older married men seeking sex because their wives no longer want it? Options · View
Posted: Friday, July 5, 2013 5:21:26 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 877,093
So Thank you for you response ... I am off to work this morning, wife has the day off .... I just sent her this email ... Let's see if this is the right step ...

<WifeName Here>,

For the past week I have been on online forum, they have tons of erotica stories which is how I found it just wanting to read something to release some pressure. I am not dating anyone, it is been 100% online … There has been some cybersex chats and more important a some chats about my (our) situation. Honestly, while some of the chats may be sexually stimulating for a moment, they aren’t real. It’s just a release.

I would much rather have real conversation, and real sex with you … we have been together way too long to throw it away. I want us to be better. But, I don’t know if you want me at all for more than room & board. For years, I lay in bed each night and you never roll over to be next to me. You seem to not want my warm body next to yours. I would like to sit on the couch next to each other and drink some wine. But any time we are on the couch you get impatient and it seems like you can’t get away from me fast enough.

The only reason we had sex last week is because I came to you, not because you came to me. And I had not come to you it would be yet a longer wait. It appears to me that sex is not important to you at all. I don’t know if when you take a bath or a shower if you masturbate to get off sexually, or if you just don’t care about having sex at all. Or is it just don’t want sex with me.

6/29/13 (29 months), 1/6/11 (25 months), 12/6/09 (10 months), 2/15/09 (5 months) this is not a normal healthy sex life with a married couple.

And during our 11 years of marriage you have never given me oral sex, which I love and turns me on tons. You lie there on the bed and basically say “Do it. …. Are you done yet?” I want to know what you want to be able to provide for you sexual pleasures that having you wanting me more, and I would hope that would be your motivation to me as well.

Is it really all me? I am so gross, so fat, so disgusting that no person would want me? Am I truly not worthy of your intimacy?

I know you want to easily just blame me … “Once a cheat, always a cheat.” But, if you really don’t want me, what am I cheating on?

The one common thread this past week is encouragement to talk to you and work it out, and see if it can be fix.

So, that is what is going …

Posted: Friday, July 5, 2013 6:10:26 AM

Rank: Sarcastic Coffee Aficionado

Joined: 2/10/2012
Posts: 4,055
Location: Vancouver
Marriage is a tough gig and if there is sexual incompatibility ... well ... it's doomed.

The bottom line in this type of situation is that no one is happy.

For me ... life is far too short to waste time with a partner who doesn't want me (or me wanting them). I am not saying I just throw a relationship away - it means if it is not worth savaging, it is in one's best interest to leave and find happiness elsewhere (and for some that may mean living alone without a partner - there is nothing wrong with that either).

Communication is key .... Good luck.

Posted: Friday, July 5, 2013 7:45:23 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/18/2013
Posts: 472
Location: Sydney, Australia
I am in this situation. Get nothing so to satisfy my needs I n to go elsewhere. sad but true
Posted: Saturday, July 6, 2013 1:38:22 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 877,093
Guest wrote:
… “Once a cheat, always a cheat.”

See? This was not part of the original post and it's KEY. She may very well not want sex with you because you cheated before. You'll have to somehow win back her trust before she's comfy having sex with you again.
Posted: Saturday, July 6, 2013 1:45:22 PM

Rank: Raised on Blackroot

Joined: 6/17/2013
Posts: 2,611
Location: Fargo
DontHaveASexyCliche wrote:
I think he should talk to his wife, and together they can devise a solution that they are both comfortable with. Anything else is dishonest.

Agreed. I might also add, if the sexless marriage just isn't doing it for you and she isn't open to you sating your lusts with women who would actually wanna fuck you, get a divorce or start the process.

If you're going to be a dick and cheat, don't be a weak-assed bitch about it and hide the fact. I don't condone that shit and never will.

Posted: Friday, October 10, 2014 7:49:31 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 877,093
I think it's sad. When I get married, I want to marry someone that will love me and remain faithful to me even when I am old and even if my sex drive goes out the window.
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