DrMcNasty says we don't ask the guys enough questions and he has a point, so I thought of one. I hope it hasn't been asked before, or at least not recently. Here goes...
I had a short fling with a guy a few years ago who could only cum through masturbation or oral sex. I know this is not uncommon for women as I tend to reach orgasm far more easily from receiving oral than I do from penetration.
However the question is... Does this occur commonly in men or was it just him... or me, was there something about me that made him hold back?
Or maybe he just had an issue with condoms!
I was scared to ask him at the time in case it was me
There are a lot of factors. Masturbating, I can make myself cum in around a minute. I've only ever had an orgasm once at someone else's hand, and only twice in someone's mouth. While actually having sex, I can hold off orgasm for as long as I want, most of the time. The only exception is doggy style and if I'm not using a condom for the first time in a while. In a condom, I rarely orgasm. Without, I can cum within about thirty seconds of deciding I want to cum.
Condoms sometimes.
I had a one-nighter with a female once (I wasn't expected to get laid that night, but evidently she did) so I didn't have condoms on me at the time.
Thankfully, she did.
They were terrible ones, however. Couldn't feel anything at all. May have been slightly too constricting as well. She did tell me, evidently, other guys have had problems using the types of condoms she carries (why she still carries them, I have no idea).
So yes. Condoms have prevented me from reaching orgasms once or twice. Wish for the life of me I could remember what kind of condoms they were.....They deserve to die a fiery death.
Now, I have no idea what brand you were using at the time but, those are my thoughts. Condoms can prevent ejaculation through penetration if the condoms are terrible. That's why, ever since, I've vowed to always have the correct kinds (for me anyway) at hand.
Can't trust the ladies in that regard.
Not getting laid for a while and getting conditioned to cum from masturbation can cause problems with reaching an orgasm from sex. If you are used to stroking yourself intensely, even the tightest pussy may not provide quite as much friction and stimulation. And condoms make matters worse, they just don't do it for me personally at all, but it's much easier to cum inside her when going bareback.
Have sedomly had a problem through penetration. If I ever had a problem it was with oral or manually. I have had plenty of blow jobs where orgasm was just not going to happen. So it was most likely just him.
It's quite hard to throw a broad blanket over all men, but here goes...
1) This guys seems a bit backwards. I would think it much more common to need intercourse and not cum so quickly through manual or oral stimulation.
2) Had he ever had sex without a condom? Condoms can dramatically reduce the pleasure and perhaps he didn't know the feeling of condomless sex.
Basically, every guy is different. Do you kick yourself for not inquiring more about it now? I want to kick you! I'm intrigued by a guy who's line is, "Baby, I can fuck you all night...but don't put that thing anywhere near your mouth or let me touch it. I swear I will pre everywhere!"
I find it difficult to cum during oral sex. I sometimes just stop the girl i'm with after a while because i feel bad she's been trying for so long! I don't have that problem during intercourse, rather i have to focus a little to keep going until my goals are accomplished lol. I tend to last longer while she's on top, and cum faster while in doggy position. I suppose it's different for everyone
(Insert standard boilerplate about not being a doctor, try at your own risk, etc. etc.)
It could be even more precise than that. Perhaps the way he was wearing the condom took out some of the arousal. Some people find that a small amount of lube inside the condom makes it feel that there isn't anything there.
If it's related to condom use in general, then I'd recommend he tries to masturbate with the condom on. This should help to associate the sensations of a condom with arousal. Some men even get hard at the smell of condoms after a while.
I'd also recommend talking to him about it. Every person is different in how they orgasm. What works with some people may not work as well with others.
Some guys lose feeling with a condom but it's more likely he had some deep rooted Phsycolgical problem.
There is less to concentrate on during oral or masturbation. Like, during oral I'm not "performing". Plus oral has more stimulation. I mean a girl that is good at oral is rubbing your nuts, massaging your shaft with her tongue, sucking, looking up at you, switching up the stimulation. The vagina isn't that talented.
Sounds strange - the vagina is perfectly designed for this purpose, and my favorite way. I can't cum from a blowjob, no matter how good it is.
Is that weird, or any other guys the same way?
I know for me, yes, jerking it will get me off quickly. Oral can probably get me off 90% of the time. I can certainly say that using a condom for intercourse can be tricky for me. If I don't fool around long enough and get properly horned up for action I'll lose wood from the dramatic loss of sensation and having to exert an effort in grinding whatever position it is, especially if I position myself awkwardly and then have to stop to settle in better. Best option when it comes to condoms is Trojan Ultra thins, still not as good as bare, but better than the latex sweaters that every other condom feels like. Now to speak only from my gf perspective, kinda, it's really hard for her to get off on penetration and usually we'll fuck till I cum, and she genuinely is very much aroused by the penetration and the feeling of cum flooding the condom inside her so it helps after. Afterwards, she has little vibe she uses on her clitoris and I'll hold her close to me and lick on her ear, kiss, suck her nipples, talk dirty to her, finger her twat and she'll get to orgasm that way. So really when all is said and done, it's not really important what the final score of the game was, just that you and your team mate/s had fun on the field to use a lazy metaphor.
That's a complicated question.
Short answer?
105% chance it has nothing to do with you. The fact that he was having sex with you means you turn him on enough.
AND
110% chance sure it had something to do with him that was not connected to you.
As many people have mentioned before me, there can be many reasons a guy only wants it this way or that, or otherwise has trouble cumming. And these reasons really don't have anything to do with their partners.
Give yourself the benefit of the doubt and don't worry about it ;)
I noticed a few people said that they came quicker from doggie. I find that kind of weird. Maybe I'm the weird one, but I find it very hard to cum while standing up or even kneeling, whether it's doggie, oral, or jerking off. I guess the point is that we are all different. Like the gentle snowflake...
I tend to achieve a much more satisfying climax via oral sex but it is usually easier to come during vaginal sex.
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I would have to say it is far more likely him than you. For myself, if I can get hard, I can orgasm. They seem to go hand in hand with me.
The first few times I had sex, I didn't orgasm. I think it was a mixture of: 1. Years of beating off. And 2. Being completely freaked out. It wasn't until I let her beat me off that I was able to connect the two: girl plus gasm.
Now, it just depends: when beating off, the goal is to cum - therefore it's quick. With sex, yes the goal is to cum; but more so, the goal is to melt her mind - and then cum.
