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Spontaneous Acts of romance etc.

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frogman1
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Spontaneous flirting, romance, love, sex or fucking whichever you want to call it, woman say they want this from their man and not have it planned. But when one does it or tries to its either am not in the mood, not feeling it or I just want to relax, or really your aroused, But when a woman is reversing the situation and we say not right now, it’s well you may never know when I be in the mood again, or better get it while you can. I would like to just know what is the proper time, response or feelings on this lol. A man trying very hard to understand her needs and wants some help please ….
BelleduJour
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Sorry hun, I'm a woman that can never GET enough nor GIVE enough of the spontaneous romance/sex in my relationships so I'm afraid I may not be much help to you. All I can tell you (and I've said this a million times on here before) is if I've learned anything from my past marriage of almost 20 years, complacency can be (and was in my case) a death sentence, particularly when one partner is less interested in doing 'the work' to keep the relationship fresh and exciting.

In my humble opinion, being spontaneous shouldn't be planned around your moods or her moods or when the moon is full or whatever! Acts of romance should be something you do on an ongoing basis and should be because you genuinely want to. If you're just doing it to get some action, that isn't good either. If you have a partner that isn't as receptive to your spontaneity as you would expect or like, then you need to talk it out with them and get on the same page - you both have got to want it and work at it.

If not, it's amazing the insidious effects frustration and resentment has on a relationship when one is not feeling appreciated and/or fulfilled.

I hope that makes sense. Good luck.
frogman1
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Thank you for your words of wisdom but I will say this that I am not doing it for just the action, I have never come to love any woman like I have with her. Where I use to look at other women and say oh yea she’s hot, I find myself looking at what type of shoes or nail polish and think oh that would look better on my lady lol. She was in a marriage that was not much romance, and she finds it hard as to why I do the things I do for her. She has told me that her co-workers are always asking if I have a brother for them lol not sure if that a good thing or a bad thing. We do talk about it and then she feels that am attacking her, which am not but ask her just to explain or tell me what I can do better or what am missing? I don’t want to give up on us, she is worth the fight. I hope that makes sense coming from a guy lol
BelleduJour
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Quote by frogman1
Thank you for your words of wisdom but I will say this that I am not doing it for just the action, I have never come to love any woman like I have with her. Where I use to look at other women and say oh yea she’s hot, I find myself looking at what type of shoes or nail polish and think oh that would look better on my lady lol. She was in a marriage that was not much romance, and she finds it hard as to why I do the things I do for her. She has told me that her co-workers are always asking if I have a brother for them lol not sure if that a good thing or a bad thing. We do talk about it and then she feels that am attacking her, which am not but ask her just to explain or tell me what I can do better or what am missing? I don’t want to give up on us, she is worth the fight. I hope that makes sense coming from a guy lol


I can completely understand where she's coming from since my marriage was pretty much the same thing. The only difference is that I've always been the one that acted out the spontaneous acts of romance then eventually gave up when my ex didn't seem to appreciate or reciprocate. It can get exhausting after a while not to mention disheartening as I'm sure you know.

If you love her and understand where she's coming from AND have talked about it with her, what exactly are you hoping for then? Is she uncomfortable with the amount of attention you shower on her? Does she ask you to stop or tone it down? Do you want her to reciprocate? If you're not looking for more action, you genuinely love to pay her so much attention and she's not asking you to stop, I don't understand your question.
frogman1
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The Only time she has asked to tone it down is when we are around her family, she tells me she loves the attention, but then tells me she doesn’t see what I see when she looks into the mirror, I have seen pictures of when she has been all dressed up when she was married and they are WOW!! But all he ever told her was “you look ok”, and with that she doesn’t see how I can think she is beautiful and sexy. She tells me she wants me to be spontaneous and even that she likes to be daring out in public, but then when I try to be after giving her little kiss here and there and holding & caressing and she is smiling saying it feels nice. Once she told me she always wanted to do something in a dressing room and one day we were out shopping and I went to try on some pants which I didn’t like the fit and she told me to take them off and she get another pair. When she came back she told me to let her in and she had a devilish smile on her and kissed me hard and stroked me and when went to unbutton her shorts she stop and said no … that she knew what I wanted and that family’s that try on clothes in there …. That’s what am talking about then later she tells she sorry and maybe next time.
frogman1
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I guess is what am asking is there something or a clue am missing or not picking up from a womans point of view???
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From what little bit you have disclosed. It sounds like she wants it, the attention, but does not know how to handle it .... is overwhelmed by it due to having been with a man who was not the likes of you, who was not as caring or giving .... and undoubtedly put his own needs first. Time is the key .... giving that to her, allowing her of that will set things in motion for the both of you. Then again I could be wrong, way off base .... good luck.
BelleduJour
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Quote by Sofietouchu
From what little bit you have disclosed. It sounds like she wants it, the attention, but does not know how to handle it .... is overwhelmed by it due to having been with a man who was not the likes of you, who was not as caring or giving .... and undoubtedly put his own needs first. Time is the key .... giving that to her, allowing her of that will set things in motion for the both of you. Then again I could be wrong, way off base .... good luck.


I will agree with Sofietouchu on this one. Your woman sounds like she wants it but she just may not know how to receive it, initiate it or reciprocate herself given her past experience. I'm not sure how long you've been together and will assume not very long so the advice given to continue doing what you're doing and give her time to trust in what's happening, is a very good one.

She's a very lucky girl to have someone like you in her life. Good luck
frogman1
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Thank you lady’s for the woman’s point of view I am willing and shall give her more time as I said she worth the time, effort and fight to make her happy. She is a wonderful lady mother, confidant and my best friend all rolled in one, I will take your advice and take small step. Thank You very much