A committed relationship

Active Ink Slinger

0 likes 20 Dec 2013

This question is also posted in Ask The Guys so guys please post your definitions there, but feel free to comment.
I've seen the expression "committed relationship" in several threads but what does it mean to you?

Guest

Lurker

0 likes 20 Dec 2013

Committed relationship on Lush?

I am in one. To me it means the relationship comes before anything else. I respect him by not cybering, roleplaying, or flirting with other people on the site(and on the internet, period). I don't post sexual content on other peoples pages and they don't post on mine. I don't post in the game forum, saying I would suck, fuck, sleep, lick, whatever with anyone. Basically it comes down to committing to one another all our sexual energy, love, and time.

It is different to everyone though, that's just us!
bunny

dpw

Active Ink Slinger

0 likes 20 Dec 2013

Quote by Mrs_Rabbit
Committed relationship on Lush?

I am in one. To me it means the relationship comes before anything else. I respect him by not cybering, roleplaying, or flirting with other people on the site(and on the internet, period). I don't post sexual content on other peoples pages and they don't post on mine. I don't post in the game forum, saying I would suck, fuck, sleep, lick, whatever with anyone. Basically it comes down to committing to one another all our sexual energy, love, and time.

It is different to everyone though, that's just us!

I posted mine on Ask The Guys and they're quite similar but are we old fashioned.Pl20uYdHWDzuVE2o

Unknown User

0 likes 20 Dec 2013

I love what mrs rabbit said...all of that and more!

but let me add this...

not doing anything that YOU know for a FACT would hurt him or her

and I am sorry to say this as I ADORE lush and all the people here

but if you know that your partner would be so upset that you are on this site

why do it?

being committed means putting their feelings first

respect in all ways

I don't think you or DPW or I am old fashioned

just true blue lovers

(now if your partner doesn't mind isn't jealous is ok with an open arrangement I am NOT talking to you

I am talking to the men an women on here who know that this will hurt their loved one)

awesome thread my lovely man!

Dancing_Doll

Alpha Blonde

0 likes 20 Dec 2013

I think committed means you take your partner's needs and wants into consideration before making decisions that have the potential to affect you as a couple. You're thinking as 'we' more than just acting on individual wants when it comes to sex, flirting and monogamy.

I can't define it by drawing a line at 'monogamy' though. Each couple is different and have different needs/wants and expectations of their partner. Some encourage flirting, some might be open to threesomes or swinging or more.

You can be committed emotionally (ie. love) but then have a different outlook on recreational sex. This has to be mutual though. As long as there's no deception involved and a feeling that the person you're with comes above all others in some way, then I think you can consider yourself 'committed'.

dpw

Active Ink Slinger

0 likes 20 Dec 2013

Quote by Dancing_Doll

I think committed means you take your partner's needs and wants into consideration before making decisions that have the potential to affect you as a couple. You're thinking as 'we' more than just acting on individual wants when it comes to sex, flirting and monogamy.

I can't define it by drawing a line at 'monogamy' though. Each couple is different and have different needs/wants and expectations of their partner. Some encourage flirting, some might be open to threesomes or swinging or more.

You can be committed emotionally (ie. love) but then have a different outlook on recreational sex. This has to be mutual though. As long as there's no deception involved and a feeling that the person you're with comes above all others in some way, then I think you can consider yourself 'committed'.

So you, pesonally, have a moveable definition depending on your partner?

BelleduJour

Active Ink Slinger

0 likes 20 Dec 2013

Quote by Dancing_Doll

I think committed means you take your partner's needs and wants into consideration before making decisions that have the potential to affect you as a couple. You're thinking as 'we' more than just acting on individual wants when it comes to sex, flirting and monogamy.

I can't define it by drawing a line at 'monogamy' though. Each couple is different and have different needs/wants and expectations of their partner. Some encourage flirting, some might be open to threesomes or swinging or more.

You can be committed emotionally (ie. love) but then have a different outlook on recreational sex. This has to be mutual though. As long as there's no deception involved and a feeling that the person you're with comes above all others in some way, then I think you can consider yourself 'committed'.

I'm going to have to agree with this. When it comes to dating and relationships, I'm actually quite "old fashioned" so being committed to someone for ME would indeed be the "we" DD speaks of except that I would draw the line at monogamy, absolutely. But again, I can only speak for ME.

As DD so eloquently put it, each couple is different and each have their own unique take on what constitutes a committed relationship. I think as long as couples are on the same page about the "rules" within their own respective unions, then calling themselves committed doesn't offend me in the least. More power to them.

dpw

Active Ink Slinger

0 likes 20 Dec 2013

Quote by BelleduJour

I'm going to have to agree with this. When it comes to dating and relationships, I'm actually quite "old fashioned" so being committed to someone for ME would indeed be the "we" DD speaks of except that I would draw the line at monogamy, absolutely. But again, I can only speak for ME.

As DD so eloquently put it, each couple is different and each have their own unique take on what constitutes a committed relationship. I think as long as couples are on the same page about the "rules" within their own respective unions, then calling themselves committed doesn't offend me in the least. More power to them.

What I was asking was their view of a commited relationship that they were in. Your view is the same as mine, I don't share either my partner or myself. I don't say my idea is right and I don't say other's are wrong, they're just different.

Dancing_Doll

Alpha Blonde

0 likes 20 Dec 2013

Quote by dpw

So you, pesonally, have a moveable definition depending on your partner?

I have, yeah.

I've had different relationships - some where he was ok with certain things and I wasn't and also vice versa. I've had completely monogamous relationships, ones where occasionally hooking up with a female friend was 'allowed' or even encouraged, others where it was at first but then he decided he was not ok with it. One where we had a couple of threesomes, which I encouraged. I think it's a moving dialogue. As long as people are on the same page and there's no deception, I still consider that committed.

Kissing another girl, for example, isn't being 'monogamous' but there's a lot of guys out there that would be totally fine with their GF or wife doing that. I don't think that means that it's not a committed relationship. I think it means different things to different people and even depending on the nature of the individual relationship. If I love the person, I play by the rules we set for each other. I may want to do something else, but I won't because it makes him uncomfortable. I'm still putting his needs before my free-instincts.

It's still a committed relationship, you're just re-defining it, rather than taking the basic one-size-fits-all definition of it.

sprite

Her Royal Spriteness

0 likes 20 Dec 2013

Quote by Dancing_Doll

I have, yeah.

I've had different relationships - some where he was ok with certain things and I wasn't and also vice versa. I've had completely monogamous relationships, ones where occasionally hooking up with a female friend was 'allowed' or even encouraged, others where it was at first but then he decided he was not ok with it. One where we had a couple of threesomes, which I encouraged. I think it's a moving dialogue. As long as people are on the same page and there's no deception, I still consider that committed.

Kissing another girl, for example, isn't being 'monogamous' but there's a lot of guys out there that would be totally fine with their GF or wife doing that. I don't think that means that it's not a committed relationship. I think it means different things to different people and even depending on the nature of the individual relationship. If I love the person, I play by the rules we set for each other. I may want to do something else, but I won't because it makes him uncomfortable. I'm still putting his needs before my free-instincts.

It's still a committed relationship, you're just re-defining it, rather than taking the basic one-size-fits-all definition of it.

this. perfect.

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

Poppet

Cheeky Chick

0 likes 20 Dec 2013

As I said in the Ask the Guys:

To me a committed relationship is two people who focus only on themselves. No one else matters, it’s what they want, and what is best for them. It takes two, or it won’t work.

When I enter a relationship, it’s all or nothing. I don’t give just part of myself, or it won’t work out. I want and hope that he’d do the same, because it won’t work if he doesn’t. I’ve never been in a relationship that was set any other way.

When it comes to what happens in my life, I have to remember how it might affect the both of us. My life is his and his is mine. That sounds serious, but relationships should sound as such. Too many take them lightly.

dpw

Active Ink Slinger

0 likes 20 Dec 2013

Quote by Dancing_Doll

I have, yeah.

I've had different relationships - some where he was ok with certain things and I wasn't and also vice versa. I've had completely monogamous relationships, ones where occasionally hooking up with a female friend was 'allowed' or even encouraged, others where it was at first but then he decided he was not ok with it. One where we had a couple of threesomes, which I encouraged. I think it's a moving dialogue. As long as people are on the same page and there's no deception, I still consider that committed.

Kissing another girl, for example, isn't being 'monogamous' but there's a lot of guys out there that would be totally fine with their GF or wife doing that. I don't think that means that it's not a committed relationship. I think it means different things to different people and even depending on the nature of the individual relationship. If I love the person, I play by the rules we set for each other. I may want to do something else, but I won't because it makes him uncomfortable. I'm still putting his needs before my free-instincts.

It's still a committed relationship, you're just re-defining it, rather than taking the basic one-size-fits-all definition of it.

I understand this but having a moveable definition must be difficult. I only ever had one but had relationships that I wouldn't class as being committed.
I've been a terrible slut in my time, almost beyond belief, but I was always monogamous when I was in a relationship.

dpw

Active Ink Slinger

0 likes 20 Dec 2013

Quote by thesexynun
I love what mrs rabbit said...all of that and more!

but let me add this...

not doing anything that YOU know for a FACT would hurt him or her

and I am sorry to say this as I ADORE lush and all the people here

but if you know that your partner would be so upset that you are on this site

why do it?

being committed means putting their feelings first

respect in all ways

I don't think you or DPW or I am old fashioned

just true blue lovers

(now if your partner doesn't mind isn't jealous is ok with an open arrangement I am NOT talking to you

I am talking to the men an women on here who know that this will hurt their loved one)

awesome thread my lovely man!

That is one thing that I thought as well, if I was in a relationship I don't think I'd be on Lush if my partner wasn't. I don't know whether I'd even have thought about joining.

Dancing_Doll

Alpha Blonde

0 likes 20 Dec 2013

Quote by dpw

I understand this but having a moveable definition must be difficult. I only ever had one but had relationships that I wouldn't class as being committed.
I've been a terrible slut in my time, almost beyond belief, but I was always monogamous when I was in a relationship.

I haven't found it that difficult at all. Every relationship has been different. There are things that I would never be comfortable with in any relationship (the hands-off hall pass thing, for example). And I wouldn't be into the full on 'swinger lifestyle' or want to play non-monogamy games on a regular basis. I still have my hard boundaries. And at the same time, I can do complete monogamy too (I'm doing that right now, for example) and not feel frustrated by it. It all depends on the dynamic of the relationship and what each person is comfortable with and whether you love the person enough to commit to that.

To a lesser degree, even in a monogamous relationship, there are factors like flirting or ogling the opposite sex or even indulging in cybersex. Those are probably moveable definitions depending on the unique relationship too. You've probably had guys that drew the line at anything goes except actual physical hook-ups and then probably other guys that would be upset with some (or all) of the things I listed.

Guest

Lurker

0 likes 21 Dec 2013

To me every relationship has a culture of its own. You can't be the same with every partner because they bring their own morals, values and expectations into the relationship. I don't have a one size fits all approach to relationships at all. My offline relationship is nothing like my online relationship and both know about the other. Am I less committed? Nope.
Online it means I respect his wishes and feelings here at Lush. I exchange photos only with him, no cyber sexing with others and we decide our parameters together. He is the only person here who has seen me in a variety of settings and knows deeply personal information about me. We had to work through this and decide what is comfortable. We usually communicate off of Lush but we are Lush mates. He is more traditional than my offline mate.
Offline it means the same. I came here first and then told him and he is fine with it. We both travel a lot and he knows I was very lonely plus he encourages my writing. They both do. It has helped us both feel less guilty about our chosen professions and the effect it has on our marriage. He is happy that I am happy here and lurks from to time to read a story I throw his way but we decided he would not join because Lush is my thing and it isn't really his sort of thing anyway. He knows who I am here and has even called me and laughed about something silly I posted in the forums.
Online mate doesn't mind if I flirt with women or play word games or cyber with them.
Offline mate wouldn't mind flirting but he would certainly object to me sleeping with a woman. We tried threesomes when we were dating but it just didn't fit for us. I see women all of the time that I think are desirable but I wouldn't break that trust. It would not be worth the cost. Being with women isn't some sexual experiment or fantasy for me because I have been in committed relationships with women and they are as equal a threat to our relationship as a man would be.

I respect both and treat them accordingly. I think commitment and honesty go hand and hand and isn't about lifestyle choices. I think if you love and care about a person you still are you but you adjust in order to make the relationship work. But you have to be comfortable with what you decide and should chose someone somewhat like minded because then it is easy to make the commitment. The rewards abound when you are with a great match.

What works for me might not work for others but I am happy with my chosen committed relationships.