Heya to all subs and doms out there!
I am probably going to get a huge spanking for writing this as my Master does not know of it!! (do not worry I will tell him).
But I just wanted opinions and to let out what I am feeling.
So Sir and I have been a couple/ thing for coming up to two years now, we're very close, he is my best friend and my lover. However, before I embarked on this life changing style I was, and still am a very traditional and a conservative woman (who just so happens to have a very naughty side). I had/ have ethics and morals, really believe in the values of a relationship. However, Master is an engaged man, whose fiance does not agree with the BDSM lifestyle, nor knows of my existence as his mistress... well, his girlfriend.
I know he is not happy with the engagement and that he as a man, master and person, cannot be himself with her. However, although we love each other very much and he wishes a life together... I am conflicted, as there does not seem like a real long term plan for me... and this guilt is slowly starting to build to the point where I do not want to answer back to him and give him an ultimatum. I do not wish to give him one as it is not my place, nor do I feel it is right to the woman he has committed to (she is lovely). Yet, neither of us can get rid of this desire and longing for more.
I know that in the end he will not chose me... so I think it will have to be where he lets me go or I leave....
But what I'd like to please ask you all, is your opinion... should I get out now or later?! What is your opinion on this?! what would you do in my position or his?!
Sorry, I am feeling a little lost.
Difficult situation, for all parties involved. My opinion:
Even as his sub, you have a voice. It most definitely is your place to tell him how you feel and what you want out of the relationship. If it doesn't mesh with what he wants, get out. Prolonging the inevitable will only hurt both of you.
If it does mesh with what he wants, then you both need to make some hard decisions concerning your future together. If his fiance does not approve and he wants his current lifestyle with you to continue, he needs to man up. It's not fair to either you or her to string you both along.
One of the things I insist on from my sub is honest communication. Emotions can cloud that sometimes, but honesty and truth are firm.
Ask yourself this:
Are you willing to be the other woman for this man for the rest of your life? To live in the shadow of his marriage? Because under the current situation, that's where you're heading.
Best of luck to you.
You have to be honest with yourself. The so-called BDSM lifestyle can be a bubble for you to hide yourself in, away from conservative, "vanilla" societal norms. A form of escapism from how people expect you to behave and act. Being a sub doesn't mean you abdicate your values.
He won't want things to change - he's having his cake and eating it too. If you're happy to live with that, good luck to you. If you're not happy, take control of your life back.
It sounds like he's been allowed out of the bubble and to have a normal life while you haven't. How would he feel if you decided to marry someone or even date someone?
Warning: The opinions above are those of an anonymous individual on the internet. They are opinions, unless they're facts. They may be ill-informed, out of touch with reality or just plain stupid. They may contain traces of irony. If reading these opinions causes you to be become outraged or you start displaying the symptoms of outrage, stop reading them immediately. If symptoms persist, consult a psychiatrist.
Why not read some stories instead
NEW! Want a quick read for your coffee break? Why not try this... Flash Erotica: Scrubber You already know he's not gonna choose you, correct? That means that you're trivial to him, and it probably won't mean much to him either way whether you stay or go.
Don't let him call the shots. Get out now, while you can do so with your dignity and a good bit of your self-esteem intact.
░P░U░S░S░Y░ ░I░N░ ░B░I░O░
Sweetie there is nothing wrong with having morals and ethics! We always have to choose sometimes, as we always have choices, but your choice now seems to be whether you will choose or you will let him choose. I cannot say what is right for "you."
I can tell you that I would have already left and I would have not had a beginning, no matter how gorgeous or anything else. I am very truthful with my bestfriends, and my dom is my bestfriend and lover (was a bff before anything) and we have been romantically together for around the same length that you have been involved. We went through other relationships while we were friends before we were intimate. I have never been someone to play a second. Our rocky points made us stronger. The inner conflict you spoke of is an inner warning bell that something is wrong. You need to learn to listen to yourself. It can be hard to do, but I was very happy when I learned to do this.
I think you are better than being treated like this.
If he is so UNhappy then why is he still with her? This sounds like extreme selfishness and I know no one who is truly happy with a selfish person. All that it could be is something that sounds very, very undesirable to me, both in qualities and in the situation. Your girlfriends may tell you things and if you have not spoken to them feel free to message me if you wish and I will happily talk to you about it as I would any of my girl friends. I think life is too short for either one of you to be treated like that. I would not let him do that. I would not give an ultimatium. he would have already done it if he wanted or he will, but why should he if he gets it freely?
Run. Run away. Now. And what Dani said, he's not going to choose you.
Want to spend some time wallowing in a Recommended Read? Pick one! Or two! Or seven!
