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What do you do when you are last in someone's life who says they love you but their actions may show differently?

What do you do when you can't get through to them?

When you resent them for not paying attention to your needs, and basic things like that.

I'm sick of sounding like a broken record.

I'm sick of being an afterthought, always.

Am I loving him in vain?

I wanted to move closer to him. A place I've never been, people I did not know.

If he can't call me and make an effort at least, I don't know what the point would be, even though I do love him very much, more than anyone I did before combined.
justalilfun
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You may not like my advice, but here it is.

Get him alone, in a car/room etc where he cannot be distracted from you.
Tell him how you feel, explain to him things are as you have told us. You can give him examples if you like.
Make sure he cannot feel you are entering into an argument as you explain yourself - you don't need that.
Let him have time to think about what you have to say, we men don't like to be rushed.

If he does not reciprocate your love, your heart will be broken. But you will know for sure how he feels towards you.

If he does not reciprocate your love, then he is a fool and not worthy of your love.
Do not go looking for a rebound relationship. You will only be hurt more in the long run.

Hope it all goes well for you.
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Quote by justalilfun
You may not like my advice, but here it is.

Get him alone, in a car/room etc where he cannot be distracted from you.
Tell him how you feel, explain to him things are as you have told us. You can give him examples if you like.
Make sure he cannot feel you are entering into an argument as you explain yourself - you don't need that.
Let him have time to think about what you have to say, we men don't like to be rushed.

If he does not reciprocate your love, your heart will be broken. But you will know for sure how he feels towards you.

If he does not reciprocate your love, then he is a fool and not worthy of your love.
Do not go looking for a rebound relationship. You will only be hurt more in the long run.

Hope it all goes well for you.


You are so kind, thank you. We live far apart though.

Olivia
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Quote by daddysweetheart
What do you do when you are last in someone's life who says they love you but their actions may show differently?

What do you do when you can't get through to them?

When you resent them for not paying attention to your needs, and basic things like that.

I'm sick of sounding like a broken record.

I'm sick of being an afterthought, always.

Am I loving him in vain?

I wanted to move closer to him. A place I've never been, people I did not know.

If he can't call me and make an effort at least, I don't know what the point would be, even though I do love him very much, more than anyone I did before combined.


Hello Margot,

The simplest way to confront all of these issues is to present him with the same information you've provided here. Go from there and see where you stand.

It seems that things are moving a bit fast, so maybe a change of pace is all that's necessary. We can't make people feel the way we want them to feel whenever we want. These things should happen organically and in their own time.

Are you asking for too much too soon? Are you giving too much of yourself too soon? These are the questions you should be asking yourself.

Something's not adding up if you love him so intensely and he can't manage to contact you. Maybe some things got lost in translation or you've maybe assumed that because you got more attached and your feelings got deeper and stronger, his have as well.

Whatever the underlying issue is, wallowing won't solve it. So you can either get lost in a pit of despair, or you can be proactive and use effective communication with your partner to confront these things head-on. Even if it the outcome isn't something you want or expect, you owe it to yourself to get to the bottom of this in order to gain some perspective, as opposed to living in a sort of suspended reality of what you think this relationship means to the both of you.

As always, I wish you all the best.

~Olivia
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Quote by Olivia


Hello Margot,

The simplest way to confront all of these issues is to present him with the same information you've provided here. Go from there and see where you stand.

It seems that things are moving a bit fast, so maybe a change of pace is all that's necessary. We can't make people feel the way we want them to feel whenever we want. These things should happen organically and in their own time.

Are you asking for too much too soon? Are you giving too much of yourself too soon? These are the questions you should be asking yourself.

Something's not adding up if you love him so intensely and he can't manage to contact you. Maybe some things got lost in translation or you've maybe assumed that because you got more attached and your feelings got deeper and stronger, his have as well.

Whatever the underlying issue is, wallowing won't solve it. So you can either get lost in a pit of despair, or you can be proactive and use effective communication with your partner to confront these things head-on. Even if it the outcome isn't something you want or expect, you owe it to yourself to get to the bottom of this in order to gain some perspective, as opposed to living in a sort of suspended reality of what you think this relationship means to the both of you.

As always, I wish you all the best.

~Olivia


Thanks. But he's too "busy" to talk to me. I don't know if you have actually helped me, but thanks.
Shannon3K
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This is not a relationship....and it is unlikely to ever be one. If this guy doesn't care for you enough to talk to you now, he never will. Unless you enjoy suffering, you should move along. Almost half the people in the world are men, and there are probably thousands better suited for you that this one.
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Oh bugger...

If he CONSISTENTLY doesn't give you what you want/need then it really ISN'T a relationship...

(Cut and run...)

xx SF

("Too BUSY to talk to you" doesn't make it... You're NEVER too busy for someone you TRULY care for...) You deserve SO MUCH BETTER...

(It's worth mentioning that I have been where you are... I've SACRIFICED my time, my soul and my DIGNITY for the crumbs from her table... How that shames me now, that I could have DREAMED so much of HER and thought SO LITTLE of MYSELF... And THE MORE you give the LESS you are valued... To be someones's GO TO guy/girl is nice until you realize that they only Go To you when no-one else is available... And I really don't blame her for that... Not really... But I'm worth better... As I'm guessing are you.)
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Quote by daddysweetheart
What do you do when you are last in someone's life who says they love you but their actions may show differently?

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS

What do you do when you can't get through to them?

HE HAS NO REGARD FOR YOU

When you resent them for not paying attention to your needs, and basic things like that.

YOU ALREADY HAVE A RESENTMENT, MORE WILL BE ON THE WAY

I'm sick of sounding like a broken record.

I'm sick of being an afterthought, always.

Am I loving him in vain?

YES

I wanted to move closer to him. A place I've never been, people I did not know.

THIS WOULD BE A HUGE MISTAKE

If he can't call me and make an effort at least, I don't know what the point would be, even though I do love him very much, more than anyone I did before combined.

THERE IS NO POINT TO IT, MOVE ON





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Thanks for the input all.

Guest
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Have yall ever met in person?? Maybe it's just a online fling to him?
Sometimes we take what happens on line way too seriously!
I would not even consider moving for a person I had not met in person!
Maybe it's time for a reality check?
JimB01
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the simplest and the hardest thing move on
stridepower
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I'm a guy and I will tell you that he is not into you. My advice would be to move on. Sure, you have a broken heart, but staying in that relationship will just hurt you and break you. That you do not want because you will loose your self esteem and become that "bitter baggage" lady. Don't go for the "sunk-cause fallacy". Move on Babygurl. You will find another....I promise you that.
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Thanks for your input again.

I feel like he totally abandoned me.

Whether he knows it or not.


There's 24 hours in a day. If you love someone, you'll make the time.
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Quote by stephanie
Oh bugger...

If he CONSISTENTLY doesn't give you what you want/need then it really ISN'T a relationship...

(Cut and run...)

xx SF

("Too BUSY to talk to you" doesn't make it... You're NEVER too busy for someone you TRULY care for...) You deserve SO MUCH BETTER...

(It's worth mentioning that I have been where you are... I've SACRIFICED my time, my soul and my DIGNITY for the crumbs from her table... How that shames me now, that I could have DREAMED so much of HER and thought SO LITTLE of MYSELF... And THE MORE you give the LESS you are valued... To be someones's GO TO guy/girl is nice until you realize that they only Go To you when no-one else is available... And I really don't blame her for that... Not really... But I'm worth better... As I'm guessing are you.)


Aw thanks honey..xxxooo

I'm sorry you've been there too.

Ls63563
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Think about some guy you don't really care for. Get a picture of him in your mind and note the feeling that you have when you do that.

That is the feeling that the guy you are talking about has for you. Don't ask why he feels this way because it really doesn't matter at all.

MOVE ON!
Subtle
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Quote by daddysweetheart
What do you do when you are last in someone's life who says they love you but their actions may show differently?

What do you do when you can't get through to them?

When you resent them for not paying attention to your needs, and basic things like that.

I'm sick of sounding like a broken record.

I'm sick of being an afterthought, always.

Am I loving him in vain?

I wanted to move closer to him. A place I've never been, people I did not know.

If he can't call me and make an effort at least, I don't know what the point would be, even though I do love him very much, more than anyone I did before combined.







I feel for you. I live this every day.
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Quote by Subtle


I feel for you. I live this every day.


I'm sorry hon. xooxxo HUGS
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sadly his actions are proving everyone right.

Liz
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This thread kind of feels like someone moaning about her boyfriend to her pals whilst he's sat at the same table. I take it we are talking about another Lush member here? Can't say I approve of airing this publicly where he can read through it. It's a bit Jeremy Kyle for me.
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I asked for advice, it was given to me. Delete it if you wish.
Ls63563
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I guess that as a submissive, you like being used. In that case you may have found a great guy to do that. Well except it sounds like he isn't really using you, you are using you and giving him the credit. Why not complain about Elvis not treating you right. He knows you as well and cares as much as this other guy.
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Quote by Ls63563
I guess that as a submissive, you like being used. In that case you may have found a great guy to do that. Well except it sounds like he isn't really using you, you are using you and giving him the credit. Why not complain about Elvis not treating you right. He knows you as well and cares as much as this other guy.


This is harsh. Thanks.
ChuckEPoo
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Margot,
I read your poetry and feel your torchered soul. Love is suppose to be joy, selfless unity, and oneness of life. You seem to be in a relationship that is bringing you grief, anxiety, and pain. Ask yourself, is this relationship going to last? If the answer is no, then you have the power to stop it. Sure breaking up is so very hard to do but so is waking up each day in a failed relationship with no hope. Time to move on sweetie.

One of the things in life that confounds me is how women that are attracted to the bad boys seem to be deluded into thinking they can mold and shape them into a loving, caring, sensitive human beings. That might happen in the movies but not in reality.
Ls63563
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Quote by daddysweetheart


This is harsh. Thanks.


I agree, it is harsh. So is beating yourself up mentally and emotionally all the time over someone who doesn't care. You could do that for another year or so, seek professional help, fall deeper into a funk, or WAKE THE HELL UP and realize we are all telling you the same thing as it is obvious to those on the outside looking in.
shen_crazy
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a.What do you do when you are last in someone's life who says they love you but their actions may show differently?
---for me i waited and still waiting and having more patience just by their side supporting

b.What do you do when you can't get through to them?
--- smile and never stop showing you care
When you resent them for not paying attention to your needs, and basic things like that.
--- go back to the time why you fell in love with such person
c.I'm sick of sounding like a broken record.
--- it really does just let it pass
d.I'm sick of being an afterthought, always.
--- youll get through it
e.Am I loving him in vain?
--- in a way yes, but the my question is are you happy even though your in vain? if you are then thats the reason why your in a situation you are now coz he can make you happy
f.I wanted to move closer to him. A place I've never been, people I did not know.
--- ask him out , like a date smile
g.If he can't call me and make an effort at least, I don't know what the point would be, even though I do love him very much, more than anyone I did before combined.
--- have you tried having a self time?
it seems his your world.
try to move not thinking of him at least try a day without him then try a week.it would be har at first but have some time for your self not just full of you loving him , give your self some love.
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Quote by shen_crazy
a.What do you do when you are last in someone's life who says they love you but their actions may show differently?
---for me i waited and still waiting and having more patience just by their side supporting

b.What do you do when you can't get through to them?
--- smile and never stop showing you care
When you resent them for not paying attention to your needs, and basic things like that.
--- go back to the time why you fell in love with such person
c.I'm sick of sounding like a broken record.
--- it really does just let it pass
d.I'm sick of being an afterthought, always.
--- youll get through it
e.Am I loving him in vain?
--- in a way yes, but the my question is are you happy even though your in vain? if you are then thats the reason why your in a situation you are now coz he can make you happy
f.I wanted to move closer to him. A place I've never been, people I did not know.
--- ask him out , like a date smile
g.If he can't call me and make an effort at least, I don't know what the point would be, even though I do love him very much, more than anyone I did before combined.
--- have you tried having a self time?
it seems his your world.
try to move not thinking of him at least try a day without him then try a week.it would be har at first but have some time for your self not just full of you loving him , give your self some love.



thanks sweetie for your kind words and thoughts




I like your last bit of advice-very wise.
OldDog_BlackHeart
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I strongly dislike being the barer of bad news. However there are times when we must, in order to help others. All too often the heart wants what it can't have.And we don't want to accept that it wasn't meant to be. By now you have already heard enough people tell you to move on.And perhaps you have. However it doesn't end there. Unfortunately we are creatures of habit. Sometimes we go from one bad relationship to another. Thats because we look in the same place for someone that has the same features as the last person we became attached to.They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting A different result. If you don't want to be in the same position your in now in the future. You must break the cycle. Look in A different place for A different kind of person. If they look like, talk like,act like the person that disappointed you in the past. Don't waste your time or feelings on them. Realize A hurt is coming and exit swiftly. Look for someone that is more like yourself and less like your previous mistake. I know it isn't easy, but if you ever want to find true love, you'll never do it by taking the easy route. I wish you Good Luck & Good Love in the future.CdJ1Q0dOL8sFhZvo

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PS. The worst mistake you can make is dwelling on past mistakes put them behind you and keep moving forward. Although they may ask nobody wants to hear A sob story. Just breeze by it by saying something like, We were so different than each other. It just didn't work out. Then change the subject by saying something like, So tell me more about yourself. I know your submissive and you want someone Dominant, But perhaps you would be happier with another sub. The two of you could find A Dom that may make you both happy. Love between the two of you, and discipline from the Master/Mistress.
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Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.....
Albert Einstein
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Quote by NightMan
I strongly dislike being the barer of bad news. However there are times when we must, in order to help others. All too often the heart wants what it can't have.And we don't want to accept that it wasn't meant to be. By now you have already heard enough people tell you to move on.And perhaps you have. However it doesn't end there. Unfortunately we are creatures of habit. Sometimes we go from one bad relationship to another. Thats because we look in the same place for someone that has the same features as the last person we became attached to.They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting A different result. If you don't want to be in the same position your in now in the future. You must break the cycle. Look in A different place for A different kind of person. If they look like, talk like,act like the person that disappointed you in the past. Don't waste your time or feelings on them. Realize A hurt is coming and exit swiftly. Look for someone that is more like yourself and less like your previous mistake. I know it isn't easy, but if you ever want to find true love, you'll never do it by taking the easy route. I wish you Good Luck & Good Love in the future.xVBagvlbUu9vbu4z

Thank you so much. Really great input. You are 100,000,000 % correct.

Hugs back...thanks honey..



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PS. The worst mistake you can make is dwelling on past mistakes put them behind you and keep moving forward. Although they may ask nobody wants to hear A sob story. Just breeze by it by saying something like, We were so different than each other. It just didn't work out. Then change the subject by saying something like, So tell me more about yourself. I know your submissive and you want someone Dominant, But perhaps you would be happier with another sub. The two of you could find A Dom that may make you both happy. Love between the two of you, and discipline from the Master/Mistress.
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Quote by selinaleigh2
Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.....
Albert Einstein


Thanks.

I know. I thought of it already.

Lmao.