after i woke up today, the first person i talked to was my mother. she called to ask if i had heard the news--a very dear close friend of mine was killed overnight in a car accident.
nearly 24 hours after he lost his life, i'm feeling three things very deeply.
first, i feel conflicted. i found out a short time ago that it appears the accident was caused by a drunk driver, a lady so drunk that she was driving the wrong way on a freeway. i'm an attorney, and though i don't do much criminal defense anymore, there was a time when it was all i did, and i've defended probably hundreds of DUI cases. on one hand tonight, i want to hold to my principles and my sense of justice and say that this lady deserves representation just as much as anyone does, that every accused being fairly represented is the only way our court system can work properly, the only way we can feel confident that justice is upheld in our society. on the other hand, while i of course don't know the whole story yet, it appears that this lady made a deliberate decision that ended up taking a man's life, and i can't help but say to hell with what she deserves. the attorney who will have to defend her has a job i wouldn't want.
second, i feel grief. i grieve for the loss of my friend, a man who i've known for half my life, a man who served as an example for me of how to love your god, your wife, and your children with all your heart, a man who shared my love of music and my sense of humor. i grieve for the heartbroken wife he leaves behind, and the young adult and two kids who will never again in this life see their father.
lastly, i feel regret. in the few years since i moved back to my hometown, the town where i met him and his family and where they still lived, i've only seen him a handful of times. each time we saw each other we would say that we need to get together and play music like we used to. we never got that chance and now we'll never have it again. his place of business was about 100 yards from my house. seeing him, if only to drop in and say hello, would have been effortless. and yet the times i did that were so few, and i'll carry that regret the rest of my life.
if this were your last night on this earth, when the morning arrives would the people that you love know that you love them? make sure the answer is yes. take every opportunity you're given to let people know how much you care for them.
thank you for reading. god bless you all.
Your words of advice are spot on. I'm sorry for your loss.
Thank you for sharing your loss with all of us, but especially for the timely words of advice. Hopefully at least one or two will read it and take your advice, forever being glad they did so.
So sorry for your friends loss of life so suddenly. It's a reminder to all of us how tenuous life actually is.
Such heartfelt, articulate words at a time of terrible loss. Thank you for your thoughts and sending my deepest sympathies to you and your friend's family.
The good lord gives us three score and ten years.
Through good and bad, I hope they were great years.
thank you all for your kind words. i'm a little choked up right now to be honest. i'm glad i found this place, there are special people here.
Very sorry for your loss.
I lost two friends in the last week. One never even had the chance to turn 21. I hurt so bad but I feel regret that I wasn't there, anger that he's gone, remorse , and sorrow. . It's hard to see that I'll never get a good morning text or a you look beautiful message from him . I hope you are ok.
I am truly sorry for your loss and I hope that you can celebrate your friends life. If you need to talk I'm here
i am deeply sadden for you sudden lost for your dear friend and for his family left behind...We dont realize how precious are time here is...so have no regrets my friend...He is in a better place and at peace...God Bless You.. You have a Angel In Heaven and will meet again...huggs to you kylie
The last words I spoke to my Daughter the morning of the day she was killed was I LOVE YOU im so glad I got the chance to tell her that because the next time I saw her she was on life support but already gone
I just want to offer you big hugs and condolences. It's so very hard to lose friends.
My best friend was also killed by a drunk driver while he was walking. He died on impact.
They never caught the person it is still a cold case.
Losing friends is harder I think then family.
These are our own peers and they should live as long as us. Or at least somewhere
near the same age.
Praying you get through this at this difficult time.
We may joust verbally quite often. But I understand how you feel and I offer you my heartfelt condolences in this your time of sorrow. It is very hard losing someone whom you are close to. And I am hoping that you do get through this difficult time.
I define nothing. Not beauty, not patriotism. I take each thing as it is, without prior rules about what it should be.
- Bob Dylan
Consistent, Persistent and Bullshit Resistant!
- Trinket
again, thank you all. people who care about you can lift you up and carry you through hard times. i consider you all a blessing.
shotty, i enjoy the jousting. you're one of my favorites here, outside of members of the fairer sex of course. thank you for your kind words.
I'm truly sorry hon...big hugs xxxoooo
So very sorry to hear. Thinking of you
I'm so sorry about your friend. That is wonderful advice and something we all need to remember.
I just read your post and wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. Please know that your friend knew how much you loved and cared for him despite not spending more time with him. Sometimes we get busy and keep putting things to the side forgetting that in the blink of an eye everything can change. You just told us how much he meant to you; I know your friend is smiling and saying thank you from way up there. I will PM you something privately. Hugs
"if this were your last night on this earth, when the morning arrives would the people that you love know that you love them? make sure the answer is yes. take every opportunity you're given to let people know how much you care for them."
I do this very thing I make sure when I talk to family and friends I say "I love you." just before hanging up the phone. Like the play "Our Town." Life goes by so quickly and we never just stop for a min. and realize someday it will all be gone. So like he said make sure everyone you love knows it. It's the best gift you can give anyone.
So terribly sorry to hear of your heartbreaking loss, and the death of another father and husband to a drunk driver. So senseless. My best friend - a guy closer to me than family, now lives 500 miles away, but is only 50 miles out of the way on a route we take once or twice a year. We try to make the detour to see him, at least for lunch or something, even when pressed for time.
Your honest and heartfelt post reminds me why that is so important, and makes me so glad we make the time; thank you for that, and my condolences for you loss. God bless you, and your friend's family.
storm
i can't say it enough--thank you all for your responses here, in PMs, etc. i've had a rough couple of days, i've at times felt very empty, but you all have put me on your shoulders and carried me. i'm very humbled and very blessed by all your kind words.
I am very sorry for your loss. These awful events are suppose to teach those of us still here to live better and smarter. As someone else said he is in a better place. My thoughts are with you....
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That Special Evening
First off mrd2 let me offer my sincerest condolences on your loss. I am truly sorry to see this happen yet again.
As a professional firefighter I have seen this happen far far too often. One person who feels they are still "in control" goes out and takes out one or more people in their drunken stupor. If I had a dollar for every terrible car accident I have had to respond to involving drunk driving, I wouldn't worry about retiring anymore. And it's usually the innocents that pay - surprisingly often the drunk driver walks away unscathed or with minor injuries.
We talk about the perils of drug abuse and the cost to society of things like Oxycodone and marijuana abuse - these are drugs that can actually help people. Alcohol has killed thousands of times more people and there is no medical reason for it - yet alcohol abuse is a minor offence in the courts. I have known of people with MULTIPLE DUI's still out driving (sometimes without a license) drunk.
We have an especially bad problem with drunk driving and public intoxication here in Alaska. So I have a lot of experience dealing with these people. I HATE dealing with drunks. I hate having to respond to a car accident where someone was drunk. I hate having to tell someone their loved one was killed by a drunk driver. I have done it entirely too often.
On another note, I lost my father a few years back to cancer. I was at work when the call came in that I had better get to the hospital, that Dad was going fast. I did not make it in time to say goodbye. Fortunately for me, my father and I were on good terms after a long rift. We parted as friends - something I will forever be grateful for. So yes mrd2, you are absolutely right. Please everyone, hold your loved ones tight tonight, because you never know what tomorrow holds, and it may be too late.
In Ireland we say, "I'm sorry for your trouble..."
(I might also say that your eulogy to your friend was both heartfelt and beautiful.)
xx Steve
So incredibly sorry for your loss. Your insight though is priceless. 
