My husband of 10 years definitely has a lower sex drive than I do. Its a bit of a role reversal, I am nearly always turned on and he usually is just not interested. I know he is busy, and tired, and sex is just not that big a priority for him but we are only 35! He says if I want his attention I'll have to seduce him but I don't know where to start. Things I do already:
Dress nicely- always, in actual dresses, which he likes and he frequently complements my looks
Sexy underwear- yep, unless I skip the underwear entirely (and tell him)
Spicing things up- We’ve had a pretty varied sex life. I've tried discussing fantasies but he says we've done everything he's imagined. Including having other women (and men) in our bed
I’m a little short on fresh ideas….
Are you totally clean? Like, maybe get some new soaps that have a different, stronger smell than what you are using now. I know I get turned on when my girl comes out of the shower smelling super good or different.
yes, I could try a new scent of soap but I am very clean. I don't think its about me, though I have certainly considered that. He isn't interested in any other play partners lately either. We have an occasionally flexible marriage and if he wanted to play with someone else I would be less stumped. At least I would know the issue was me. My question is, How the hell do you seduce a man if dressing nicely, sexy lingerie, discussing fantasies, and provocative texts are out? That's a good chunk of my playbook.
That's why I suggested trying some new scents. Maybe not all men, but for me, the lingerie and all that is nice but when I'm really into a girl it's her that turns me on, not all the bells and whistles. That's why smelling her, even when she's not really close is irresistible to me.
It sounds like your guy may be a bit stressed if no woman is enticing him. Stress can definitely lower my sex drive. Maybe no woman is noticing this, including yourself. Maybe you can do things you know will make him feel appreciated, forget about any stress he's feeling, or cared about. You know him best so you would know what these little things are.
Hmm... this is a tough one, but I suspect it'll get many suggestions before it's said and done.
You could try reading some instructional books on massage. There are several great ones for kindle that I've purchased myself. Granted, one can only learn so much from reading as opposed to practice but there is still a great deal to be gained if taken to heart.
Give him a back rub while he's sitting down and when he comments on how great that feels, tell him that you've been trying to teach yourself and would love to show him more. Once he's naked and at the mercy of your touch, it wouldn't be unheard of to build a full-body massage up to a happy ending. The only difference being that instead of finishing him off with your hand, make him fuck you.
Just an idea.
I can’t think of a good tagline so this will have to do. Suggest a better one for me?
Is a vacation an option? Doesn't need to be anything dramatic, even a a couple nights away over a weekend at a some romantic little spot. The change of scenery and absence of regular, daily routine stressors could help. And seconding hopp3r's suggestion. I don't know about your hubby, but I love a good full body massage.
Maybe you guys should try swinging for real. It really did change my relationship with my husband for the better. We are closer and more intermittent than ever before.
Stress is definitely a factor for him, in fact we are currently starting a new business so he can quit his highly stressful job. Unfortunately that is not exactly reducing the stress level in the short term and a vacation is not an option at the moment. The massage idea is a good one though it is already a standard tactic for me. I like the idea of dressing up but he thinks role play is silly :-( And while we have done the swingers thing, in the past it wound up being mostly just me which feels out of balance so I cut that back. We have had a number of conversations about this topic and its not that he is completely uninterested, he just can't switch into romantic or even sexy mode without a lot more lead up. Me showing up provocatively dressed or naked is not working, massages that turn into blowjobs only work sometimes, seriously, some days he only wants the massage. Watching porn together only works if he is in the mood already. As I understand it he literally wants me to seduce him. To take his mind from all the mundane crap and refocus it on the sensual. So what would work for you?
Tried tying him up? Just a bit of light restraint. Add some favorite music and a striptease? Also, are there children in the household? that can be a killer. I'm pretty sure from what I have read that a BJ is probably counter productive. Is anal an option?
You say that stress is a major factor...ok then. There ARE a number of things that can HELP to reduce the stress level on a subliminal level. Such as: aromatherapy oils to scent your home, colored lighting, music (some has stress relieving subliminal messages in it that can't be heard by the conscious mind). Additionally, try not always doing it in the bedroom, or at a certain time of day or on a specific day of the week. Lastly, masturbate more to relieve your level of "need" and his level of "performance anxiety" another form of stress. In short, YOU need to "relax" first and HELP him to relax WITH you. BE his SOURCE of relaxation and NO pressure. The boner level will rise as the stress level drops. ;)
My wife and I both have very high stress jobs and 2 young kids so getting off of work and coming home to more stress doesn't help. What helps us the most is come home, change out of the business clothes, pour a drink and turn on some music while we cook supper and help our kids with homework. The drink helps calm the nerves the music is relaxing, we are in the same room and interacting with each other and there is minimal shoptalk. The kids love to turn up the music and dance with us too, so its really stress relieving and everyone is in a good mood. After the kids are tucked in to bed, sometimes we have another drink and dance together more provocatively leading into another room for some slap n tickle time. lol
succubusdreams - i don't mean to be rude but is your husband taking any medications lately?
there are some medicactions that can depress ones sex drive.
Of course I don't know you or your husband but I'll toss out some ideas:
Porn.
Go to a strip club together. Perhaps out of town. Buy each other lap dances.
Take him lingerie shopping, ask him if he wants to see x,y or z on you.
This may sound stupid and old fashioned - but pack a picnic lunch.
Generally speaking men don't like surprises but ( after making sure his schedule 'allows') set up a dinner and theater or dinner and movie date.
Tell him you'll drive tonight.
Buy him a facial or a massage.
Buy him flowers. A cigar. Cologne you want him to wear.
Of course all of this assumes he's worth all of this effort. Maybe he ain't.
