Being a new member on Lush for a bit over 30+ days,I have seen a lot of jealousy and back stabbing from woman. I have seen where this has caused a lot of problems in friendships and relationships...What is the best way to handle this? Or do you just chalk it up for Lush Drama?
just block them or unfriend.. there is no room for jealousy here or in real life .. this is just a web site ..try to enjoy to the fullest
I agree that there is no room for jealousy. Jealousy stems from a lack of trust, and without trust how can there be friendship?
It could be in part, be lush drama as well, but still not worth fretting over.
I've seen catty remarks from both sexes....
Maybe I am too old for anyone to be jealous...ahhhh the young
Ignore...its not worth the drama..and the person making the remarks always looks bad
Sad huh that any women would cause drama to another
Don't we have enough crap in our lives
What you've observed in 30+ days on Lush is probably something you'd observe in maybe twice or thrice the time in real life.
Life is full of catty backstabbers, male and female. It just cultivates quicker online because everything is so...central. Everything happens here. There's no where else to go. Plus there's the added element of anonymity that you have on the internet, no matter how close people claim to be.
I don't just chalk it up to Lush drama, but internet drama in its entirety.
As far as handling it goes, I say avoid it as best you can. I've been here for a few years, and I know firsthand how people will find ways to drag you into their bullshit, whether you're a willing participant or not, so don't let them. Lush (and any other space you have on the internet) is what you create for yourself. It can either be your escape or your own personal nightmare.
Just like in real life, I'm very guarded and quite particular about who I allow to get close to me and in my personal space. If I feel like the space I create for myself is becoming tainted or otherwise stressful, I pull back.
Also, if all else fails, it never hurts to step away and go outside for some fresh air.
I understand that real bonds of friendship and relationships can be established online. But even in real life, when shit starts to hit the fan and it's causing you serious emotional/mental turmoil, it's time to step back.
░P░U░S░S░Y░ ░I░N░ ░B░I░O░
To be honest, the people who experience this invariably seem to be the ones who put up stuff like "not here for dramas" on their profile. It seems to function like a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Going through your very extensive profile I see you're interested in the D/S dynamic. That sub-culture has some of the most sensitive and insecure people on this site - jealousy breeds there like fungus.
Also be aware that some people enjoy provoking jealousy. I like to call these people assholes. The thing we always go back to is you're here for your amusement not anyone else's.
Here are some things you can do:
DON'T reorder your friends list
DON'T be a go-between
DON'T take sides
DON'T expect someone to do something for you because you did something for them
In addition, your profile settings allows you to control what appears on your activity feed. Switching off publicising that you've commented on someone's profile or picture or who you've recently added as a friend might make life a little easier for you.
Warning: The opinions above are those of an anonymous individual on the internet. They are opinions, unless they're facts. They may be ill-informed, out of touch with reality or just plain stupid. They may contain traces of irony. If reading these opinions causes you to be become outraged or you start displaying the symptoms of outrage, stop reading them immediately. If symptoms persist, consult a psychiatrist.
Why not read some stories instead
NEW! Want a quick read for your coffee break? Why not try this... Flash Erotica: Scrubber All of the above is good advice.
Remember that the privacy settings, as well as the "Unfriend" and "Block" settings, are your friend. When I first joined, I took on as a friend anyone who sent me a friend request, and was very reluctant to unfriend and definitely very reluctant to block a fellow member. That changed after an extraordinarily unpleasant incident when a "friend" threatened me with intentionally scoring a competition story low if I didn't give him very personal information (my cell number).
Now I don't hesitate to use the "Block" setting and as quickly as possible if someone messages me something inappropriate, and I sure as H-ll will unfriend and block you if you even so much as approach something that makes me uncomfortable.
Want to spend some time wallowing in a Recommended Read? Pick one! Or two! Or seven!
Jealousy is caused by many things, fear, insecurity, rejection, miscommunication. The best way to tackle a problem you have with someone is to talk to them and clear the air. Some people do enjoy causing drama and living in it, push them to the side and find those you mesh with. I do have the "I hate drama on my wall" and that's because I was dealing with people who just looked for that. I am here to have fun and meet people, we have enough drama in our daily lives, don't want it or need it here. Good luck and welcome to Lush.
Thank you all.. this has been alot of good advice given and I will try it.. the person I think is my problem,her and I travel in the same circle of friends.. so makes it a bit harder to handle...Talking to the person face to face is not easy at this point bc I am not sure it is her.
I point out the window and say, "look, squirrel!" and then run and hide under the bed. (I agree with Dani's more serious response. I'm here for kicks, not bricks. When shit gets too thick, I take off for a while. And that block function is useful too.)
“It's nice sometimes to open up the heart a little and let some hurt come in. It proves you're still alive.”
There is drama everywhere. The only thing you can do to escape it is hide under a rock and certainly don't go anywhere near the internet!
Lush is a place to come and have fun, chat to friends and read and enjoy the stories. If people are creating drama around you and that's spoiling your experience then do something about it. I agree with overmykneenow, he made some good points about not fuelling the fire. But, if you're siding with trinket and you want to do as you please then you've got to expect a little drama- people take things personally whether it's on the internet or in real life and regardless of whether you meant to hurt them with your actions.
Lastly, I am wholeheartedly with HeraTeleia about unfriending people and blocking them. If someone sends me a friend request with no message they are automatically rejected, if I don't like the message they send for whatever reason (maybe it's sleezey or maybe their typing is so poor that I know I will soon grow tired of talking to them) I just don't accept the request. So I accept maybe a third and of them I will still delete some people for being inappropriate, pushy etc. If it makes you uncomfortable then get rid!
hmm... the very few times that i've had drama brought to me, it was by someone who CLEARLY stated that " i don't do drama" or some variation thereof. i'll let you draw your own conclusions... that being said, what you are experiencing on lush is RAMPANT on the internet. join ANY site and you're bound to find it from males and females alike. my suggestion is this: be VERY careful about who you allow into your world. you don't have to add everyone that expresses interest. it's ok to have people that you only socialize with in the rooms or threads. this is one of the rare times where you get to decide who you let in and have to deal with. in the real world we HAVE to deal with family, co-workers, neighbors, etc. here i advise you to become well acquainted with the block/delete buttons. save yourself the head and heartache. hope your time here improves and happy lushing!
I must be missing all the action! Haven't experienced any of that here on Lush!
Dramatic people attract drama!
I must be either the least interesting or the most laid-back person online. Like Cyndy, I've never encountered any drama, jealousy, or backstabbing here on Lush, or on any other site I've been on for the past 8 years.
I haven't found much drama either and when I have seen it, I steer clear. I am here for socializing and relaxation not headaches. I enjoy helping people and offer any help I might have to give new members I meet. I try to be kind to all. If you are advertising or looking for drama, you are going to find it and get it. And, if you continue to feed it, it will grow. Pretty easy figuring. Also, in my experience here, folks that complain about drama are often those that have had several different screen names over time saying they are trying to escape the pile of drama they continue to stir up.
This is a completely honest answer, and since I like honesty, here it goes.
For me, jealousy has come into play, not out of envy or fear that I'm going to lose my mate/partner, but when my partner hasn't been honest or faithful, and that's something I've experienced in real life and on Lush. I am a pretty secure person, (my husband is best friends with 2 former lovers, and that's never bothered me) and watching my partner flirt or interact with others doesn't bother me. What bothers me is the way it's done, when you see it's not just an innocent flirtation, how words are used, how the other woman (since I'm talking about myself) knowing that we are in a relationship absolutely doesn't respect, not only the relationship, but boundaries.
I always say that people need to put themselves in the other person's shoes. How would you feel if you were in my shoes? Would you tolerate your guy being inappropriate with other woman? How would you feel if this was being done to you?
I flirt and play, but I never push the envelope, and I am extremely considerate of V. If something is posted on my wall that I feel will bother him, I take it down. However, I've also made it very clear to everyone what can and cannot be posted on my wall in order to avoid drama.
Communication is important, so is honesty, trust, respect, and for God's sake, use common sense.
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