I have accepted to myself that I AM a sub. I love to fight, to misbehave and to push boundaries, but at the end of it all I want to submit to someone. I enjoy the struggle between myself and my master/mistress but for me, the true joy lies in the end of the struggle where I stop and let them control me. This is how I have always been and I have always characterised myself as a Sub.
A few weeks ago, my master broke off our relationship. He told me that the reason we couldn't continue was because I wasn't Submissive, that I just called myself that. He said that a true submissive would not disobey his commands and that a true submissive's purpose was to serve her master. I always thought that the relationship between a Sub/Dom varied, but this type of relationship my master was after seems to be more and more popular (that is, the sub is devoted to her master's every want). (Of course, this is limited to the relationships I have experienced, I know that there are other types of masters/mistresses out there)
Anyway, what he said to me was similar to what previous masters/mistresses had said, as well as a lot of the stories on here, so here are my questions:
If a submissive if one who 'submits', does the need to submit, even if it is the want to fight and then submit, still mean that that person is a submissive?
By the act of rebelling against your master/mistress, are you effectively saying that you do not want to be in a BDSM relationship?
Is fighting against your master/mistress an indication that you cannot be in an effective BDSM relationship as you do not fit within the particular assigned roles?
(BTW- When I say fighting/pushing boundaries/misbehaving, I am talking of things like answering back, running around the house, missing/being late to appointments together- just breaking the rules, but not big stuff like sleeping with others, damaging their property etc.)
Absolutely not. I'm naturally submissive but I can be both, so there are actually times I hide my dominate side for my significant other to have his fun.
I think every sub is different and does it their own way. We all have our own limits and definition of what a sub is.
So ... you're a brat. Really. Mouthing off, being ornery,impish and generally mischevious. Disobeying to get His attention. Congrats. You're a brat. And that's not a bad thing. There are LOTS of Dom/Dommes and Masters/Mistresses looking for their perfect little brat.
I've been involved in the Lifestyle for a decade now, and have found that yes, there are varying degrees of subs.
But what I think is a good thing to note is the difference between a submissive and a slave. A slave is there to subjugate themselves entirely to the pleasures of their Master/Mistress. THOSE are the ones who's pleasure is serving Someone's every whim. A sub merely submits, giving control of the metaphorical reins to their Dom/Domme. (I don't use merely to lessen the sub in any way; I identify as one myself. I simply use it to denote the difference between the two types of BDSM bottoms.)
Every relationship when it comes to D/s is fluid and changing. There is no 'wrong' or 'right' way to be in a BDSM relationship, so long as both parties consent, scene safely, and remember limits. The key is just to find the place that you fit. No REAL Dom/Domme will ever force you into a mold that you don't belong in.
"Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader - not the fact that it is raining, but the feeling of being rained upon." -E.L. Doctorow
I agree with what Katje said, D/s relationships are fluid. Many people who come into the lifestyle don't expect the sheer amount of conversation required. At the beginning of the relationship whether it be play or otherwise, there must be a conversation about what the expectations are. This conversation must be brutally honest. It will not serve you well if you downplay things. Granted, every sub is different, but if at the beginning you agree to obeying his commands and he agrees to keep your safety and well being his first priority then reasonably he would not give you a command that would put you in danger or damage you in any way. There should be a conversation about what is and is not acceptable. There will be many of these conversations throughout your relationship as the both of you grow together and learn new things. If you are wanting a 24/7 relationship then you must determine which areas you would like to push back a little on. Determine which behaviors you need to feel satisfied. Like I said the talking is nearly endless in this lifestyle but it does serve a purpose.
Really, sex and laughter do go very well together, and I wondered - and I still do - which is more important.
Let me start by saying I have never met a sub that was COMPLETELY submissive - each of you have your individual boundaries and limits and if I did find one that was completely submissive I would run the other way! That is a dangerous situation.
As for you, it sounds as if you have some brat in you yes but that's to be expected. A Dom needs to work to be able to gain your submission - He needs to prove he can handle you. Not in a beat you till you give in way, but in an way that makes you want to yield to him. If he can do that you will give yourself to him willingly. If you buck and fight, he isn't convincing you.
Don't take this the wrong way but subs are like wild horses, you don't whip a horse into letting you ride them - you convince them that they WANT you to ride them. You talk softly, you approach them carefully, you stroke them gently, and ease into it. Letting them make the decision to allow you on them. So it is with a submissive.
For me, if I can't get into your head, I have no business getting into your pants!
Being a submissive never means that you would be subservient to every douche out there who thinks that s/he is a Dominant.
A submissive has every right to see if the would be Dominant is worth Submitting to, and that might require some tease or non offensive disobedience(By that I mean one should not be a prude and do something stupid enough to put off any Dominant)
It is never the same for all submissives. We all are different as human beings and have specific wants and needs as per our make.
Some of them like to fight for the Power sharing and some like to playfully tease their owners just for some extra fun, and there might be some who are willing to be completely subservient to their Dominants, but all that follows the process of what we can call "Induction" as their Submissive.
Before that a submissive has no obligation to do anything to please each one and every one except being respectful to everyone.(That one is a given, Nobody likes a disrespectful sub)
Being a switch i find most subbies male or female really dont understand the submission part..I see alot of younger males mostly that are into the pain ..but once given they seem to not be able to handle it...As being a subbie on Lush i am truly commited to my D/Dom...I dont wander nor look for other Dom's as i see alot of subbies on here do...Maybe that the arraganement they have have between them...Respecting each other needs and wants and TRUST is more important to me..( p.s. I have never seen so many subbies and wanna bee's Dom on this site...Must be a New Trend...They have BDSM sites ..I dont consider Lush one of them..but being I seem to found some one that understands me as i do him...HAPPY LUSHING...............
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