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Who wants to help this newbie out a little??

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Rookie Scribe
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Hello everyone.

Just got my very first story i submitted send back to me.
The admin told me the storyline and English on its own are very good, but some sentences are oddly phrased and some spelling error's here and there.
I'm a Belgian dude so i tried my best lol. Maybe some of you people want to help me out a bit, and review it for me?
I will mention a thank word when send it again off course. Hope to get some reactions from you all!

thx!!
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Quote by Xa_4
Hello everyone.

Just got my very first story i submitted send back to me.
The admin told me the storyline and English on its own are very good, but some sentences are oddly phrased and some spelling error's here and there.
I'm a Belgian dude so i tried my best lol. Maybe some of you people want to help me out a bit, and review it for me?
I will mention a thank word when send it again off course. Hope to get some reactions from you all!

thx!!


I will help, if you want...
Rookie Scribe
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Ok people,

This is what i submitted. So please tell me what can be better. Any tips are welcome!

It is well past 5 pm when we finally arrived at our vacation destination. After driving through Switzerland on our way to Italy, our summer trip of last year. We where amazed by the beauty of this country. And here we are, unpacking our bags after a long drive. After grabbing us some dinner in the hotel restaurant, we put the kids to bed. Finally having some quality time for me and the wife. Well so I thought at least. Already opened a bottle of whine on our balcony that has a lovely view on the lake of Konstanz, my wife tells me she wants to go to bed. After spending most part of the day driving up here, the last thing on my mind is going to sleep. "Nevermind my dear, you go to sleep. I'm going for a evening walk through the village". "That's ok love, just don't make it too late" she replied while she laid her head down on her pillow.

Strolling through the village, I hear a buzzing sound around the corner. Seconds later I walk right into a little square, lit up by the lights of a cosy little café terrace. Aaah the perfect ending for tonight. And then, while the waiter places my Scotch on the table, I see this girl sitting two tables away from me. Surrounded by her friends but only her is catching my attention. This girl looks amazingly perfect. Her full red lips like a burning fire, her body sensually curved like a goddess, her smooth satin like legs with pale skin glowing in the terrace lights. Been a long time ago since I was so impressed by a girl.

She notice fairly quick I have her in my attention, even better she seems to like it. She constantly making eye contact and smiling at me now. Try acting like a cool cat with my whiskey in hand, letting her notice I'm interested but not too much either. This is not working...she already know I'm starstruck for her and just continue to play with me. I kind of loose my coolness when she start licking her red lips while looking me right in the eyes. The moment I'm thinking what the hell is happening, she gives me a little wink an nod with her head as she stands up and walk into the bar. I was nailed to my chair...is she playing? What does she means with this, must be some kind of sign. I drink my last shot of Scoth, gather all of my courage and follow her inside.

Once inside the the café she's nowhere to be seen. The bartender tells me "the toilets are in the back" as he noticed i'm searching throughout his bar. I hurry myself to the toilets, going straight to the ladies room. Finding myself there three doors, two of them locked. She must hear me enter the toiletroom, as I hear three little knock's on the far left toilet door. Slowly opened the door and there she is...this perfect looking girl waiting, waiting for me! Thank god I had the balls to follow her. "Well hello beautiful stranger" she said. I stumbled "Hi, whats your name?" "Call me S" she replies, and pulled me to her pressing her lips on mine.

We find ourselves kissing passionately, my hands running through her long dark red hair. Soon she pulls up my shirt over my head, kissing and licking my chest. my hands reach down her tight dress, pulling it up over her perfect ass. "What you gonne do mister" she ask's "Watch me" I tell her while pulling down her thong she's wearing. She leans her upper body a bit backwards, tilting her hips forward. My fingertips searching there way to her pussy. Her hands unbuttoning my jeans. Our eyes locked in to each others while my fingertips feel her freshly waxed pussy. She meanwhile not waisting any time, holding my cock in her hands, wanking me harder with every stroke. I pull her up onto the toilet seat, her hands reaching down spreading her wet pussy lips for me. hmmm how did i miss the taste of other woman's pussy. S is rubbing her clit wild as my tongue licking all her juices. "Sit down" she moans to me, "I'm gonne ride your cock hard, want to feel you deep inside me. Seconds later, her arms around my shoulders and legs around my waist, riding me like she needs it so bad. Her hips sensual moving back and forward in my hands. "Oh god my dear, i'm going to cum" i whispered to her. "Oh yes, give me that cum" she replied with a horny tone in her voice. Immediately going down on her knees, stroking my cock slow but firm with her mouth wide open. Just loosing all control as i squirt a huge load all over her tongue and in her mouth. By the time I'm realizing what just happened, she already wiped her face and whispering "Welcome to Switzerland, enjoy your stay"

It takes a while for me to return to my table, where I find a new glas of scotch with a little piece of paper underneath it.
"One from the young lady with the red lips" the waiter tells me. On the note, I find a phone number and a text "sleep tight, love S"

Few days passing by as my wife get up early to make a boat trip on the lake. "Are you coming?" "No honey, I'm taking a day of rest. Go out and have fun with the kids, I stay in and maybe tonight we go out for dinner." The moment my wife is out of sight, I'm grabbing my phone texting S. "Hey are you free today? want to meet you again, love beautiful stranger." It takes a few minutes for my phone start buzzing. "Meet me in half an hour on following address." is what I receive from her. It appears her flat is only a couple of streets away from the hotel, And right on time I'm standing in front of her door knocking, impatiently waiting for her to open.

She opens the door dressed in a white bathrobe. The only color that stands out is her dark hair and the deep red lipstick on her lips. "Make yourself comfortable on the couch." she said. As I position myself, I notice she wears red high heels and black stockings. Standing there right in front of me, she slowly loosen the knot that hold the bathrobe together. The knot comes apart, her bathrobe falls open...simultaneously so does my mouth.

She's wearing black jarretelles that are draped over her sensual body like if a spider weaved a web over her amazing hips. She starts rocking her hips sideways, letting the bathrobe slide down over her shoulders onto the ground. Her little dance moves make my cock grow hard in matter of seconds. Turns around, unstraps her bra and throw it at me. I smell her lovely perfume holding the bra to my face. She walks towards me, put her hands around my head and brings my lips to her firm breasts where I lick her nipples gently. My hands move from her hips up to her breasts, where I push them together. Placing my mouth over her hard nipples, Licking, sucking and biting them. S is enjoying this as much as I do, throwing her head backwards making soft moaning sounds.

All of a sudden, she pushes me back in the couch and walks into another room. "Have a surprise for you." she says.
When she comes back into the room, I see a couple of handcuffs dangling in her hands. "I will surrender myself to you. I'm yours so do with me whatever pleases you!" I want to pinch myself in the arm to make sure this isn't a dream. But it isn't, its real and not gonne pass up on this opportunity. "Turn around, bend over and slowly pull down your panties" is what I command her to do. Her magnificent pussy appears while she follows my orders to pull down her panties. Oh God, she looks soo tight and has these perfect shaped lips. I take her by her arm and take her to her kitchen, where I force her to bend over on the kitchen table. Cuff her feet to the table legs, and her hands on her back. I ask "Where are the kitchen towels?" "The kitchen cabinet right in front of me" she replied while breathing heavily. Take a towel, and use it as a blindfold for her. "Now than, you don't know whats gonna happen and you cant move yourself." telling her with a big grin on my face.

After taking my time to observe your gorgeous body, I come standing by her without making any sound. out of nothing she feel's my fingertips stroking her pussy lips, just slow and gentle. as i stroke her lips up and down, I start moving my fingertips deeper between her pussy lips. Massaging her little cherry clit. She starts moaning softly again while i feel her pussy getting damp and wet. I'll put my fingers in my mouth, so i can taste that sweet pussy.

Her taste and scent unleash some animal like feelings deep inside me. Push three fingers inside her wet pussy now, and start fingering that tight slit deep. Stimulating her clit with the fingertips of my other hand. "S" starts breathing heavily and moaning out loud as my fingers move fast inside her cunt.

To change things up, I stop doing what i do. Go down on my knees and start liking and kissing the inside of her knees. Licking my way up to her legs, the inside of her tights, and up towards her ass. Let the tip of my tong run over her soft pussy lips. My hands meanwhile move on her butt cheeks, spreading them wide. Instantly S feels my warm tongue deep between her pussy lips. Licking her slow, making circle movements around her clit. pushing my tongue all the way inside that sweet tasting wet pussy. "God, your eating my pussy so damn good!" i hear her yell. my tongue works his way up to her asshole, making that tight arse all wet. Feeling the way her body got tensed up and the juices flowing out of her pussy, i just know she's been waiting for me to do this.

My animal like lust feelings are growing, and her whispering words "you can have me like you want" make me so horny at this point. I get back up and walk to the front of S. Blindfolded, not knowing what comes next. I push my hard cock against her lips. Without hesitation she takes my cock inside her mouth. Feel that tongue making circles around my dick with alternatly making sucking motions. Holding her head in my hands and slowly start moving my cock in and out her mouth. Pushing the tempo up, S let's me fuck her mouth. Her head firmly held by one hand, my other hand around her throat now, thrusting my cock hard and fast in and out her mouth. Her lips are sealed around my shaft as i shove my cock deep inside her throat. She take me all in, and i just keep my cock inside for some seconds. Making her choke on it.

Going to her backside again, where i take her hips firmly in my hands. She feels my cock pushing against her pussy. It slips inside with ease. Immediately start fucking her deep. First very slow so S can feel my hard big cock penetrating her pussy inch by inch. Her pussy sliding over my shaft, so tight her lips following the contours of my big mushroom shaped top. The louder she moaning, I'm fucking her harder and faster. My balls slamming her pussy as i fuck her so deep now. Feel her legs starting to shake. It won't take long before she is there. Give her a few hard deep blows and S is creaming it out "ooohh oohh I'm cumming I'm cumming!" A warm glow surrounding my cock, my balls all wet from her dripping wet slit.

I'll slide my cock from her pussy up to her asshole now. Telling her "Just relax babe, it won't hurt i promise." The moment she does, my cock disappears inside her asshole. A completely different feeling this is, a lot of tighter all around my cock. Just fuck her ass gently and do it slowly. It drives me insane and feel I'm gonne cum soon. Feel my cum pumping already. Both of us moaning out loud, I give S a few more thrusts inside her ass while i pull her head backwards by her hair. Aaaarrrghhh cant hold it any longer! I pull my cock out just in time, blowing my sperm all over that ass and pussy. What a release af sexual tension. My sticky warm sperm is all over her. Spreading her pussy so my cum drips inside her. God what an horny sight this is...
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Okay, I'll try to make suggestions as to where alterations need to be made...
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[code][/code]


It was well past five pm when we finally arrived at our destination. We drove through Switzerland to get to Italy, for our vacation last year; we were amazed by the enchanting beauty of our surroundings, as we unpacked our luggage after the long journey.

After dinner at the hotel, we put the children to bed. Finally, some quality time for me and my wife. We opened a bottle of wine on the balcony, the view of Lake Constance was breathtaking.

“I feel like going to bed,” she says, stretching and yawning after the arduous journey.

The last thing on my mind was sleep. “Okay dear, you go ahead and I'll join you after I've had an evening stroll through the village.”

“That's fine love, just don't make it too late.” She replies, resting her weary head on the soft sumptuous pillow.
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Strolling through the magnificent village, I hear a buzzing sound nearby. I begin to follow the sound, I find myself taking a few turns into the central square, whereby I stumble upon a charming little café. ‘Ah, the perfect way to end the evening’, I say to myself as the waiter brings my scotch.

I look around the quaint little establishment, taking in the ambience and aroma. I notice a group of girls sitting a couple of tables away. They are preoccupied with their hearty conversation except for the one girl whose attention seems to be in my direction.

I make eye contact and find myself mesmerised by her tantalising persona: her bright red lips burn like fire. She has the curvaceous body of a Greek Goddess. Her smooth silky legs glow with the dim light of the evening.

‘It has been so long since I've felt like this’, my mind infusing the temptations of carnal ecstasy.
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[code][/code]






In an instant we have each other's undivided attention. The fact that she was like this only served to heighten my arousal. Her beautiful smile spoke volumes. I tried to act cool, whisky in my hand as I sipped casually. She seemed to want to take things further, licking her red lips in a very suggestive manner. I try to compose myself, not wanting to lose control, as she winks and beckons me towards the bar.

I find myself glued to my chair, as if under some kind of magic spell. ‘Is she playing some kind of game? What is she trying to achieve? Is this some sort of sign?’ These thoughts send my brain reeling as I gulp the remains of my glass and head towards the bar in a dazed state of mind.

At the bar, I momentarily look behind me, turning furtively only to see that she's not here anymore. My heart races and beads of sweat form around my neck as my eyes desperately scan the premises.

“The toilets are at the back, pal.” The bartender blurts, as if reading my mind. I make a beeline for the toilets, straight to the ladies entrance. There are three cubicles, two of which are locked. I begin to perspire, the back of my shirt soaked, the anxiety of being called a ‘fucking pervert’ by an innocent customer.

I hear three knocks from one of the cubicles. Without delay the door opens slowly. “Well hello there stranger, don't just stand there, come in and help me.” She whimpers seductively.

“Hi”, is all I can manage, as I ask her what is her name.

“Just call me ‘S’, honey.” She whispers, planting her soft wet red lips on mine.
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[code][/code]




We find ourselves kissing passionately, running my fingers through her long dark red hair. She lifts my shirt over my head, kissing and licking my manly chest. My hands reach for her tight dress, lifting it over her perfectly clenched arse.

“What are you going to do mister?,” she asks while taking big breaths of air.

“Just watch me,” I reply, pulling down her thongs.

She tilts her fine body backwards slightly, thrusting her hips into me. My fingers begin to fumble for her pussy, her hands busy with my jean buttons. Our eyes lock as my hand discovers her freshly waxed pussy. She wastes no time in reciprocating the gesture, taking a firm hold of my thick cock, waking it faster with each stroke.

I pull her onto the seat, she assists by spreading her pussy lips with her fingers. ‘Mmm, how I relish the taste of another woman's pussy on my tongue.’ S is rubbing her clit furiously as my tongue delves further inside, licking all the juices.

“Sit down,” she commands, “I'm going to ride your cock! I want to feel you deep inside me.”

She has her hands on my shoulders, legs locked tightly around my waist, riding me as if she needed it so badly. Her tiny hips rock back and forth in my hands.
“Oh dear God, I'm going to come,” I whisper gently in her ear.
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Okay, I will do it via PM. Is there any way that I can retrieve the posts, since it did take a considerable amount of time to make the alterations and I didn't keep a copy?

Many thanks,

Purple...
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Ok, sorry Coco. Didn't knew that.
I will send it in PM to Purple instead ;)