(Hi, Jayne!)
I'm a young adolescent in this story, staying the weekend with married friends Jill and William. They own a dive-shop and I work there at weekends to pay off my scuba diving gear. The shop opens half-days on Saturday and Sunday, so we get to dive in the afternoons.
Jill and William own a black labrador dog called Ben. They live in the basement flat of a large house they own that's being renovated. I am INSANELY in love with Jill.
Evenings are spent drinking wine, smoking spliff and eating Chinese food, listening to music, watching movies on Betamax. All these experiences are new to me. William isn't a drinker or indeed a toker, so he generally goes to bed early, leaving me to fall even more in love with his delectable wife. (She smoked Cafe Creme cigars. She was 24 years old at the time of my story.)
The basement flat only had one bedroom and one bathroom, en suite of the bedroom. So to pee, you had to go through the guys bedroom. I would sleep on a camp-bed in the sitting room.
That's the set up.
Here's the hit.
Jill retires to bed and I undress and climb onto the camp bed. The fucking dog attacks me. I LIKE the dog, but not in THAT way. The dog apparently REALLY LIKES ME IN THAT WAY. I'm beating the shit out of the dog as he's on my back and being absolutely over-familiar. Eventually I start to panic. This dog ain't quitting. Finally I scream for help.
William and Jill enter from the bedroom and observe their dog ravishing their young guest. They pull the dog off me and take him into their bedroom. They are helpless with laughter. I am crying with embarrassment. When they are sure I've calmed down, they retire. I can hear them still giggling. After a time I realize I need to pee...
There is NO FUCKING WAY I'm going through their bedroom to use the bathroom. So I decide to piss in the kitchen.
I'm kneeling up on a stool, naked, pissing away into kitchenette sink when Jill arrives to get a glass of water.
Rather incredibly, this incident did not end our friendship. (That happened much later...)
More incredibly, this is NOT the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me.
But to hear THAT ONE, you must offer something in trade!
xx SF
The most embarrassing thing that ever happened to me was I was five months pregnant and starting to show. My husband and I were at our mortgage broker and I had to go to the bathroom. The bathroom was not in his office but in a hall in the office building. This happened after hours. So nobody was in the building but us and the mortgage broker.
I left my husband and went into the bathroom. Well the fucking door got jammed and I couldn't get out of the stall. I had to jimmy myself under the stall on the filthy floor. I was crying and screaming but my husband was chit chatting with our broker. I was gone for like 25 minutes. He never came for me.
EVENTUALLY i got out. I was screaming and crying that he didn't come and find me. Thank goodness I didn't get hurt. Nobody was in the bathroom with me but I was horrified.
Xo
The most embarrassing story for me , I wouldn't call it embarrassing but it was funny. When my pop-pop was alive. I accidentally went to hide in the bathroom but not until I found him sitting on the toilet. I was young and I got out as fast as I can.
My friend and I had gone out drinking one night and ended up at this all-night diner at 2 in the morning. I needed to have a piss, so I left my friend in search of the washroom. I went downstairs to the basement of this place where the toilets were. I tried the handle of the men's, but it wouldn't turn. I tried knocking. There was no answer. I tried the handle one more time, and still nothing. And I really needed to pee.
A woman came out of the ladies room. I watched her climb up the stairs, then waited a minute longer. Cautiously, I knocked on the door. There was no answer. So I carefully, popped open the door, and called 'hello?' Still no answer. 'Well, what the hell?' I thought - I was pretty drunk. I went in and into one of the stalls and relieved myself. When I came out, there were no less than three women standing at the mirror. I apologized profusely, explaining how the men's room was locked, and blushing with embarrassment. Fortunately, they were about as drunk as I was, and took it all in stride.
So I went back up stairs and told my buddy what had happened. He just laughed at me. Before we left to head home, he needed to piss. 5 minutes later he returned to the table, grinning at me.
"Did you get the handle to turn?" I asked.
"Dude," he said, "you didn't have to turn the handle. You only had to push the door open."
Post-avant-retro-demelodicized-electro-yodel-core is my jam.
I couldn't think of one until I read some of these but once in my work bathroom I entered, closed the door, and plopped down rather hurriedly on the seat to discover to my surprise that the seat had broken. It shifted just a little, but apparently that was all I needed to be thrown off and hit my head hard against the wall and fell to the floor. After I got up, carefully centered the seat, and finished, I noticed a nasty bump on my head in the mirror before leaving. It became so noticeable I had to explain to my boss what had happened and that we needed a new seat.
He found it hysterical.
When I was 19 I was over my best friend's house for a BBQ and drink. It was getting late on the night, and I had gone to the toilet and came back outside to find my chair taken. My friend's mam said for me to sit on the plastic box which held all the drink in it, and was filled with ice and water. It look sturdy enough. But after about five minutes of sitting there the plastic cracked and I fell ass first into a load of ice and water. I was absolutely soaked and had about 30 people laughing at me. My friend's mam took me inside, to the bathroom to get a towel to dry off. She started to dry my legs and I started to get a little too excited, I got hard and when she noticed and move the towel further up my leg I panicked and turned to walk out the room - I turned and walked straight into the door and knocked myself out. When I woke up I had about 10 people standing above me, I was still soaked, with a black eye and a hard on. I still haven't lived it down.
When I was 19 I lived in a one bed bedsit. his was in the 70's. My girlfriend came back from Greece with 2 Canadian beauties in tow. She had promised them they could camp on my floor for a couple of days before they flew to Toronto. but she was so horny she just stripped and pulled me into bed, and we started to make love. However as the two Canadians were watching, chatting, and drinking ouzo, she couldn't get me to cum. Apparently she had told them I was a stud, and at least I gave her some orgasms. Blue Balls in a totally unexpected way!
My most embarrassing moment? Without a doubt when I was a junior in High School...
Every High School has her, the girl that you most want to be with. The one that stars in your sweetest, favorite fantasies. Sometimes, she also stars in the darker ones. The girl that catches your eye, who you watch every chance you get, trying not to be too obvious about it.
Sherry was her name. She was about 5' -5" tall. Her well brushed, deep brunette hair fell straight down her back to just below her bra strap that held up her C cup breasts. She had a beautiful tight ass, often showcased in her favorite pair of tight white jeans. Her smile lit up any area she was in.
Ah, how many times I wished, and feared that her beautiful smile would be directed at me. Feared, because I was shy - painfully shy. We traveled in different circles. She was part of the beautiful crowd. I was a jock on the swim team. Worse yet, I was in the top 5% of my class. I was a brain, and a nerd - so I didn't really fit in any of the groups.
Mom passed away from cancer when I was 14. The wonderful, caring female guide who could gently lead me away from socking a girl I liked on the arm when I was 12, to being able to be comfortably flirt with, and successfully ask a girl out on a date, was missing from my life. Girls were scary, indecipherable, but oh so interesting creatures. Needless to say, my lack of social skills and busy workout schedule had left me dateless. (it was my junior year).
Sherry normally crossed my path after lunch. She would pass by my locker on her way to the C wing while I was supposed to be going to the theater. Our High School was overcrowded, so my Psychology class was held there. I would loiter at my locker until she would pass, then follow after her a little ways, watching her hips sway - until our paths would split.
One day, I was sitting behind some of Sherry's friends in the theater. The seats in front of her friends were already filled, so Sherry walked up behind them and stopped right in front of my seat to talk with them. There wasn't much room between the rows, so at first, I angled my legs to the side to allow her to stand against the backs of her friends seats and talk to them.
There it was! That beautiful ass - at eye level, less than two feet away. She smelled like clean girl, with a hint of perfume. Her white pants were so tight I could see the small dents her white bikini panties made in her skin. Her thin belt was just an accent - there was no chance those jeans were going to slide down her hips!
The conversation with her girlfriends faded into the general background noise of the class talking before the bell rang. It also might have been caused by a lack of blood to my brain. Sitting sideways was a little awkward, so I straightened out my legs. Now, my knees were only about six inches behind her long legs. I quietly sat there, trying to avoid notice as my eyes traced the edges of her panties. The outside edges of my vision grayed a little bit as I thought about how close Sherry was; about how nice she smelled. All I would have to do is reach out and loop my fingers in the white belt loops of her pants, and gently pull back. My knees would push against the back of her knees, which would nicely fold her legs - causing her to fall back into my lap, which I had to shift again to relieve some of the pressure. Her soft hair would just tickle my nose. I could probably pull her long hair aside, and I would be at just the right height to gently kiss her neck.
Then, with a loud, belittling voice that could only have been learned from her mother, Sherry's friend indignantly sputtered, "And WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!!"
The rumble of the classroom instantly fell dead silent as all eyes turned to see exactly what the hell I WAS doing.
The blood rushed back to my brain, the haze around the edges of my vision cleared -revealing my fingers gently circling the little white belt loops of Sherry's pants. I hastily dropped my hands and tried to quickly come up with an answer - any answer.
Sherry, her friends, and the rest of the class looked on as possibilities flashed through my brain.
"I was just fantasizing about your beautiful ass, and how nice it would feel to pull you back so you would be nestled in my lap." Um - only if I wanted to get expelled!
"I didn't pull you back, I didn't even really touch your belt loops." Almost as bad!
What could I say that wouldn't give away exactly what I was thinking? The blood that rushed to my brain now moved forward, bringing out the hottest, brightest blush of my life to my face.
My brain locked up, refusing to acknowledge the deep shit my fingers had just landed me in.
I finally mumbled, "Sorry."
Her friend started trying to question me, but I was mortified. I had actually started to act out my fantasy. Not getting a response, Sherry's friend resorted to a very mature, "Pervert!"
Sherry, taking pity on me finally told her friend, "Enough, he said he was sorry." and walked off to go to her class.
I have embarrassing things happen to me all the time! Like the gynecologist who asked me for a date right after he pulled the speculum out of me! Or the time my boyfriend and I got naked in a common area hot-tub at a hotel, thinking no one was around to see us, and then discovering at the checkout desk that one of the closed-circuit monitor screens behind the front desk had a camera pointed right at the hot-tub. Or the time one of my girlfriends and I checked out together at a grocery store and she bought a bottle of salad oil, and I bought a bunch of bananas. The girl looked at us funny, and my oh-so-witty girlfriend said "We're going to use them on each other!" Then there was the time I threw up in a crowded lecture hall at Ohio State and it got all over my long, butt-length hair! And the time a bunch of us girls were driving down to Florida on spring-break and taking turns standing up through the sun-roof topless. Naturally a cop passed us when it was my turn! I could go on and on!
I went to a spa to get a massage, and the whole nine yards. When I checked in, the lady behind te counter said, "ok, now go on into the dressing room right there, and take off your clothes and come back. " I took her literally and didn't realize she meant to put on the ROBE that was hanging in there...yup, I sure did..
I have three famous stories, 2 recommended reads and have come in the top ten in two competitions~ Come in and make yourself at home.
When my mom found out about my first girlfriend, by running through my stuff when I wasn't home. Yeah, she was like Sherlock Holmes or something, used to run through our stuff, all the fucking time. Of course she didn't take it well. But I was twenty-fucking-one! Ugh!
In CHURCH at the wedding of my friends CONAL and Patricia, I suddenly realise I am BURSTING FOR A PISS!!!
I TRY to hold it in. There is no way...
I STUMBLE out of the Church side door, unzip my flies and GLORIOUSLY PISS against the wall of the Church... (One of those FIVE MINUTE PISSES, yeah?)
The door opens and the bridal party arrive to take photographs...
Here's me, dick in hand, annointing the wall of their church... BEING STARED AT BY FUCKING A HORRIFED EVERYONE!!!
EMBARRASSING!!!
xx SF
first time i parked with my boyfriend we got caught the problem was the cop was a friend of my father's three months grounded no dating for the rest of the year this was in march
Getting stuckk inside a huge cardboard box and trying to get out but having my brothers laugh at me
I was a participating picker in an all G-string band. We traveled up and down the Georgia coast. Along the borderlines, between gigs and smattering swamp chicken bordellos. It was there I met a pluckier of a bass, (can't remember the face) but it turned out he was the host. We contracted to play for a hundred and dime, but the G-string on my git-fiddle croaked and retired. We were the opening rendition of the band from Hee Haw, and my pregnant day lover, put the price tags on Minnie Pearl's bonnets. I have recently replaced my G-string with sonnet. Phil Everly remembers that night in the throng.
When I was about 15 yrs old, I was in church with my family. During the mass, this woman sitting next to me (she was about 200lbs) put the kneeler down on my foot and then kneeled on it before I could pull my foot back. I yelled out "OH FUCK!". Everything just stopped and everyone stared at me. I felt my mom's eyes burning a hole through me. I put my head down and said "I'm so sorry".
After mass, I got a lecture from my mom and the priest and had to say like 1,000,000 "Our Father's" and "Hail Mary's", LOL
When my mom was "chatting" with me, I could see my dad fighting not to burst out laughing which made me smile. Of course, that just made my mom even more pissed at me!!
Just one of the many times my mouth has gotten me into trouble! HAHA
A few years ago I was at a huge gala bat mitzvah for the daughter of my boyfriend's friend. It took place outdoors on one of the studio lots in Burbank that was a recreation of a NYC Street. There were all sorts of activities and prizes. While wandering around, I came across a booth that made t-shirts with decorations of your choice on them. I got in line and while I waited, I happily planned the t-shirt - I knew exactly what I wanted and thought it was a really cute idea. When I got to the front of the line, I excitedly started telling the guy what I wanted on my shirt, and he looked at me, rather disdainfully, and said: "Uhhh, they're for the KIDS . . ." My entire face just fell. I slunk away, mortified.
