I'm trying to get a story published and it was turned down yet again. So I turned to the guides. I turned to the section on dialogue because based on the feed back I figured I needed to take another look at that area. And that is when I found this as an example:
"You were told to come home before midnight weren't you?" She said, I nodded "well then what excuse do you have for being so late?"
And below was used as how the example should be.
"You were told to come home before midnight, weren't you?" she said. I nodded. "Well then! What excuse do you have for being so late?"
The above example is an example of bad writing. This example needs to be changed or removed. It doesn't set a good example for people who are trying to learn how to write well. I wouldn't write that line using those words in that exact way but if I had to this is how I would show a newbie how to correct the situation:
"You were told to come home before midnight, weren't you?" she said; and as I nodded, she was giving me a disappointed look as she continued, "Well then! What excuse do you have for being so late?"
Still there is always an endless way to do the same line. That is where style comes in to play. Style is what make a writer who they are. Our style is our own so don't be a drone. Here is another example of how the same line can be written.
"You were told to come home before midnight," her foot: tapping on the ground as her voice shows her irritation, "weren't you?" I nod as the sound of her impatient foot keeps on; and she says, "Well then," scornful eyes look down upon the teenager, "what excuse do you have for being so late?"
There are many examples of many rules being in play in the above example. I almost made the above example much more complex because of my style but I made it more simple for the sake of teaching. One rule, in the above example, I will talk about is that if a transition is seamless then it doesn't need any punctuation. How do you know if something is seamless? There is no real answer to this. Experience is the only way.
Back to my issue: why are examples of bad writing being used to teach people? Lush needs to get someone to get in there and revamp the help section.
Where is the mistake you referred to in your thread title?
It is a mistake to show people, who are trying to learn how to write, an example of bad writing.
In my opinion, bad writing is a subjective opinion and not a relevant standard for everyone. Expression of notions and ideas will come in various forms and manner and should be enjoyed as the author intended. English is an imperfect language. We all make the best of it as we can. Trial and error is part of the process. Good luck on your writing. Look forward to reading your work.
@warlock It is bad writing because 'I nodded.' should be on it's own line or the continuation of the quote should be put on a new line and who is talking should be reestablished. By reassuring the source of the voice. Thank you. I hope you do and I hope you like it.
@Green_Man it is pronounced chef the 'i' is silent. You're are the first to even ask about that. Everyone just assumes I miss spelled it. It is a name and name don't have any correct way of spelling them.
@Liz don't feel sorry for me. Though it is a shame you feel that way.
For MY FREQUENT AND VARIOUS SINS, I remain a LOYAL supporter of the LS Story Mod Team...
Writing POSTABLE COPY is not as easy here as it is on OTHER SITES!!!
(Basic Rules Apply...)
Quality MATTERS!
It is NOT the obligation of LS story Mods to EDIT copy. (It IS their job to say WHY submitted copy is problematical, and in that case, guidelines are indicated...)
LS Mods, (in the main...) are FACILITATORS, not Editors!!!
The AMMOUNT of NEW TRAFFIC that comes to ON-DUTY Mods on an HOURLY BASIS, (such is the popularity of the site) would SHOCK most members.
In my experience, for every TEN offered stories, TWO will be posted without query... (The rest will be advised, guidelined, offered support and direction...)
On LS, that isn't TEN stories a day, of course... (It can be as much as SIXTY stories a day...)
Mistakes CREEP in!!! (My current offering contains a TYPO in the HEADER that I didn't COP!!!)
That's MY BAD, NOT THEIRS!!!
There are ENOUGH examples of acceptable writing HERE to see how it is done.
(Not ALL of it is word perfect!!!)
However... The BEST of it IS, and that is what the site ON ALL LEVELS aspires to...
NEW WRITERS POWER THIS RESOURCE!
(Take given advice and give heed to that advice...)
We NEED you!
(So don't get RATTY, just get BETTER!!!)
ALL OF US WERE VIRGIN POSTERS HERE ONCE!!! (All of us make mistakes!!!)
We have, UNDOUBTLEDLY, the best readers upon the web.
It is OUR DUTY as WRITERS to give THOSE READERS a piece that they can read without WINCING!!!
OUR DUTY AS WRITERS!!!
If a piece is 'BOUNCED' it is because a SEASONED, TALENTED, EXPERIENCED Moderator is doing their job as a Quality Controller...
I might add... Some of my VERY FAVOURITE WRITERS here came FROM NOWHERE! (Fuck, I came from nowhere!!!)
I always think, "IF IT WERE PUBLISHED ON A PAGE IN A BOOK???????"
Do THAT, STAND OVER THAT, and you'll be SHINY!!!
(That's YOUR JOB, NOT THEIRS!!!)
xx SF
I agree. I get their new letter. Very helpful stuff.
Totally agree with Verbal above, I've only just started trying my hand at this writing malarkey and I am eternally grateful for my work being edited by the ladies and gents here. I try my hardest to get it right and I don't think I've written any terrible faux pas yet but, non the less, my stories (not my poems so much) are edited and I go with what they think it should be. I sometimes don't really agree totally but on the whole I do, but they are taking their time, for free, to look at my attempts at putting a story together and once I submit said story it's in their hands and they know best as far as I'm concerned.
Happiness will never come to those who don’t appreciate what they already have
My first story was sent back.
That mod is not with us anymore...
Damn, you're a lucky dude to get all that play from chicks.
Me and a long time friend were talking about how out of all of us (our group) I was the one that struggled the most to get the girls to get with me. I'm telling for whatever reason girl give me little play. But we both agree, out of all of us I did do the hottest chicks. It was weird how it always seemed to work out. I would try and try and nothing. So I would figure that was her way of saying back off. I would just stop trying for their affection and then they would be like: do me. Weird I tell you. I need a chick that wants me to strive for her affection each and every day even when she is mine.
I just don't know how some guys can get a bunch of chicks handing out their numbers to them?
I wish it came so easily for me too.
