How do we feel about being put into chastity devices?

Quote by PanJinlian
Thank you so much for the glib belittling of my problems answer.

Never mind, I won't bother asking again.

Quote by PanJinlian
I'm trying to decide whether to allow Him to put me into chastity devices full time. I already wear a butt plug or stretching ring most of the time as His choice (and have, by necessity, the personal hygiene routine that goes with it) but now He wants me to wear full time an expanding plug that locks into position once expanded, and He also wants to put padlocks through my labia piercings to act as chastity device.

I have no problem with keeping myself for Him and His friends- I have done so for over a decade. I don't understand what makes Him choose now, after so long, to introduce this.

And it has to be said, I really don't relish the thought of how uncomfortable and intrusive wearing the expanding plug is likely to be and that's without trying to sit down on the stem of the plug or the padlocks.

Practically, this will limit me enormously and reduce my ability to have any sort of outside life because I can't imagine how I would go to the gym or do a yoga class with them in place.

Thoughts? Where do we go from here? I'm worried that His choices mean that He no longer trusts me. I have no idea how to enter this conversation and how to discuss whether I consent to this or whether I refuse. If I refuse then that could have huge implications as we have been real life partners for a very long time.

Quote by sundancer2004


it is what it is, ask a silly question you get a silly answer

"It is what it is"? Yeah, good one. Just because you think it's a silly question, that doesn't mean it IS a silly question. You're free to think what you like, and within the Lush Terms and Conditions, to say what you like. But that doesn't mean you're right.

This is a space to discuss things that people want or need to discuss. If you had any ounce of comprehension, you would see that the original poster's questions are of a concern to them. It's more than just somebody needing to unlock an orifice, funny as that can sound. It's about a relationship, communication, and health and safety.

Your first comment, I can understand and was fine with. Calling the questions silly, however, says more about you than the poster. At this point, only one of you comes across as an idiot, and it's not the original poster.

Quote by PanJinlian
I'm trying to decide whether to allow Him to put me into chastity devices full time. I already wear a butt plug or stretching ring most of the time as His choice (and have, by necessity, the personal hygiene routine that goes with it) but now He wants me to wear full time an expanding plug that locks into position once expanded, and He also wants to put padlocks through my labia piercings to act as chastity device.

I have no problem with keeping myself for Him and His friends- I have done so for over a decade. I don't understand what makes Him choose now, after so long, to introduce this.

And it has to be said, I really don't relish the thought of how uncomfortable and intrusive wearing the expanding plug is likely to be and that's without trying to sit down on the stem of the plug or the padlocks.

Practically, this will limit me enormously and reduce my ability to have any sort of outside life because I can't imagine how I would go to the gym or do a yoga class with them in place.

Thoughts? Where do we go from here? I'm worried that His choices mean that He no longer trusts me. I have no idea how to enter this conversation and how to discuss whether I consent to this or whether I refuse. If I refuse then that could have huge implications as we have been real life partners for a very long time.

Quote by Shylass


"It is what it is"? Yeah, good one. Just because you think it's a silly question, that doesn't mean it IS a silly question. You're free to think what you like, and within the Lush Terms and Conditions, to say what you like. But that doesn't mean you're right.

This is a space to discuss things that people want or need to discuss. If you had any ounce of comprehension, you would see that the original poster's questions are of a concern to them. It's more than just somebody needing to unlock an orifice, funny as that can sound. It's about a relationship, communication, and health and safety.

Your first comment, I can understand and was fine with. Calling the questions silly, however, says more about you than the poster. At this point, only one of you comes across as an idiot, and it's not the original poster.

Quote by Shylass


Personally, I think that ANY relationship where one does not feel free to discuss something openly and honestly, is not a balanced, healthy one.

If it was me, I would like to know his motivations for this. Does it turn him on? Is it lack of trust? Both? Something else?

Then I would like to express how I felt about it, the emotions his request had brought up, which may or may not change depending on his reasons for suggesting it. And I would like him to know my worries and fears, particularly with regards to its impact on living a healthy life. That includes having a foreign object inserted in a place that is regularly flushed out for a reason.

I'm not clear whether the new plug is for your rectum or your vagina, but either way, the body wasn't made for items to be in there for hours at a time, and those two holes need to be cleared out by bodily function on a regular basis. If either hole is blocked up with something that cannot be removed by yourself immediately, then that is dangerous. It can lead to infection and severe complications. Therefore, in my opinion, his reasons need to be pretty damn pursuasive!

The tone of your post reads to me as if you are unsure, unhappy and worried. I think that unless you can discuss this with him openly and honestly, and get the communication going two ways, then something is wrong with the relationship (in my opinion). And if you wish not to go ahead with it, there should be NO condemnation or annoyance towards you on his part. If he cares about you enough, and is a good "Master", surely your needs and vulnerabilities being looked after should come before his desire to have what he wants because he wants it (for whatever reason).

I'm not into the BDSM scene, although I once tried to understand it. But I believe that EVERY relationship of ANY sort needs open communication and equal respect. If you're worried, I think you need to talk to him and be heard by him, as well as listen to his replies. If you can't, I would ask if that was the right relationship for you. Sorry if I sound judgemental, but the tone of your post worries me. Free and honest communication is key!

Quote by Burquette


I think you have two issues going on here:

First, there's the trust question. Why now?

Second, there's his choice of chastity devices. I wouldn't love the idea of padlocks through labia piercings. It just feel like it would be too easy to do damage just through everyday movement.

So, if the answer to "Why now?" is that he's trying to up the control factor (and not a trust issue) then, maybe you could use something a little less stringent, like a leather chastity belt.

You're allowed to have your line in the sand. If he's your D, he should care about your misgivings. Or, if you do him the huge honor of trying this for him, you have to be able to say that it's too restrictive, if it is.

This is a very good question, IMO. Long term D/s relationships have their own sets of challenges and this is a very complicated one. I do hope this works out for you.

Quote by sundancer2004


it is what it is, ask a silly question you get a silly answer

Quote by PanJinlian


Thank you for your input and your understanding of my position. I guess I'm a bit stuck on the whole communication issue. Raising an objection to anything is rather tough in my position, at least in my home life. For a very long time He's made all of the decisions at home, from what we eat to what car we have, and that's really hard to break away from. I'm so used to His opinions being the ones that matter that I've spent years not even questioning His choices and I have no way to plot how to get to a position where I can question Him from where we are.

I think I need to start with asking for permission to discuss something less crucial with Him first. Just thinking about questioning His choice makes me break out in a sweat but without being able to raise an objection for anything does leave me with lots of things about which I'm not happy. I've spent a very long time taking them as just the downside of the relationship, since all relationships take compromise, but maybe there are things in there which I can use to start the discussions.

The new plug is for rectal use. I'm less concerned about the hygiene and bodily processes part than anything else because I've spent so long already wearing a butt plug or stretching ring and have the routine to fit around that, but the expanding plug is quite painful even to wear for a few minutes at the moment and the thought of that being a full time pain leaves me cold. I have no idea whether it has been tested for long term wear and don't know whether the arms create pressure spots or abrasions inside, for instance, and that leaves me with big concerns too.

I think I need to get a bit more confidence to discuss this with Him. Thank you

You're welcome.

I'm afraid that your reply to my post perfectly demonstrates why I can't understand the BDSM scene. For me, to remove somebody's ability to make decisions, and only one person's opinions being the ones that count, it shows that something is horribly wrong. For you to feel so uncomfortable at the thought of discussing something so personal and important, I feel, is a warning sign.

I do believe in compromise, but not at somebody's else's constant detriment. I believe in people having choices in what they do. To choose to let somebody else take control is one thing, but not to the point where the sub is no longer able to easily communicate their feelings, or act as an independant human being. I understand that habits can be fallen into easily, and then become seemingly impossible to break out of. But if this person really cares for you, on whatever level, I would hope that they would be willing to stop and listen at the very first sign that you want to talk. Indeed, I would hope that they pre-empted that and asked you themselves before even such a need arose.

As I said, I don't really understand this situation you're in, but I do wish you well, and that you are able to find a healthy, happy way forward in your future. Good luck!