So I'm engaged to the love of my life which I'm pretty darn sure of. Well she gets highly frustrated very easily and will explode due to anger issues. Although, she does not wish to go to anger management. Being across the country doesn't help and sometimes even on Skype she takes what I say the wrong way and completely explodes and she is hard to reason with. If you could give me some advice that would be awesome!
I've been dealing with a twin sister who is like this all my life. My brother-in-law is a saint for putting up with her. My advice is to have the patience of Job, because she will most likely never change.
sprite said it perfectly. This does not bode well for the long=term future of your relationship. If I were you, I would tell her that either she agrees to counselling or medication or it is splitsville. I have a daughter in her 20s. While raising her, I constantly drilled into her that she alone is responsible for her happiness and giving anyone else that responsibility can only end in disappointment and powerlessness. She has had to learn to be tough, which she is still unhappy with me about, but in the long term will see her through the tough spots. Nobody needs to play "hot potato" with a hand grenade. Best of luck.
I think anger is harder to deal with than infidelity. Like Bethany said, you need to deal with it because the likelihood of her changing is low. I was raised in a home that was fortunately not dominated by hostility and anger. Though I've witnessed people trapped in that life.
If you're having a hard time with her anger issues now while engaged, be warned, that will only get worse and worse as time goes on. The love of your life could become the nightmare of your life. Do some serious thinking.
I am the one in this house that has a flash temper. So I know exactly what Robb would say.
I will fly off the handle for no good reason and yell and scream for 5 or 10 seconds. In ten minutes I no longer know why I was so angry.
He would also tell you that I will throw things right at a man's most prized possession. Plus he would tell you those few seconds can be rather exciting.
Could not be me.JieUZyZMyyPdBZfF
You have had a few answers already but I just wanted to add it's certainly not productive to accept it as in the long term you may find it just becomes more and more of a problem.
Tolerating a short fuse is one thing, tolerating the way it makes you feel about your partner, your relationship, the dynamics you may eventually have as a family is a very very different thing. You may be a very understanding person but it takes commitment and hard work to deal with... It wears thin and it will wear you down. Like Buz said, this will only worsen over time and if you can recognise that you are unhappy with this situation then you know it needs work.
I'm not one for ultimatums but honestly anger is something that can, not only make you feel unsafe in a relationship, but question the fundamental characteristics of a person you believe yourself to cherish... if you truly believe your relationship has a future, getting help to change those kind of behaviours is not something I'd take no for an answer on.
i wholeheartedly agree with what everyone has stated. if her temper is causing problems in a long distance relationship - it won't improve once you're in person. in fact, i'd be VERY concerned. this is when you need to put your foot down. i'm afraid that when you are together you'll make excuses for her behavior. trust me, it's easy to do when you see the apologetic eyes and hear the promises of it not happening again.
If your partner truly loves you then they should prove the fact to you by taking an anger management course. You will soon see if your true love is a mutual thing or just one way.
The word to remember is co-dependency. Watching someone become co-dependent is a heartbreaking thing. They become like a moth drawn to a flame. You deserve better.
Would you want this person raising your kids? Dump her!
I had a girlfriend like this and it never worked; I wish I'd left them a lot sooner
When you find yourself walking on eggshells, never knowing what's going to set your partner off, but knowing the next explosion is somewhere around the corner, that's an abusive relationship. Women generally don't hit, but they can be just as abusive as men, emotionally or psychologically (arguably, even physical violence is primarily psychological in nature). Abuse is always a form of dominance and control. No one deserves to be treated like that. A solid relationship is built on trust, patience, caring, open communication, and compassion - and those have to come from both sides - you can't do it all yourself. The danger is that, because you love her, you take on responsibility for managing her emotions and outbursts. You play the victim, the martyr, the sacrificing one, it gives you an illusion of moral high-ground, and surely one day they'll see how much wrong they've done by you and will change their ways, begging your forgiveness... only it never works out that way. Without real personal work on the part of the abuser, short-term apologies very rarely translate to long term change, only more broken trust.
Abusers, for the most part, operate from fear (of being vulnerable, of being hurt, of their own emotions, of being taken advantage of, or being alone, or being powerless, etc.), and usually have incredibly low self-esteem. Many abusers were abused or bullied themselves as children, particularly by people they trusted. Abuse, as a learned behaviour is usually defensive rather than offensive. Violence (including shouting, raging, name-calling, blaming, and put-downs) is how they learned to defend themselves against perceived threats. Those threats go deep - far deeper than whatever it is you think you're doing to set her off. She's only minimally reacting to you personally, the majority of the reaction is to all that other baggage she's carrying with her. Until she works on that deeper stuff, there's little likelihood of her behaviour changing. Anger management or other forms of therapy can help her with that. Without it, well, you're aware of what you're signing up for. It's your choice if that's what you're willing to accept as your future.
Post-avant-retro-demelodicized-electro-yodel-core is my jam.
I certainly don't know the specifics but based on what you've said - particularly her unwillingness to admit/face/ address the issue my advice would be to move on. Easy for me to say but I certainly agree with Buz: it's likely the 'condition' will only get worse if not addressed and treated. Good luck.
She sounds like me . . . like exactly like me.
And I don't respond well to anything IN any given direct moment. But after reflection I cede to cooler heads and logic can prevail.
So - gotta tell me to stop being such an immature little shit bag. Really - gotta tell me I'm acting like a child, only children behave that way, give examples from preschool... to which I'll respond with a hissy fit, but later will realize the truth in that.
Of course - that's only if she's EXACTLY like me.
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