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I want to get this from a stranger's prespective am I a fool/idoit

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Advanced Wordsmith
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I ask that question about being a fool/idiot. Because I never realized until recently, after 4 years I was just being manipulated and used. It's a bit of long story so bare with me for a little bit. Try to see it from my eyes or point of view, I knew this girl named Lexi let's call her that. I've known her for 4 years. I am sure everyone has dated known or known of a girl named Lexi in their lifetime. Anyway, She was the exact same as I was, Kind, caring, pretty, seductive, liked the same playful side I did.

But her playful side brought a wild kind of way out of me that I didn't know existed. I know we probably would have never met in real life. But it was so fun just having someone the same as I was and be able to talk to about anything. She didn't judge me, nor did she get mad at me to much only if i messed up but always forgiven me, and I did same forgiven her. A few did warn me what she was like but, I never listened I wanted to see for myself. She didn't show any signs of me doubting her until. I saw that she would dissappear and reappear for couple months to year at a time. Always told me the same thing travel, work, needed time to herself, that I can understand but, work for 4 months out of year without a word. It seemed kind of weird. So I let it go untill she kept doing it more often I figure she moved on in real life with someone else so I moved on well tried to a few times. But each i did. She would come running back making sure I was still here and pick up where we left off.

The last straw that broke all the while i known her She missed my birthday 3 times a day that is important to anyone right. Even though I am still mad at her i feel like forgiving her. But I am too soft to stay mad. Most of you probably think being too soft is a weakness. She knew how soft i was around her. I just didn't realize she was manipulating me the whole time or i choose to ignore it. Also, How can you just shut off a bond like that with someone you known 4 years? It is easy for someone to say "oh you, could do so much better." I heard it before. I've never said openly how much this has bothered me since I've known her. I am the kind of type let it build and build untill, I can't think straight anymore. Also, whenever I try to move on to someone else, Lexi always is there to mess with my head and toy with it. I know it's stupid to let her do that. Maybe i wanted to give her the benefit of doubt see the good in her. It just makes me mad and feel stupid for trusting her it feels like I was just a game to her nothing more. So, I'll ask again Was I fool or an idiot to give her so many chances?

Sorry for going on so much, Guys/Women can answer. I am sure some have been in the same place I was and probably still am.
Lurker
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you have a good heart and were misled. don't punish yourself for loving or trusting someone. lexi is the one who did you wrong. it is on her to say to you "I'm sorry"
Advanced Wordsmith
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Quote by Silverslippers
you have a good heart and were misled. don't punish yourself for loving or trusting someone. lexi is the one who did you wrong. it is on her to say to you "I'm sorry"


But, She knows I'll say yes, I forgive you and expect it go back the same way as before. This is what's bothering me I am not as strong as most people would say or do in this sort of way. I am too soft.
Cryptic Vigilante
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In other words, she's been treating an unsubstantial cyber-acquaintance as an unsubstantial cyber-acquaintance, whereas you've granted a grandiose status to someone you've never even met?

This is unlikely to be the response you were expecting, but yeah... I think you've been rather foolish in this instance.
Wild at Heart
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Is this the same Lexi who faked her death and everyone was like "omg I'm sorry for your loss" then her new profile was outed? That was so funny - fucked up - but funny.
Unfuckwithable
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Quote by Magical_felix
Is this the same Lexi who faked her death and everyone was like "omg I'm sorry for your loss" then her new profile was outed? That was so funny - fucked up - but funny.


=======================

No, different Lexi.. but I remember that one, especially the part where her friend said the deceased, who died in an accident, told her to create a Lush account and tell everyone she was dead, two days before she died!! You can't make that shit up, except in that case, she made that shit up.
Active Ink Slinger
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Sounds to me you've got a problem here. Your head says one thing, and your heart says another.

And until you find someone equally amazing to take her place, it's likely that your heart will always win. Because your head will forgive your heart (might take the loss a bit, but will always forgive) - but your heart will never forgive your head.

Are you a fool? Well I guess we all are to an extent when it comes to affairs of the heart. We hope that the person we love will change for us and love us the same way that we love them.

But if you're actively asking this question then there's hope for you.

Good luck.
Her Royal Spriteness
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Lexis are bad news. trust me on this.

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

Lurker
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What are you a fool who likes to be played?? If so you are one nieve person
Active Ink Slinger
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you are smart and nice. How can it be that you re a fool when you are my friends and you know, I choose a friend carefully
"insensitive prick!" – Danielle Algo
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Quote by Blue_Eyed_Lady
I am sure everyone has dated known or known of a girl named Lexi in their lifetime.


Err... ... nope, neither. I guess that part of my life must still be ahead of me.


Anyway, since you've figured out now that she's been manipulating you, I'm sure you'll be extra cautious/skeptical when interacting with her from now on, right?


===  Not ALL LIVES MATTER until BLACK LIVES MATTER  ===

Advanced Wordsmith
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Quote by noll


Err... ... nope, neither. I guess that part of my life must still be ahead of me.


Anyway, since you've figured out now that she's been manipulating you, I'm sure you'll be extra cautious/skeptical when interacting with her from now on, right?



Oh, you got that right I'd be running away in the other direction. What does piss me off about it, is.. that she was doing it for 4 years and I couldn't see past our bond I had with her.. Always giving her the benefit of doubt. If that makes me a Naive person, and trusting my instincts then I don't know what else I can say or do. It isn't easy cutting a bond with someone like that for 4 years, or maybe longer.
"insensitive prick!" – Danielle Algo
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Quote by Blue_Eyed_Lady
Oh, you got that right I'd be running away in the other direction. What does piss me off about it, is.. that she was doing it for 4 years and I couldn't see past our bond I had with her.. Always giving her the benefit of doubt. If that makes me a Naive person, and trusting my instincts then I don't know what else I can say or do. It isn't easy cutting a bond with someone like that for 4 years, or maybe longer.


True, it may take some mourning even. Perhaps you were too naive, and it bit you. On the opposite end there's having trust issues, which definitely bites as well. At least in your case it's the other person who's making the relationship untenable, while you gave it a chance.


===  Not ALL LIVES MATTER until BLACK LIVES MATTER  ===

Advanced Wordsmith
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Quote by sprite
Lexis are bad news. trust me on this.


Honestly I didn't think she was the type to do it, I heard the stories about her from a mutual friend but. I guess I wanted to see for myself I was just blinded by the way i felt about her i guess. I was too soft or weak to catch on.
"insensitive prick!" – Danielle Algo
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Quote by Blue_Eyed_Lady
Honestly I didn't think she was the type to do it, I heard the stories about her from a mutual friend but. I guess I wanted to see for myself I was just blinded by the way i felt about her i guess. I was too soft or weak to catch on.


It's not soft or weak to be blinded by love. It's human.


===  Not ALL LIVES MATTER until BLACK LIVES MATTER  ===

Lurker
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Quote by sprite
Lexis are bad news. trust me on this.


I had no idea there were Lexiphobes! Must be a new phenomenon, is there anywhere I can get more information on this issue?
Rainbow Warrior
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The difficulty you're experiencing is emotional investment. You've spent (perhaps wasted) 4 years of your life on this person, only to come to a realization that you've been duped. It's always difficult to let go of anything you have so much investment in, but the ability to just let go is a trait of emotional maturity, and until you can act on this, and just cut ties, you'll be 'owned' by this investment. Look ahead, not back.
Her Royal Spriteness
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Quote by Oshi


I had no idea there were Lexiphobes! Must be a new phenomenon, is there anywhere I can get more information on this issue?


lexiphobia:

A fear of reading; especially in public due to the anticipation of words that are difficult to pronounce or are unfamiliar to the reader.

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

Lurker
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Quote by sprite


lexiphobia:

A fear of reading; especially in public due to the anticipation of words that are difficult to pronounce or are unfamiliar to the reader.


That's far too sensible an answer to an entirely frivolous attempt to be silly
Her Royal Spriteness
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Quote by Oshi


That's far too sensible an answer to an entirely frivolous attempt to be silly


i am nothing, if not sensible. ask anyone.

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

Troublemaker
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Ask me, I always have an opinion!

Sprite, as is usual, given her innate creativity, is making shit up. A fear of reading is bibliophobia; a lexiphobe would have a fear of dictionaries if we are to accept such a word exists.
Big-haired Bitch
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Quote by studlaindia
you are smart and nice. How can it be that you re a fool when you are my friends and you know, I choose a friend carefully


LOL.

"My friend appears to be in distress...I'd better exalt myself."

░P░U░S░S░Y░ ░I░N░ ░B░I░O░


Her Royal Spriteness
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Quote by LYFBUZ
Ask me, I always have an opinion!

Sprite, as is usual, given her innate creativity, is making shit up. A fear of reading is bibliophobia; a lexiphobe would have a fear of dictionaries if we are to accept such a word exists.


a dictionary killed my pa.

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

Active Ink Slinger
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I believe I dated Lexi's sister. Don't torture yourself too long as I did. Move on..
Cryptic Vigilante
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Quote by Blue_Eyed_Lady
Oh, you got that right I'd be running away in the other direction. What does piss me off about it, is.. that she was doing it for 4 years and I couldn't see past our bond I had with her.. Always giving her the benefit of doubt. If that makes me a Naive person, and trusting my instincts then I don't know what else I can say or do. It isn't easy cutting a bond with someone like that for 4 years, or maybe longer.

Quote by Blue_Eyed_Lady
Honestly I didn't think she was the type to do it, I heard the stories about her from a mutual friend but. I guess I wanted to see for myself I was just blinded by the way i felt about her i guess. I was too soft or weak to catch on.


If I may ask, what exactly are you accusing her of? And which promise(s) has she made that she didn't keep? You don't even mention any sort of clear relationship that was ever established between the two of you, you simply present her as a girl that you've 'known' for 4 years. Because quite frankly, I fail to see how she's been any dishonest or two-faced: from your own description, she actually seems to have been pretty consistent in the way that she behaved toward you.

A cyber-friend unwilling to engage into anything more serious than a vague cyber-friendship isn't her manipulating you; it's you having inflated expectations and fooling your very own self. And considering how so exceedingly you seem attached to her and how you're refusing to let her go, you can't exactly blame her for still being part of your life and messing around with your head; you're likely the only person to blame for that.

You see, I'm the kind of guy who's not exactly afraid of presenting things for what they are. You'll certainly receive a few responses that will be quite a bit more comforting than my own, but it's unlikely that they'll do much more than validating you as a victim and perpetuating your torments. You've quite literally wasted some of the best years of your life building expectations over something that's not even tangible, I can't say I'm particularly thrilled to assist you in prolonging any of that.

So, here's me once again exposing myself as an asshole and yet possibly giving you one of the best advices you'll ever receive on the matter:

Move the fuck on with your life.
Advanced Wordsmith
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Quote by SereneProdigy


If I may ask, what exactly are you accusing her of? And which promise(s) has she made that she didn't keep? You don't even mention any sort of clear relationship that was ever established between the two of you, you simply present her as a girl that you've 'known' for 4 years. Because quite frankly, I fail to see how she's been any dishonest or two-faced: from your own description, she actually seems to have been pretty consistent in the way that she behaved toward you.

A cyber-friend unwilling to engage into anything more serious than a vague cyber-friendship isn't her manipulating you; it's you having inflated expectations and fooling your very own self. And considering how so exceedingly you seem attached to her and how you're refusing to let her go, you can't exactly blame her for still being part of your life and messing around with your head; you're likely the only person to blame for that.

You see, I'm the kind of guy who's not exactly afraid of presenting things for what they are. You'll certainly receive a few responses that will be quite a bit more comforting than my own, but it's unlikely that they'll do much more than validating you as a victim and perpetuating your torments. You've quite literally wasted some of the best years of your life building expectations over something that's not even tangible, I can't say I'm particularly thrilled to assist you in prolonging any of that.

So, here's me once again exposing myself as an asshole and yet possibly giving you one of the best advices you'll ever receive on the matter:

Move the fuck on with your life.




Of course, guys would never understand They can just shrug things off like nothing. Name one time someone meant something to you. Also, I have moved on thank you very much, for being such a prick.
Cryptic Vigilante
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Quote by Blue_Eyed_Lady
Of course, guys would never understand They can just shrug things off like nothing. Name one time someone meant something to you. Also, I have moved on thank you very much, for being such a prick.


The way you didn't refute any of my assertions and took them so much at heart makes me suspect that they were in fact quite accurate. The truth hurts, doesn't it?

If you're any curious, there are plenty of people in my life who mean a whole lot to me; I've never been dumb or desperate enough to fall in love with a cyber-stranger who doesn't give a flying fuck about me, however.

Besides, what was the point of this thread if you've already moved on? Were you only awaiting well-intentioned people to invest their precious time on your past afflictions, just so that you could receive a hefty dose of cyber-attention? That's kinda fucking low, don't you think?
Nerdzilla
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While SP is being ruthlessly blunt, he's got a point. Your infatuation with her led you to ignore her failings, which led you to this hurt. Often when we feel so strongly for a person, we can't see the way they treat us objectively. That was your downfall. Hang on to your ability to be objective, especially if you want to live with an open heart, and listen to both.
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To be honest, I don't think what anyone says here is going to affect you at all. You're going to make your own decision and that's fine. You're soft, you're naive, you're the victim, it's all good. Don't blame yourself, blame the woman you've never met. An online relationship is ONLINE. Who knows, you'll probably be chatting to her again tomorrow (considering how sweet you are) and I really couldn't care less.

All I want to know, is how does someone miss a birthday three times a day? Genuinely, I don't understand what that means. Do you have three birthdays all on the same day?
Advanced Wordsmith
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Quote by browncoffee
To be honest, I don't think what anyone says here is going to affect you at all. You're going to make your own decision and that's fine. You're soft, you're naive, you're the victim, it's all good. Don't blame yourself, blame the woman you've never met. An online relationship is ONLINE. Who knows, you'll probably be chatting to her again tomorrow (considering how sweet you are) and I really couldn't care less.

All I want to know, is how does someone miss a birthday three times a day? Genuinely, I don't understand what that means. Do you have three birthdays all on the same day?


All the while I've known her, each time my bday falls on nov 21th, she's never been around, it was always some excuse, had work, travel, or needed time to herself, family member ill or she was ill. I could understand the work travel part, sure some all need a break from being online. This place would drive you fucking crazy, pardon my french. Plus it would of been the thought that counted, even if she had to come on for 5 or 10 mins, just say happy bday would of been enough for me.