PLEASE EXCUSE THE ACCIDENTAL DOUBLE POSTING. Respond (if you're inclined) to THIS ONE, not the other.
These are questions for real, true Doms and Subs, experienced in the BDSM community, NOT for tourists (as I freely admit I am). I am not interested in uninformed, drive-by opinions, I am very serious.
That said, a tiny bit of background: I am a bisexual bottom crossdresser, and I am sick and tired of people presuming I am a sub. As much as I know myself, I assure you 100%, I am in no way, shape or form submissive to anyone. I don't view wanting to suck cock as fundamentally different than licking pussy, both of which I enjoy immensely, The fact that I LIVE to be fucked in the ass is, for me, not a "submission", but an eager offering of myself, ultimately for my own gratification (as well as my partner's).
In my adventures, both straight and bi, I have occasionally encountered people of both sexes who have expressed a desire to be dominated to some extent (I've also encountered those who wanted to dominate ME, but have cut those relationships short, as I am zero comfortable being with anyone who even entertains a notion of me in that sense).
In conversation recently, I offhandedly stated that, although I would never be a sub, Maybe I could play at being a Dom, which brings me to my...
FIRST QUESTION: Cam you really "play at" being a Dom? It strikes me that you either are, (and have those desires firmly in place) or you aren't a Dom at a very basic level of your being (and being fairly ignorant about BDSM, who knows - maybe I am - I do like being able to tell people what to do, but I'm sure there's much more to it than that).
QUESTION TWO: How do you stick a toe in the water to find out? I understand that being a Dom is taking full responsibility for the sub's experience, and that the sub is ultimately in control.The Dom has many choices to make, the sub only one, but it is the fundamental control choice: Yes ore No. From what I've seen, playing around with this and making mistakes as a Dom could destroy potentially good relationships if your sub's confidence in you crumbles. It seems potentially very "dangerous" to haphazardly go about tesrting the waters here. Any suggestions?
QUESTION THREE: Would anybody take a bisexual bottom crossdressing Dom seriously? In porn, I have seen it on rare occasions, so I presume that IF I wanted to try this, my prospects for partners of either sex would be more limited than a fully hetero male. It seems like what we have in the bi/gay community "topping from the bottom", which is my own proclivity. I'm only asking at all because, If I want it, I do have the opportunity to try this on a recent playmate, who doesn't seem to be a very experienced sub (so he really doesn't know what I should do - except for him), but the fact that he's been in it at all is daunting to me - it would be so easy for me to fuck it up. So far it's just been stern verbal orders like "Get over here and fuck my ass", but I know there's a hell of a lot more to it than that.
QUESTION FOUR:Possibly the most important: Can one be a "psychological" (rather than physical) Dom only? In other words, I don't want to hit anybody or cause any real pain - I could give light, playful lashes, or spankings (that don't turn the ass bright red), but I'm not punching out anybody, even if they want it. I would have no problem tying somebody up or putting them in any kind of restraint short of an Iron Maiden. Is that enough for anybody in this lifestyle?
Any advice from REAL AND TRUE Doms and Subs here?
Active Ink Slinger
0 likes