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Ever stick a cactus up your ass?

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sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
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and if you did, did you like it? would you do it again? what kind of cactus?

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

Buz
The Linebacker
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It was a small cactus and it was by accident. At the time I was a donkey jockey racing in the Great Nevada Hee Haw Derby. My donkey named California Big Pecker was ahead by a length when he suddenly stopped because he saw a lizard. That threw me forward and I landed on a green sticky cactus. Despite bleeding from my rectum (since I'd wrecked 'em) I got back on Big Pecker and we caught the other galloping asses, passed 'em and won the Derby. Oh, the fabulous glory of it all. I couldn't sit for two weeks.
Guest
Lurker
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I am reminded of a limerick:

There once was a lass from Madras
Who had a remarkable ass.
Not rounded and pink
As you probably think.
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.
---
Why would you shove a cactus up your pet ass?
Emerson501
Sultan of Smut
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Funny you should ask, sprite. It was autumn of '98 and I was hitching through the Mojave. Long story short, I got to know a few Saguaros very intimately. I would almost say that I'd relive this exhilarating experience, but birds tend to make nests in these gargantuan cacti, and their pecking was less pleasant than the spines. Truth be told - I may stick to the little desktop varieties in the future. Getting old is hell sad
Check out my latest - a humorous collaboration with trinket and a Recommended Read
ladyblue69
Sitting at the edge of darkness
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Think the question would be "WHY", then again may not want to know!
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PhilU
Forum Kan-Guru
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Coming from the "arse" end of the world, I'm not sure how much I can say about what I get up to with my ass without breaking the site rules.*

But I'm sure that my forthcoming true story "My First Time With a Cactus Up My Arse" will set the site on fire. So far, I've only really written a laundry list description of the cactus but it's really good...

* Just kidding - I don't really have an ass. We all just ride kangaroos everywhere...
69Kisses96
Active Ink Slinger
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Quote by PhilU
Coming from the "arse" end of the world, I'm not sure how much I can say about what I get up to with my ass without breaking the site rules.*

But I'm sure that my forthcoming true story "My First Time With a Cactus Up My Arse" will set the site on fire. So far, I've only really written a laundry list description of the cactus but it's really good...

* Just kidding - I don't really have an ass. We all just ride kangaroos everywhere...



GoNE68
Active Ink Slinger
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I remember when the internet was born and everybody at work was sending each other porn and dirty jokes and pretty much everything, and more, that you want people to send you at work but would get blacklisted for these days...

One of those pictures was in fact of a naked woman with a sizeable spiky cactus inserted into herself, looking, not surprisingly, very uncomfortable.

The only reason I've ever come up with for this strange pastime was so that she could get into the Guiness Book of Records for taking thirty pricks at one time.
Guest
Lurker
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Quote by sprite
and if you did, did you like it? would you do it again? what kind of cactus?


I used to do it regularly, due in part to boredom (and the abundance of Cacti round South West London), but fell out of the habit in my early to mid twenties. Still, it took several months, and a few visits to the doctor, before I stopped shitting out spines. I promised myself I'd never take up 'Cacti sitting' (some people call it different things (a bit like 'Soccor' and 'Football'), but that's what we name it in these regions) again.
browncoffee
Coco Pop
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THIS JUST MADE MY AFTERNOON!!!
Guest
Lurker
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FYI to straight women/gay or bisexual men, the obvious joke for you to make here is:
'I've had a few prickly characters up my arse, but never a cactus'

That joke is in fact so funny, that you could still use it and get a laugh. You're welcome.
Beffer
Rainbow Warrior
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Thank you, Rachel, for promoting this little-known sex genre. I actually cultivate cacti and spiny succulents of every variety and sell them to ass-pricking aficionados who order them from me through the mail. I also have an arrangement through Amazon to sell these horny delights for me. Search Amazon.com/Agggghhhh! Most customers are the same people who eat scorching hot chili peppers. They apparently relish the burn at both ends, and it is a growing niche in the sex-toy market. I expect Nicola to start offering them to her sex-toy customers here on Lush!
Green_Man
Primus Omnium
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Gentlemen, and ladies, you may make your choice. If you dare.

sweetsinner
Sinner so Sweet
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Quote by PhilU
Coming from the "arse" end of the world, I'm not sure how much I can say about what I get up to with my ass without breaking the site rules.*

But I'm sure that my forthcoming true story "My First Time With a Cactus Up My Arse" will set the site on fire. So far, I've only really written a laundry list description of the cactus but it's really good...

* Just kidding - I don't really have an ass. We all just ride kangaroos everywhere...


Speak for yourself Phil, I thought riding kangaroos would be breaking TOS too!!
My latest offering: Intoxicated ~ An Erotic Poem.
trinket
Convict
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Quote by PhilU
Coming from the "arse" end of the world, I'm not sure how much I can say about what I get up to with my ass without breaking the site rules.*

But I'm sure that my forthcoming true story "My First Time With a Cactus Up My Arse" will set the site on fire. So far, I've only really written a laundry list description of the cactus but it's really good...

* Just kidding - I don't really have an ass. We all just ride kangaroos everywhere...


Don't tell them that, now they'll all bloody want one!
Unknown User
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Quote by trinket


Don't tell them that, now they'll all bloody want one!



Not Canadians. We prefer to ride moose. While wearing our Mountie uniforms and drinking maple syrup straight from the bottle.

As for the OP, as a frequent enjoyer of what we aficionados call the "prickly dick", I can safely say ...


OH GOD! THE PAIN! THE PAIN! CALL 911! OMG, THE FUCKING PAIN!


I now return you to your regularly scheduled thread.
noll
"insensitive prick!" – Danielle Algo
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Quote by GoNE68
I remember when the internet was born and everybody at work was sending each other porn and dirty jokes and pretty much everything, and more, that you want people to send you at work but would get blacklisted for these days...


You may not be aware how old you look when you state that, as the Internet is about 30 years older than the World Wide Web (which is what you probably meant). Though admittedly, nitpicking over the difference probably makes me look older than I am as well


===  Not ALL LIVES MATTER until BLACK LIVES MATTER  ===

Unknown User
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HMFN, Sprite!! It doesn't sound very comfortable, and I'm pretty I'd regret it long after I did it too. That's right up there with the 'don'ts' like stapling my nuts together.
Dani
Big-haired Bitch
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Quote by noll
Though admittedly, nitpicking over the difference probably makes me look older than I am as well


Not sure about old, but it sure makes it seem like you've got a cactus up your ass.

░P░U░S░S░Y░ ░I░N░ ░B░I░O░


GMOFLEISURE
Active Ink Slinger
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When i saw the title of this thread I had ask WTF, what weridness is this? Then I saw its Sprites thread so its all good.
PhilU
Forum Kan-Guru
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Quote by sweetsinner


Speak for yourself Phil, I thought riding kangaroos would be breaking TOS too!!


Goodness gracious me. Some people around here have their minds in the gutter. Whereas my mind is as pure as my lovely cactus...
noll
"insensitive prick!" – Danielle Algo
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Quote by Dani
Not sure about old, but it sure makes it seem like you've got a cactus up your ass.


I can assure you that if I'd have a cactus up my rectum (cactum?) that someone confusing the interwebz would be the least of my concerns.


===  Not ALL LIVES MATTER until BLACK LIVES MATTER  ===

simplyjohn
Site administrator
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So far this year... no.
Sholbin83
English Gentleman
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i cant say i have or even thought about it.
Dani
Big-haired Bitch
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Quote by simplyjohn
So far this year... no.


I have it on good authority that this is false.

░P░U░S░S░Y░ ░I░N░ ░B░I░O░


Dani
Big-haired Bitch
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Quote by noll


I can assure you that if I'd have a cactus up my rectum (cactum?) that someone confusing the interwebz would be the least of my concerns.


Lookie here, Noll. You can be honest with me. I'm not one to kink shame.

░P░U░S░S░Y░ ░I░N░ ░B░I░O░


Guest
Lurker
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The funniest thing about this thread are the few who responded seriously