There was a proud father of three sons. He told them he wanted them to make the most of themselves and grow up to be successful and to make him proud. The oldest son became a doctor and his father was very proud. The second son became a college professor and his father was equally proud. The third son became a lawyer and the father was so happy. The father was old and he told his sons how proud he was at how successful they all had become. His last request was that when he died he wanted each of them to put $1000 dollars in his casket. Soon after he died and at the funeral the sons were all there. The son who was a doctor stepped up and put 10 $100 dollar bills in the casket. The second son, the college professor, stepped up and also put $1000 in the casket. The third son, the lawyer, stepped up and wrote a check for $3000, dropped it in the casket and took $2000 in change out of the casket in cash.
He is now a U.S. Senator!
A bus full of Catholic nuns was returning to the convent over a winding mountain road. Swerving suddenly to miss a stray goat that wandered into their path, their bus careened off the road and hurtled over a cliff...
St. Peter stood at the Pearly Gates, greeting a long line of nuns eager to be admitted into Heaven. He told the nun at the head of the line to confess her sins and be absolved before passing through the gates to Heaven.
"Your Reverence," the nun began sheepishly, "I have sinned! Before taking my vows, I dated a boy, and looked at his penis."
Saint Peter gave her a gentle smile and told her to splash some Holy Water from the Basin of Absolution into her eyes and proceed through the Pearly Gates.
The second nun stepped up to St. Peter and confessed, "Your Eminence, I'm so embarrassed! Before I became betrothed to Christ, I once touched a penis."
Saint Peter sighed, and instructed her to dip her fingers into the Basin of Absolution and pass through to Heaven.
Sister Gertrude then stepped up with her eyes cast downward, ready to confess, but before she could begin, Sister Agnes came running up past the rest of the nuns in line and shouted, "St. Peter! Please, Sir... before Sister Gertrude sticks her ass in the basin, could I please gargle in it first?"
