1. How do you feel about cat calls and other shouted or whistled "praise" and gestures from men you don't know?
how do i feel about being harassed by some guy i don't know, who may or may not present a danger, based on his actions? angry, scared, saddened.
2. How do you feel about cat calls and other shouted or whistled "praise" and gestures from women you don't know? (perhaps given as a joke or sincerely from lesbian or bisexual women)
not a fan of catcalls or wolf whistles by either sex. at least with women, the chance of it turning nasty is smaller, though not non-existant.
3. How do you feel about quieter but still public forms of expressed "admiration" from men you don't know, such as unsolicited requests for attention, dates, phone numbers, etc.?
if i get a smile or a simple 'hi' or 'good morning', etc, or even a short, harmless, conversation, if i give him an opening, i will return it and as long as it's just a passing thing, it makes me smile. if it's followed up by someone trying to chat me up or following me, it's a whole nother story.
4. How do you feel about quieter but still public forms of expressed "admiration" from women you don't know, such as unsolicited requests for attention, dates, phone numbers, etc.? (perhaps given as a joke or sincerely from lesbian or bisexual women)
see above. once again, little more relaxed if it's a woman
5. Have you ever cat called, shouted at or whistled at men or other women you didn't know?
not at someone i didn't know, no. at people i did, yes, though it was usually in fun and i knew it wouldn't be taken wrong.
6. Have you ever given quieter, public forms of expressed "admiration" toward men or other women you didn't know?
yes, though i'm careful to not be invasive or threatening, and if it's obvious it's not welcome or making someone uncomfortable, i end it immediately and apologize before moving on.
You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
Thank you for your responses, Sprite! I appreciate you taking the time to tell us how others' actions affected you.
To have someone you don't know, yell obscenities at you or mimic sexual gestures is humiliating, especially if it as a public place where there is a lot of foot traffic and lots of other people around. I was mortified, the times it happened to me.
Whenever I've received this type of attention (not often - because I don't live in the city where people like that tend to be)... I think they're either drunk, high, or highly mentally unstable.
It doesn't have an emotional impact on me. I don't feel humiliated because someone else is potentially drunk.
And I tend to think they'll find a bench and sleep it off.
1. How do you feel about cat calls and other shouted or whistled "praise" and gestures from men you don't know?
Embarrassed and uncomfortable
2. How do you feel about cat calls and other shouted or whistled "praise" and gestures from women you don't know?
Never happened but I imagine i'd feel embarrassed and uncomfortable
3. How do you feel about quieter but still public forms of expressed "admiration" from men you don't know, such as unsolicited requests for attention, dates, phone numbers, etc.?
Not bothered, so long as he's polite.
4. How do you feel about quieter but still public forms of expressed "admiration" from women you don't know, such as unsolicited requests for attention, dates, phone numbers, etc.? (perhaps given as a joke or sincerely from lesbian or bisexual women)
If it's a joke, it's offensive. If they wanna be friends, cool.
5. Have you ever cat called, shouted at or whistled at men or other women you didn't know?
Lol no.
6. Have you ever given quieter, public forms of expressed "admiration" toward men or other women you didn't know?
Yeah, but just like smiling, eye contact etc.
Thank you for your response, Metilda! It's great to hear how these kinds of actions have made you feel.
Do you mind if I ask a follow-up question? You mentioned that you're not bothered by quieter forms of expressed "admiration" from men you don't know in public as long as he's polite--what would you consider to be the basic rules of etiquette governing these circumstances? (Perhaps this is a controversial subject now because the basic rules of etiquette are no longer broadly understood.)
These things only happen to me infrequently because I live in a small liberal college town now, but I lived in and around the OSU campus in Columbus in my twenties, and I got attention constantly from strangers. I'm usually not threatened by it, but for a couple years after my , I was wigged-out if it happened when I was alone. My sister lives in Brooklyn, and she gets harassed all the time, but she's even more self-confident than I am, so she can handle herself in any situation. I'm kind of in awe of her!
I wish I had a dollar for every one I have been given.
I ignore them and don't look to see where or who it came from. Having been a professional nude model it takes a lot to get me going these days.
1. How do you feel about cat calls and other shouted or whistled "praise" and gestures from men you don't know?
extremely indifferent.
2. How do you feel about cat calls and other shouted or whistled "praise" and gestures from women you don't know? (perhaps given as a joke or sincerely from lesbian or bisexual women)
see above.
3. How do you feel about quieter but still public forms of expressed "admiration" from men you don't know, such as unsolicited requests for attention, dates, phone numbers, etc.?
it makes me feel anxious. i'm never sure how to react. i worry about coming off as 'bitchy' if i'm too short and risk being harrassed even further. on the other hand, i worry about being too nice because they may think that they'll be able to change my mind.
4. How do you feel about quieter but still public forms of expressed "admiration" from women you don't know, such as unsolicited requests for attention, dates, phone numbers, etc.? (perhaps given as a joke or sincerely from lesbian or bisexual women)
see above.
5. Have you ever cat called, shouted at or whistled at men or other women you didn't know?
no, nothing more than an appreciative glance.
6. Have you ever given quieter, public forms of expressed "admiration" toward men or other women you didn't know?
yes, i have no problem telling a man, or woman, that i like something about them i.e. clothes, perfume/cologne, etc.
Please feel free but not obligated to explain or elaborate on your answers, included personal experiences. Do these forms of public attention make you feel threatened or embarrassed always or sometimes? Under what circumstances?
i've felt threatened. i've had men follow me into stores, to my car, down the street - or in one extremely bold case, i was followed to my dorm by a man who was in the lane beside me in his car earlier. i can assure you that i did not feel flattered in the least by any of these incidents.
Thank you for your response, honeydipped! Your perspective is much appreciated!
Men and women generally have starkly different perspectives on these situations. The use of the term "admiration" is a prime example. It would be hugely surprising for almost any woman to use that word in the context of this thread. Is every man who publicly catcalls a woman a ? Of course not. But these situations are almost never just about "admiration". They are often about men displaying their power to use words to keep women "in their place". My advice? If admiration is really what you intend, feel free to tell her that her hair, smile, eyes, etc. are attractive. Make it obvious that you have no ulterior motives. Are there times where you can be more sexual? Yes, but only if she unequivocally makes it clear that she is okay with that. Just imagine that all women and girls are full-fledged human beings.
That's the last time I take a stupid questionnaire. Everyone but me gets a personal response. Like wtf is this?
#responsewhore #ihatequestionnairesanyway #whocareswhojohngaltis #thisisbanterdontgetoffended #vomitfreesince03 #hashtag
Omigod! I'm so sorry browncoffee!! I was really trying hard to respond to every single poster! You totally nailed my ineptitude!
#tryingtoohardtobeacceptedbywomenagain #fearofrejection
I really do appreciate your response X2!
#imaguyanddecidedtorespondanyway
I don't have the confidence to come on to a total stranger, and I would never catcall or whistle, but back in my NYC daze there was a line that, while corny, had a lot of truth in it and I was always tempted to use: "I saw you and you were so pretty I knew I would regret it if I didn't ask you out for a drink or a cup of coffee. Interested?" There are a lot of unapproachably pretty women in NYC, and I often contemplated going up to one and trying it out. I fell in love with strangers on the subway nearly daily.
Actually, I am confident enough to believe I could hold up my end of a scintillating conversation if any woman ever said yes. But I was always too scared to ask.
Would any of you ladies have said "yes" to that line, if asked politely?
I didn't mind.
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